It was 9:30 P.M.

Robin's Room…

Empty, the lights were off. It was clean, neat, much different from the days of Slade.

Punching bags, a rack of bo staves… it was the Boy Wonder's room after all.

It was a peaceful, quite scene.

Thump!

From the door.

A pair of mumbling voice.

Thud!

A male voice rose in anger.

A female sigh.

WHA-ACK!

A dent in the door.

Whir.

"Ah, there we go!" Robin said, Starfire up in his arms. He now set the princess down.

"Oh Robin, it was wonderful!" she spun for joy, long white dress twirling about he long legs. It showed off her tan, "Tonight you have made me feel as if I where the pretties female in all of Drenthax!"

Casting his eyemask to the floor and taking off his jacket and other unneeded extremities to his tuxedo, Robin spoke smoothly, "That had nothing to do with me. I've never been to Drenthax, but I'm positive you're more gorgeous than anyone there."

"Ohh, Robin."

The two came together.

They kissed.

Thud.

"Hehehe!"

"Uh Oh, Kori! We accidentally fell on the bed! How about that?"

"Hehehe, yes. Accidentally indeed. Just as you are accidentally on my grebnacks."

"No, the grebnack grabbing is intentional."

"Hahaha!"

"What? What's funny?"

"Robin, I didn't think you'd take that off so soon."

"Then you don't know me as well as you thought… you… Kori… what is this?"

"It is edible lingerie from the Warehouse of Jim's. Beast Boy and Cyborg were right when they said Jim's had by far the best price."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"What flavor?"

"Strawberry."

"That's my girl!"

"Hehehe! Ow! Timothy, not so hard!"

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Statistics for Saint H:

Favorites List: 57

Alert Lists: 45

Statistics for The Perils of Titan Dating:

Chapters: 13 plus epilogue

Words(minus epilogue): 33,337

Pages: 119

Favorites Lists: 21

Alert Lists: 19

C2s: 1 (my own, but I didn't put it in there!)

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A dark set with a single luxury chair set up on stage, facing the camera. The lights are dim and people are running back and forth in the background.

"Quick! Raven, how's my makeup?" a voice asked hurriedly.

"Conner, you're not wearing any makeup. And even if you were, why would you be asking me?" a dull voice droned.

"Mostly because you're the person standing right next me. No other reason really."

A non-descript voice came out of nowhere, "And we're on in 5,"

"Oh shit! What if they don't like me? What if they say I'm lame? What if I'm a flop?"

"4,"

"Calm down. Besides, since when were you all nervous? I thought you were the Boy of Steel."

"3,"

"Yeah, well, this is a big chance to get some word out for my story, if I don't do well it might end up like other great unknowns! … Oh well. How about a kiss for good luck?"

"You… wish…"

"2,"

The lights come on to reveal Superboy, in jeans and a black shirt bearing a red 'Superman' insignia with red Knoxville shades.

He flashes a winning smile, "Hey readers. Whats hangin'? I'm Superboy, the fastest, the strongest, and the just plain baddest Titan around. Now, most of you are saying, 'Whoa, since when are you a Titan?' Since last Monday son! From the maker of this fabulous story you all loved has come MY story. A BETTER story. The BEST story EVER!"

A stagehand steps up next to Superboy and whispers something in his ear.

"What? Why?"

"I don't know, H just said not to sound so high and mighty."

"Ugh…" Superboy flicks a wrist and sends the stagehand flying.

"As I was saying in my oh-so-sexy ways, I'm here to be the interviewer for the Titans about their experiences in and opinions of The Perils of Titan Dating. So, get ready to laugh, get ready to cry because you're laughing so hard. And get ready to laugh so hard the hair falls right off you genit-"

"AHEM!" comes a loud voice from off stage.

Superboy mumbles something inaudible and makes a rude gesture directed off screen.

"And, most importantly, get ready to say goodbye to sexy, badass me and hello to the rest of the Titans. Ok, First Question!

What do you think about the plot of TPoTD?"

Cyborg:

"Quite frankly, the plot is bogus and just thrown together." Cyborg says, sitting in a chair identical to Superboys… so it's obviously too small, "I mean, it starts out as a date, goes to a street fight, a creepy ass mansion, to demons nearly killing us, to fucking Christmas Eve!"

Robin:

"… I liked the epilogue." Tim, in civilian garb, flashes a smile and two thumbs up.

