Okay, so a new chapter is up. Important note at the bottom, for all you readers.
Disclaimer: I own Fire Emblem. Seriously, I do. I have the cartridge and the receipt to prove it. What, that's not what you meant? Er, never mind then…
Location: Lycia. I can't really be more specific than that
Well, we're here. Somewhere.
Someone has got to tell Eliwood that asking for directions may not necessarily be a bad thing. Or, more accurately, someone has got to tell him, and make sure he listens.
John and Cass have been yelling at him nonstop for the past five hours, but Eliwood insists that he knows where he's going. I'm slightly more inclined to believing the two tacticians, of course, but that's just me.
Well, me, Erk, Matthew, Guy, Serra, Dorcas, Kent, Sain, and just about everyone else in the army.
I hear Bartre is planning a mutiny.
We just crossed the Bern border. Hector grabbed Eliwood, shook him by the neck, and pointed in the other direction. After some 'persuasion' from Erk and Guy (mostly through threats of a painful, painful death), Eliwood agreed to listen to the others and follow our directions now.
Which still leaves us with the problem of dodging Bern border patrols. The basic confrontation goes something like this:
"Halt!" The soldier snapped as he leveled his lance at the group. "You there! What is your purpose here?"
Matthew put on what had to be the cheesiest grin in the long history of cheesy grins. "Why, hello there, mr. Soldier! We're but simple tourists, here to get a feel for your lovely country!"
"Indeed." Oswin intoned as he tried to stretch his mouth into some semblance of a smile. "It's very, uh, mountainy."
The soldier nodded. "Well, see, I don't believe you for a second. I think you fine folk here are SPIES, yes I do."
Matthew sighed. "I'd hoped it wouldn't come to this." Turning to Oswin, he whispered. "Bring out the big guns."
"Why, hel-LO there!" Serra gushed as she ran up to the soldier and began caressing his chest plate. "My, that's a really nice armor of yours. Is it steel? Or perhaps iron? You know, once I was in this shop and I saw this absolutely exquisite set of armor, but, unfortunately, it was ever so expensive. I know! You look like a rich chap! Perhaps you could loan me, oh, say a few thousand gold?"
Prisiclla noted that the soldier was suddenly looking very, very panicked. "Ohlookatthetimeigottagobye!" He yelled before he turned and ran off screaming.
I'd never thought I say this, but thank Elimine for Serra.
Well, it's near the end of the day, we've finally made it out of Bern, and we should make it to Badon in a couple of days if all goes well.
Weather: Raining tigers and wolves
Location: Somewhere in Santaruz
All never goes well. It starting pouring buckets this morning, and it hasn't stopped yet.
I hate Lycian weather. Come to think of it, I hate most thing that come from Lycia.
Wait, I come from Lycia. Does that mean I just zinged myself?
Anyway, we tried to navigate in this weather until we Marcus nearly rode straight into a house. Then we agreed that this was no place for moving.
I just wish we'd set up tent before the rain started. The floor is covered with about a three inches of water, and John is moaning the loss of 3 of his best maps.
Erk, meanwhile, is making handy use of his Fire spell to dry the both of us off.
Having a mage as an escort can come in useful sometimes. Of course, it can be annoying too. Considering that he is always, always, asking whether I'm all right or not.
I appreciate his concern, I really do. But it just gets irritating after a while.
In other news, Sain has decided that the best thing to do while it's cold and wet out is to snuggle up next to each other 'for warmth'. Convenient, though, that he's only been asking the girls.
I'm turning in early. The constant heat from the Fire is making me drowsy.
Location: Badon Outskirts
Well, we're here. Finally. Took us three days for what should have been a 3 hour journey. Not that I'm complaining about being here though. I'm dead tired.
Well, if we're lucky, we'll just find someone who can take us to Valor without any fuss, and I can get some shut-eye on the boat.
Or not. Eliwood just came back and told us that in order to get to Valor, we have to earn one hundred thousand gold. He says the fastest way to do it would be in the arena.
I only hope that he has a basic understanding of the nature of troubadours. Part of that nature is that we cannot fight. But then, I seriously doubt he's spent much time in the vicinity of troubadours before.
Heck, I doubt he's spent much time in the company of anyone of the opposite gender.
In any case, we're heading towards the arena now, so, wish us luck.
