It was morning. And the sun was shining. The sun was shining and the air was warm. The room was warm.
But the bed was cold. It was cold because she was alone.
He had gone.
He had gone like he always did. Always had. Probably always would.
So she lay there. She lay there in her bed. Alone. And she grabbed her pillow. The one he had used. The one he had lay on just short time ago. And she breathed. She breathed into the pillow. To capture his scent.
And she did. She could still smell his scent on her pillow. And she breathed it in.
She closed her eyes. She closed her eyes to remember. And to pretend. To pretend that he was still there. That he was still beside her. Holding her.
But she knew he wasn't. He never was. He was never there in the morning. He was always gone.
And she was always alone.
She had hoped he would stay. She had wanted him to stay. She always wanted him to stay. But she never told him. She never told him she wanted him to stay.
Because she knew he wouldn't. No matter what. No matter what she told him. Or what she wanted. She knew he would never stay.
Even though she knew he wanted to. She knew he wanted to stay. Just as much as she wanted him to. But he would never stay.
He couldn't stay.
Because if he stayed he would have to show her. Show her who he was. Who he really was. And she knew he couldn't.
Not now. And probably not ever.
Because he didn't want to know who he was.
She knew he didn't want to think about who he was. He didn't want to accept who he really was. He wanted to be someone else. Someone different.
But he didn't need to be someone better.
Not for her.
But she never told him. She never told him because she knew he wouldn't listen. He wouldn't believe her. He wouldn't accept it.
He would never accept that he was good enough. He would never believe that he was good enough.
So it would never matter if she told him. So she didn't. She never did.
But she told herself he was. She told herself everyday. That he was good enough. Good enough for her.
And she wanted him. She needed him. She needed him just as he was.
So she would wait. She would wait until he came back. Until next time.
And then she would tell him.
She would tell him…
That she needed him…
And that she wants him…
Just as he is.