Author: OMG! I am back! Here with MORE sexy fiends to play with, MORE random crap, and MORE other stuff that I just can't think of writing here! Yeah! Okay, um, yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Anyone got any ideas? Hahah, I'm just kidding! I think. Man, how long has it been since I wrote Moogles Gone Wild? A looong time, that's for sure. Anyways, I won't bug you anymore. Just read it.
Sephiroth: Aren't you going to give me an introduction? I am after all the god of all you pathetic mortals.
Sessomaru: F#$ you, I am, bitch mortal!
Author: Well, this here is Sephiroth, my husband and sex slave. A friend who went online and became a certified pastor was able to marry me to him and now we are happily together. (I am soooo a crazy virgin cat lady later on in my life…….) And I'm not sure which bishies I will later include in here. Anyone got any ideas?
Sessomaru: I'm in here, right?
Author: Sure are, my sexy demon boy, sure are. Now, I'll just begin the f-ing fic.
On a small peaceful planet, there resided many creatures. Animals, plants, humans, a Cetra, and a human enhanced with the cells of an alien and mako. The two later are the only ones of their kind, thus making them perfect for each other. SCREW YOU! I SAID THEY ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER! IF YOU DON'T LIKE SEPHIROTH AND AERIS FICS, THEN F OFF! Anyways… These two, though being complete opposites in every way, one being the care taker of life and a caring soul, the other being once took life and was cruel. They at first were enemies, fighting over the planet's fate, until the cruel enhanced man finally killed the loving Cetra woman. He, however, met his end at the hands of others who protected the planet, and with this, was sent to the lifestream. While in death, they met again, and though they did not get along, they were forced to live once more now with each other. At first the two fought endlessly until they finally began to grow on each other, respecting each other and soon admiring their traits. Okay, I'm tired of this introduction crap. The thing is, Aeris and Sephiroth lived together, they ended up falling in love, and now they are married and doing the funky monkey! Okay? Are we clear on this? HUH? Jeezuz…. Read my first story on this, you know, Moogles Gone Wild. ANYWAYS! Back to the f-ing story….
In the quaint little house amongst the ruins of old Midgar, the young Cetra, known as Aeris, was arranging a vase of flowers on the kitchen table. Sephiroth, her husband, sat at the table reading the newspaper. (How very couple-like!) Then Jesus walks in and kicks Sephiroth in the nuts. Okay, that didn't happen, I just wanted to type that. Sephiroth turns the page and then yells in outrage, making Aeris jump a few feet in the air because he startled her. He crumpled the paper up and threw it, sending a fire spell to incinerate it in midair.
"F-ing Cloud! Now that he's a delivery man, he gets called to save an f-ing kitten and gets in the paper! ON THE FRONT PAGE GAWD DAMMIT!" Sephiroth throws his arms up in the air, he is garbed in his usual battle attire from Kingdom Hearts. Yeah, sexy. "I mean, WTF! I save the world from my newly found brother who wanted to steal my plan and summon meteor again. Bastards!"
"I think it's because Cloud saved the world first, and everyone's still a little iffy on whether or not you are still evil. I'm sorry, love, just the way things are." Aeris smiled at him, stroking his silver hair to calm him down a bit. She gave a sly grin. "And no matter what anyone else thinks, you're my hero."
Sephiroth raised his eyebrow at the woman he had once killed but was now, ironically, married to. Grasping her hand in midstroke, he pulled her onto his lap and caressed her cheek. They closed the distance between each other, meeting each other's lips in a passionate kiss. Dirty kissing implied here. OMFG! While they were making out, a dark haired man wearing a red cape and black clothes walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge to grab the carton of milk. He turns, opening the cupboard to get a box of cereal. He walks a bit over, opening another cupboard to get a bowl while the moaning and kissing sounds continue. The man then pulled open a drawl to get a spoon. With all his items in hand, he went over to the table, which now was supporting the weight of both Aeris and Sephiroth as they made out, and sat down. He poured the cereal and then poured the milk before taking a bite of the cereal. The table wasn't really staying still because of the loving couple upon it, and this annoyed the black haired man. He cleared his throat, getting the attention of the two lovers in front of him. Aeris and Sephiroth screamed, falling off the table when they noticed the man.
