Yet another take on
Star Crossed Lies and Other Hidden Feelings
By GilmoreGirl1979 (the Reigning Quote Queen)
Provider of Quality FAN FICTION
Rating: let's say PG-13 because well, I can't write smut… I break into girlie giggles … because it's so absurd… me… writing smut… it's funny, especially to those who know me well….
R/R: yes please I love reviews; I wanna marry them (as previously stated, I have strange passions.)
Hi! This is your friendly disclaimer: WITH THE FIRE AND THE JUMPING AND THE HOOPS! Once again, and I get tired of cutting and pasting this… I don't own (DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT!), No Harm No Sue.
NOW FEATURING: LittleSid as ONE of my amazing new BETAs (that's right I have SPARES!)! Let's give her a hand folks, she helped me with 3 fics in two days! That's dedication my friends…
LUVZ: we all miss you…
Hello my little crack whores (and other shout outs):
TOM and J. STONE : just to MIX IT UP tom wanted all of me… why not take all of me! LOL
OY, WITH THE INCESSENT A/Ns ALREADY:
A/N: NO I haven't given up on WITS, I'm just at a road block… I must recharge after the brilliance that was my last chapter. But with my new betas and brainstormers… I'll be on track soon!
SO Till the CRAP FOR CRAP (FRESH EPPIES) RETURNS… or my NEW CHAP of WITS is ready… ENJOY THIS LITTLE SIDE TRIP…
And I haven't given up on my other stories… now that I have betas and brainstormers again, me and my minions will be working extra hard to bring you Quality FAN FICTION
A/N:I'm gonna say 85 percentof the first five chapters… were written in October 2005, and then it was put on the back burner cause a little thing called WITS Quite took over… and I kept having my doubts… and my beta was unavailable.
BUT NOW… I give you…
Star Crossed Lies and Other Hidden Feelings
Summary -Luke tells a lie (NO surely not!). He tells Rachel that he and Lorelai are together since Rachel concluded as much from Lorelai's weird behavior before at the diner (I have to go sit in a closet comment…) Let's see what happens….
A/N: picks up from like… after the whole "I need to sit in a closet" conversation between Luke, Rachel, and Lorelai (see R Kelly just got that from Gilmore girls… "I'm trapped in a closet" and everything! Am I the only one who thinks that's dumb… me and the best week ever crew?)
For those who came in late:
A/N: I love this scene!
CUT TO LUKE'S
(Lorelai walks in and sits at the counter.)
LORELAI: I was almost crushed by a papier mache star. How's your day?
LUKE: Well, it's looking pretty good now.
LORELAI: Coffee please, no shot of cynicism.
LUKE: So, why so cheery?
LORELAI: I don't know. I'm just in a mood. I don't know why.
LUKE: But there's no particular reason for this mood?
LUKE: Uh huh.
LORELAI: You don't believe me?
LUKE: No, I believe you. If you say there's no reason for the mood, then there's no reason for the mood. You're simply nuts.
LORELAI: Or bipolar. That's very big nowadays.
(Miss Patty and Taylor are arguing at a table behind Lorelai.)
TAYLOR: No, no, Patty, you're wrong. They built the fire to throw themselves on it when their families found them
MISS PATTY: Taylor you're crazy! They built the fire so that they could stay warm their first night here.
TAYLOR: Patty, I am the recording secretary for the Stars Hollow City Council, I think I know how my town was founded!
LORELAI: Ugh, can nobody talk about anything else but this stupid festival? pause That came out a lot louder then it was supposed to, didn't it?
TAYLOR: This festival is commemorating the founding of our town, young lady.
LORELAI: I know Taylor. I'm sorry.
LUKE: She's bipolar.
MISS PATTY: Really? But you're so young.
LUKE: Uh, can I get you two anything else?
MISS PATTY: Oh, no thank you, sweetheart.
LORELAI: I don't know what is wrong with me. This is a beautiful festival. People should be enjoying it.
LUKE: It's a crazy festival based on a nutty myth about two lunatics, who in all probability did not even exist. And even if they did, probably dropped dead of diphtheria before age 24. The town of Stars Hollow probably got its name from the local dance hall prostitute. Two rich drunk guys who made up the story to make it look good on a poster.
LORELAI: You are full of hate and loathing, and I gotta tell you, I love it!
