Authoress' Notes: Yikes! I didn't realize how long it's been since I updated this! Even though it's on hiatus, it still deserves one, so here it is!
Pikario & Chuigi: Bozos in Time!
Chapter 8: The Wrath of Marriage and Lawsuits!
After finding out that Peach's face has been pwned with banana pudding, the bros decided to take her back in time and see what they could do about it, which was probably NOTHING!
The Shroomish Kingdom! Circa...um...NOW!
In Peach's Room, everybody stood around the princess sitting on her bed, trying to see who'd flip their lid first over her... uh, condition. Needless to say, Old Shroomsworth was the winner.
"YOU DUMBASSES!" he snarled, throwing Baby Pikario at Chuigi! "YOU WENT AND LET THE PRINCESS CONTRACT A HORRIBLE DISEASE OF WHICH THE WORLD HAS NEVER SEEN! I SWEAR, YOU'D TWO BE BETTER OFF BRAINDEAD!"
"Dude, she's just got banana pudding on her face," said Pikario. "I'm sure she'll get over it."
"I should say!" added Young Shroomsworth. "The princess is perfectly fine! Aren't you, Your Highness?"
The princess nodded with a, "Mhhhmhmhphmmmh!"
Stuffwell sweatdropped. "...I fear she is enjoyifying the banana pudding too much to answer you."
"HARUMPH!" The older Breloom took Baby Peach and left. "You already bungled this, and I refuse to let you mess up the younger princess with your food poisoning! GOOD DAY TO YOU!"
Young Shroomsworth sweatdropped. "Am I always this... difficult?"
Chuigi shrugged. "Unfortunately."
"Oh, forget about you and your pitiful existence!" screeched a Shroomish. "What're we gonna do with Peach? We can't just leave her like this!"
"...Er, why don't you guys go take a break? Since it's so yummy, banana pudding doesn't last very long, so I'm betting she'll eat it off herself in no time! Right, princess?" Young Shroomsworth nudged the princess.
"How can you just leave her alone like that?" asked Stuffwell. "I mean, but this bother you just a teensy, weensy little bit? You two should doing the watchifying over her until all this is cleared up!"
Chuigi rolled his eyes. "Aw, relax already! I mean, she's all by herself in her room, with banana pudding on her face, and a bunch of useless Shroomishes guarding her! What could possibly go wrong?"
...That little comment ended with Pikario driving his head into the ground!
"Nice going, genius! Now you've gone and jinxed us!"
"...Meh," grumbled Chuigi, too spazzed out to make a comment.
"Quick! To the Front Yard!" called Stuffwell, running off. "Let the dejinxifying commence there!"
And so, everyone ran off to the Front Yard, despite them not knowing the heck Stuffwell meant by what he just said!
"Okay, so... why are here again?" asked a very confused Pikachu.
Stuffwell shrugged. "How I am supposed to know?! I was only joking! You and Chuigi are way too impulsive, you know that?"
"And that's a bad thing because...?"
"Everyone shut up and help us with the princess!" shouted Old Shroomsworth. "She tires of both our mediocre tricks that were more beneficial to you her that her! What shall we do?!?!"
"Don't ask me," said Young Shroomsworth, who wasn't even trying anymore. "I'm still trying to figure out how I got all the way down here from Peach's Room in less than 10 seconds! I'm pretty sure I didn't jump off the bridge..."
"I WANT INTERTAINMENT NOW! WHERE is IT????" bawled the bored Baby Peach.
"We've tried everything, but it's still not working! You two! Do something for Her Highness immediately!"
"Uh... why not combine your 2 useless things together and make them one big useless thing?" suggested Chuigi.
"Brilliant!" exclaimed Young Shroomsworth. "We'll do exactly that and teach you 2 those moves and give the young princess Oreo cookies!"
Chuigi sweatdropped. "...I don't see what that has to do with anything, but..."
See?! There ya go! I guess Stuffwell's smarter than we let on, and considering the fact that I already think he's super smart, that's a lot! Aside from that, both Shroomsworths taught the brothers and babies how to spin the babies so they could make Baby Cakes and keep themselves fed! Such teamwork was amazing to see, despite the fact the babies were doing all the work! But just as there were about to move onto pancakes, BOOOOOOOOOOM! Something exploded!
Pikario looked up. "The hell was that?"
Chuigi pretended not to notice. "Forget it. It's nothing. Probably some dumbass Shroomish who forgot that air fresheners and ovens don't mix."