"If you two wouldn't mind, I'm trying to eat." The ebony haired man said.
"DAD! WTF! YOU CAN'T JUST COME INTO OUR HOUSE UNINVITED!" Sephiroth screamed at the man. He blankly stared at his son.
"Sephy, calm down, he's okay." Aeris told her husband. She turned back to smile at her father-in-law. "Vincent, how nice of you to visit. Was there something you needed?"
"I was hungry and Yuffie wouldn't stop bugging me. She keeps saying something about parties in her pants…. I thought I'd hide here." Vincent told them, taking another bite of cereal. The couple blinked at him. Finally, they got up and sat down at the table, still staring at the vampire-like man in front of them.
"Maybe she has a crush on you, Vinny." Aeris giggled after imagining the hyper now-18-year-old material loving ninja jumping onto the dark and depressed vampire man. Vincent's eyes widened in horror as he froze in mid bite. He sort of gagged a bit after that and pushed the bowl away from him.
"I can't eat now." Vincent said, standing up. With a swish of his cape, he disappeared. Like your mom! Aeris picked up his mess he left behind. Sephiroth snuck up behind her and nuzzled her neck as she put up the cereal box. She giggled when he began to nibble a bit.
"Now where were we…." Sephiroth purred, pulling her around so he could look down into her eyes. He could get lost in those emerald eyes forever. He kissed her again softly.
"Yo, you guys have any of those doughnuts left from this morning?" A voice asked them from behind Sephiroth. The lovers whipped their heads towards the voice. A shirtless man identical to Sephiroth, with the exception of his red eyes and folded back leather wings, was rummaging through the refrigerator. "Seriously, I'm starving!"
"Damon! You have your OWN f-ing house now! Get out of our kitchen you hobo!" Sephiroth growled at his younger brother who was now stuffing his face with a pie Aeris had baked. Damon frowned and walked out of the kitchen, pie in hand.
"Yeah, but it's cheaper to get food here." The couple heard him reply. Aeris was giggling while Sephiroth's eyebrow twitched in anger.
"THEN GET A JOB YOU ASS!" Sephiroth yelled at him. Aeris couldn't help but smile when she grabbed his chin and pulled him back to her lips. He smiled through the gentle kiss and swiftly picked up his young wife, earning a squeak of surprise. He went out of the kitchen, ran up the stairs and into the room that they now shared. Aeris peeled her eyes at him in suspicion.
"Don't you dare toss me on the bed, don't even think about it." Aeris warned him playfully.
"Fine." Sephiroth agreed, dropping her onto it. She yelped and glared up at him. The silver haired man only shrugged with a smirk on his face. "You said not to TOSS you onto the bed."
She smacked him lightly on the arm, smiling more. He returned the smile, crawling over her to meet her face to face once again. She put her arms around his neck to bring him closer again. She earned a deep kiss and they began making out, AGAIN. Suddenly, while Sephiroth had halfway unbuttoned her dress and already removed his upper body clothing, the door flew open and a smoking blonde man rushed in.
"Oh for the love of Gaia..." Sephiroth muttered, annoyed once more. Aeris hastily covered herself.
"($#! You guys know where Vampy boy went off to!" Cid demanded gruffly, referring to Vincent and not even caring about the two half dressed couple in front of them. Well, not until he noticed what they were going to do. He took a long hard drag on his cig while nodding in approval. "Heheh, nice! I so fin' told you guys you'd be all doing it and shit."
Cid didn't get much of a chance to laugh because Sephiroth was now hurdling towards the smoking man. Cid let out several colorful curses and high tailed it out of the room. Aeris had made her dress decent again and was now running down after the two men, hoping to keep her spouse from killing him.
Later, when the world explodes! No, not really…. But one can always dream.
Aeris, after scolding Cid for smoking in her house, asked if there was anything she could do for the pilot. He told her that he was searching for Vincent because the ebony haired man told him he'd be around her house. She told him that he had indeed shown up but wasn't here anymore. Sephiroth was still pissed off at the pilot for being the third to ruin his time with Aeris, so of course he was pouting off somewhere for being unable to kill the smoker. Aeris offered him some cake she made that morning while they discussed why Vincent went into hiding and Cid happily accepted, also asking for tea to wash it down.