Killowat:

"Yea, you would like the epilogue. Personally, I thought this was a piece of shit. I barely got ANY screen time. And I'm the best character."

Cyborg:

"Hey man, at least you got a scene in the fight against the Essence. Bushido and them didn't get nothing."

Bushido:

"…"

Speedy:

"I thought the plot was OK. Not the greatest. I'm not really sure why H felt the need to make Cheshire show up. But I'm grateful that he did, oh yes." Speedy bites his lower lip and dry humps the air, "There's nothing like Warehouse loving, baby."

Starfire:

"While the plot was most nonsensical, and I was very sluttish, I do believe that the story was driven more by emotions and irreverent humor as opposed to a normal plot."

Raven:

"Well, in the cornucopia of crap that fanfiction is, I'm sure this plot seems fabulous by comparison."

"What did you think of the use of Jericho? Both in relation to his main character status, and as character himself?"

Beast Boy:

"Well, one thing is definitely out of place. We never saw him play his guitar! What the hell? And some dinky little piano shit doesn't make up for it!"

Jericho:

"…" he pulls out his acoustic and tears into a riff of 'What I Got'.

Beast Boy:

"That's more like it!"

HotSpot:

"I dunno, Jericho seemed kinda… slow and nerdy to me. I mean, if I was the main character. Dayamn! Raven would been swooning in the first SCENE man."

Argent:

"Well, technically, Raven was reacting nicely to Jericho's come-ons in the first scene. It's just that they weren't very pronounced."

HotSpot:

"Hence the word 'swooning.' You're British, look it up."

Robin:

"My main thing was, why didn't he tell me sooner Trigon's 'Essence' or whatever gay thing that was, was coming over?"

Aqualad:

"Yea, that was a real big boo-boo with a real flimsy excuse. 'He wanted to protect Raven's feelings'? Whatever man! H just wanted some suspense and he was too much of a loser to get it properly."

"What do you think of the writing style?"

Raven:

"Stolen from Post."

Beast Boy:

"It's Post's writing style, except minus the good and plus the suck, right?"

Jinx:

"Naw, H didn't steal everything. I wasn't a lesbian, and my training bra never came out once.

Kid Flash:

"Not on camera, anyway." Kid Flash smiles, puts his hand over his mouth and lifts one of Jinx's training bra's out from the seat of the chair.

Jinx:

"Kila dammit!" (heh.. Meiriona style)

Cyborg:

"Dawg, it isn't so much that H stole the writing style. It's H tried to steal the writing style and failed miserably!"

Kid Flash:

"Man, H stole his writing style like Compton stole rap from the East Coast."

Robin:

"I dunno guys. There are a few homage's and similarities to other, better writers. But where are you getting all this 'Post' stuff from?"

Beast Boy:

"Uh, hello? SMASH!"

Cyborg:

"BOOM!"

Starfire:

"Hehehe… TZAA!"

Speedy:

"BANG!"

Tara:

"Heh…PHOOSH!

Aqualad:

"Oooh, here's one that feels close to him, CRAAA-AAA-AACK!" Aqualad nods, "Yea, that's my arm bitches."

Kid Flash:

"Shotgun to the back of Raven's skull, CRACK! Raven throwing up on the floor in Slade's study, BLAAAW! The sound of Raven and Jericho 'talking' just after the end of chapter 13, THU-THUNK! THU-UNK! THU-THUNK!"

Raven:

"… the sound of Kid Flash dying a slow and painful death by disembowelment. Well, let me show you."

Kid Flash:

"AH! Run away!" Kid Flash blurs off screen.

Jinx:

"WHACK!"

"AAH!"

"Wally? What's going on?"

"Raven's trying to kill me!"

Jinx raises a brow, "Do you deserve it?"

Kid Flash puts on his best innocent face, "Aw, c'mon, Baby!"

Tendrils of black slither in slowly from off screen.

Jinx gasps and grabs Kid Flash, throwing her into the chair with her, "No! Bad Raven! My Wally!"

Raven:

"I wasn't gonna kill him… much."

"What was your favorite scene in the whole story?"

Cyborg:

"Hehehe… do you even hafta ask?"

Raven leaned across the small, small table, grasped his large hands with her small ones, closed her eyes and slowly leaned in for a kiss.

Joey closed his eyes and prepared to receive it when-

"AFLAC!"


Raven leaned across the small, small table, grasped his large hands with her small ones, closed her eyes and slowly leaned in for a kiss.