"Mmm, I guess you 2 should go check it out while we add more batter," said Young Shroomish. "Someone could've caught on fire up there!"
"Really?! Cool!" Pikario grabbed Chuigi and Stuffwell. "C'mon, losers! Let's go see!"
"And whatever you do, don't make too much noise, or the soufflé won't come out right!" added Old Shroomish, getting weird looks from Baby Peach and his younger counterpart!
So, everyone magically appeared in Peach's Room just in time for Bowser to enter! GASP!
"BWAHAHAHA! Look, it's the princess! And she's got banana pudding on her face! How delightful! I can eat it off on the way home!"
"Not so fast, Bowser!" Pikario shouted. "We're the only ones around here who'll get to eat that banana pudding!"
Chuigi shook his head. "And here I thought we were trying to save Peach..."
"OH, YEAH?! Well... What if I do this?!" Bowser set Peach's bed on fire! "How ya like meh now?!"
Pikario groaned. "Boy, you just keep getting lamer and lamer..."
The king was about to set him ablaze, too, when all of a sudden, Peach's banana pudding went crazy and attacked him!
"Gah!" he spat, pulling it off his face. "What the hell?! This thing just tried to kill me!"
"Maybe it's the calories," remarked Chuigi, suddenly finding his head under Pikario foot!
"Mmm! Killer banana pudding! YUM!" Being the dumbass he is, Bowser ate it, then starting throwing up purple crayon gunk! "Eww, RoseArt coloring tools! THAT'S JUST PLAIN GROSS!"
"Ew," Stuffwell gagged. "Whoever made that banana pudding has some real issues..."
"Man, forget this!" Bowser grabbed Peach and ran out! "I don't need your stinking pudding! I've got pie at home anyway, SO THERE!"
"DON'T LET 'EM GET AWAY!" bellowed Old Shroomsworth, appearing the fuck out of nowhere on Baby Peach's stroller! "You shall rue the day you crossed me, Mr. Sullivan!"
Bowser was confused beyond all belief! "Who the hell's Mr. Sullivan?!"
Shroomsworth didn't only not answer him, but tried running into him! Bowser simply jumped over the delusional caretaker and busted up the bridge after falling back onto it! Then, he and Peach both fell into an inconveniently-placed Time Hole and disappeared! Oh, the irony!
Pikario lowered his ears. "Well, should've seen that coming."
"I think you might be becoming a little too familiar with the plot," Chuigi said, only adding to the insult.
"OH NOES! H3 messed us up!" groaned Baby Pikario.
"D0es that me4n we cann't git no more kAkE$ Now?/??lol" asked Baby Chuigi.
"I'm afraid so!" said Stuffwell, who's been here much longer than I wanted him to! "Quick! Use the Spinning Baby Cakes to fly over the bridge and into that inconveniently-placed Time Hole before the soufflé falls! I CAN FEEL ITS POWER WEAKENING!"
Chimney Mountain: Circa 20 Years Ago!
Baby Chuigi looked around, then smiled. "YAY! w3're here WE MAD3 IT! LOL"
Stuffwell nodded. "Yes, you have! Good job, babies! Now we have to wait for the dumbasses to show up..."
"Kewl! EYE wuz leik gettin lonely and SHUFF!" remarked Baby Pikario.
And the three didn't have to wait long before Pikario and Chuigi came flying through the hole, almost falling off a nearby cliff!
After getting his head together, Chuigi frowned. "...Uh, how did we just get through the Time Hole without flying over that chasm?"
"Hell if I know," shrugged Pikario. "Hey, look. Two random black-and-red polka dotted Shroomishes. That's kinda weird..."
"Like, duuude! Totally EXTREME Pikachu and Pichus, man!" said one.
"Oh, yeah! Hey man, welcome to Chimney Mountain, man! It's, like, the most uberest place this side of... er, HERE!" grunted the other.
"Right on, man! This place is EXTREME to the EXTREME! You can't get much EXTREMER than this place! Only the most EXTREME live here! I mean, dude! That's way we look so EXTREME!"
"Yeah, man! All four of you look EXTREME, and you've got EXTREME luggage!"
"Double extra EXTREME points for you, dood!" added the first. "You guys must, like, be going to climb Chimney Mountain, right, duuude?"
"Is that where Peach went?" asked Chuigi.
"No shit, Sherlock! Like she'd actually be sitting out here in the open for us to just grab!" Pikario retorted, throwing his bro off the mountain! "Man, you make me sick sometimes!"
