Are you happy?
Disclaimer: I do not own Tsubasa or any of it's characters. Which all belong to CLAMP. If I did, I'd be very rich and wouldn't have time to write this. And I'd be everyone's idol or something. Which I'm not. I'm just a rabid 13-year-old fangirl who wants to take a shot at fic-writing.
Intro: So THIS is my first fanfic ---- EVER! It's Tsubasa (duh.)! Please R & R! As said, this is my first fic, so please review so I can improve my skills! Oh, and I know it takes a while to get to the juicy parts but just please be patient.
Strand Rating: Language, Suggestive Themes, Sexual Themes, Lime, Alcohol References, Shounen-Ai, ect.
Pairing: Kurogane x Fai – Tsubasa RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE
A/N: I might have altered the main squeeze's personality slightly to better fit the fic. I'm not very good with clothing terminology, either. I don't know a lot about Soma so she's kinda like a prop. And Oh My Feshezy God! I think this is the longest one-shot in existence. Please read! It's worth it! Really!
"Kuro-Pii!" A preppy mage burst through the doors to see a snoring ninja on the thick bed, encompassed in black, silk sheets. 'Awww…Look at that! He's sleeping!' Fai thought to himself. In other words, 'I could have some fuuuun!' is what he thought.
Moving closer to the large bed, Fai tip-toed to the top and then pounced onto Kurogane right in the stomach. "KURO-WOOF! WAKE UP! IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY!"
The ninja felt the reaction and immediately awoke. He arose to push the smaller man out of the bed and onto the floor. "Damn mage! What's wrong with you? Can't you see I'm sleeping? Go away! I'm tired! And quit calling me those stupid names!" He flopped back onto the bed and rolled on his side, clearly trying to get into his dream world once more.
Fai frowned. "Kuro-Poo! I didn't stay in your world just so I could get yelled at and thrown on the floor!" Once more, he rose to the bed. Only this time, he tugged at the dark man's black sheets and not the ninja himself. "Can't you be happy? I made breakfast for you-!"
"Ah! Breakfast! No need to let good food go to waste. Where's my rice bowl?" The ninja was now in an upright position and ready for his meal. After making himself comfortable, he looked at the man besides him who was unusually quiet. "Well? Where is it?"
"Kuro-Myu is sooooo mean! You're an idiot!" Fai grabbed one of the pillows and smacked Kurogane with it. The thick-headed man now took the notion that he was not going to get fed.
"Aw hell. Fine, I'll make breakfast this time. But you better not bug me too much this time or else I won't feed you!" The brunette got out of his sheets and stretched on the rug next to his bed. He had no shirt on and wore black pants. They were made of a hard material Fai knew not of. Staring at the stretching figure, Fai marveled his lover's body.
Of course, they weren't officially lovers. They just were. More than friends, but neither could come out to tell the other his own feelings. These thoughts ran through Fai's head, but for now, he was content just to see Kurogane's hard body flex in the sunlight.
"Ah man…" Kurogane groaned. His scratched his head and then looked to Fai who was rather red. "Something wrong, Fai?" He fancied a quizzical expression on his face, but Fai only blushed more.
"It was nothing, Kuro-Pii." Fai said in defense frantically. He avoided the other's gaze by averting his to the right.
"You already said Kuro-Pii today, stupid mage," Kurogane taunted him as he left the room. Fai was left in the black sheets blushing to himself. He deepened his stare and tried to recall his thoughts.
"It's been one year, Kuro-Nan. One year since I first admitted to myself that I love you. One year since I left Sakura and Syaoran to continue their quest. One year since we arrived in your world. One year I've lived here. One year," Fai sighed. "How much longer can I hold him off? How much longer can you protect me?"
"Honestly! What's eating him? He's never tripped on himself to call me the same name," Kurogane wondered to himself aloud. He washed himself in the shower by rubbing in a type of shampoo into his scalp. He wouldn't admit it, but the sharp man was worried about his companion. He abhorred thoughts that tugged at him. Thoughts that never gave him a straight answer.