Joey closed his eyes and prepared to receive it when-

BRRIII-IING!

Raven's eyes snapped open, "Joey, what is that?"

BRRIII-IIING!

Joey smiled sheepishly and pulled out his cell phone. He looks up.

"Sorry, I gotta take his. Hello? Yea, I'm at the café with Raven."

Raven stared in disbelief as Jericho talked on the phone.


Raven leaned across the small, small table, grasped his large hands with her small ones, closed her eyes and slowly leaned in for a kiss.

Joey closed his eyes and prepared to receive it when-

"FIRE! OMIGOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" one of the waitresses came out of the kitchen sprinting.

Jinx and Kid Flash:

"Well if you don't count one of our make out sessions." Jinx started.

"Then definitely the scene where the mechanical observer comes to beat that thug after Jericho get's done messing up the Kapulit boys!"

He pressed the cold barrel of the shotgun against Raven's pale neck, "Watch it, Titan." he said menacingly.

Jericho stopped, his eyes went halfway back to normal. His heart burned with rage but his mind was flooded with sorrow and worry…

BRRIII-IING!

Jericho pulls out his cell, "Hello? Oh hey Kole. No, I'm not doing anything important. Yea, pizza sounds great!"

Tibolt:

The thug rubs his jaw, "That really hurt."

Herald:

"Definitely whenever I found out about Roy and Garth's… preferences. That was so shocking in and of itself it was almost surreal."

Speedy and Aqualad both enter from either sides of the screen. "It was surreal because you loved seeing us forced on each other, queer!" Speedy flips over the chair.

"Hey bitch!" Herald screams.

Aqualad steals his wallet while he's distracted with Speedy.

"Yo! My wallet!"

"SCATTER!" Speedy and Aqualad yell as they dart off screen.

Just as Mal was leaving the party, quite bummed out because he has no lady-skills, he turned and saw the two, very male, Titans sharing a very… intense moment.

Shocked by the discovery and nervous with realization, Mal did what anybody with the responsibility, will power, and grace required to be a superhero would have done, "Hey, you guys got room in there for me?"


Just as Mal was leaving the party, quite bummed out because he has no lady-skills, he turned and saw the two, very male, Titans sharing a very… intense moment.

Shocked by the discovery and nervous with realization, Mal did what anybody with the responsibility, will power, and grace required to be a superhero would have done, "Just… do me a favor and wear a condom."


Just as Mal was leaving the party, quite bummed out because he has no lady-skills, he turned and saw the two, very male, Titans sharing a very… intense moment.

Shocked by the discovery and nervous with realization, Mal did what anybody with the responsibility, will power, and grace required to be a superhero would have done, "Ewww! You guys don't do it in the showers do you?"

Tara:

"I thought it was so sweet whenever Garfy–kins was lying by me in the back of the schoolyard after saving my life and he was just hugging me and musing about how I was what made his existence worth wile thru poetic metaphor."

Garfield acted on impulse; he turned on his side and grabbed her in his arms, hugging her against his chest. He put his chin on her crown and stroked her hair as she shivered against his green form.

"Shhhhhh…. It's ok Tara, I Tivo-ed the new episode of Grey's Anatomy. You won't miss it."


Garfield acted on impulse; he turned on his side and grabbed her in his arms, hugging her against his chest. He put his chin on her crown and stroked her hair as she shivered against his green form.

"Shhhhhh…. It's ok Tara, we can get you this shampoo at the pharmacy and they'll go away before you know it."

Argent:

"Aaahhh, that's so cute!"

Pantha:

"I wish I had a caring sensitive man like that."

Jinx and Kid Flash:

"Oh, throw up!"

"Wally!" Jinx smacks him.

Cyborg:

"… Garfy-kins? HAHAHA!"

Beast Boy:

"Hey! Shut up! You're just jealous because you didn't get any this story!"

Jinx and Kid Flash:

"Uh oh Cy, you just got burned by Garfy-kins!"

Cyborg:

"HAH!"

Garfy-kins:

"For the last time. My name is not 'GARFY-KINS!'"

Raven:

"That's not what you're name says… Garfy-kins." Raven smirks ever so slightly.

Garfy-kins:

"Whu- grrrr! Dammit."

Tara walks in from off screen, "Awww! Does my wittle Garfy-kins need a hug?"

Robin:

"No, he needs his masculinity back." Robin shakes his head, "I'm embarrassed for the guy."