"Oh, dude! Even if she's, like, not up there, you should like, totally go up the mountain, dude! IT IS TEH AWESOMENESS!" roared the second Shroomish.
"Aw, yeah, man!" agreed the first. "It's like, totally tubular, man! Not only that, it's EXTREMEEEEE, man! You'll have a HOT time up there, man!"
"Well, duh," groaned Pikairo. "It's a volcano."
"Wait a minute..." the first Shroomish sweatdropped. "Dude, this is a volcano?"
"I repeat: Well, duh."
The second mushroom thing scowled at the first. "Dude, WTF?! You said this was a skiing resort without the snow! You know how much I hate the snow!"
"Dude, that's what the brochure said, man, dude!"
"Aw, crap! Dude! We gotta get off this thing before, like, y'know, the whole place explodes!"
"Aw, man! You're right! Totally exploding is like, way too EXTREME, man!"
"I thought guys liked to be extreme," said the suitcase.
"To hell with that! C'mon, Steve! We're getting outta here!" Shroomsih #1 ordered, resulting in the two run off. "Have fun getting barbequed, man!"
"Oh, yeah. That's just the kind of attitude we need around here," muttered Chuigi, just seconds away from being knocked into next week!
Ah, okay. Well, that was weird. But then again, weird is normal around here... or is it? Yeah, it is. Then, wait! What would that make normal?! AHHHHHHHHHHH! Well, as this crazy, nonsensical question plagues us all, Pikario, his bro, the babes, and the bag all head the mountain, fight really awesome bad guys like the Tanoombas, really stupid, ugly, annoying ones like the Thwacks, and the ones who shouldn't even be up there 'cuz they suck so bad! I'm looking at you, Red Coconutter! Before long, they'd reached the top!
Chuigi pointed to something sparkling on the ground. "Look, it's Peach's tiara..."
Pikario knocked him over. "Dude, stop being so formal all the time. It's a crown!"
His younger brother huffed. "Screw you! There's nothing wrong with being politically correct!"
"So says the queer..."
Stuffwell examined the tia-- er, crown! "Well, since this crown is here, that must mean... PEACH IS MISSING IT! OH NOES!"
Pikario rolled his eyes. "What else is new?"
BOOOOOOOOOOOM! All of a sudden, the volcano exploded! And very randomly, I might add! Molten lava and spaghetti sauce went everywhere!
"Well, that sure is unfortunate," said Chuigi, as if it were no big deal.
"Yeah..." added Stuffwell. "You two both totally suxx0rs when it comes to good luck."
Pikario sweatdropped. "Dude, a volcano just erupted, we're 5 feet away from it, and all you can say is that it's unfortunate?!"
Chuigi shrugged. "Well, it is, isn't?"
"lolorz! it's leik havin' TAMATO soop!" laughed Baby Chuigi. "I wunt some! GIMME now!"
"NOES! MIND THE EXPLOSIFACTION!" warned Stuffwell, running away. "I don't know about you noobs, but I'm outta here!"
"Yeah!" Chuigi also began running off, along with the babies. "Forget Peach, man! She's screwed!"
Pikario suddenly got an idea! "Hey, look! A conveniently-placed cloud! There's probably some water in there!"
Stuffwell frowned. "The fuck?"
"HEY, CLOUD! YOU SUCK!" spat the Pikachu at the passing cloud!
The cloud didn't seem to like Pikario's choice of words as it sneered and let ALL HELL LOOSE! ...If you call a ridiculous amount of rain pouring from one little cloud "letting all hell loose"... Well, regardless of that, he somehow put out the volcano! Fancy that!
Stuffwell scoffed. "Hmph, imagine that! I didn't think such a random act of name calling could do something like this!"
Chuigi slapped his forehead. "Something tells me that wasn't supposed to happen. Neh, the plot's even more screwed up than usual..."
Just then, two Golems fell from the sky!
"...And I rest my case..."
"The crap?" growled one, who was obviously a girl. "Hey! Where'd all our lava go, why'd it stopped erupting, and what's with the cloud?!"
"KNOW YOU KNOW WHY I'M AWESOME!" barked the cloud, as it flew off, only to get struck by lightning seconds later!
Stuffwell raised an eyebrow. "Okay..."
"There no fire left. Volcano all gone..." groaned the second Thwomp, who was obviously an emo male.
"Oh, come on! I heard there's a Mt. Chimney in this place called Hoenn. Let's have our annual Jumping-Into-The-Volcano-Because-It's-Cool-When-It-Should-Really-Be-Hot Celebration there!"