LUKE: Oh, it's so good to have somebody share this hate with.
LORELAI: My pleasure.
LUKE: More coffee?
LORELAI: Yeah please. Hey, tomorrow, if you have time, I'm planning on despising everyone who says 'Hey, how's it going?'
LUKE: You're on.
RACHEL: Hey, how's it going?
LORELAI: Oh, now that' s just too easy.
LORELAI: Rachel? Your Rachel? You're Rachel?
RACHEL: Yup. I'm Rachel.
LUKE: What are you…I mean, I thought you were in the Congo or Philadelphia or something.
RACHEL: Actually, though very similar to both the Congo and Philadelphia, I was in the Mideast.
LUKE: Oh. Guess that postcard must've gotten lost.
RACHEL: Yeah, yeah, well things pretty crazy over there, not a lot of writing time. But I finished up my assignment, and I flew back to Chicago and I was walking through O'Hare, and I look up and there's a plane leaving for Hartford in like 20 minutes, and all of a sudden, I'm on it.
LUKE: Nice story.
RACHEL: I should have called.
LUKE: No. You…it's fine.
RACHEL: You look good.
LUKE: Thanks. You um, you look, you, you uh look…
LORELAI: He thinks you look good too. Right?
LORELAI: And you do.
RACHEL: Thank you.
LORELAI: I'm Lorelai.
LUKE: Oh yeah. She's Lorelai.
LORELAI: I'm Luke's friend.
LUKE: Yeah. She uh, uh, works at the Independence Inn.
LORELAI: I run it, actually.
LUKE: Sorry, she runs it.
RACHEL: Wow, I love that place.
RACHEL: That must be a pretty big job.
LORELAI: It is! It's crazy. There's always something happening. Like, we just put these coffee makers in all the rooms, but only half of them work. They just like shake and gurgle, like they're having some kind of a fit. Why were you in the Mideast?
RACHEL: I was doing a photo story, on how Palestinian and Israeli families have been affected by the violence.
LORELAI: Uh huh, well, so you understand about the job pressure.
LORELAI: I'm gonna go.
RACHEL: Please, don't let me drive you away.
LORELAI: That's okay, you're not. I have to go sit in a closet or something. So, it was really nice to meet you.
RACHEL: Yeah, you too.
LORELAI: Okay, bye. (Lorelai leaves)
RACHEL: So. . .hi.
A/N: That's how it could have happened, but how about this…
Friday Night Fire Light
Rachel wandered around the festival, taking random pictures of the couples in the dim firelight whenever that little gut instinct whispered "Now!" to her. She was having a good time, despite the fact that her ex-boyfriend, Luke Danes, was so uncomfortable with her now that she had just fallen out of the sky, literally, and into Stars Hollow again. Luke had that waiting for the other shoe to drop attitude the whole evening, and quite frankly, she couldn't blame him. Rachel had never really given him a reason to believe anything was different from before, why would he believe she had truly changed now?
Rachel sat down beside Luke on a bench in the square, to check her camera, only now finding the nerve to ask what she had wanted to know all day. So Rachel adopted a nonchalant tone when she pressed "So, where's Lorelai?", casually bringing up her name as she got some more film from her camera bag, and carefully gauged Luke's reaction to the sound of the mystery woman's name.
"Well, she has this … obligatory… dinner thing … with her folks every week sooo…"
"Uh huh?" her name finally in the air, Rachel pressed Luke further, "Soooo what's with you and Lorelai?"