Starfire:

"Do not worry what insensitive others might say, Beast Boy. I believe Tara's pet name of 'Garfy-kins' is quite adorable!"

Beast Boy and Tara:

"Gee, that's Star. I'm so less emasculated now."

Tara kisses him on the cheek, "But you're cute when your emasculated!"

Bushido:

"Just like Shinji Ikari…"

Raven:

"He- he spoke!"

HotSpot:

"I thought he took a vow of silence or something."

Robin:

"That's the first time I've ever heard him speak! Amazing!"

Speedy runs in from off screen, "Yea, but who the hell is Shinji Ikari? Uh, gotta run!"

Speedy runs off the other side of the screen just as Herald pops in from where Speedy came, "Yo Robin, did you see that Arrow-Queer come by here?"

Robin points to the other side of the screen, "That way."

Herald nods, "Thanks… nice blue eyes by the way." Herald said, commenting on Robin's masklessness.

"Wow. That got outta hand, why aren't things ever that wild in my story?"

Cyborg:

"Because… you're in it?"

The Kid Flash zooms in from off screen, "Haha! Nice! High five!"

"Yea!"

The two raise their hands when Superboy blurs in from opposite screen.

Kid Flash and Cyborg's eyes widen, "Uh Oh…"

"Ready for a beat down?" Superboy says, his blue eyes glaring down over his red sunglasses.

"Superboy get back to work, dammit!" a voice comes from offscreen.

Superboy grumbles and shuffles his feet offscreen.

Cyborg and Kid Flash smile at each other and high five.

"OK! Now, about the roma-"

Rose:

"Wait! I didn't get to say my favorite scene yet!"

"What? Ugh, fine!"

Rose:

The silver haired girl smiles, "My favorite scene was whenever I tricked Raven into admitting she thought Joey was cute!"

"I dunno, maybe you should describe him more. I see a lot of people in a day."

Raven grumbled.

"Listen you little… grrr… He had hazel eyes, broad shoulders."

Rose gazed.

Raven's eyes narrowed, "Side-burns, kinda quiet."

"Oh!" Rose said, "I may know who you're talking about." The girl with the silver mane enunciated slyly. "Was this boy, handsome?"

Raven again rubbed her temples trying to fight off the migraine that was inevitably emerging, "If you must know, Hells yea. And his tool is MASSIVE!"

Rose's eyes widen in shock, "I DID NOT NEED TO HEAR THAT!"

"No more interruptions! OK, what did everyone think of the romance?"

Jericho:

"…" he flashes a winning smile with two thumbs up.

Robin:

"There's nothing quite like getting seduced on a gym mat."

Starfire:

She sighs, "What am I able to say? Sweaty, well muscled earth boys are alluring."

Jinx and Kid Flash:

"Yes we are!" Kid Flash flexes, "Tell me, do you have tickets, to the gun show?" he kisses his biceps.

Jinx rolls her eyes, "Please. Your just skinny, not muscled. The thing that makes you worth wile is that you can vibrate. Hehehe."

Kid Flash blushes.

HotSpot:

"Dude, I didn't need to hear that."

Slade:

"Why is my daughter being exposed to this?"

Rose:

"Daddy! It's OK! I learned all about sex from school because you would never talk about the birds and bees with me like Mommy wou-"

Slade:

"Ah! Ah! Ah! Rose! There are some things a man should never have to hear! Now lets go, we're leaving."

Rose:

"But Daaa-aaaddy!"

Slade comes from off screen and grabs her, bounding off back into the shadows like he came.

Cyborg:

"How about that Garfy/Tara action in thirteen? That was cool."

They brought their lips together. Their arms wrapped around each other's bodies and the pair of starcrossed lovers fell onto the couch.

"What the hell?" Tara's foster dad walks into the room with a shotgun.


They brought their lips together. Their arms wrapped around each other's bodies and the pair of starcrossed lovers fell onto the couch.

"So… horse or donkey?"

"Hmmm…elephant!"

Beast Boy and Tara:

"Ummm…. Ew."

"OK, any questions for the Author?"

BumbleBee:

"Yea, I got a question for the author…. WHERE THE BLUE FUCK WAS I? I'm a recurring character with importance to the series… and you're so busy writing Killowat and Mas y Menos to put me in the damn story! Up yours Saint Homo!"

Mas y Menos:

"Ah, esta dama está enojada." Mas said, wide eyed after Bumblebee's display.

"Bien lectores, nosotros querríamos decir gracias."

