Almost painfully OOC Sasuke-brain, and Yuki's a rip-off of both Rogue from X-men and many characters in Greek mythology, all wrapped into one convenient plot device - I mean, character. I also have no clue what they're wearing, other than Naruto's in the Jounin uniform. Feel free to be creative in your own deliciously smutty mind on Sasuke.
And, please. Bask in the smut.
"…man, you'd think Tsunade-hag would know not to keep teaming us up," Naruto growled, adjusting his jounin vest as he glared at Sasuke. As usual, Sasuke glared right back.
"Idiot," Sasuke muttered, eyes shifting back to their mission.
Her name was Yuki, and was utterly blind, deaf, and dumb. Not that it stopped her from feeling the two jounin escorting her as they walked in front of her. Apparently the ground's vibrations were enough for her. Naruto couldn't help but be impressed, although he still had no clue why
"What, you know why she keeps doing it?" Naruto demanded.
"Moron," Sasuke muttered. Which, Naruto translated, was just about the definition of the equivalent 'no, my dearest friend, I don't know, but I'm too embarrassed about my lack of information to reveal it to someone whose opinion I care about' in Sasuke-speak…or something like that. Hey, he wasn't an expert or anything…
"Well, do you know why WE- " (Naruto made a jerky motion between them, making sure it was sharp enough to show what he thought of the notion) "- got stuck with HER?" Before Sasuke could snap an insult out, Naruto plowed on. "We're JOUNIN, escorting a blind girl home. US-Jounin, escorting a blind girl home. We kill S-class missing-nin criminals and crazy snake sannin, not highwaymen and purse snatchers."
Sasuke was obviously about to insult Naruto again, but paused, his 'wow, you actually thought of something intelligent' expression blinking on. This quickly morphed into the well-known and quite common 'well, shit' expression as he glanced back at Yuki's blank brown eyes as they stared at absolutely nothing.
"Maybe someone's after her, dobe," Sasuke said blandly, a scathing glance at Naruto accompanying the analysis.
"For WHAT?" Naruto snapped. "She can't hear, can't speak, and can't see. That means it can't be something she saw, something she did, or something she said. Who the HELL would she be a threat to? Maybe herself in a kitchen, but that's all I can think of."
"Not surprising," Sasuke smirked, then frowned. "…but you are right. For once."
"Maybe the old hag wants us to kill each other," Naruto suggested, hands tucking behind his neck as he frowned up at the sky.
"Or maybe she wanted you out of her hair," Sasuke stated, hands in his pockets as he continued to watch the surroundings. Not that they needed to anymore, since their chakra systems were so finely tuned, but it was a nervous habit he couldn't get rid of.
"Or maybe she wanted you to stop distracting all the new jounin," Naruto laughed, and pitched his voice into a falsetto. "Oh, SASUKE, you're so STRONG and HANDSOME! I love you MADLY! TAKE ME NOW!"
Sasuke stared at his blond companion, and for once Naruto had no clue what his expression meant. But, it quickly morphed into the very-familiar Angry And Kind Of Freaked Out Face.
"Don't Do That Ever Again."
Naruto grinned viciously, and quickly feigned a girlish swoon, high-pitched sigh and all as he fell straight into Sasuke.
Predictably, Sasuke growled and roughly shoved the laughing Naruto off.
Unpredictably, Naruto fell straight on top of a wide-eyed, panicking little girl named Yuki.
Fumbling to quickly get off the terrified fourteen-year-old, their hands touched, and all Naruto managed to get out was a quick "oh, FUCK-" as he could feel his own chakra being leeched into the girl through his hand, his other hand reaching out to the quickly approaching Sasuke-
- Sasuke's arm snaked out to grab the obviously frightened Naruto away from the girl, and their skin brushed against each other -
- and SOMETHING HAPPENED -
"- actually, I've got a date tonight," Naruto smirked.
Sasuke snorted, having heard this bluff many times before. It just meant the idiot wanted to sleep instead of spar. "With what, one of your frogs?"
"Nope," Naruto grinned, a goofy sort of grin that lazily slid onto his face. "Hinata."
And Sasuke could TELL Naruto wasn't lying, because that smile was pure oh-joy-people-love-me Naruto Uzumaki.
Jealous anger stabbed at him. HINATA? A Hyuuga? The lot of them were either clan-controlled cannon fodder like Neji, or so spoiled they didn't know a kunai from a teapot. What the HELL could Naruto see in a scared little girl like Hinata? She'd never understand him, never care for him, never LOVE HIM –
Sasuke pulled out of his thoughts, smirking right back at Naruto. "While you get blushed at," Sasuke sneered, "I'll be training for the jounin trials."