Slowly, he rinsed the shampoo out of his hair and cleared his mind. He meditated and envisioned his thoughts rinsing out just like his lemon-scented shampoo. He turned the water off when he was positive the chemical was out of his hair. He took a towel placed on a near-by stand. It was black. Which really was no surprise seeing how Kurogane loved the color and thus decorated everything he had in the color.
Fai stepped inside the bathroom to see Kurogane drying his hair. However, because of this, he lower half of his body was left bare and vulnerable. "Oooo! Kuro-Chan! You're so-"
"Don't say it!" Kurogane scowled as he took the towel off and covered his lower portion. A thick blush overcame his face.
"Big. You're big!" Fai teased. "I guess this means Syaoran can't be little puppy anymore."
'He says. He's just going to come up with something weird,' Kurogane thought to himself as he commenced himself for the punchline.
"So," Fai started as he pointed to Kurogane's… spot. "Big puppy-" and then pointed to Kurogane's face, "and little puppy!"
By now, Kurogane was a bright red and very frustrated.
Fai was thrown out and hit with a rather blunt object called a 'pole' in Kurogane's world. The blonde just smiled to himself and ran to the corner. He hid there and held his breath.
Kurogane poked out his head from the concealed door.
'Where are you, damn brat?'
Quickly, he covered himself with his towel and made a break for his room. Both of the boys had rooms, but Kurogane's was the only one they ever slept in. Fai's room was a mystery and Kurogane had never really bothered to look inside.
"You're too slow, Kuro-Tan!" Fai ran up to the half-way naked man and tackled him. Kurogane blushed – again. Fai just smiled. He loved this. Well, actually both of them loved it. It was the same thing over and over again yet not the same. They never grew tired of it and the flirt never ended.
Finally, Fai finally said something. Kurogane couldn't make it out, but the graceful man pulled himself off of the other and went to the kitchen. Kurogane was left to his room and put on his clothes.
"Happy anniversary… Fai." Kurogane looked outside of the window. "It's been one year. Do you know that?" He just smiled to himself. He put on a comfortable black hakama quickly but his eyes didn't focus.
Again, he smiled to himself. He was glad his companion stayed with him. Kurogane had never had a friend – only Soma to practice with – before. But was the mage truly a friend? He wasn't the type of person to have fun conversations with and Fai made cute names out of his serious overtone.
No. Kurogane loved something about Fai. He loved how Fai… teased him. 'No, no, no! What am I thinking? Well…I guess it's because…' Kurogane blushed. It was true no matter how much he hated it. He loved his idiot. They were polar opposites and yet he couldn't get his mind off of him. 'Today. Today's the day I'll tell him.'
He didn't blush at this. No, he was downright agitated. 'A ninja should not have these emotions. Especially for an air-headed magic user!' Agitated. And sad. 'To feel this way is wrong…'
"Kuro-Mu! I made you breakfast!" Fai popped in and pinned Kurogane down to the bed. "Eat it… won't you?" The mage blushed a little bit which made the auburn man blush all over. Of course this was just another one of Fai's teases.
"Get off me Fai." Again Kurogane pushed the white-wearing mage off. He took one bite of the suspicious looking concoction and grinned satisfactorily. "It's good. A very unique taste. It's taste a little bit like….. What is this?"
"Ummm… I forget. But I used a lot of this certain red-colored bottle on your counter."
"Fai. I know it's amazing that you could master Japanese so quickly without even knowing any kanji or vocabulary. In less than a year, in fact. I know you've only been in this world for a year. But if you would just pay attention you'd know that the liquid you used is alcohol!" Kurogane said angrily.
"Wheet! Mou. My fault. I didn't think you'd notice," sighed sadly. "Hee! Are you going to punish me, Kuro-Pipi?" a seductive Fai said, crawling closer to the unsuspecting ninja.