"Me and … Lorelai? Oh …well," How do you tell your Ex-Girlfriend you are attracted to another woman who doesn't notice you unless you are holding a coffeepot? "Oh, well we… sometimes… ummmm we are… you know … It seems like…" Something… sometimes…
"Luke, it's okay, you can say it. You've … moved on," Rachel confirmed sadly, and she pressed her lips together, holding the sadness in, since saying it out loud had made it real. Rachel should have figured as much, because when she saw "them" through the diner door when she first arrived, she thought they looked rather cozy. Luke had just poured Lorelai a cup of coffee, leaning toward her, no doubt whispering sweet nothings to her across the counter. Granted Luke was not exactly the "sweet nothings" kind of guy; at the very least, Rachel was certain they were making plans for some date. Luke was smiling at Lorelai like she was Wonder Woman, and Lorelai was no doubt smiling at him like he was Bruce Willis. They were happy together, having a nice moment, till the ex-girlfriend, that's me, showed up and ruined everything. Rachel could tell she made both of them uncomfortable. Both were stunned and stuttering around her, but Luke had it the worst. No doubt because of the way Rachel had left things during her last visit, so hurtful, so up in the air. And Lorelai, the new girlfriend, who until they knew Rachel's true intentions had awkwardly introduced herself as only a "friend". When Lorelai left to go back to work…or sit in her closet… Rachel picked up a meaningful but awkward glance between Luke and Lorelai. Like it was weird for them not to kiss goodbye. They would have gone on, happily ignorant to my presence if I just turned around and never entered the diner, maybe he'd be with her here instead, and Rachel wondered if one of his many calls to his "suppliers" today was actually a call to Lorelai, smoothing things over with her over Rachel's presence.
Rachel didn't know what prompted her to check in with Luke after all this time. Their last goodbye, or lack thereof, was pretty final. Rachel didn't know what made her so curious about this new woman in his life, maybe it was because she was so captivating, even in their short awkward conversation she made an impression on Rachel, despite being thrown off -kilter by the ex-girlfriend back in town. Maybe Lorelai saw Rachel as a threat, and thought she was here to win Luke back with nostalgia. Maybe Rachel did want to buy into his dream of establishing roots and not be living out of a suitcase the rest of her days. Maybe Rachel thought all those things too when she bought her plane ticket, but maybe Rachel just wanted to make sure that Luke was okay … and happy.
Moved on … wha? It was then Luke realized what Rachel thought of the situation. He tried to recall what happened earlier in the diner. What would make her think that? Maybe it was all the romantic festivities around them, but Rachel seemed to think, that he, one Luke Danes, was… dating Lorelai Gilmore? Now that he thought about it, he seemed to remember leaning into Lorelai when Rachel walked in, maybe it was the way Lorelai said, "I have to go …sit in a closet", but from that tiny glimpse how could Rachel think that he and Lorelai were together. Maybe Luke would admit for a split second he had considered the idea, but Lorelai was too fast for him and introduced herself as his friend, but somehow with both of them stumbling over the words, Rachel got the wrong impression any way, "Oh Rachel I…ummm," he stammered trying to explain.
Rachel pretended to check how she loaded the film in her camera, even though she could do it in her sleep or in the pouring rain in a cave for that matter, "…I'm happy for you, really."
"No, Rachel, you don't understand …" still trying to set the record straight.
"Hey, I can choose to be happy for my … friends." She had been worried about him. In her travels she would think of him from time to time. "We are still friends, right?" wondering if she had hurt him so bad the last time, that he wouldn't forgive her… or even socialize with her now.
Luke had to laugh at the question, "Since we were six years old."
"Good and I'm glad you are … you know… not alone."
"Well, ummm okay …ummmm thank you?" what? I'm just gonna sit around and pine for you… oh wait…I did... well sorta….
"You're welcome." Unable to stand holding the forced Barbie smile any longer, "I'm gonna get some more of that founder's party punch."
Luke's first instinct was, that stuff will kill you, but he was so off-kilter all he got out was "Oh … okay," I'm gonna go find … my girlfriend?
On Lorelai's ride home, her mother's words still burned her, what was the last relationship you had that lasted 3 months? Lorelai would hate for her mother to be right. But dating with a kid is hard; it's not just you that has to like him and who has the time. Lorelai was good at making up excuses.
Anyone from Emily land was automatically off the list, Like Connecticut Ken, still in disbelief her mother actually set up a blind date for her. A blind date is bad enough, to have it arranged by your mother with snoozer Connecticut Ken is even worse, but to have it be chaperoned by your parents? That is like 9 levels of disturbing. And things with Max got far too complicated, but Lorelai still missed having someone of her own as she made her way through the sea of canoodling couples in the square, and she almost felt her stomach lurch again, Where's Taylor when you need him? Isn't there a fine for making out on a park bench or something?
Lorelai smiled when the friendly, determined face of Luke, who was heading straight for her, another lonely heart, and she was momentarily pulled away from her lonely thoughts, till she suddenly remembered Oh wait, he has Rachel now, and her heart sank. She bucked herself up and forced herself from scowling to smiling and greeted Luke with a warm "Hey."
