Disclaimer: We own not Harry Potter, X-men, Star Trek (our many Vulcan references), Abhorsen, the PPC, or the 'Sue and her story. 'Shesti' is Shin'a'in curse, which belongs to Mercedes Lackey. War Princess Sushi belongs to herself (well, she has an equal share anyway), as do Sam, Beth, Diana, and Valdenia. Twitchy is ours. Okay, Myth's. But she's a good sharer.
If someone had chanced by response center number seventy-two at ten-thirty sharp on Monday, the twenty-fourth of October, they would have heard many thumps, scratchings, and cries of "No, not there!".
If that person had entered, they would have found that the conversation was not as dirty as it sounded. In fact, had it been spring, and had any dust actually been removed, the activity would have been called spring-cleaning. Inside the aforementioned response center, Mithrenriene Rochmabriel (known to most sentient beings as Myth), and her partner, the assassin Isabel Stanton (known to only her partner as Izzie), were rearranging the souvenirs that Isabel had collected over her time as an agent for the PPC, to make room for human habitation. They appeared to be arguing over something. As this hypothetical person drew nearer, words could almost be distinguished amidst the random blips and crashes around the room.
A few minutes later, it seemed the duo had reached an agreement, for the bangings and scratchings had stopped, and a triumphant "I told you so!" would have reached the ears of the one wandering by, had it been anyone but a hypothetical observer.
Myth was holding a one-way conversation with a freestanding lamp while her partner looked on. "Ha! Not so tough when you've been put in your proper place, huh, Mr. Lamp?" The lamp didn't deign to reply.
"Shesti!" Myth spun and hit the lamp with her outstretched arm. The lamp (predictably) fell into the computer, which beeped a protest.
"Why are you always doing that?" Isabel asked as she strode over to the computer.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm workin' on it…" Isabel shoved the lamp into an upright position and dragged it to the corner of the room furthest away from the computer she was addressing.
"It's not my fault! That lamp is evil!" Myth protested, as she clicked the 'show details' button on their computer. Then the woman froze, her entire body (from the top of her five-foot-five-and-a-half head, to her size nine shoes) as stiff as if she was the victim of a full body bind curse.
"It's that bad?" Isabel queried, after noting her partner's expression.
"She gets transferred to the second year in the first week. She's adopted by the Potters. Remus tells her he's a werewolf. Two. Friggin' days. After. They. MEET! Why do we keep getting stories with prophecies?"
"That's just the first one! This story, dear partner mine, has a sequel."
"Ow. So, she's a James luster? What does she do with Lily, have her fall for Sirius?"
"Uh-uh. She's not a James luster."
"Oh, just move already!" Isabel pushed Myth aside (gently: It wouldn't do to injure someone with such a passion for correct grammar) and looked at the screen. She saw something that Myth had missed, "We're supposed to wait for backup? Huh…" she scanned- and stopped. "No… It can't be…"
"She's a Remus luster. There's a prophecy. Her eyes change color. Seeing any disturbing parallels?"
"Why'd they give us this case?" Isabel's voice had risen an octave.
"We have backup." Myth's voice was quiet.
"Why are you so calm all of a sudden?" Isabel was screeching now.
"It seems to be the only way I will not begin to destroy innocents in my rage."
"Ah." Isabel edged away. Myth was scary when she was in Vulcan mode.
"You want to know the worst part?" a voice called from outside the response center, "She's reincarnated, so…"
"We can't kill her." Myth finished gloomily. "It'll be Rubyflame all over again. Why us?"
"I'd guess it's because just about everyone but the few coming with you, which includes us, by the way, is out on assignment."
"Makes sense." Myth turned to the new arrivals, for there were two, and waited for them to introduce themselves. There was an awkward pause on the part of the newcomers. Myth was perfectly comfortable, and Isabel in a seething rage.
After one point two six eight five three minutes (Myth was still in Vulcan mode, and so made exact calculations), one of the pair jumped and blushed. "Sorry. I'm Beth, and this…" she gestured toward the bespectacled man beside her, "Is Sam. We're part of your backup, Ma'am. And, uhh… other ma'am."
"Ma'am?" Myth tipped her head to the side.
"Other ma'am?" Isabel snapped out of her angry daze.
"Well, you're the senior partners, and we're both new, so…"
"And you…" Sam pointed to Isabel, "Are the other ma'am."
"It's rude to point." Myth said absently, her mind registering something else Beth had said. Apparently, Isabel had noticed the same thing.
"You said… part of our backup?" At that moment, a tremendous ruckus began out in the hallway. The three women trooped outside, followed by Sam, who bumped into Myth when she banged her shoulder on the doorframe. Once outside, the source of the noise became clear in the form of two people arguing heatedly.
"This one is number seventy-two, you utter twit!"
"No, this one is!"
"This one!" The rooms they were standing in front of were numbers seventy-three and four, respectively.
