Intro: -Better than Ezra, 'Our Last Night'- Ku ku ku… I'm feeling lazy. That's really not good… I still have a lot to upload… (sighs) At least they're all written…
A/N: This fic sprung out of something Kurogane says in book eight. I could go into details, but I really don't feel like it. Here's your angst of the day. Be happy!
Fai was more than just a little tipsy. It was a mistake and because of that, it all went downhill. Kurogane, though, was no better than his counterpart. It was just a wrong combination.
Fai leaned in maybe a little too close; Kurogane made a comment that was maybe a little too suggestive; they were both smiling like idiots a little too much.
So they ended up going to sleep together.
"Harder, Kuro-Chi. Make me breathless," Fai whimpered, just a little into a whine.
"Fuck you," the alpha grunted, "I'm fucking trying."
An airy giggle followed the hard pants and hushed, muffled moans. "If that doesn't work, you could always pray to your God, Kuro-Yan."
It is bright and colorless outside. They're both stuck in their last positions from last night – Fai somehow ending up holding Kurogane and not the other way around.
Fai just sighs, sliding his eyes open in a tired manner. Staring at Kurogane for a moment, he sighs again. There was no way the ninja would ever actually love him. And still, he likes to believe that it wasn't just alcohol last night.
A splitting headache enters his head screeching obscenities about his cowering fear. They tell him the idiot he is and his petty hopes and dreams.
There was just no running away.
Fai kisses Kurogane on the forehead, the ninja shifting under the above movement.
A quirky smile forms on Fai's face and the wizard leaves the room. As he silently shuts the door he exhales a frown. It was pathetic – no, he was the pathetic one.
Kurogane stares at the mage who in turn smile brightly. The ninja grunts with a muffled phrase under his breath. Fai nods his head, getting up to make breakfast.
"Kuro-Pon, your breakfast is ready," Fai states with a weak smile. He found his lover from last night kneeling down in a garden. Crouching down with the man, Fai giggles something about Kurogane's hair being pretty soft for looking so spikey.
Kurogane scowls at the other, "Shut up and go way for a little while, why don't you?"
Holding his head down in shame, Fai nods. He stands up once more, stretching his limbs. He strolls over back to the kitchen. Fai has learned to soak his misery in the kitchen. It is now one of the few places he can express his feelings without confessing anything or facing reality.
"I'm sorry, Kuro-Fan."
"You don't need to be."
"So," Fai starts upon the ninja's return, "Did Kuro-Chu have fun playing in the garden?"
"I wasn't playing," the older male growls.
Fai nods his head, contently watching the other eat. He has leanred to take up a hobby in observing Kurogane lately.
"What was Kuro-Min doing then?" Fai inquires interested.
A crimson eye glances over to the blonde. "It'll make you mad."
A giggle escapes Fai, "You should know by now that nothing fazes me."
"I love you," Kurogane states, locking his eyes with the other.
Fai blushes furiously with widened eyes. Kurogane laughs. "You see? That fazed you."
A pale blush replaces the last. "Within reason, Kuro-Yan. Besides, that didn't make my angry."
"If I tell you, you can't get all depressed," the ninja states stoically. He grabs his plate, taking it to the sink and rinsing it off.
Fai nods happily. "Okay!"
"I was praying to my God… The God of war," Kurogane explains, "His name is Ashura."
"You. Eat," Kurogane demands. "You're moping around."
"I'm sorry," Fai mumbles. It isn't anything sudden or amazing, really. Ashura being a God of battle in Kurogane's world? That's amazing. Ashura would probably be happy at such a statement: 'You're a God, Ashura-O!'
"Oh come on," Kurogane glowers, "He couldn't have been that big of an influence on you or your life!"
Fai's unadjusted eyes glance over at Kurogane. Somehow within the deepness of their color there's a hint of shining sorrow. Not sorrow in a depressed way, but sorrow in a reminiscent way.
It has been two days since Kurogane uttered that name. The first day Fai acted completely normal – normal in the sense of regular, smiling Fai. He ran around like an idiot with random phrases embarrassing the group. The second day the realization that Kurogane knew who Ashura was hit – that's when things became foggy.
"He was, Kurogane. He really, really was…"
They drink liquor together for a few hours. The kids have long ago gone to sleep and snooze happily in a world of candy-land, sugar-coated dreams with gumdrops and ice-cream.
Fai smiles with bright eyes at Kurogane. "Kuro-Rin, do you think I'll ever get over him?"