"Sí. Gracias para reír, el llanto, arrullar, y atemorizar en el cuento."

"Pero recuerda, los penes son mucho más masivos que el suyos."

"¡CHUPELO!"

The Essence:

"Yea, I got a question. Why are you so mean to me? I'm human just like you! … Well… Oh shit the bed! I'll eat you!"

Argent:

"Why did it have to end so soon?"

Raven:

"Why do authors, yourself included, feel the need to place me in a romantic relationship when it's obvious I want to take part in nothing of the sort?"

Cyborg:

"How come I didn't get any women in this story?"

Robin:

"… How do you know me so well?"

Starfire:

"… What did Roy give to Garth?"

Speedy:

"Well Starfire, it was a big, fat, vibrating, massive, twirling, light-up, coin operated boy."

Beast Boy and Tara:

"We seriously didn't need to hear that." Beast Boy deadpanned.

Tara is covering up her ears and humming a song to herself still.

Speedy:

"Oh shut up, Garfy-kins."

Kid Flash:

"I got a question. What does 'K'uttchu negal' mean anyway?"

Argent:

"Hey, that's a good question."

Robin:

"Yea, what's it mean Star?"

Starfire:

"Hell if I am knowing. I merely read the script."

"And now, something you didn't expect… the Author will now answer all your questions."

Saint H:

"... Natas Dellik I."

"Any last words?"

Raven:

"Plagiarism is a waste of space." Raven smirks slightly.

Beast Boy and Tara:

"Buy us when we come out on DVD!" The changeling smirks.

Tara giggles, "Yea, and to hell with Ice Age!"

Kid Flash and Jinx:

The two wave from their position on top of one another.

Robin:

"Bruce Lee owns your soul."

Slade:

"Cogito ergo sum… bitches."

Rose:

"Ah! I'm missing Hello Kitty!"

Hotspot:

"Na, na na na! Can't touch this!"

Killowat:

"Thanks for reading, and remember. I'm the best Titan."

Herald:

"Heh... I LOVE BOYS!"

Argent:

"This story was the grossest thing I have ever done. I would have rather slurped rancid tuna salad out of Control Freaks pits."

Pantha:

"HAH! You tell 'em girl!"

Argent:

With a crooked smile she continues, "Or scoured my own boobies off with a rusty SOS pad."

Aqualad:

"Well, the story's over. Now, I'm a busy Atlantean and have things to do, so I can't be bothered by bunches of stalkers and fans after teh show... but if you're a hot young lady I have a question for you." Aqualad leans in close to the camera. "Ever had an orgasm?"

Kapulit Boys:

"Hello my friend we meet again!" sings the thug with the shotgun.

"It's been a while where do we begin?" sings Kapulit.

"GET UP! YOUR ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL!" sing a random thug.

Kapulit stares, "Dumbass! We were singing Creed not Bloodhound Gang!"

Tara's Foster Parents:

"Hot damn! I'm gonna have green, pointy eared grand-babies!" the large woman celebrated.

The man puts his arm calmingly over his wife's shoulder, "Bye everybody."

Jericho:

"…" he holds up his index and middle finger with a smile.

Starfire:

"I give to you the goodness of bye!" Starfire smiles sweetly.

Superboy zooms in from off screen, "Read my story!" he zooms off screen again.

Starfire stares for a moment, then giggles.

Cyborg:

"Well… it's over. Get outta here. NO! I know you love it but you must leave. Seriously, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here." Cyborg looks at the screen sternly.

He breaks down, "WAH! Don't leave me!" he lunges forward and hugs the screen.

And then it turns black.

Thanks for reading… and an extra thanks to those that reviewed. In particular Artemis 85, beanrox, Nightlark, and especially Meiriona and Aura Black Chan for reviewing nearly every chapter.

Special Thanks To: Post, for making me obsessed with a character I was already amazed by. Also, by allowing me to use variations of the term 'Silence is Crimson' in this story.

RaidersRule76, because, lets face it. He's a badass, and his stories rule mine.

Also Triforce90 and Jericho of Gilead… they didn't review this religiously but they are constantly reading my work and being supportive… so they get a spot here too.

To anyone and everyone who has read or reviewed, I thank you deeply. It's not easy to write without feedback, but I didn't have to worry about that because of you.

The story's over… seriously this is it. But hey, there's always Supe- well, you know.

Look At All The Love We've Found,
Saint H

Good Night.