"…" Kurogane leaned in quickly and planted a quick kiss on Fai's lips. He was… salty. But in a sweet, somber kind of way. "Th-That…" Kurogane stuttered, "That was your… punishment."
It was true that Kurogane had wanted to kiss Fai for a while, but he never had the guts to do it. He enjoyed it but quickly broke it off. The flaxen was in amazement and touched his perfect, pink lips. Kurogane stared at Fai for a second and then the blonde started his commotion once more.
"Oh! That WAS a punishment! Kuro-Run kissed me!" Fai teased.
'Was it really… THAT bad?' Kurogane thought to himself.
"Eat up! Eat up! Other wise I'll cry, Kuro-Wan!" Fai said frantically.
"You'll cry, huh? Well then I guess I'll have to risk getting drunk," Kurogane said as he continued to eat another bite of the meal. Fai looked unpleased.
"You better not get drunk on me." Fai pouted.
"Why? What's so special about today?" Kurogane knew. He just wanted to see Fai pout some more. 'He looks so sexy when he pouts,' he thought to himself. 'Wait! No!' Kurogane started to shake his head but stopped when he realized Fai looking at him strangely.
"Why? I already told you this morning!" Fai looked angry. "Now I get to ask. Why aren't you wearing your armor today? Don't you have to work?"
"I work at night, you idiot."
"I'm not an idiot. Don't call me that! It's not my faul-" Fai stopped and turned the other way. This was not good. His five-year-old was now in a bad mood when clearly, he was being very playful.
Kurogane sighed. "It's not your fault, okay? Don't get mad at me today. Tomorrow you can, the day after and the day after that even. But… not today. Today is special." He didn't move but he placed his hand on Fai's.
Both of them blushed. Fai turned from the side and wrapped around Kurogane. "You remember? I'm happy." A sincere smile creased on Fai's face. It was small, but the real Fai shone through. "I thought you forgot…" He gripped tighter onto Kurogane.
"You thought… I'd forget?" Kurogane was pissed. He was offended. He was angry and evil-incarnate.
"Well… I was sure you'd be too busy with Tomoyo-Hime's birthday next week to remember me, you know?" Fai glanced the other way, curling a lock of hair with his index finger.
'Tomoyo-Hime's… Birthday?' "Yeah, well," Kurogane forgot, but he took advantage of his ignorance, "I made some time for you. So what?"
"There's nothing to be sorry for. Quit apologizing, damn it. Do you always think it's your fault?"
"…Am I going to be punished?" Right back at the start. This happens all the time.
"Why do you think you're always going to be punished?"
"Ashura-O punished me when something didn't fit his liking. If it rained, it was my fault. If it was too hot outside, it was my fault." Fai frowned.
"You're not always going to be-" Kurogane said, turning Fai's way.
Fai was right in front of him tapping his finger to his mouth. 'Damn you!'
"As your punishment," Kurogane started, averting his gaze away from the seductive man, "You'll have to spend the rest of the day with me, okay?"
"Wha?" Fai was confused. Really confused.
"We-Well, I think we should do something to celebrate and… and…" Kurogane blushed. "And if you're good I'll tell you a secret!" Kurogane stuttered out, tensing slightly.
"A secret? Kuro-Pin has been keeping a secret from me? "
Kurogane nodded. "But you'll have to spend today with me and if you're good, I'll tell you."
"Yay! Kuro-Chin's going to tell me a secret! AND he didn't go to work today because he remembered our anniversary! Wheet!" Fai was jumping on the bed and making a real mess of it now.
"Stop whistling! You know I don't like that, Fai." Kurogane said, clearly annoyed. Rustling through his droors he finally took out a white pair of clothes.
"Hmm. I know a lot about you, Kuro-Min." Kurogane handed the clothes to Fai. They were like his, except white. "They look like yours. Can't I have something prettier?"