"I've gotta talk to you," Luke took her hand and he pulled her into the privacy of the diner. They moved so quickly across the square Lorelai almost spilled her take out coffee. "Luke, watch it, these boots weren't made for running…" climbing out of windows yes, running no.
After the diner door snapped closed and Lorelai's arm returned to its socket, "Well hi and hello to you too," Lorelai saw he seemed nervous and anxious about something, "What's up?"
"I did something really stupid," he confessed, "and I need your help."
"You bought a boat with a glitter finish?"
"Lorelai!" his look told her to be serious for once.
Luke?... needs MY help? Right away bad, "Okay? What?"
"I told Rachel we were together."
"You what!" And Lorelai raised her voice to make sure she heard right.
"Well, not so much flat out lied to her," Luke defended, "I just didn't deny it when she assumed that we were together."
"Why would she assume that we were together?"
"I don't know," Luke shot back and explained, "Somehow she got the impression that we were a couple when I introduced the two of you earlier, and I didn't contradict it soooo now she thinks we're together."
"Luke!" and Lorelai hit his shoulder. "Why would you do that?"
"Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. It sounded better then 'hello, I haven't been in a serious relationship since you left 6 years ago'…"
Lorelai conceded… he had a point.
"… Look, I didn't mean to, but it's already out there and I can't change it now, but please … will you help me with this?"
"Help you? How? You've done all the hard work?"
"Well, she's staying for a few days… and I thought maybe…"
"Luke?" of all the things Luke Danes could have asked her to do, Lorelai would never have thought he would ask her to do this. She spoke slowly to make sure his objective was clear, "Are you asking me to pretend to be your girlfriend … for Rachel's sake?"
"Well, yeah…kind of…" he now heard how stupid it sounded. Lorelai was more likely to eat a bushel of carrots than to want to date him, even if it was only pretend.
Lorelai couldn't believe what a weird night she was having. Almost killed by a papier mache star, a nearly 3 hour blind date with my parents as chaperons, and now Luke Danes asking me to be his girlfriend? … Well, fake girlfriend
"Lorelai, please, I've never asked you for anything before. Just help me do this one thing."
She wanted to say yes then and there, simply for the desperate look in his eyes, but her decision had to be based on one question, "Why?"
"Is the point of this little exercise to just hurt Rachel as much as she did you or … is it to make her jealous?" and win her back.
"What's the difference? "
"Well, one means you just want … revenge, in which case I'd totally respect the effort; the other means you would … want her … back." For some strange reason, Lorelai felt anxious butterflies awaiting his answer. She heard the stories of how badly Rachel had broken his heart, and wondered if he had really kept a torch for Rachel all these years.
"Which does it have to be to get you to help me?"
Not helping her suspense, Lorelai eyed him point blank, "The truth, and remember you suck at lying…"
Luke considered; the truth was for the last few years the only one he could think of was Lorelai. Luke knew that he didn't want Rachel back because he knew she wouldn't stay long anyway. It would be foolish to get his hopes up. And since Luke had met Lorelai, he hadn't really thought of Rachel till the rummage sale when Lorelai walked into the diner with that old rhinestone sweatshirt, the one that belonged to Rachel. And now he was asking the girl of his dreams to pretend to be his girlfriend, to make his ex-girlfriend go away for good. "I want you to keep her from staying here. She always comes back and I always just take her back. She has to learn that I won't fall for it again; I … will not… fall …for it …again," he stressed fervently, "She's made a fool of me before, she just left in the middle the night, she didn't even say good-bye the last time. I got over it, but I'm not going through that again…."
"Okay, okay…" and Lorelai took his hand to calm him down. She knew Luke could rant, but she never really heard him rant straight from his heart before, and then she was mad that Rachel could affect Luke that way, Sweet wonderful man that he is. "I'll help you," she whispered to soothe him, stroking his coarse cheek and gazing on him with sympathetic eyes, so he knew she meant it.
Catching his breath, Luke admired her in the dim light of the diner. "Thank you," and for one of those forbidden moments, he savored her hand on his cheek and let himself get lost in her eyes, only for a moment.