"No, Hoenn suxx0rs. I wanted to jump in here. But it all gone now. I depressed..."
"NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" she roared at the brothers. "When he get's like this, there's no dealing with him, I'm telling you! YOU SHALL PAY! MRS. THWOMP SHALL SMUSH YOU!"
Pikario scratched his head. "Uh, how are we talking here? $20? Any more than that, and we might have to kill you."
BATTLE MODE START! OMG! I've never seen a female Thwomp before!
"Listen, lady. It was either this, or we were screwed. And being screwed by a volcano ain't the way to go," explained Chuigi.
"Oh, yeah?! Well, I'mma screw with you!"
Mrs. Thwomp used DIVORCE PAPERS! They didn't work, since nobody but there is married!
Pikario scoffed. "Well, that was lame. Now for our retaliation!"
Chuigi used COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT! It didn't work!
His brother got pissed! "Way to fuck up our turn, Chuigi!"
"Like you had any better ideas?"
Baby Pikario used House FORECLOSURE! IT DIDN'T WORK!
Pikario frowned. "WTF? Like they actually live here?"
His baby form laughed. "IT KOULD happen lol...!"
Baby Chuigi used Child Support! PAY THE DAMN DAYCARE BILL!
"WTF!" Mrs. raised a humongous eyebrow! "We don't have any kids! Oh, the FBI's gonna go medieval on your ass!"
Mrs. Thwomp used Lawsuit! EVERYONE'S GOING TO JAIL!
"Gah!" Pikario freaked out! "Jail?! We can't go there! We've got a horrible criminal record!"
Chuigi sweatdropped. "Isn't that a good thing?"
After giving his brother a well-aimed blow to the head, Pikario turned to Stuffwell. "What'rewe gonna do?! You heard her, right?! Everyone's going to jail!"
"QUICK! USE THE FORCE!" was the valise's response!
"That's a terrible idea!" he growled, turning back to Mrs. Thwomp! "But I have no choice!"
Pikario used CHILDCARE SERVICES! HOW DARE YOU ABANDON YOUR ADOPTED CHILDREN LIKE THAT?! BETTER PAY OFF THE MORTGARE, OR YOUR HUSBAND'S GONNA RUN OFF WITH EVERYTHING!
Mrs. Thwomp howled in pain! "NOOOOOOOOOOO! Child care services'll never believe me now, and we don't live in England so I can't call 'The Nanny' to cover for me! ACK! I give up!"
Oh ho! Mrs. Thwomp had forfeit, therefore Pikario wins!
BATTLE MODE COMPLETED! Wow! Who knew Childcare Services were so scary?!
"Bleh..." Mrs. Thwomp grumbled. "Great! Just motherfucking great! Not only is our annual love vacation screwed, but now I get owned by a bunch of little rats! Shnookums, do me a favor and SMUSH 'EM!"
Mr. Thwomp scowled. "YOU TREAT LADIES NICE, BASTARDS! NOW I PWN YOU!"
"Would it make it any better if I said we only beat the crap outta your wife because we were forced to?" blatantly voiced Chuigi.
Pikario hurled him into the volcano! "What he means to say is that we're looking for my girl, and your girl was in the way, so..."
"Oh, I see. That's nice. Mice look for lady in volcano. That's really nice."
"Nice?! That owns!" Mrs. put everybody on her hubby's head! "YOU TAKE THEM TO THE BOTTOM OF THAT VOLCANO, RIGHT NOW! THEIR LADY FRIEND DEPENDS ON IT!"
"Awesome!" Pikario danced with Baby Pikario! "We're going to the bottom of the volcano!"
Chuigi frowned, appearing the fuck outta nowhere! "Isn't that a bad thing?"
"OMG Cool! We're all going to save their girl! IT'S SO EXCITING!" Mrs. Thwomp jumped up and down! "I WANNA COME, TOO!"
Her husband sweatdropped. "Sorry... You too heavy. I can't take you... lardass."
"LARDASS?! Why, I outta--!"
BOOM! With one blow, she sent all of them into the wide, blue yonder, then laughed manically as they plunged STRAIGHT INTO HELL! ...Which was technically the volcano, and since that's where they were going in the first place, I guess that's not so bad after all!
Authoress' Notes: Can't say when the next update will be, but hopefully, I'll have this done by next year... Oh, and I skipped the "going to Younger E. Gadd's house" part because the ending has virtually nothing to do with the turn of events there.