"You want… Something… prettier." This comment was mostly to himself, seeing as the mage liked to dress in women's clothes. "Can't you wear something more masculine today, Fai?"
"Today is a special say! Men and women who go out would call this is 'date!' Fai can be a woman today!"
"Don't talk in third person! And what are you talking about? You could never be a woman!" This remark was ignored and Fai continued to put on a pretty white kimono with blue embroidery. Kurogane didn't like the thought of a date with Fai but he let things as they were.
"It's white and blue, Kuro-Mo!" See how the blues contrast against the white and themselves?" Fai twirled around once the kimono was on completely. His sleeves were those of a furisodez a formal type of kimono worn by unmarried women. "You and I contrast. You'd be a dark, royal, overpowering blue and I'd be the light, pretty sky blue."
Kurogane sighed at this. "Fine. I don't care. Just finish dressing."
"But you're not dark blue, you know that? You're red. A firey deep, hot, burning red. You're bright. And I'm still light blue." Kurogane flung his head over his back to see Fai looking down. "We're so different, Kuro-nin. We're too different…"
"What was that last comment, Fai?"
"Nothing! All I said was that I'm done! Look! Look!" Fai was happy and continued to bounce. He bounced on the bed. He bounced off the bed. He bounced on the floor. He bounced out the door.
Kurogane sighed. 'Today's going to be a long day.'
"Hurry up, Kuro-Mii!" Fai called.
They were outside. Finally. It seemed like a lifetime, but they were getting somewhere. The sun was high and bright. Everything was green and the sky was blue. It was a beautiful day.
"Where to, Kuro-Nyo? We're not going to run errands or something, right?" Fai looked up.
"Uhh… No. Not today. But I think we should do something… fun… You know? I guess. Well, I'm not good at this sorta thing…" Kurogane blushed and scratched his head. His other hand was being held tightly by Fai's slender palm.
"You're so bashful Kurotichi! What is there to do in your world? I haven't had much time to look around because I've been busy learning about your customs and the language!"
"Heh. And the history and everything else besides the important stuff!" Kurogane snapped.
"Don't snap at me. And what could be more important than a world's history?" Fai remarked. All the while Fai moved the pair into town. Kurogane lived a way's from both the town and castle so he could scout invaders from the North.
"Like cooking for example! You can't even tell sake from water!" Kurogane snapped. 'Who can't tell one from the other?'
"No. I knew. But I thought it'd be fun to see if you'd notice." Fai smirked.
"…" The mage looked up at Kurogane and smiled. Kurogane blushed. He had nothing to say.
"Here we are, Kuro-Yam!" The two stopped in front of a structure Kurogane had never been to in his life.
"A church." Kurogane said with a sweat.
"I don't know how to get anywhere else." Fai said shaking.
The two stood in silence. Kurogane wasn't very pleased, but at least Fai was trying his best. Fai looked down in shame.
"It's…okay." Kurogane forced a smile but it looked more like he was constipated.
"Well, we should probably ask someone how to-"
"Fai. Don't move." Kurogane pushed the man into his arms and seemed to be staring at his butt.
"Ah. Kuro-Yu! Wh-What are you…?"
Kurogane laughed. "I don't think I've ever heard you stutter!" He pulled a string and Fai felt a tug at his bosom. "You have a tear here. I think I have a pin with me. I can fix it." Kurogane pulled Fai down. He sat cross-legged and forced Fai across his lap.
"This doesn't look right, Kuro-"
"It's broad daylight. We're in front of a church. Even I can't tell if you're a man or a woman. Let people think what they will." Fai laughed as Kurogane made the final stitches. "You're all done." He gave Fai a little tap on the butt.
"Oh my, Kurogane! I didn't know you were going out. I thought you were against ninja like us together with love!" It was Soma. She closed the door of the chapel harshly and stared at the two. She was speechless.
