NOT ANOTHER GENERATION FIC!
Now I know what you're thinking, it's all been done right? Well the truth of the matter is I could never find a generation fic quite to my liking. So, why not write one myself? So this is the point where most people will just leave, but if you're one of the few who decided to put up with my stupid ramblings and read another stupid generation fic, SUCKER! If you like love/hate relationships, gender confusion, and just plain silliness then you are in the right place!
Disclaimer: I'm only gonna say this once so pay close attention. I AM RUMIKO TAKAHASHI! Now that that's out of the way you can take what my fic says as law! (This is a joke.) Okay so I'm not Rumiko Takahashi, so sue me. (Don't really!) I don't own Ranma ½. Actually I don't really own some of the names of the original characters. Don't hurt me! I'm bad with names! Do you have any idea how long it took to come up with good names! Well, I'm sure you're sick of this.
INTRODUCTION TO MADNESS
Ranma pushed the covers away, sat up and stretched in bed. Outside the window there was not a single cloud in the sky. The warm sun was washing over the Tendo Dojo and filling his room with light. Ranma could smell the breakfast his wife Akane was cooking downstairs and his stomach growled loudly.
"Will you be getting up soon sir?" Ryoga stood at the doorway wearing a butler uniform. He was holding a freshly starched bathrobe on a hanger. "Or would you prefer breakfast in bed this morning?"
"That's quite alright Chives." Ranma chortled; he fancied a meeting with his lovely wife and children over a good meal. He rose from bed, took the robe and pulled it over his red silk pajamas. He walked down the hall towards the dinning area with Ryoga at his heels awaiting another order.
The house was well furnished with caravan rugs and ornate furniture. "Ah, the success of the dojo has brought us so much wealth." Ranma sighed. "Even after giving so much to charity, I hardly know what to do with it all."
"That's too bad sir." Ryoga seemed genuinely concerned.
"Good morning honey!" Akane stuck her head out of the kitchen. "Breakfast is almost done. How do omelets sound?"
"Fantastic!" Ranma gave his wife a quick kiss before going into the dinning room, Ryoga still at his heels. Sitting at the table were three teenagers dressed in freshly pressed school uniforms, two boys and one girl.
"Good morning Father!" They chanted. "Good morning kids!" Ranma greeted them as he sat down. "I trust you are all looking forward to the martial arts tournament this weekend?"
"Very much so!" They chanted back. "No need to worry father!" The oldest, a boy with messy short black hair, said. "I will be sure to bring honor to the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts!"
"I'm sure you will Daichi." Ranma smiled. "Oh if only your dear grandfather could see you now." Ranma looked at a picture of Genma that was sitting on the table. "We really should go visit his grave."
"Breakfast is served!" Akane came in carrying a large tray filled not only with omelets, but also bacon, sausage, toast, biscuits, waffles, and a pitcher of orange juice.
"Chives!" Ranma yelled.
Ryoga stood at attention, "Yes sir?"
"Don't make Akane carry that tray! Get it for her." He waved his hand in Akane's direction. "Yes of course." Ryoga walked up to Akane, who willingly handed him the tray.
"You're right Ranma. I shouldn't strain myself so much." She smiled at her husband. He still looked just as young and handsome as the day they had first meet. She was falling in love all over again!
A crash rang through the room as Ryoga turned the wrong way with the tray and knocked over a Ming vase that was next to Genma's picture. The children gasped loudly.
"Oh no!" Ryoga tried franticly to piece the vase back together, but it was in vain. "Please forgive me!" He cried. "I'm not worthy to be you're butler!" He dissolved into tears.
"It's okay Chives." Akane consoled him. "You're only a lying pig who deceived me for years." She giggled. Then she started laughing.
"Yeah, you're right." Ryoga seemed to perk up, and then he started laughing along with Akane. Ranma and the children joined in. The loud and joyous laughter rang through the house, the neighborhood, and the world. Yes, life was perfect. But this was not Ranma's life.
IN THE REAL WORLD
Ranma rolled over and fell out of bed, tangled in the sheets. He could still hear laughter in his head, as if it were mocking him.
"Ranma! Are you going to lie in bed all day? The kids are just about to leave for school!" Akane called from downstairs.
Ranma dragged himself up and scratched his head; he had been having the nicest dream but it was quickly slipping away from his memory. Then he remembered something.
"Don't let them go yet!" He ran down stairs and into the dinning room where Akane, Soun, three teenagers and a panda were sitting at the table, poking at burnt eggs.
"You three remember what's after school today, right?" Ranma asked in an almost threatening tone as he sat down between Akane and Genma.
He was met with blank faces.
"Oh! I've got a date." One boy said rather smugly. He had long brown hair tied into a ponytail. The sleeves of his school uniform were rolled up to his elbows and his jacket was left unbuttoned. Overall he was a very attractive boy.