The bells above the door chimed, and Rachel came in. "Oh sorry, am I interrupting?" Rachel had seen from a distance they were having some in-depth discussion, and slowed her approach to the diner to see how things played out. With the way Lorelai had been carrying on and gesticulating through the window, it seemed she wasn't too pleased with the ex-girlfriend's surprise cameo, or the fact that Luke spent his night away from Lorelai with Rachel. From what she could see through the front window, Luke defended himself quite well with his own body language and Lorelai took his hand and forgave him or apologized for overreacting or … whatever they did when they made up. Rachel could have sworn Lorelai told him she loved him as she stroked his cheek and a knot formed in Rachel's stomach.
"No, we're … finished," Lorelai tried to play the part of the good girlfriend, even though she was grossly out of practice for the role. She was keeping hold of Luke's hand, which was … weird; she never really took interest in his hands before. They were large, a little rough, and in terrible need of moisturizer, no doubt from washing his hands constantly between cooking orders. Lorelai then had the better idea for the manly hand she didn't really know what to do. She decided to force it around her waist as she stepped into a hug with Luke. They couldn't let Rachel think they had been fighting, that's bad; the whole point is to make her see how happy we are. Lorelai slid her arms around Luke's waist as well, again a little weird, and she hoped by smiling at him, Rachel would see how in love with him she was. Big eyes baby…
Rachel eyed the couple, "Okay … well I just realized I didn't make … any arrangements for… overnight. … I had … assumed…" I'd be staying here…with Luke.
And Luke assumed, Okay, Lorelai can offer her a room at the Inn and then Rachel will be out of the way…
"Oh well… you can stay here," Lorelai offered a little too brightly, "…and Luke can stay at my place."
"What?" Luke and Rachel asked at the same time.
"Well, I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not just a little uncomfortable with the idea of the ex-girlfriend in town. But that is no reason why we can't be … friendly, you can use his place," and Lorelai gave Luke a squeeze, "and he'll just have to stay with me."
Immediately Luke regretted putting Lorelai in this position. As always, she managed to turn this into a situation of power and fun for her. She was holding all the key cards and could make this game go any way she wanted.
Trying to get the stupid look off his face, Lorelai reasoned to her boyfriend, "I mean, Luke, how would that look, if you were sharing that tiny apartment of yours with your ex-girlfriend? Miss Patty would have a field day. And you are practically over every night anyway…"
"Ummmmm well, okay," Rachel had to get used to the fact that Luke was with someone else, and that meant seeing Luke be with her, holding her, sleeping over with her… it was not the homecoming Rachel expected when she impulsively bought the plane ticket in Chicago.
"Okay, then. Well, Luke, why don't you get Rachel settled in here, fresh towels, fresh sheets and what not, and I'll see you at home…. Oops, I mean my place." Nice addition, Gilmore.
Rachel felt a little intimidated by this new girlfriend. However, Lorelai seemed a little nervous around her too. Lorelai seemed to be openly staking her claim on Luke. Holding his hand when Rachel walked in, putting her arms around his waist, making sure Rachel knew he was sleeping over at her house. Could it be that Lorelai does see me as a threat? Lorelai did seem a little self- conscious when I first sat at the counter this morning, but she was going full steam now to keep her diner man. And it still bothered Rachel that Luke would have moved on. How stupid could she have been not to consider that possibility? He had always just been there, always available, always faithful, always around, always willing to take her back before, but now that wasn't the case. Things change when you stay away for 5 years…
Lorelai had been expecting Luke to say or do something to go along with this story, but apparently he was just speechless at the suggestion of sleeping over. Lorelai took the initiative … again. She put her hand on his rough cheek … and pulled Luke close for a small peck on the lips before making her exit. "I'll see you at home, hon," she emphasized again.
"Ummm yeah, … bye," was all Luke could get out having just received his first kiss from Lorelai Gilmore.
On the way home, Lorelai picked up two cups of the founder's party punch, feeling that coffee wasn't strong enough for the occasion. She downed one instantly, and nursed the other as she walked home, her car keys jingling in her pocket. She was so thrown by Luke's plan she forgot she parked her Jeep in the square. Oh well, it's Stars Hollow, it will still be there in the morning.
Then Lorelai had the sudden feeling she was being followed, she couldn't shake it. The good news would have been if it was Max, to take her back and end this horrible day. The worst case was it was Rachel, slowly stalking Lorelai, hoping she was tipsy enough to take out and win Luke for herself.