"A-Ah! Soma! What are you…? What are you doing here?" Kurogane stuttered and immediately pulled Fai and himself off the ground.
"I always go to church here on my days off to ask for repentance. Oh!" When Soma saw Fai's face, she immediately blushed. "You're… very pretty…?"
"Fai. It's Fai." He smiled sweetly and bowed. Soma followed the greeting with a short bow.
"I've never seen you around. I'm sure if I saw someone or something so pretty, I'd remember!" Soma said.
"I haven't been here long," Fai smiled meekly, "only a year. Today is my anniversary."
"Tsk!" Kurogane pouted to the other side. Fai grabbed him and pulled himself inside of Kurogane's arms.
"I'm his-" Fai started seductively.
"Ah! I get it!" Soma shouted as she clasped her fist on her palm. "Well, good for you, Kurogane! It's about time you got your groove on! And someone so pretty!"
"NOOOOOO! That's NOT it! I mean-"
"So I'm not yours, Kuro-Chi?" Fai looked up and gave him a very big puppy face. "I thought you meant it when we-"
"Aggggghhhhh!" Soma's head must've started frying. "I'm so glad for you Kurogane! Really happy! Have you ever considered becoming a farmer, having kids, and living a peaceful life? The two of you?"
"THAT'S NOT IT, DAMNIT!" Kurogane shouted.
Ignoring Kurogane, Fai started, "today is our one-year anniversary but Kuro-Ko being hard-headed as he is doesn't know where to take me."
"KURO-KO!" Soma had indeed started to fry. You could almost see the sparks fly from her ears. "Th-The cuteness! Oh man! Oh man! Oh MAN! I'll take you guys somewhere nice! I know how Kurogane is! Yeah! Somewhere nice! Follow me!" Soma turned and started to lead the two. Kurogane was in a bad mood, but when he looked down at Fai he couldn't help but blush as he saw a somber, serious stare.
"We are here!" Soma shouted as she stopped in front of a dock. "Boats are very romantic! On me, okay? This better count for something Kuro!" Soma turned the other way as Fai stepped inside the paddle boat. She nudged Kurogane hardly and smirked, "You get 'er, tiger!" under her breath and made a growling noise.
'How very… disturbing,' the male ninja thought to himself. He had never seen Soma do that sort of… motion before and could clearly had done without.
"Well, at least you won't have to pay for anything, Kuro-Bon." Fai said somewhat cheerfully as he untied the boat from the dock. The boat was small and it wasn't the best quality, either. Still, it looked safe enough to carry the two safely.
"Damn that Soma. I hate her. I hate her!" Kurogane growled under his breath. "Well, are you happy?" Kurogane asked Fai. "Do you… y'know. Like boats?"
"I have no problem with them. They're…nice." Fai said as Kurogane started rowing. Fai nuzzled closer to his 'knight in shining armor'. "Kuro…"
"Huh?" It wasn't that he was close that threw the ninja off guard but his date's tone of voice.
"You and Soma are really close, huh?" He looked up at his love.
"Not really. But we've known each other since we were little. We used to spare with each other and fight. We always tested our skills on each other." Kurogane smiled a little. He and Soma had indeed been together a long time. Much longer than he had been with Fai. But he still loved Fai. The blonde was spontaneous, intriguing, and the teasing. Kurogane now blushed.
"You smiled. When you think of Soma you smile. When you think you me, do you smile?" Fai looked down and pressed his head into Kurogane's chest. He was hot and inside he was burning up. He didn't want Kurogane to feel anything for Soma. He didn't want Kurogane to smile when he thought of Soma.
"When I think of you…" Kurogane started, "I burn up. I get confused. I blush for no reason and sometimes I laugh. It depends about what I think of you. With Soma, I think of our childhood. But with you… there are so many memories. I can't just think of one when I think of you."