"Ummm… It's actually right here." Isabel put in helpfully. The argument continued right over her.
"Name, rank, and serial number. Now!" Myth barked. Beth and Isabel covered their ears.
"What?" asked one of the unidentified people.
"Name, rank, and serial." Myth repeated in a quieter tone.
"WarPrincessSushi, PPC assassin… and… Kellogg's." everyone blinked.
"Okay…" Isabel turned to the male. "Now you."
"Twitchy, Formerly a DORD agent, now an assassin. And, what she said."
"Twitchy? Weren't you and Crash partners?" Myth asked.
"Yeah, but she's in Med now. Crashed one too many times." He chuckled at his joke.
"You were the one driving." WarPrincessSushi muttered, sending him a glare. He grinned at her.
Isabel cleared her throat, trying to get the attention of the bickering agents. When that didn't work, she tried clearing it louder. Failing that, she cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted, "Hey everyone! Look! That man has his hair on fire!" She pointed, and everyone's head swiveled in the direction she was pointing in. Among PPC agents, this was not such an uncommon sight.
"Yeah..." Myth drawled, looking at her partner with an expression of which Spock would be proud (that is to say, none at all, and he wouldn't be proud, but whatever).
"So…" Beth decided to ignore the strangeness that was the senior assassin, "You're here to help?" At Twitchy's nod, she turned to War Princess Sushi. "Can we call you Sushi?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever." Sushi replied, still looking in the direction that Isabel had pointed. Then she turned back to Isabel and said, "Actually, there are two of them, they're women, and their hair certainly is not on fire. Though some of it is red."
two women in question were a delicately built redhead hollering at a
tall, willowy, silvery blonde woman. The latter had a slightly blank
smile on her face. She interrupted her aggressor's yelling by saying,
"Diana, we're here."
The redhead (now known to be Diana) stopped mid-word and looked up. "You lit- oh, hello everyone! Come on, Pip," she grabbed her partner's wrist, "let's join the party."
Di is part of our backup? Now, what are the odds?"
Myth was aghast.
"They call you Di?" squealed Diana's tagalong, "How sweet."
"Umm ... don't take this the wrong way, but you... sorta ... look like a 'Sue." Sushi, ever untactful, as her associates would learn, said what was on everyone's mind. And so the girl did have several… erm… interesting traits, such as knee-length silvery blonde hair (as was noted before), a tall, willowy, rather hour-glassy figure, and an incredibly pale pair of blue eyes. She also possessed a perfect nose, long eyelashes, soft, full, very red lips, and pale skin.
"She's a rehabilitated 'Sue. Though sometimes I wonder."
Draco's half-veela twin sister, and my name's Valdenia!"
"You see?" Diana said, rather exasperated. Valdenia ignored her.
"Or, I was. Now I'm going to help exterminate those menaces to canon! You can call me Val, if you must shorten my name."
"I call her Pip." Diana added.
"She seems... enthusiastic..." Myth had struggled to find something less than insulting to say.
one word for it," Isabel muttered out of the side of her mouth
to Sushi, who seemed a bit surprised at being addressed, but
snickered a bit just the same.
"What was that? My half-veela ears are quite good at picking up snide comments, I'll have you know." Valdenia's pale blue eyes flashed orange with anger.
"What? Oh, nothing, my dear...Val." Isabel attempted (and failed) to straighten her facial expression.
"Gator colors! Cool!" Myth squealed. Everyone stared at her.
"Myth squealing is… rather disturbing." Twitchy said in an aside to Isabel, "It's almost as scary as when she goes berserk over someone giving Bajorans smooth noses." Isabel cuffed him over the head.
"And are Bajorans supposed to have smooth noses?" she queried.
"Then she has every right. And don't insult her. Only I can do that."
gives you sole right to insult her, hmm? Maybe the rest of us think
she's frightening and want to say so. Which she is..." Twitchy
nudged Isabel with a stray elbow. Isabel merely turned and favored
him with a Stare of Doom.
"I would watch yourself, Agent Twitchy. You never know what might end up down the back of your shirt..." she grinned with a hint of malice.
"Oh, she would." Myth appeared next to them. "And she'd get Sushi to help. What were you guys talking about?"
nothing." Isabel batted her eyelashes innocently. "I was
just threatening Agent Twitchy here with bodily harm."
"Ahh." Myth seemed to ponder this. "Normally the whole innocent act would prevent me from believing you, but in this case I do." She shook her head and looked at Twitchy. "Watch yourself, Agent."
Beth called, "Let's make a plan of action!" Everyone stared
at her. "What? Don't we need a plan?"
"Actually... We usually figure it out as we go along." Myth said.
"And that works?"
"Usually." Isabel replied defensively.
thinking about it," Myth interjected, "due to the
complication of this fic, we should probably formulate at least an
outline. That, and we did get in quite a bit of trouble last time,
because we forgot the horsie things and the 'Sue bodies…"
"Yeah, but I don't think that could happen this time…"
"Unless all of us fly off into rages of various intensities…"
that bad, is it?" Sam asked.