Lorelai decided to get it over with and face her attacker; she turned around quickly and gasped as she was face to face with a mixture of the two scenarios, Kirk Gleason.
"Don't hurt me!" Kirk cried and cowered.
Lorelai gently punched his shoulder, knowing he bruised easily, "Jeez Kirk! What are you doing?"
"Well, I was walking you home…"
"Kirk, when you walk someone home you are supposed to walk with them!" dumb ass!
"Oh, maybe that's why my past chivalrous attempts have been so unsuccessful… the ladies I'm trying to help keep beating me up with their purses, and I bruise easily."
"I know Kirk." She sighed, "Why did you think I needed to be walked home?"
"Because you're a spinster," Kirk said flatly.
"Excuse me?" Naturally, both the word and the assumption offended Lorelai.
"Well, you were the only one at the festival without a date… besides me of course…" and Kirk shared how annoyed he was with that fact. "I mean even Joe found a date? The man drives a pizza van for crying out loud, I have 47 jobs."
"Kirk," Lorelai said shortly trying refocus Kirk to his original point.
"Sorry, yeah and you took two cups of founders day punch… for yourself, cause like I said we all know you didn't have a date… so I was sent to watch you, to make sure you got home okay… cause well I didn't have a date either."
Damn nosey town! "Kirk… I'm fine… really… it's very sweet of you … to be concerned… but I only have one more block to go and I'm home… why don't you do the same."
"I can't go home, my mother locked the house and she has the keys… she's still at the festival."
"Why don't you be your mother's date?" Lorelai suggested, with a sympathetic shrug.
"She already has one," Kirk said glumly.
Seeing that trying to reason with Kirk would only give her an aneurysm, and that he may need the founder's punch more than she did, she handed him the cup that was three-fourths full, "Good night Kirk…" and Lorelai turned to make her escape.
"Ummm Lorelai…" Kirk pressed again.
Lorelai slowly turned around, "Yes, Kirk?"
And Kirk awkwardly tried to be suave, "you know… you're alone… and I'm alone… I thought…maybe…we could… be alone… together … you know… well not alone cause we'd be together… of course…"
Lorelai turned back toward her house, "Good night Kirk," she yelled with finality as she walked away.
Am I wearing a sign on my back? Is it "Mess with Lorelai" day and no one told me! Man, and Rory isn't home yet. Damn. I need someone to tell this too. Lorelai did think of calling her best friend, but Sookie and Jackson will still be at the festival. Lorelai stared at the phone for a moment longer. She had been thinking of calling Max on the car ride home from her parents, she had missed him the last few days with all the love in the air of the festival. Call him and what, Lorelai? Rekindle that flame? … And get burned again? But, Emily's words echoed, "when was that last relationship you had that lasted 3 months?"
GAH! It's just the festival, the love in the air. I just have to be strong. I'll help Luke out for a while and then this lonely feeling will be gone. This will serve as a … distraction.
Lorelai decided to change into something more comfortable, cute, but conservative since they were having a man sleep over. Oh God, where is he gonna sleep?
Maybe Rory can sleep upstairs with me? Luke could have her bed? Not sure how comfortable Rory would be with that… Hmmm, well there is always the couch, but he might get a kink in his neck and then he'd be really grumpy tomorrow.
Lorelai had just pulled down her pajama's tank top, when she heard the front door downstairs. Finally, some one to talk to, Lorelai came downstairs in her PJs, wanting to tell Rory the funny and absurd twists that came about with her blind date, climbing out the window, Kirk hitting on her, Rachel's visit and her apparent "dating" Luke. As Lorelai came down the stairs, Rory didn't look like she was in a joking mood, "Rory?"
"We just broke up."
A/N: this chapter has two titles, just like Rocky and Bullwinkle!
A/N: Soooo whatcha think?
"That was all God given talent..." why thank you Luke!
R/R: PLEASE, I like to better myself. To quote The Princess Bride,
"...Remember this is for posterity, ... so be honest."
Please be specific with R/R; name one (or as many as you can think of or want to mention..…) at least specific thing you liked
Please! It makes me feel good...inside (Dirty!)
Hence the Rant option below.
Insert Rant here V
A/N: if not completely satisfied with this chapter, please return unused portion for a full refund …