"So why is he hiding exactly?' Aeris asked as Cid shoveled another bite in his mouth.
"Fe shed shomtim aboth Yuffie." Cid said in between bites, and she assumed he said 'he said something about Yuffie.'
"Yeah, he said that she was bugging him a lot when he was here. I bet she has a crush on him, I mean she usually hung around him when we were going after Sephiroth—" Aeris reasoned until she was interrupted.
"Yo." Sephiroth popped his head in. Aeris waved her hand to hush him.
"That's some #$( up shit you got there girl! He's like what, #$(# 60-something! At least three fing times her age!" Cid said after downing the last of his tea. Aeris decided to change the subject, seeing how much it was angering the pilot.
"Soooo, how's Shera? Is it true about what I heard? Is there going to be another Cid Jr. soon? Eh?" Aeris asked slyly, nudging him with her elbow. He scratched his head in embarrassment. "By the way, how's your little boy doing?"
"Ah, they're doin' great! Heheh, yeah, Shera's pregnant again, and I tell you it'll be the last ($ing one. Damn brats do nothing but scream, even if they're so damn cute. Little Jack is as a $ing handful like always." Cid stated proudly. Damon walked in the front door with a package of cookies in his hand. Thankfully he was wearing a shirt.
"Hey, Seph, where's dad?" Damon asked when he saw Sephiroth walk out from the living room. He shrugged and sat at the table, much calmer than before. "Yeah, well, that ninja chick you guys were talking about earlier…. That's right, I heard you all with my insane mad hearing skillz! Anyways, that chick ran into me and asked me to give these to Vincent if I saw him."
Damon threw the cookies on the table in front of the three seated at it. They were Oreo (TM bitches!) cookies with mint cream filling. Yeah, you ever had those? Damn they are orgasmic! Like sex, in cookie form, not that I know what sex is like…. Because I'm the crazy cat virgin! EAT THEM! Sephiroth and Cid stared at the cookies with drool seeping from their mouths while Aeris turned to her brother-in-law to talk to him.
"Hmm, never had these before." Sephiroth mumbled as he opened the bag and grab some. Cid didn't hesitate to grab a few. Sephiroth observed a cookie for a couple seconds before slowly placing it in his mouth. At first, he chewed slowly, getting used to the strange new flavor. Suddenly, his eyes shot open and darted down at the other cookies. He couldn't believe how good they were. Shoving the other cookies in his mouth, he looked like an overly large silver haired chipmunk, he tried to chew them as fast as possible in order to make room for more cookies. Cid was staring wide eyed at him, and Aeris and Damon took notice of his insane eating. He kept grabbing Oreo after Oreo and shoved it in his wild face like a heathen that had never eaten before. Cid attempted to grab another cookie before they were all gone, but Sephiroth growled, hissed and almost bit his hand had he not pulled it away. Before long, he started twitching a giggling as he was eating the last of the cookies. When he finished the bag, he stared at it wide eyed in disbelief. "No, NO! I want more! I NEED MORE! I MUST HAVE MORE OREOS!"
With that, he ran out the front door, still without a shirt on, and off the property. Aeris, Cid, and Damon gawked after him. They then slowly turned to one another with questioning glances. Finally, Cid broke the long silence.
"What the #()$&$ was THAT!" He demanded.
"He's just proof that evolution CAN go in reverse." Damon pointed out.
"That ($#ing wasn't evolution in reverse, that was ($#ing evolution on crack!" Cid exclaimed, standing up. He turned to Aeris, who was as shocked as he was. "Does he #($ing do that shit often?"
"I've never seen him do that before." Aeris professed. She went to the table and began to clean it of the crumbs Sephiroth had spew and left in his wake. (Remember kids, it's rude to spew.) "I hope he settles down when he gets back."
"Well, anyways, I got the pork sirloins (heheh, loins.) that you asked for to cook for dinner." Damon told Aeris, placing the bag on the kitchen counter.
