The "l33t dud3"

By Sid Hawk

Based on a true story.

I was online the other night surfing the web and chatting with my buddy (Fallen Reaper) on Xfire when suddenly a message pops up saying "-)SA(wannabe has added you to his/her friends list. Accept Deny"

Well -)SA(- (Silent Assassins) is an America's Army clan I'm in so my immediate though is "alright lets check him out." I click accept and he tells me he's auditioning to be in SA and that he wants me to let him in. I immediately see 2 things wrong about this guy.

SA has dashes before AND after the parentheses and this guys name has it only before

And

I'm not the leader of the clan, and if he was trying to join he'd really know that.

So I was suspicious…

I told him I don't call the shots and gave him Derek (the clan leader)'s Xfire account name. So he took it and said "if you were clan leader, would you let me in?" and I was all "I don't really know you and I haven't seen you play so my answer is undefined at the moment." He says "Ok."

This is the message that followed inside the next Xfire message window:

-)SA(wannabe: ha

-)SA(wannabe: im in BH

-)SA(wannabe: fool

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: ha!

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: and you accomplished?

-)SA(wannabe: donstatus is my first acc .. bh-nitrous is seconf

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: NOTHING!

-)SA(wannabe: puss bag

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: lmao

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: nice come-back

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: look man, you are an idiot

-)SA(wannabe: meback to what?

-)SA(wannabe: shoould i spam you

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: hahahahahahahahahaha

-)SA(wannabe: i think you want me toi spam you

-)SA(wannabe: YO

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: dude

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: u

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: r

-)SA(wannabe: it proph

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: a

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: fucking

-)SA(wannabe: prohpe

-)SA(wannabe: prophey

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: DUMBFUCK

-)SA(wannabe: prophet

-)SA(wannabe: haa

-)SA(wannabe: uss

-)SA(wannabe: pusa

-)SA(wannabe: puss

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: what did you accomplish from this prophet? Nothing at all accepts u learned derek's Xfire name AGAIN and u gave me a godd story to tell Derek and Bobo before they laugh at you for being a "l33t dude." seriously. Get a life. I obviously won this argument. So just go.

-)SA(wannabe: hahaha wtf r u talking about?

-)SA(wannabe: pussy\

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: dude

-)SA(wannabe: dude\

-)SA(wannabe: '

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: u are an idiot. that was absolutely gay. u call me a pussy. when I am right

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: just fuck off man u are just a pop-up to me

-)SA(wannabe: u are an idiot. that was absolutely gay. u call me a pussy. when I am right

-)SA(wannabe: ust fuck off man u are just a pop-up to me\

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: your MOCKING ME? lmao dude u are fucking stupid! OMG I HAVE to copy this so I can tell Derek tomorrow this is absolute GOLD

-)SA(wannabe: your MOCKING ME? lmao dude u are fucking stupid! OMG I HAVE to copy this so I can tell Derek tomorrow this is absolute GOLD

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: ure best comeback after i win this is to mock me. U are immature. Get a life. And quit crying because ure clan sucks ass

-)SA(wannabe: your a fucking stupid peice of my moms shit this isnt prophet

-)SA(wannabe: hahaaha

-)SA(wannabe: its nitrous

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: well when u tell me ure prophet what the hell am i supposed to think? i cant see you can I? so it aint my fault its the internet's. CASE CLOSED

-)SA(wannabe: bs.. u suck at

-)SA(wannabe: AA

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: DUDE

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: HOW OLD R U?

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: LIKE FOUR?

-)SA(wannabe: 17.

-)SA(wannabe: ..

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: lmao

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: wow u are immature

-)SA(wannabe: swear to gof

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: get a fucking life off the computer

-)SA(wannabe: \god

-)SA(wannabe: 8

-)SA(wannabe: hahaha

-)SA(-Sh00t0ut: ok look, stfu right now. Im tired of this, ima copy this into a TXT then ima block you. later dumbfuck."

This is completely and utterly pathetic and that's why I loved it so much. This guy is 17, and spends all his time in front of his only friend; his computer. This poor l33t acne dude needs help. He needs someone to love, like I have. I have a beautiful girl whom I can never let go of. This guy has America's Army.

Sad

Pathetic.

I messaged the leader of BH the next day, who happened to used to be in OUR clan until we pissed him off because we joked around and acted like we hated him. For fun. Like all good friends do. So he hacked our Ventrilo server.

When I told him about BH-Silent, he said "We don't have a member named Silent."

So there you have it, some guy was pissed enough to act like he was in my clan, then another clan, so he spammed me, and I later find that he is in NO CLAN.

He's 17 years old. Im 12 years old and this guy is acting like he's half my age.

Sad.

Pathetic.

Simply the funniest thing to come out of the text of another human being.

I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did.

Your good friend,

Sid Hawk