Change of plans. We now have to beat a bunch of pirates just oozing testosterone from every pore before we can get passage to Badon. As if I weren't tired enough already.
I guess I shouldn't complain. I just need to hang around and heal anyone who gets hurt. People like Erk are the ones who have to run around, dodge pirate attacks and get hurt.
However, I am slightly worried about my position. I'm near the end of an alley or something, with my back facing the majority of the pirates. Most of them are forming a blockade or something, so they aren't moving.
I guess I am relatively safe, but I can't help feeling slightly worried that
Weather: Who knows?
Location: Badon Inn
Life just never gives me a break. While I was writing, a bunch of idiots from the Black Fang just had to ride up and their leader just had to single me out.
From what I can remember of yesterday:
The Black Fang Paladin glared at Priscilla. "You are about to die. Project an aural signal traditionally associated with terror if you must."
"No, sir." One of his subordinates shook his head. "It just doesn't sound right."
"Well, whatever." The Paladin shrugged and charged the unsuspecting troubadour.
Luckily for me, his aim was as bad as his speech and he only succeeded in smacking me with the hilt of his sword. Knocked me out, but no lasting damage.
Oh, and when Erk found out, he went berserk and set all of them on fire.
Score one for the mage.
We'll be trying to reach the ship again later today. At least I got a good night's rest first. I'll be more alert, at the very least.
Wish me luck.
…Why am I asking an inanimate diary for luck?
The battle is going smoothly. That's pretty good. However, Eliwood is advocating the charge-straight-through-tactics-be-damned strategy. This, you might expect, is causing a slight amount of unhappiness to John and Cass, who are trying their damndest to get through this battle with zero casualties.
Hector and Oswin are also grumbling about being sent to block the paths with their bodies. And while it may be undignified, this allows Rebecca to practice her archery.
Lord knows she needs it.
Well, we lost. Again. Wanna know why?
Mostly it had to do with a pair of idiot swordsman. One of them is Guy. The other is related to me, you have three guesses to figure out who he is, and the first two don't count.
Apparently the two of them got into this argument about who was the better swords user (again), and they decided that it was in their best interests to charge straight ahead of everyone and see how many pirates they could carve up.
They then proceeded to have a grand old fashioned slaughterfest. At least until Damian (Black Fang Paladin Guy) showed up again.
"Take that!" Guy snapped. "And that!"
"You are about to die. Scream if you must."
"Huh?" Guy looked up. "What did you sa-"
Damian raised his sword triumphantly in the air, an image that would probably have worked a lot better had he not been sporting third-degree burns over the majority of his body. "I rule!" He proclaimed, before falling off his horse and hitting his head on the pavement.
So we're back the inn, and I'm stuck nursing a wounded Myrmidon. He doesn't seem too depressed, though. He says that 'scars are more manly'.
Erk (who's been hanging by the doorway reading) said that if that was the case, Eliwood was going to be the most macho person in the team by the time this quest was over.
Guy shut up about scars after that.
Location: Badon Square.
Eliwood has finally agreed to attempting to sneak around the pirates and has chosen (through lots) Raven.
It may just be me, but I don't really see my brother as the sneaky type.
Lucius, however, disagrees. According to him/her/it, Raven can, so, like, totally do it.
So, while waiting around for dear brother, we're playing cards.
Matthew has been cleaning me out of my savings. Well, he was, until Hector spotted him pulling out a hidden card from his cloak.
Matthew then very generously agreed to return me my money, provided I heal him. And I didn't even have to ask. What a gentleman.
Bartre isn't very sure how to play cards, so he's been doing the next best thing: annoying the living heck out of Dorcas and Lowen. The two of them are currently running around the square, screaming nonstop.
Erk has been seeking solace in the inn, away from Lucius, who is looking for him so he/she/it can tell him all about a new brand of hair conditioner he/she/it just bought.
You know what? I'm just going to refer to Lucius as a 'him' now. It gets too confusing otherwise.
John's been keeping to himself. I think he's drawing some new battle plan. Fine with me. Cass is more fun to talk to, anyway.
Except that she now seems obsessed with bringing me and Erk to the Tacticians Guild. (Whatever that is).
We've made a plan to hide from her in the early morning of the next day in one of the houses.
Oh, and Raven tried to take on a pirate with a Swordslayer all by himself. They dumped him at the entrance of the inn and told us to try again tomorrow because they were tired.