"Thank you Damon, did you get the carrots?" She asked, taking the bag and looking through it.
"They're in there. You like pork chops?" Damon inquired, watching Cid sit down in front of the TV in the living room.
"Oh, no, I don't eat anything that lactates. I do eat fish and poultry, but mostly just vegetables and fruit. Hey. Next time, get less okay?" She replied, taking the carrots out and washing them. "You got too much meat."
"That's what she said, hehehe." Damon said slyly. Aeris rolled her eyes and continued fixing the food.
"I thought she left you?" Aeris asked.
"….." Damon went from chuckling to sobbing in ten seconds. "Yes she did! SOB! She said I was like a laxative, I annoyed the shit out of her… sniffle."
"Oh, I'm sorry. There there… It's okay, you'll find another girl." Aeris told him, rubbing his back sympathetically. While continuing to sob, he reached over and grabbed her boob nonchalantly. Aeris' eye twitched and a loud crack sounded. Damon was on the floor, twitching in pain as a large lump began to grow on his head from where she hit him with a skillet. "Just because I'm comforting you doesn't mean you're allowed to get away with that you pervert!"
"Owies…" Damon moaned. He sat up and rubbed his head. "I don't know whether to kill myself or go bowling…"
"Sigh… Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." Aeris said to no one in particular, rubbing her temples.
Cid came into the kitchen, totally oblivious of either of them, and opened the fridge to grab a beer that Aeris kept in stock for him. He chugged it down and grabbed some poptarts from the cupboard. He turned around and stared at the two. They stared back. He blinked. They blinked back.
"What are we #(ing doing?" Cid asked with a raised eyebrow after several minutes.
"I don't know—" Aeris shrugged but was cut off by a scream outside. IT'S YOUR MOM! No, it's actually THE DEAD HOOKER THAT CID BURRIED IN THE GARDEN FROM THE FIRST MOOGLES GONE WILD COME BACK FROM THE DEAD TO FEAST UPON THE BRAINS AND FLESH OF EVERYONE! Or not. Everyone ran outside to see Vincent clawing at the ground as Yuffie was dragging him by the feet. He had the utmost look of fear on his face as Yuffie giggled with him in tow.
"What the hell are you doing Yuffie!" Aeris demanded with her hands upon her hips.
"SHE'S GOING TO RAPE ME!" Vincent screamed and raking at the ground to get away.
"I was just… going to… take him to see a movie." Yuffie said slowly, her eyes darting around while a nervous smile came to her face. She reached into her bag and pulled out some more of the mint filled Oreos and soda. "See, I even brought some snacks for the movies!"
"RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!" Vincent screamed repeatedly. Squirrely vengeance!
"Shut up Vincent! You can't rape the willing! Okay…What movie were you going to go see then?" Aeris asked slyly.
"Uh, well, um, hehe, let's see…" Yuffie chuckled uneasily.
She is suddenly tackled to the ground by a black blur. Yuffie let out a horrified scream, which by the way, was not as girly and lame as Vincent's scream. Vinny screams like a little chalupa! Or chewawa. A chaluza…. Um, WTF! No! Gawd, my eyes exploded! What is this crap? You know what, I don't care. CONTINUING! Everyone found themselves staring at a rabid Sephiroth ripping the cookies from Yuffie's hand and tearing into the package, devouring as many cookies as possible at once. From what everyone could see, Sephiroth was covered in Oreo cookie crumbs and mint filling was smeared about his face. He had definitely been out devouring cookies elsewhere.
"OMG HE'S COMPLETELY POSSESSED BY THE OREOS!" Aeris cried out, grasping her head. She began to imagine what he would look like if this madness continued. What she imagined was a fat, pig-like, Sephiroth that could not even walk anymore, just roll. She cried out at the image in her mind. "NOOOO! I DON'T WANT A OBESE HUSBAND! MAKE HIM STOP!"
Sephiroth quickly finished the cookies and he began to look around frantically, his eyes finally landing on the curled up and frightened Yuffie. She let out a shriek. Sephiroth leaped at her.
"GIVE ME MORE COOKIES!" He demanded. However, before he could grab her, he was knocked away by the butt of a gun.