"Not anymore you don't! Jatsuma, we've got training this afternoon!"
"But, Dad! I've got to walk Iikiba home! Plus I need to make sure he gets a good dinner!" The girl whined. She had long red hair pulled into a ponytail near the top of her head.
"Makoto, I'm sure he can mange without you for a while." Ranma sighed.
"And I've got Science club!" Daichi insisted, adding to the argument.
"Science club! Daichi, this is your future here. When you inherit the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts you have to be ready!"
"I agree son, they have been slacking off." Soun said. Genma held up a sigh that said, 'Sock it to 'um!'
"Maybe today just isn't a good day." Akane said as she spooned some eggs onto Ranma's plate.
"But I told them last week! They should be training every day!" Ranma looked at his eggs questioningly. He picked up his chopsticks and started poking at them.
"They have lives of their own you know!" Akane said as she set the bowl holding the eggs back on the table.
"I know! But training should still be priority!"
"But you can't force them and…and are you going to eat those or not?" Akane yelled. Ranma was taking an exceptionally long time smelling the bit of egg in his chopsticks.
"I'm still deciding." He said.
"Would you just eat? You haven't even given them a chance yet!" Akane insisted. Behind her Jatsuma waved his hands in warning. Even if his father was being unreasonable he still didn't disserve to eat that.
"Whoa! Look at the time! You kids better get going! I'll walk you to the door!" Ranma and the kids quickly stood up and raced into the hall.
"Hold it!" Akane grabbed the back of Ranma's shirt as Daichi, Jatsuma and Makoto ran on ahead. Ranma sighed and succumbed to the inevitable; most of his taste buds had died years ago anyway.
"Fine! I'll taste it!" He pulled his plate closer and gobbled down a few bites of egg quickly, hoping to avoid the taste. It actually wasn't bad by Akane's standards. His eyes only watered a little bit as he stood up again.
"I really should go see them off." He started walking towards the hall.
"Wait! You didn't tell me how you liked them!" Akane said.
"Actually, they weren't too bad." Ranma said as he held back a gag reflex. Akane smiled. "Really? You liked them?"
"Uh, yeah." Ranma smiled back. It's the thought that counts, right?
"Oh good! Because I made the kids' lunch today." She handed three paper sacks to Ranma. "Could you give these to them?"
"Okay." Ranma took the sacks and walked into the hall where the three kids were putting on their shoes.
"Thanks for abandoning me." Ranma said, glaring at them.
"Sorry Dad, every man for himself." Jatsuma said as he turned the doorknob. Ranma reached forward and pushed the door shut before he could walk out. "Now where are you three going to be this afternoon?" He asked again in his almost threatening tone.
Jatsuma rolled his eyes. "Back here."
Daichi looked at his feet angrily then sighed. "Back here."
Makoto just glared at her father and said grudgingly. "Back here."
Ranma smiled. "Great! Now here's you're lunch." He held out the paper bags.
"Thanks!" Jatsuma said without thinking. Then Daichi looked at the bags closely, "Did Mom make these?"
Ranma hesitated. "Um, yes."
All three fell into fits of fake gagging and barfing. Ranma tried not to laugh, but he couldn't help it. "Alright! Alright, I get the picture!" He laughed. "I know it's bad! You don't have to eat it! Just take it!" He pushed the lunches into their hands. That was when he noticed something that made him stop laughing immediately.
Akane was standing next to the kitchen door, holding a frying pan covered in soapsuds and burn marks. Angry energy waves were flying off her as she glared in their direction. Ranma knew it was too late to salvage the situation.
"Oh, hey Akane." Ranma said nervously. The three teens froze. Akane wouldn't hit them like she did Dad, but she would still ground them in an instant. They didn't have to take Dad seriously, but when Mom was mad it was too risky.
"You said you liked it." Akane said angrily. She started walking towards them. Daichi, Jatsuma and Makoto scrambled out the front door as quickly as they could. "Bye, see you later!" Makoto called.
"It's okay Akane." Ranma said, trying to calm her down. "I mean, I don't like most of your food anyway!" That had slipped out.
"Ranma you jerk!" She swung the frying pan at him but he jumped over her head and ran away up the stairs. "Get back here!" She yelled as she ran after him.
Daichi, Jatsuma and Makoto watched from the street. They could hear the crashing and yelling from the house. "Phew, made it out just in time." Daichi sighed and looked at his watch; there was still forty-five minutes before school started.
"I better go pick up Iikiba." Makoto said. "I hope I'm not too late." She ran off up the street, her ponytail swinging in the gentle breeze.
"Why does she bother with him?" Daichi asked as he and Jatsuma walked in the other direction towards school.