In other news, Serra has been bugging Oswin nonstop. If I didn't know better, I'd say she has a crush or something.
Oh, and Dorcas is busy penning a letter to his wife. Something about how he needs her to come and get him out of this insane asylum. Can't say I blame him.
Guy's Killing Edge is looking kinda rusty, but he refuses to acknowledge that fact, or let anyone near it with a bottle of polish. He also happens to throw a hissy fit anytime anyone suggests polishing that thing.
"Hey, Guy." Matthew walked up. "How's it going?"
"Fine, pretty much." Guy shrugged.
Matthew nodded and glanced over at the sword hanging in Guy's scabbard. "Y'know, Guy… I was wondering. Don't you think that Killing Edge of yours could use a bit of poli-"
"WHAT DO YOU KNOW?" Guy snapped as he brandished said Killing Edge, whirling it about wildly. "She's not rusty! She's still perfectly shiny and sharp, I tell you! This blade is feared among evildoers of the realm! FEARED! It is so sharp it can even cut through the hardest steel!"
Matthew blinked. "Uh…" He began hesitantly.
"You don't believe me?" Guy raged. "I'll show you!" Saying so, he turned and grabbed a rotten piece of plywood Priscilla could probably had snapped in two with her bare hands. "Watch in wonder!" Guy screamed as he brought his Killing Edge down onto the wood with all the force he could muster.
"Ragh! Hai! Yah! HAAAAARRGGHH!" Guy slashed and stabbed and sliced, and after about fifteen tries, he managed to saw through the plywood.
"See! What did I tell you?" Guy crowed as he held the sword aloft. "A wondrous blade!"
Matthew blinked. "I… see…" Thus saying, he slowly began to edge away from Guy.
Personally, I think he's in denial.
Time for bed now, I suppose. A real bed again! I get this silly smile on my face just thinking about it.
Location: Canas' House
Um, we found this guy's house to hole up in until Cass gives up the urge of taking us to the Tactician's Guild. John's in here too because he screwed up in one of the maps he was drawing, so Cass is looking for him. Odds are it won't be a pretty sight when they meet.
Another thing? It seems those Black Fang goons aren't waiting for the pirates to pop out now. They're attacking us in the home. Which is pretty upsetting to Canas.
John peered gloomily out of the window at the encamped enemy forces. "Right. Any bright ideas as to how we get out of this one?"
Canas shrugged. "I believe I have an idea." Walking over to the front door, he threw it open, drew himself up to his full height, and bellowed. "You darn kids, GET OFFA MY LAWN!"
Canas peered down at the Javelin currently embedded in his chest. "Hmmm… that didn't go as well as I'd hoped." He commented before collapsing.
After I healed him, Erk took the bloody Javelin and walked back to the front door.
"Erk…" John paused. "I don't mean to disparage your fighting ability, but are you sure you know the first thing about using lances."
"Pointy tip goes into soft part of enemy."
"Fire." Erk murmured, and suddenly the Javelin was glowing. Opening to door, he hefted it and yelled. "Hey, Black Fang goons! You dropped your Javelin back here and now it's all glowy with Fire energy and painful to hold!" He tossed the Javelin back at the group. "So you can have it back now!"
After the big explosion, we sneaked out the back door and returned to camp.
Oh, yeah, and now Canas is tagging along with us for some reason. Apparently he can use Dark Magic to fight. Yay.
Edit: Canas wants me to call it 'elder' magic because 'dark' magic is being biased. Fine, whatever.
Well, some… interesting things have happened while we were under siege. After seeing the condition Raven ended up in, Eliwood is once more advocating the 'charge straight through' strategy.
Sain has now narrowed his sights to Rebecca, at least for the time being, and has been distracting her from her archery practice. It may just be me, but I think I saw one of the pirates constantly attacking Sain whenever we fight. Maybe that pirate knows Rebecca? None of my business, I suppose.
Anyway, Bartre is now attempting to follow Eliwood's instructions about charging, and has tried using his head as a battering ram against a wall.
Not only did he knock himself senseless, the wall was in the wrong direction.
I need a nap.
Now, where were we? Oh, yes. I am well aware that this is technically against the rules. I'll not hold it against anyone for reporting me, but in the end, I lose nothing.
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