"Don't even think about hitting a lady in front of me!" Vincent growled at the unconscious Sephiroth at his feet.
"Oh Vinny! YOU SAVED ME! IWUVVLESYOU!" Yuffie squealed, latching herself to his legs. He let out an irritable sigh and went to grab Sephiroth.
"I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued from violent freaky men with Oreo cravings." Damon said. Everyone sort of glanced uneasily at him and he burrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What? WHAT? It's true! Plus I could be a lesbian."
While Damon was busy thinking of Yuri hentai, (I like yaoi, hehehe) Cid, Aeris and Vincent (with Yuffie still clasped unto his leg, making him have to drag her along) picked up Sephiroth and carried him into the house.
"Okay, because we don't know what the hell is going on with him, we should probably strap him down. With a lot of straps. A LOT of straps." Aeris suggested. And so they did just that, tying him down to the futon with belts, bed sheets, rope, hose, ect… It wasn't long when he became conscious again. As soon as his raging eyes snapped open he began snarling and writhing to free himself. Aeris smiled sweetly, patting his cheek. "Honey, don't worry, we're just going to find out why these cookies make you go insane. And until then, we're going to keep you tied down all safe and sound. It'll be just like our honey moon! But without the fun stuff."
Cid and Damon looked at each other in confused horror at this remark. Vincent, however, was too busy trying to shake off Elisha—er, I mean Yuffie off his leg. You know, a drag queen's like an oil painting: You gotta stand back from it to get the full effect. Vincent suddenly stopped and rubbed his chin in though.
"These Oreo cookies are making him mad you say? Hmmm, I remember back when Hojo was doing those tests on Jenova cells… Lucretia told me they reacted strangely to some chemicals, she could not eat certain things while pregnant or else Sephiroth would go insane in the womb because of the injections of Jenova cells she received. Oreos were one of the foods." Vincent said. Everyone stared at him. He looked around. "What?"
"Omg, you #ing talked a lot!" Cid said, kicking Sephiroth as he tried to bite at the straps.
"Well… How do we make him stop being crazy?" Aeris asked with worry in her voice.
"We must…" Vincent began, everyone in the room turned to look at the seriousness in his crimson eyes. "Beat him with a herring! And then feed him a mango!"
Everyone gasped! Oh, dramatic effect!
"Wait, WHAT!" Aeris was completely confused. "Are you saying Hojo beat Lucrecia with a fish and then fed her a freaking mango?"
"Well, no. Not the mango part." Vincent said in his usual monotone voice. Everyone stared at him nervously. He suddenly chuckled, though they were almost as emotionless as his voice. He waved his hand. "No, actually not the fish part, I just thought it would be entertaining to beat something with a fish."
A few more minutes went by with everyone staring at him in disbelief. Finally, Yuffie jumped up laughing and pointed at him. "OMG VINNY! YOU MADE A JOKE!"
And so our heros went to the store and were attacked by zombies, dragons, monkeys, breakfast cereals, and the peanut butter jelly time banana and were forced to fight them off for the mangos. Finally, they made it back home to find the bindings for Sephiroth cut and torn and Sephiroth himself missing. Aeris screamed, fearing he was now out in the world devouring more and more oreos.
"DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CARBS ARE IN ONE OREO!" Aeris was screeching.
"Hey, just try and relax and enjoy the crisis." Damon told her smoothly. He only received an earful of angry swear words.
"TO THE F(#$ING HIGHWIND!" Cid threw his hand into the air. Everyone grabbed the mangos and ran to the highwind.
Upon the cliffs outside of the partially rebuilt city of Midgar, there was Cloud playing with his sunglasses on his motorcycle after he just finished putting on his eyeshadow. He went over to where he had placed his buster sword which was SUPPOSED to be for remembering Aeris' death, though she had been brought back. He rolled his eyes at the sword that lay at his feet, and finally he picked it up and stuck it upright into the ground.
"What a waste! I can't even use it anymore because of all the rust." Cloud whined. He jumped back on his motorcycle, revved his engine, and drove off.