With that, Sasuke spun, heading towards the training grounds before he could see the look of hurt and betrayal on Naruto's face.
It didn't help, though. Even if he couldn't see it, he could feel Naruto's pain boring into his soul, and the fact HE caused it made it that much worse.
Sasuke glared at the world.
He needed to kill something.
"-aruto!" Sasuke was shouting. "Let go!"
Naruto stared into the other man's midnight eyes, his mouth opening oh so slowly.
His voice was strained, from effort and a mass of feelings he'd never even considered, as he choked out "Sasuke-"
"-why you came back, you bastard!" Naruto screamed at him, and Sasuke jumped out of the way of another kunai, barely avoiding a quick blast of chakra that shattered the tree-branch he had crouched on.
"What does it matter?" Sasuke shouted back, sharingan eyes whirling fiercely as he tried to concentrate on the fight, the FIGHT, dammit, not the truth.
It was for you, Naruto…
…always for you…
"- I SAID let GO, you idiot," Sasuke snapped.
The girl beneath him was keening miserably, trying to shake him off, and all Naruto could do was really LOOK at his rival, his best friend, his-
"- you didn't have to come, dobe," Sasuke said, and Naruto laughed, scratching the back of his head.
"Yeah, yeah, I know, but it's your birthday, isn't it?"
Sasuke looked around his empty apartment meaningfully.
"And your point is…?"
Naruto grinned at him, and something twisted in Sasuke. "Birthdays are special, you bastard. You're supposed to do something for people you care about on their birthday, right?"
Sasuke blinked at him.
"I gotta go! Iruka's buying me ramen tonight, but Sakura and I'll be around later tonight. You've gotta do SOMETHING fun on your birthday, you know?" And with that, Naruto ran off, a blur of orange and yellow and so vibrant it made Sasuke's hair stand on end sometimes.
Frowning, Sasuke opened up the newspaper-wrapped package. Out rolled a wallet, the Uchiha mon stenciled on with care.
When he opened it up, a note with Naruto's trademark writing – all mess and no scrawl, however he managed it – winked up at him.
Figured you've probably got all that money but nowhere to put it. At least, nothing you'd be willing to put your noble Uchiha money in. So, I made you a Uchiha wallet. If that doesn't work, I'll just steal it all for ramen, eh?
Happy birthday, you bastard!
Sasuke snorted. "Idiot," he chided the piece of paper, and tried to ignore the bizarre fondness that had crept into the insult.
"-Naruto, you moron, listen to me!" Sasuke's hurried voice snapped. "Stop screaming and GET OFF THE GIRL."
Yuki was caught in a silent scream, twisting on the pathway, and Naruto managed to loosen his hold on her, but he could FEEL it coming again.
"AWW, DAMMIT!" Naruto shouted. "NOT AGAIN! STOP IT, YOU BASTARD-"
- he was twelve.
The academy exams were finally over, and he sat in the desk, ignoring the riffraff around him as he waited for the names of the idiots he was going to have to put up with until he was a chuunin.
Just another step to Itachi. Just one more step to finally, FINALLY, getting vengeance for his clan…
There WAS nothing else.
…and that blond idiot was glaring at him. What was his name, Naru-something? Not that it mattered. He really WAS an idiot, dead last in the class.
"What?" Sasuke snapped at the dimwit.
"What do you mean, what!" the idiot exploded, only to be bowled over by that pink-haired girl…Sakura? It didn't matter, anyway, so he didn't think that hard on it.
"Sasuke-kun, can I sit next to you!" She was practically shrieking in his ear.
…he ignored her. Hopefully, she'd go away. He wasn't in the mood to deal with that love-struck puppy act.
And then suddenly, that blond IDIOT was glaring straight in his face, squatting on the table in front of him, and Sasuke glared right back. What the FUCK was this moron doing?
"Hey, Naruto," Sakura shrieked. "Get out of Sasuke-kun's face!"
"Move! BAH!" Naruto seethed, still glaring blue daggers into Sasuke's eyes, and that intensity was just GETTING to him, it was just getting him pissed off, and what the HELL made this kid think something like this would help in any way -
What. The. HELL. Just. Happened!
Their lips were pressed together, eyes wide open and STARING at each other, and as they both stared, motionless from shock, Sasuke couldn't help but think Not bad, actually, for a first kiss…
- and Naruto jumped away from both of them, rolling into a crouch as his voice cut off, the screams dissipating as he gasped for air, kunai leaping into his left hand as he instinctively began a rasengan in his right.