Fai was silent for a moment, but he could hug the ninja even tighter by the looks of it. "I'm glad." Tears welled up in his eyes. "I want to be the only one who can make you feel that way, okay?"
"OKAY? Not anyone else. Not Soma. Not any other ninja." Fai paused. "Not Tomoyo-Hime."
"...Fai." Kurogane looked down and took the paddle out of the clear water. He placed it inside and hugged his kimono-wearing beauty. "It's okay. No one else could make me feel this way." Kurogane looked to the side and he saw the blazing sunset. "Look at that, Fai. Isn't it pretty?"
Fai chuckled. "You sound weird when you say something's pretty, Kuro-Woo."
"I'm just trying to make you happy, alright?" Fai snuggled in closer to Kurogane. He was really long. Like an eel, even.
"The sunset looks like your heart. It's so hot and red. There's even some yellow and orange." Fai pointed out. He pointed to the different colors and stated the names in his language. "Himekoni herata gatano. Isshi nato gatome!"
"Oh yeah?" Kurogane pried Fai off and sat cross-legged. He placed Fai on his lap and wrapped his arms around Fai for a change.
"Yeah. But I'm the bright, bright, bright red blotch at the middle."
"The sun, you mean."
"I forgot the word." Fai leaned back and tilted his head up to meet the bright crimson eyes he loved. "We should… be getting back, Kuro-Wan."
"…Yeah." Kurogane reached for the paddle and then stopped. "But-"
"Huh?" Kurogane pushed Fai down so that he sat atop the other man.
"Do we have to? You know. Leave? We could just stay here and…"
"Kuro… get off of me. Please. It's not right no matter how much I-"
"Come on Fai, about that secret. I-"
"No, Kurogane. Don't! Don't touch me!" Fai screamed, shocking even himself. It was the first time he called his love Kurogane and he was unsure as to how the other man would take it.
"Fai… you called me Kurogane… Do you really… hate… me that much? You don't want me to-"
"That's not it, Kurogane! I-I-I LOVE You!" Fai cried out, tears in full effect.
The boat broke in an even two and the men fell into the water. What was once clear was now a bright, blazing blue. And now, Fai's tears just complimented his bright blue eyes. He was swelling up again and Kurogane tried to comfort him.
"Wow. I guess that boat wasn't strong enough after all," he remarked to himself. Fai didn't feel any better.
"Here. Let me take you to shore…" He reached out for Fai, but the mop-haired man snapped his arm away. He swam all the way to shore. 'He's a really good swimmer. A REALLY good swimmer. And he looks so damn sexy...' His muscles flexed in and out. 'He's just like a fish.' Kurogane thought to himself. This made him chuckle a little. When he finally reached the shore, he took the quiet blonde, slung him into his arms, and carried him 'home.'
"I can walk on my own, Kuro-To," Fai said weakly. He looked a little sick. Maybe it was because he told Kurogane he loved him, yet Kurogane said nothing more on the matter. Perhaps it was because the beautiful kimono he was wearing was now soaked. Whatever the reason, Fai had nothing to say. And thus, the bright aura that usually followed him was nonexistent.
"Shut up. Your kimono is wet. It's better that I carry you."
Fai pulled himself closer to Kurogane's chest.
Kurogane dried himself off a little bit more before giving his towel to Fai. The mage shook the hand away. He hadn't eaten or dried off or even said anything since the two came back from the lake.
"Fai. At least eat something before you catch a chill." Kurogane knelt down with a plate of food. He passed it to Fai, urging him to eat.
Fai put his nose in the air, flipping his head to the side.
"Look, I don't care if you're mad at me or not. Just eat. You'll get sick if you don't."
Fai looked at Kurogane straight in the eye. "I'm not going to get sick just by not eating and getting a slight chill. In my world, it was always much colder than this."
