Spoilers: SGA: Though Intruder, Scrubs: None.
A/N: Gift fic for futma who wanted a Scrubs/SGA Crossover. Thanks to Kate98 for betaing.
"Newbie, Barbie, we have a special patient in room 401, and you know how much I love dealing with 'special patients,' so we know how this is going to turn out. We are going to go into the room, I am going to say a few words, and then leave. Then you two are going to give that patient whatever they want, and oh, leave me out of it!"
J.D. and Eliot followed Dr. Cox down the hall. Before they even got to room 401, they could hear a voice coming from the room.
"This is great, just great. We get four days for vacation and here we are spending one of them in a hospital, a crappy hospital at that. You couldn't resist, could you? You saw something dangerous and you just had to try it, didn't you?"
"Rodney! Stop. Skateboarding is not dangerous. I just wanted to have a little fun."
"Yes, yes, it's all fun and games until the way-too-old-to-be-riding-a-skateboard Colonel tries some ridiculous move off of a railing – that I'm sure has some equally ridiculous name – and ends up covered in road rash with potentially broken bones."
"Nothing is broken, Rodney! And you were the one who insisted we go to the hospital, I was fine continuing on the trip."
"Oh yes, that was an option. If I brought you back with broken bones Carson and Elizabeth would be so happy. And they wouldn't blame me at all or anything."
J.D. looked at Eliot who was already looking pale. Dr. Cox had his usual scowl on as he bounded into the room. J.D. and Eliot followed.
Dr. Cox was about to speak but was cut off by the man J.D. assumed was the one who had been complaining earlier.
"It's about time! Good lord, the service in this place is horrible. Now which one of you is in charge?" The man had an expression on his face that J.D. didn't think was humanly possible before today. It was an interesting mix of anger, contempt, worry, impatience, and disbelief.
"I'm Dr. Cox, this here is Dr. Dorian, and that's Dr. Reed. They will be taking care of you, and with that, I'm outta here. Ginger? Barbie? Don't screw up." Dr. Cox walked out of the room leaving J.D. and Eliot alone with the two men.
"Soooo . . . I see your face had some nice interaction with the road, can you tell us what happened?" J.D. knew he had said the wrong thing when the complaining man glared at him. Okay, that didn't come out like I planned it to. Think, J.D., think.
"That was just a brilliant observation by the voodoo practitioner! Just when Carson had me almost convinced medicine was science, we end up ---" Thankfully, the complaining man was cut off by the patient before his head starting spinning around.
"Rodney! Stop. The faster you let the doctors treat me, the faster we will be out of here. Hi! I'm John Sheppard, I had a minor incident with a skateboard and some bike rails. You just need to clean up my face and arm, do a quick x-ray to make sure nothing is broken, and we'll be out of your hair." John gave Eliot and J.D. a bright smile.
J.D. glanced over at Eliot and saw she appeared to be mesmerized by something. It has to be his hair. It really is mesmerizing, the way it sticks out in every which way, it almost has a life of its own . . . so pretty . . . Snap out of it, J.D! You have a patient to treat!
"I'm ---" J.D. didn't even have time to get his name out before Eliot cut him off.
"Eliot Reed. Dr. Eliot Reed. Pleased to meet you, John Sheppard. Dr. Dorian and I here are going to fix you up as soon as possible. We'll just have to have you take off your shirt, and then we'll get you cleaned up, take you down to x-ray, and get this all fixed up. Really you're going to be just fine." Eliot was blushing and rambling as she wandered around the room getting the things she needed to clean up John Sheppard. J.D. thought she was going to faint when John took off his shirt. The man really did have a pretty chest! Dammit! Focus, J.D.
"Omigod! You are totally Captain Kirk! This is ridiculous! Give me that!" Complaining Man took the gauze and washbasin from Eliot and started expertly cleaning off John's scrapes.
"Really, Sir, we're supposed to be doing that."
"Sir? I'm Dr. Rodney McKay, and if I left this to the two of you, we would be here all day."
Eliot started stammering out apologies. "Sorry, we didn't realize you were a doctor, we'll just – "
"Oh, please! I'm a real doctor, don't insult me. There, he's all cleaned up. Oh, don't grimace, John, that didn't hurt a bit."
"Of course it hurt! You have the bedside manner of a moose!"
Losing control of the situation, losing control of the situation – what would Dr. Cox do? Think, J.D., think!
J.D. blurted out the first thing that came to mind! "I have a motor scooter!" That perked John right up.
"You have a motor scooter? Is it outside? Can we go ride?" John started pulling on his shirt. Dr. McKay did not look happy and he put a hand on John's uninjured shoulder to stop him.
"No! You cannot go outside and play with the kids! Blondie over there is going to take you to x-ray, not get lost on the way, and once you are cleared we are leaving!" John frowned but he stopped trying to leave the room.
"Okay, Mr. Sheppard just get into this wheelchair, and we'll be on our way." Eliot brought a chair into the room. John looked like he was about to protest when Dr. McKay just glared at him. John got into the chair and Eliot wheeled him out of the room.
"So, Dr. McKay, what kind of –"
"Go get me coffee! Now! And don't talk to me." J.D. headed toward the door to find coffee for Dr. McKay. He was kind of scary, but also very cuddly looking, kinda like a teddy bear… "Coffee!" J.D. scurried out of the room and hoped Eliot returned fast with John Sheppard.
Dr. McKay was possibly scarier than Dr. Cox.