About twenty minutes later, three motorcycles with three silver-haired, green-eyed men upon them sputtered as they come to a complete, the middle one running into the sword. The owner of the bike tried to kick it, though it didn't budge. He kicked it again and it barely moved and inch. The guy growled and put all the force possible into kicking it and successfully sent it flying off the cliff. The three men upon the bikes could hear some random hobo below scream in agony and he was most likely impaled by the large blade. The men looked at each other for a few seconds with questioning glances. The screams continued.
"OMG MY SPLEEN! AND LIVER! AND LUNG! AND—Gah, I'm dead!" And then silence.
"………Okkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. So, um, yeah. Hey, Kadaj… Is this where big brother lives?" The man on the middle man's right side asked nonchalantly as he pulled out his gunblade to use its reflection for inspecting the neatness of his long silky hair. He looked no more than twenty, and quite handsome as well. In fact, there was a group of fan girls following him and now watching him from some nearby bushes. He gave a little flip with his hair and blood squirted out of the girls' noses.
"Heheh, yeah." The middle man, well, more like boy answered. He was about fifteen with shoulder length hair. He was focused on the city before them. The first man turned his gaze from the reflection for a few seconds to look at the one known as Kadaj.
"Think they'll give us a big welcome? I like parties." He asked with a sexy grin.
"Not likely. Besides, no parties for you anymore, remember?" Kadaj replied. The first man looked sad while the third man, who had been playing little bunny fufu with his hands, turned with a sadistic grin to the first man.
"Don't cry Yazoo." The eldest looking man, who was probably around 22, told him. He wore his hair slicked back with it spiked a bit. He looked to Kadaj with hope in his eyes. "Mother is with him too right?"
"Don't know about that." Kadaj was playing his PSP to pass the time.
"Don't cry Loz." Yazoo told him, grinning wickedly, going back to his reflection. And indeed, Loz began to cry. Like a little baby. HE'S SUCH A CUTE TEDDY BEAR! Kadaj looked down the cliff at a small zooming figure that was speeding across the barren plains below.
"Look, it's big—" Kadaj began but was cut off by a loud sob from Loz. He was about to repeat himself but Loz interrupted again with more sobs, louder than before. Kadaj sat there for a few seconds glaring at him. Finally, he grabbed the gunblade from Yazoo, who cried out when he took away his reflection, and hit Loz in the back of the head with it. Loz grabbed the back of his head in pain, giving Kadaj a hurt look. Kadaj tossed the gunblade back to Yazoo and pointed down at the far off motorcycle below. "OKAY! LOOK! THERE'S BIG BROTHER! GO ($$ING GET HIM, OKAY? OKAY!"
The older two men looked at each other with glee and revved their engine before speeding off after the figure below. Kadaj went back to his game, mumbling about stupid brothers and mother and chores.
Author: THEN EVERYTHING EXPLODED! No, not really. I just like explosions. Stay tuned for the next chapter of Moogles Gone Wild 2! Maybe! If you liked it, I'll continue! I don't know! Tequitos! Why am I yelling! Sooooooo, yeah. My brain…. Is broken… more… than earlier.
Sephiroth: I could so kill Chuck Norris!
Dante: but he has bone shattering kick action!
Sephiroth: Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fing Indian. Wait, what the hell are you doing here?
Author: I work here.
Sephiroth: I wasn't talking to you. Work? You don't work!
Sesshomaru: Chuck Norris invented the C-section when he roundhouse kicked his way into the world.
Author: Hey, sounds like how I was born, except I just ripped myself out of the womb like in the movie Alien. Except it was in the womb. Not the chest.
Sephiroth: ………. Cool.
Author: So yeah, I do NOT know how I did, please review! PLEASE! BEFORE I GO INSANE! Well, more insane. Um…. Yeah. HEY! Tell me if you guys want any of my additional old characters back, you know, Link, Kuja, Kain, Dante, or Legolas. I might find ways to put them back in! Some of you liked them. I dunno, just give me reviews and include anything you want to say.
Sephiroth: Or else she'll go Chuck Norris on you!
Author: yeaaaaaaaah, about that…
Sesshomaru: your mom.
Dante: VOTE ME IN! I'M SEXY!