A Mary-Sue of another Kind

"Soooo... what now?" Gimli asked. He and Legolas were walking through Mirkwood with Sidda hovering closely behind them. They were trying to figure out ways to get rid of her.

"I don't know. The last time a dwarf strolled into these woods besides you was when Bilbo..." Suddenly, Legolas's face lit up.

"I have an idea. But we have to go farther south. Do you have your axe?" Gimli nodded.

"Good. You're going to need it where we're going."

"Guys? Where did you go off to?" Sidda called. The two companians were actually hiding in a distant tree. They could still see her, but she couldn't see them. Then, just as planned, a spider crawled down from its web and faced the girl.

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! A GIANT SPIDER! SAVE ME GIMLI!" she screeched. But he stayed in the tree with Legolas. Just as the spider approached Sidda, an arrow whistled through the air and pierced its belly. It was dead before it hit the ground.

"I heard the scream. Are you alright?" a figure said. When he stepped out of the shadows, all three recognized him as... Aragorn! Legolas and Gimli jumped out of the tree to face their friend.

"What are you doing here in Mirkwood?" Legolas asked.

"I'm on vacation! I haven't been on a hunting trip since I became king of Gondor, and I needed a break from the nagging wife and kids." Aragorn rubbed his forehead in frustration.

"Um... may we speak to you for a moment?" Gimli asked. The man nodded and they stood behind a tree to talk.

"We're trying to get rid of her! It's one of those darn Mary-Sues!" the dwarf exclaimed. Aragorn nodded again. He understood how dangerous those creatures could be.

"Tell me, did you happen to see any orcs as you passed by Dul Guldor?" Legolas inquired.

"Yeah, there were about twenty camping right about..." but he didn't get the chance to finish. The elf and dwarf both dashed to the girl and began to head south.

"Where are we going?" Sidda asked. They didn't answer. After a long while, they came to a clearing where the orcs were camping. Legolas 'accedintaly' snapped a rather large twig, and they all turned in the company's direction. They had been found.

Sidda screamed like the little girl she was as the other two jumped out to fight. Unfortunatly, an orc spotted her behind the tree and chased her around the clearing. Legolas and Gimli continued to kill, but they kept just enough alive to where they could get the girl. A high-pitched scream in her direction verified their hopes, and they finally killed the remaining orcs.

They walked over to the direction of the scream and saw an orc hovering over Sidda. Legolas shot the last of the enemy with an arrow. Gimli looked up at him.

"Well, she's still not dead."

"I think I can fix that," Legolas purred.

A few hours later, the elf heaved Sidda into the black waters. They watched as she floated down the river and out of sight.

"What did you do?" Gimli asked.

"That river's waters make her fall into a deep sleep. So she'll drown before waking up. And if she does make it down the river, she won't wake up until she's too far away."

Gimli looked at Legolas, then at the river. Then he jumped up and down, yelling and hollering the entire time. He was free at last!