"I guess true love conquers all obstacles." Jatsuma said knowingly. "That reminds me, I need to break up with Luffa."
"What? But you two just started going out again last week!"
"Yeah, but Eri asked me out the other day! I couldn't just turn her down!"
"I can't believe you sometimes." Daichi rubbed his forehead. Jatsuma's love life gives him constant headaches.
"Hey! Watch-" But Jatsuma was too late. Daichi tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and made a face plant with the pavement. "Ow!" He sat up and rubbed his nose.
"You okay?" Jatsuma asked.
"Yeah, I-" He stood up and stepped on a skateboard someone had left out. It started rolling down the sidewalk at top speed.
"EEEEEAAAYYYYYYY!" Daichi screamed and swung his arms franticly. Jatsuma ran after him. Daichi sped over the street, just narrowly avoiding the honking cars and crashed into the window of a glass figure shop. Glass pieces shattered across the sidewalk and the tingling sound of breaking glass rang through the shop.
Jatsuma cringed, "Oh, that's got to hurt."
Daichi stumbled out of the wreckage. "I'm fine." He said, but he was very dizzy and had trouble standing up straight. Jatsuma laughed. "Nice one! Skateboard into glass figurines!"
"I didn't do it on purpose!" Daichi yelled.
"My shop!" The shopkeeper walked out of the back room to find his store in shatters.
"Run!" Jatsuma yelled and grabbed his brother by the arm, hoping to keep him from more trouble. They ran up the street towards their school with the shopkeeper yelling after them.
MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ELSE IN NERIMA
Makoto jogged up to an apartment building called 'Friendly Groves Apartment Complex.' It was a nice looking building with clotheslines hanging on balconies and flowers growing near the entranceway. But Makoto didn't head inside; instead she went around to the back of the building, which wasn't nearly as nice. Shutters hung off their hinges, windows were broken and it could do with a fresh paint job. There was only one area that looked livable, a door near the middle of the building that had flowers planted around it like the front and the door was painted white with the number 225 on it. Makoto ran to this door and knocked on it.
Ryoga answered it. "Oh, hey Makoto!" He said enthusiastically. "I was beginning to think you weren't coming. Do you have breakfast?"
"Good Morning to you too!" She said with a big smile on her face. "Is Iikiba ready to go?"
"You just missed him."
Makoto's smile faded. "He wondered off by himself?"
"He'll be fine. I used to do it all the time." Ryoga waved his hand passively, unconcerned with his son's whereabouts. "I mean, it's not like he's trying to avoid you or anything." He said nervously, he didn't look Makoto in the eyes as he said this.
"Damn it! I knew I should have left earlier!" Makoto started to stomp away.
"Hey wait! What about my breakfast?" Ryoga called after her. Makoto pulled out the paper bag and threw it at Ryoga. "There you go!" She said in cheery tone.
"Thanks!" Ryoga caught the smell of something burnt. "Wait, did you're mom make this?" But Makoto had already run off.
Ryoga looked in the bag and saw what he guessed was a grilled cheese sandwich and two gray rice balls. This was definitely Akane's cooking. He picked up the sandwich and took a bite of it anyway. He had to fight against his gut reflex to spit it out, but he swallowed it.
"Oh Akane, how long has it been since I've eaten you're food?" He said, talking to himself. "If I had told you how I felt would things have been different?" He yelled to no one in particular. "Would you have still married that Ranma Saotome?" Just then a bucket of cold water hit Ryoga and he became the little black pig known as P-Chan.
"Bwkee! Bwkee!" Ryoga squealed at his upstairs neighbor, he kept telling her not to dump her hand washed laundry water on his porch!
Suddenly Ryoga felt a cold shiver run down his spine. He turned to look back into the apartment.
ELSEWHERE IN THE STREETS OF NERIMA
A boy of about sixteen was walking down the street trying to remember the way to school. He had an uncanny likeness to Ryoga except that he was slightly taller than Ryoga had been at his age, and his hair stuck up more. He was even wearing a red bandana. He was also wearing a school uniform like the ones on Jatsuma and Daichi.
He looked up at the street sign. "Martin Street. Do I know where Martin Street is?" He looked at the map he was holding upside down (though he didn't realize it).
"Oh Iikiba!" Makoto called from down the street behind him. She was running towards him, waving her hand in a friendly manner.
"Oh crap!" Iikiba took off at top speed in the other direction. He had been so close to getting away!
"Hey! Wait for me!" Makoto called after him. She started running faster and was quickly catching up with him.
"Never! Leave me alone!" He yelled back at her.
Makoto glared at him and sped up more. She jumped into the air and tackled Iikiba to the ground. "Ahhhh! Get away!" Iikiba yelled.
"But you're already two miles off course!" Makoto stood up making sure to keep a firm hold on the back of his uniform with her right hand. "I was only a few minutes late! Why didn't you wait for me?"