"Well I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Fai. Okay? I'm sorry I pushed you. I'm sorry I know nothing about you. I'm sorry I have no idea how you think. I'm sorry I love you, okay? For a whole year I've played along but I've never touched! I had to watch, but couldn't do or say what I wanted! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I feel this way about you. Okay, Fai? So just… eat. Eat and put that stingy smile of yours back on! I… can't bear to see you like this."
Kurogane ducked his head into his arms and actually started to cry. He cried for everything he knew. For what he didn't know. For what he felt.
"Don't cry." Fai ate a little piece of the food Kurogane made for him, but the taller man continued to cry. Fai ate a little more.
"I told you to stop crying, Kurogane," Fai said sternly after he contently finished his meal.
"So I have to stop crying when you tell me to, but you don't have to when I tell you to?" Kurogane snapped, tears all dried, flames in his eyes. It seemed the ninja could put just as good a show of sorrow as the mage could.
"I cry more when you're around. You were only crying to get me mad, right?" Fai sneered.
"Hell no! I wanted you… to hold me." Kurogane blushed. "I always hold you when you cry. But you don't tell me anything. About why you cry… About your world, who you are. Nothing."
"Mmm… You would get mad, Kurogane. You'd hate me. And I don't want that. I want you to love me. Forever. Me and only me."
"Fai. I'd never hate you!"
He hushed Kurogane but placing his finger on his lips. Gently, he planted one single small kiss on his chapped lips. "You're sugar and I'm salt. We're too different. We can't be together."
"You said you couldn't stay in one world but you're here right now. Why is that? Because you love me. And… I love you."
"So you love me, too?" Fai smiled. Now he was trying to get Kurogane mad.
"…Mmm." Kurogane blushed and nodded a little. Fai started to hold Kurogane. He stretched his arms around the ninja and held him snug. 'Heh. You're so warm, Fai. I'm sure you've been told that before, though…' As the brunette thought this to himself, it made him feel sad. Who was Fai? What was Fai? Was his Fai the real Fai? He just didn't know.
"Alright then. Well… I guess I better tell you. About me. But…" Fai frowned. "You can't get mad at me, okay?"
"My country. Seresu. The ruler of my country was Ashura-O. He was king. When I was there, nobody liked me. But Ashura-O kept me. He saved me. He loved me... He told me that everyday. And I… I loved him too... I loved him right back. No matter what he did I forgave him. I was so stupid... so really freaking stupid. I was a fool to think it was all real... But… He hugged me like he loved me. He smiled like he loved me. He kissed me like he loved me. Can you understand that, Kurogane? Probably not…" Fai paused. This seemed sudden to Kurogane and some of it didn't make sense. Finally, Fai continued, "it wasn't real. None of it was. He used me. He used what I had… it."
Fai laughed. Kurogane looked up to see Fai's smiling face. Though his smile was stretched across his face, the meaning behind it faded away. Tears rolled down his eyes, off his face, down his slender chin. As they fell, Kurogane felt the warm liquid fall onto his cheeks. They rolled down his cheeks, down to his mouth where they tasted salty. Just like when Kurogane kissed Fai.
"That's the easy part, as crazy as that sounds. I used to think everyone was my pawn. It was like playing chess with pieces that represent thousands. And I was the tactician." His smile didn't change, but something within his grin changed. It was no longer empty. No, now it had a malicious meaning somewhere behind that mask of his. "And when it came down to it, I realized that the two of us couldn't be together. So I got rid of him. I sealed him under water and left my persocom to tell me when he awoke."
"A… persocom?" Kurogane questioned. Nothing in his world sounded like that and Kurogane imagined a very large, dragon-like creature.
"Chii. She looks like a girl but she's… just another pawn. The reason we couldn't be together…" Fai paused and was very silent for a couple of minutes. "Was because he gave me my magic. I was an outcast. People don't like what's different from them. I had magic just like anyone else but I couldn't control it. It was a flowing faucet without end. Ashura-O gave me the markings in which I had to give up to the Space-Time Witch. The marking controlled my magic. And… Ashura-O said my magic was so beautiful. I hated him for it."