"What's this? You're willingly talking about this?" the ninja smugly taunts.
Fai's serious tone of voice is unwavering – somewhat penetrating. "I'd like to think I will…"
"You will," Kurogane assures. He takes another sip of his red liquor, taking a deep breath after his gulp.
"How do you know that?" Fai asks. For once, he is comforted with the belief he will change.
Kurogane glances over with a smirk. He doesn't say anything, but he dreams about the day he tells Fai that he loves him.
"I…met him," Fai gasps.
Kurogane glances over away from his magazine. "What the Hell are you talking about?"
"I met him," Fai repeats. This time his voice is lighter, airier, happier. His smile lights up genuine. "I met him, Kuro-Tan! I met him!"
"Met who?" the ninja asks, not at all interested in Fai's ranting.
"So wait. Hang on a minute, you're…actually seeing this guy?" Kurogane questions. When Fai mentioned he met the male earlier, he expected nothing of the sort. Nothing of this sort of activity, at least.
"It's been a week, Kuro-Bim. And best of all, he actually loves me. He told me so. He said, 'it's like we've met before. You entrance me. I…love you, Fai,'" the mage exclaims. He smiles again.
Kurogane is left speechless. He doesn't know what to say to that. He can't beat someone who has so much influence over Fai's life.
"What the Hell? Get out! Who the Hell are you?" Kurogane demands. For the first time, he is more shocked than Fai's gullibility to this man.
"I'm Ashura," the man states, grabbing his coat and covering his nude body. He grabs the other garments – his shirt, his pants, his underwear. He can't retrieve his tie. It's tangled in Fai's hair and wrists a little too much to break.
Fai flinches at the name with a meek, blushing smile.
"And?" Kurogane demands.
"And what? You think you own Fai? You're wrong. He's free. He's an adult. He can make up his mind with who he chooses to love, yes?"
"I can't believe you," Kurogane states. He watches Fai shrug the comment off. "You…you're so…"
Fai was humming a tune he learned recently but stops. He glances over at the ninja. "I'm so what?"
Kurogane smirks in disgust. "You actually think that guy loves you!"
"He does," Fai giggled with another blush. "He told me so."
"What about me?"
"What about you, Kuro-Ran?" Fai asks, somewhat confused.
Kurogane's fists shake in anger. "What about me? I just watch this?"
Fai's eyes settle mid-way his bright, blue orbs. "Why not?"
"Because you're going to hurt yourself again! That man doesn't love you no matter how much you want that to be the truth!" the ninja yells. Kurogane is regretting himself. He is already regretting what is saying and what other stupid thing he is going to say.
"Yes he does!" Fai yells back. "What would you know? You don't know him, you don't know what relationship we have, and you don't know me!"
"If he's so important to you, can you say his name without cowering in fear?"
"…Ashura," Fai states blandly, his eyes welling up.
"You see? It's not love," Kurogane explains, "You're just running away from the fact that he hates you!"
"No! That Ashura hates me, yes, but-" Fai rambles, his eyes already leaking out like broken faucets, "But-But-But this one loves me! I can start over again! I don't have to screw up again like I-"
"No! It doesn't work that way, Fai!" Kurogane yells. He is tired. He tired of Fai running away. He is tired of yelling at Fai. He is tired of watching Fai drown himself further in abuse. "He hurt you then, he'll hurt you now!"
Fai's voice is shaking now. It is weak and tired. He is not facing the truth and refuses to do so.
"…No. I don't believe you. He…He…I love him."
Something inside Kurogane broke. He pins Fai down to the bed.
Fai is more than unwilling to welcome the ninja. He kicks, he screams, he is scared. He can't run away from truth anymore because truth is pushing its tongue inside his mouth.
Fai pushes the intruder out with his own tongue, trying desperately to break away. Eventually the kiss does come to an end and Fai is left sobbing in whimpers.
"That, Fai, is love. That scared rush of uncertainty is love. That sweet sensation of blistering pain is love. That passion is love. You're just scared of it. You're scared of love and you're scared of me."
"Yes…Yes…Yes…" Fai sobs to himself repeating the word over and over again.
He turns his attention to Kurogane again, who is breathing hard with anger and restraining fervor.
"I'm afraid of you Kurogane."
Afterthoughts: Yes. I decided to end the strand with angst. I haven't seen this particular angle shot before… Anyhow. Thank you all for making this happen. Reviews do make me happy and I urge you to please leave me one. (bows) Thank you.