Sighing, Isabel put her hand on her forehead and nodded. "Let's at least go into the room, it should be a little less crowded."
snorted, chuckled, and began to laugh outright. Seeing that everyone
was looking at her for who-knows-what-number-it-was-now time, she
"You were serious?"
"...well, I was, until you started to laugh."
Still snickering a bit, Myth shook her head and walked through the door of the response center. "Have it your way, then."
When they all piled in (literally, in some cases), Myth shouldered her way through those standing, tripped over Beth and Sam (Sam was sprawled in Beth's lap, and his feet sort of stuck out), and pulled down an over head canvas that Isabel hadn't known they possessed.
. "I didn't know we had that," Isabel pointed to the overhead canvas. "Or that." when Myth rolled out an overhead projector.
"It's amazing what you dig up when cleaning out your office while your partner is napping." Myth said as if to thin air, referring to the beginning of the 'spring cleaning'.
it's a good thing I woke up when I did; otherwise you'd have thrown
out all my old case files!" Isabel gestured rather grandiosely
(or so she thought) to a corner filled with piles of messy paper,
knocking Twitchy in the nose.
"They looked like old bird-cage lining, what was I supposed to think?"
"Since when have we had a bird?"
"Since we got Lorram, duh!"
"No, you shut up!"
The warring partners simultaneously turned their glares upon Diana,
who didn't cower away. "The overhead, if you please."
"...fine." Myth pulled out a huge binder of overhead paper. "We have at least four 'Sues, several character replacements, many, many OOC people, and... what the... THREE CHILDREN! No one ever said ANYTHING about CHILDREN!"
"...One of them is seventeen, Myth." Diana broke in soothingly.
"But..." The distraught agent thought for a moment. "Okay, here's the deal. We adopt the kids, we rear them as assassins, and we raise them as our own."
Only Sushi looked the least bit excited about this. Isabel poked Myth in the side. "Hey, what about that place we pass every time we go to Sunflower Official's office? Didn't it say something about children?"
"Yeah! Let's dump 'em on somebody else!" Diana said brightly. "And I know what you're talking about, Isabel. I met the woman in charge once. Her name's something like… Kristin? Christine! There it is."
"Yeah, Christine." Isabel nodded thoughtfully. "What do you think, Myth darling? Once they're old enough, they'll come to us for assassin training."
"They might even have something to accelerate the kids' growth..." Beth mused.
"Anything's possible here." Twitchy was having a rare moment of sanity, it seemed.
"Back to the mission…" Sam broke in, seemingly deciding to be the voice of reason.
"Yes. Erm. Mission. Right." Isabel fumbled around for words, and then looked at Myth. "You're the one with the big shiny binder, love."
So, there're at least five 'sues-"
"You said four." Valdenia interrupted.
"Five 'sues, countless bits-"
"But you said four before!"
Myth raised her voice, "Many, many character replacements-"
"But you said four 'Sues before!" Valdenia obviously was not letting this go. Diana thwacked her over the head, hitting Sushi in the ear with her elbow in the process, and told her irritably to shut up and be quick about it.
continued once the two had settled down. "-many, many character
replacements, and other such nasty things. Obviously, this is a very
difficult matter..." She would have continued, but Isabel's
patience had finally run out and she interrupted.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, Myth, but in a nutshell we're going to split into partners at some point so we can go after the wee sleekit cowrin beasties without tripping over each other, right?"
Myth refrained from using one of her variety infamous glares with herculean effort. "I was speaking. But yes, we will be splitting up, first into groups of four, then into pairs, one newbie to each fairly experienced agent."
"Thank you for simplifying it." Isabel bowed with some difficulty, nearly knocking her head on the projector.
"Yeah. So then, we have… a crossover. Okay, we can handle that… a crossover with X-men… I'm not sure I can handle this…" Myth sat down on top of Sam, putting considerable weight on Beth, who began spluttering.
"We can handle it; we've just got to get started." Isabel shook her head and pulled Myth off of Sam to allow Beth some breathing room. "We should go... like now. It always works best when we fly by the seat of our pants." She dialed in the portal coordinates and tugged Myth through behind her. She was followed by Beth, Sam, and Diana, who dragged Valdenia through by her wrist.
Twitchy didn't even bother grabbing Sushi, who commented, "Wasn't that lamp in the corner a minute ago?" before hopping after her somewhat-less-than-loving partner.
Myth's A/N: We're back! Yes, a Harry Potter/ X-men monstrosity. I don't think she's a mutant, but she does have quite a few X-men receive wands. She also has multiple personalities, which no one comments on!
Isabel's A/N: This will be our busiest mission yet. It will be amazing, and most interesting... muahahaha. Stay tuned!