Tears welled up in Fai's eyes once more. Kurogane got up from under Fai and carried him to the bed. He held Fai there. Under black, silk sheets. Fai always felt more comfortable when he was wrapped in warmth next to Kurogane. "If this is too painful for you, it's okay Fai. You don't have to tell me everything."
"No. You need to know." Fai was being stubborn and by the looks of it, it was going to be a hard night. "He suppressed me. By using my magic, he was able to kill everything. I was a war machine without meaning. I only lived to serve Ashura-O and if I was lucky, he would repay my skills with pleasures of the flesh. I just wanted to be useful to someone. Loved. I just wanted to be loved. That's why I did it. That's the only reason why. I didn't care if he was evil or good as long as he loved me. But he didn't, so I sealed him up and vowed I would never fall in love or hurt anyone again."
Kurogane sat in the dark. Fai was now entangled on him and the two looked graceful as the embraced each other in their poison paradise. Fai arms wrapped around Kurogane's neck and Kurogane's arms were all over Fai.
"Do you understand now, Kurogane? I don't want to hurt you. I can only live this life as I have. Without meaning, without love." Fai arched his back so that a clear shot of his collarbone and neck were shone. "And even though I said I wouldn't fall in love, here I am. But even though I'm upholding my word, I keep regretting it. I regret loving Ashura and I regret not loving you. It's been one year in your world, but we've traveled together for so long… Do you regret anything, Kurogane?"
"I don't believe in having regrets," Kurogane whispered into Fai's ear. He licked Fai from his ear all the way down to his neck. "Why should I not be happy? Isn't this my life? I'm living in this world – and others, not to mention – so I better live life for what it is."
Fai moaned softly. He loved how harsh Kurogane's tongue was on his neck. Ashura was so refined, so aloof, but Kurogane got what he wanted and although sometimes he was embarrassed and bashful would always tell Fai what was on his mind. Kurogane never had ulterior motives. He just wanted Fai. Not his magic, not his body, not anything but Fai. Fai the person. And this made Fai happy.
Slowly but surely, the conversation and tease and touch worked itself into something more. Fai was breathing harder than usual, but it was nothing compared to Kurogane. His breath and wheezes made through the whole house as he finally let go of a scream. "Come on, Kuro-Fu. Is that all you've got?"
"Shut u… Shut up. I'm… trying. And can't you… call me something other… than those names… when we're… like this?" Kurogane set his mind out to do something, and he was going to do it.
"Hurt me, Kuro. Hurt me Kurogane…" Fai whispered this into Kurogane's ear which just pissed him off. Everything he had he gave. He pushed and pushed when finally he got a Fai breathing a little harder. "Kuro… Stop it. You're… Uh… Ugghhh… Eeaagghhh…"
Finally Fai broke down and he pushed Kurogane off of him. He curled into a ball and rolled onto his side. He was holding himself, but that was it. They both lay there. Kurogane was tired. Fai gave him a run for his money, but Kurogane had seen the real Fai.
"You're… not nice," Kurogane panted out. "Not nice at all." He rubbed his shoulder where Fai had bit him. It felt like he had taken a chunk out and then stabbed him through with a burning stick. He was sore all over the place. Kurogane would have never thought Fai could be so… vicious.
"Are you mad?" Fai rolled over. He rolled his eyes up and down Kurogane. Slowly. Kurogane had bruises all over. But still, in his own quirky way, he was beautiful.
"…Good. Me neither." Fai smiled weakly.
And this was all Kurogane could do. Look up and down his beauty. Fai told him everything yet he still knew nothing about him. But Kurogane was content. He felt like he had conquered a large obstacle in their relationship and this was all that he wanted.
"Happy anniversary, Fai. Are you happy?"
Afterthoughts: On Word this fic amounted to 16 pages…. (Oi)