"Relax, dobe," Sasuke snorted a strange sort of drained quiver in his voice. Cautiously, the black-haired Uchiha grabbed onto Yuki's waist (making sure there was cloth between their skin) and hauled the girl back up onto her feet, and quickly moved away. Sasuke shifted. "What's the brain injury this time, idiot?"
"Huh?" Naruto asked, purely fascinated by all the things so Sasuke he'd always seen and known but never really SEEN before…
"You're staring, Naruto," Sasuke frowned. The world must be about to explode, because it seemed like the black-haired boy was actually concerned…oh, yeah.
"You're in love with me," Naruto stated, voice still hoarse.
Every muscle in Sasuke's body seemed to freeze. Naruto remembered to use this tactic during their next sparring match.
The moment stretched on, and finally Sasuke recovered enough to manage a scornful look at his rival-but-more. "You have a head injury, you moron. Stop spouting nonsense."
"No, you're really in love with me," Naruto insisted.
Sasuke glared. "No, I'm not."
Naruto grinned in return, slinking towards Sasuke. "Yes you are."
"NO, I'm NOT," Sasuke snapped, and the poor bastard probably didn't even realize he was practically panting out the words, eyes wide and glazed so very nicely.
"Just admit it, you bastard!" Naruto shouted out, and couldn't get rid of the grin that was glued to his face. "You LOOOOVE me! And for a HELL of a long time too!"
"I DO NOT!" Sasuke screamed out.
"PROVE IT!" Naruto screamed back.
Naruto KNEW that sudden gleam in black eyes, a hint of burning red trapped in midnight-black eyes. "FINE!" Sasuke hollered, and grabbed Naruto's vest in an iron grip, pulling him forward and slamming their lips together.
It didn't last very long, and was probably even shorter than their first kiss, because Sasuke jerked his head to the side, panting. "…take…take that," he breathed out, eyes still hazed and obviously not entirely understanding what was going on. But it was still a kiss. From SASUKE.
Holy shit, Naruto thought. I'm in love with Sasuke, and he's in love with me, and THAT WAS IT?
"I'm taking a HELL of a lot more than that," Naruto snapped, and caught Sasuke's lips with his own, feeling the chapped yet soft mouth fight him right back. A low growl came out of Sasuke's throat, and a shiver ripped through Naruto as the other man's tongue slipped between his lips, grazed his teeth, and proceeded to turn him into a moaning wreck as it ventured deeper in.
As with everything else, Naruto rose to the challenge, but so did his hands, one fisting in black-black hair as the other ghosted under Sasuke's shirt, grazing warm skin and wiry muscles. He didn't even notice his vest being unzipped and thrown to the ground, or the way his own fingers were tugging at the buckles of Sasuke's shirt, drowning in the sheer, heady feeling of it all.
"Fuck, Naruto," Sasuke moaned, mouth withdrawing for only a moment, quickly moving on to attack Naruto's neck, biting and sucking the sensitive, smooth skin.
"That's- owwooohhhhhthat'snice - that's the idea," Naruto groaned, eyes fluttering shut at the excruciating pleasure. Shit, if Sasuke did this to him on just his NECK, what the hell would anything else be like?
Before he could find out, he felt ANOTHER pair of hands fisting in his shirt, a much smaller, more delicate pair that tugged on the black material.
Naruto groaned. "It's not FAAAIIIRRRR," he whined out, shoulders sagging, and Sasuke's lovely warm mouth pulled away, his face equally put out at the change of situation. He glared viciously at Yuki, who keened up at them, a helpless and obviously ignorant expression on her face.
"I hate this girl," Sasuke declared, holding on to Naruto like a threatened six-year-old with his favorite teddy bear. Yuki tugged on Naruto's shirt again, expression hopelessly lost, and pathetically adorable. Sasuke's glare quickly morphed into the 'I hope you trip and fall into a vat of hydrochloric acid and I'm there to point and laugh' expression (one Naruto also knew very, very well). "Let's abandon her."
Yuki mewled adorably.
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Sasuke, don't be a prick," he grumbled, even though neither of his hands had moved, and he was actually tempted to do it. "…how far is it to her village?"
Sasuke sighed, looking down the path. "Twelve miles…" At Yuki's pace, it would take another five hours at least to get there.
…But that was at YUKI'S pace…
Naruto smirked and stepped back, grabbing his vest from the ground and zipping it back up with a quick flick.
Hell, with six years of foreplay behind them, what was another hour of tag?
The blonde carefully hoisted Yuki onto his back, grinning at Sasuke.
"First one there gets to be on top?"
And in a moment, all that was left of them were two bursts of dust wafting into the perfect blue sky.