"I was trying to get away from you!" Iikiba struggled against her hold, but it was a deadlock grip.
"That's no way to talk to you're girlfriend!" Makoto scolded him.
"You're not my girlfriend! I don't even like you!"
"We're going to be late if we don't get going!" Makoto said happily as she dragged Iikiba along the ground going in the right direction. But she allowed his head to hit the lamppost and mailbox as she walked along.
IN THE SCHOOLYARD
Jatsuma and Daichi arrived, panting, in the schoolyard filled with students talking and laughing, all waiting for the school day to start. "Man that was close." Daichi said, breathing heavily. He brushed some glass off his clothes. "I can't believe this."
"I can." Jatsuma said. "You're totally clumsy."
"I'm not that bad!" Daichi started walking forward and tripped over a stick on the ground, his second face plant of the day. "Don't say a word." He said threateningly to his younger brother, who was grinning widely.
Daichi pulled himself off the ground. "Fine, so maybe I am- Aahhh!" Jatsuma had pushed Daichi away and jumped back himself just in time to avoid a girl whose fist was now embedded six inches into the ground where they had been standing a second before. She had shoulder length purple hair and was wearing a red cheerleading outfit.
"Hey Luffa! What's going on?" Jatsuma said angrily.
Luffa looked fiercely at him. "Like you don't know!" She took another swing at him, which he dodged. She let out an attack of punches and kicks all of which Jatsuma either blocked or dodged. "I heard you and Eri are going on a date this afternoon!"
"Oh, yeah. Sorry Luffa." He said as he continued to dodge her attacks.
"SORRY? I'll make you sorry! Fight me!"
Jatsuma jumped away from her. "Do you think I'm stupid?" He glowered. "I know that if I defeat you then you'll force me to marry you! I'm not falling for it!"
"Why not?" Luffa whined. "If we were engaged then you couldn't break up with me anymore!"
"Pfffh. What a load." Another girl walked up. She also had purple hair put up in buns on the sides of her head; she was obviously Luffa's twin.
"Hi Lotion!" Daichi stood up straight.
"Hi Daichi." She said passively. "Luffa, you know you don't have to follow that stupid Amazon law."
"Just because you don't feel proud of your heritage, that doesn't mean I can't!" Luffa said glaring at her twin.
"You're not proud of you're heritage! You just want to force Jatsuma to marry you! Besides we're not even really a part of the Amazon tribe anymore." Lotion said grudgingly.
"Hmph." Luffa crossed her arms and looked away from her sister.
"Sorry about her." Lotion said to Jatsuma and Daichi. "She can be a little unreasonable sometimes."
"Oh it's no problem at all!" Daichi said in a rather high-pitched voice. "Really! No trouble!"
Lotion smiled. "Thanks Daichi, you really are very understanding."
Daichi blushed furiously and scratched the back of his head. "Naw, its…it's really nothing."
"Good Lord." Jatsuma said, exasperated. It was then that he noticed a slight shaking in the ground. He turned towards the entrance. "I guess Iikiba and Makoto are almost here."
The others turned to look. Sure enough a moment later Iikiba ran through the gateway with Makoto hot on his trail. "Stop following me!" Iikiba yelled as Makoto glomped/tackled him to the ground.
"You're cutting it close today." Jatsuma said, checking his watch.
"He escaped and I had to herd him in the right direction!" Makoto said as she stood up on Iikiba's back.
Iikiba stood up suddenly and Makoto clamped her arms around his neck so he couldn't run away. But he wasn't trying to escape anymore. "Jatsuma! You coward!"
"Coward? What are you talking about?" Jatsuma asked in an offended voice.
"You ran away from our last duel!"
"I did not! Makoto dragged you away because it was time for dinner! If you want we could settle this right now!" He got in a fighting stance.
Iikiba did the same, but Makoto dangling from his neck took away from the dramatic effect. "Would you get out of here! I'm busy!" He yelled at her.
"He's not fighting you until he fights me!" Luffa yelled. She ran at Jatsuma ready to attack. He jumped into the air to dodge her, but Iikiba jumped at him with an attempted kick, which Jatsuma dodged in a kind of limbo motion. "Two against one? Forget this!" He landed and made a break for the school.
"Jatsuma! Don't go!" Luffa called as she ran after him.
"Give me some warning next time you do that!" Makoto hit Iikiba on the head; she was still attached to his neck.
"I told you to get off didn't I?" He ran after Jatsuma as well, Makoto flying behind him like a weird cape.
Lotion sighed. "Why can't they all just get along?"
Wow that was long! It started out even weirder that I though it would. If course it's supposed to be weird. If you would like to see pictures of the characters go to the link in my profile. So review! I, RUMIKO TAKAHASHI, DEMAND IT!