Hi. This is my first Lost fanfic, so any feedback would be appreciated. It's set after series one, with the raft mission being a success. There will be other characters in the next chapter, but this one is mainly Kate. This chapter features some Jack/Kate, but I think the rest of the story will mainly be Sawyer/Kate. Oh, and I update very slowly :)

Spurred by the sound of the approaching helicopters, Kate stuffed her clothes into her bag. She'd waited this long to pack, and that was cutting it fine really. She just hadn't been able to bring herself to do it until then, hadn't wanted to admit that this brief lull was over. This was the only period in her life that she could remember when her mind hadn't been obsessed with running away, ever since she was eight years old, it had been all she could think about. But she'd lost that, being here had given her a sense of security that she'd never got at any other time. She didn't want to have to go back to running.

But she could hear the helicopters, she couldn't deny that it was over anymore, and the urge that had kept her alive this long was too great for her to ignore. She had been preparing for this for days, gathering a few essentials, empty water bottles, matches, a few things nicked from Sawyer's stockpile. Everything was nearby, and she imagined that she might be able to come back after they had gone, scavenge some bits and pieces. She knew how to survive in this environment without it anyway, she knew how to survive in most environments, she'd had enough practice at it.

She regretted not saying goodbye to anyone, not that many of them would actually want to say goodbye to her anyway, she had Sawyer to thank for that. Ever since he'd told everyone she was the one in the custody of the marshal, they'd all looked at her like she was a monster. Which was exactly what she was of course, who else would kill their own father? But even so, she liked them, and she would miss them, it had been so long since she'd built an actual friendship with anyone, something that was entirely free of the terror that drove her, and she didn't want to let go of that.

She would have been tempted to ask Sawyer to stay with her, his life sounded almost as bad as hers had been. She knew he'd be flattered too, he'd see it as getting one over on Jack. But Sawyer was gone already, taking with him her only chance of being able to get off this island. She couldn't ask Jack, he had a life, a real life, with family and friends, and an actual job. So did everyone else here, even if any of the rest of them could meet her eyes, she couldn't ask them. So it was just going to be her, alone on this island. It would be lonely, but she'd be getting her wish, the wish she'd dreamed of for so long, just to be away from those who wanted to hurt her.

Out of her pocket, she drew her latest acquisition, something that had been very difficult to get hold of, one of Locke's hunting knives. Without any hesitation, she ran it down her arm, letting the blade sink in enough so that it would bleed properly. Ignoring the pain, she pulled the knife out, watching her blood glisten in the sun as it ran down the blade.


She span round, knife still in hand, bringing herself ready to attack. She didn't relax when she saw it was Jack either, she wasn't going to let herself be talked out of this.

"What are you doing?" Her arm was dripping blood onto the ground, it looked to be quite a nasty cut, and from the knife in her other hand, it was definitely self-inflicted.

"I'm being eaten by a boar," she met his eyes, challenging him to say something. He knew full well what she was doing. She plunged the bloody knife into her white top, smearing blood onto it as she hacked bits off.

"You're faking your death," a statement, not a question. She wasn't going to come with them. "Do you really think they're going to fall for that?"

"I don't have much choice really, do I," her aggression faded as she saw his face, more softly she added, "You know what will happen if they find me."

He saw the fear in her eyes, he didn't know what she had done, but he knew it was bad, but he didn't want this to be the last time he saw her. "You could turn yourself in, it might not be as bad as you think. You've saved a lot of people while you've been here."

"Yeah Jack, I can really see that happening. When you get off this island, you'll have a choice over which talk shows to go on and which book deals to sign. If I go with you, the only choice I'll have to make is whether I prefer to die by lethal injection or the electric chair." She scattered the hacked up t-shirt on the ground around where her blood had dripped.

He looked at her for a moment, her face a beautiful picture of agony and turmoil. He made his decision instantaneously, ignoring the warning in his head. "We better get going then, they'll be here in a couple of minutes."

She smiled a sad, soft smile. He was offering her everything she wanted, but she couldn't take it. She shook her head and whispered, "You can't Jack."

"Kate," his voice was pouring sincerity, "You can't do this on your own. Let me come." His eyes pleaded with her, but he could see that she wasn't going to change her mind. "I would die for you, Kate."

A single tear dripped from her eyes, snaking its way down her face. "I know you would Jack. But too many people have died because of me already. If you want to do something for me, live your life Jack. I have to do this on my own." She felt the haze of more tears on their way; her vision blurred slightly as she turned to leave.

Jack pulled his shirt off as he came towards her. He placed it on her arm. "You need to keep the pressure on this until it stops bleeding, it's pretty deep. I'll leave all the medical supplies here, come and get them when everyone's gone. You need to clean that with some alcohol, you really don't want it to get infected." Pulling her into a hug, he whispered into her hair, "Goodbye Kate."

Pulling away, she looked at him curiously for a moment, then kissed him lightly. "Goodbye Jack."

He stood there long after she was gone, not even realising that he couldn't see her anymore. He could still feel her lips on his and still smell the delicate fragrance of her hair. It didn't make sense that she could be gone. It wasn't until the helicopters circled over to land that he even remembered that they were coming.