Authors Note: Well, this is a repost of a songfic I wrote a long while ago. I edited it a little bit, and took out the lyrics, so hopefully I can have it stay on the website this time. It was posted before the rule came out, and taken off only a few months ago. Anyway, I still like it, so I figured I'd put it back up. So I hope some of you will enjoy it.
Welcome to My Life
He wanted to know more about me. He was the one who asked. So I had no choice but to tell him, and I did. This scar is the most obvious to start with. I remember his words "Mister Potter, our new celebrity." Ha. More like walking freak show. Honestly, I can't go anywhere without people staring at me, or my scar rather. No one actual pays attention to me personally. Everyone just sees the scar and decide I'm this ultra famous person with wonderful relatives and a life full of luxuries. No one understands that that's not the way it is. In fact, no one understands me at all.
All these strangers try to surround me, try to make themselves appear to be friends when really they just want that 5 minutes of fame. They think I don't know about that, but I do. It's tiring really. I can't begin to count how many times I've wanted to run away from it all. Haven't you ever wanted to do that Professor? Just get away from it all? The idea is quite appealing. However I am not allowed to do that. Of course not, because the wizarding world needs it's precious savior isn't that right? The closest thing I have to an escape is my room on Privet Drive where I can just be alone and listen to Dudley's old radio. He claimed he needed a new one because the old one was broken. Pfft. Broken indeed.
But no one would ever think any of this about me right? I'm just too good to be true after all. I've thwarted the Dark Lord several times, one being when I was only an infant. The funny part is that despite what everyone says about me being the boy who lived and all, is that all the credit goes to my mother. No one ever talks about her though…I miss her and dad more than anyone could imagine. My life isn't as perfect as people think.
I can't remember the last time I truly smiled, it's been that long. It's not like these bad moments are lost in a sea of good ones either. It seems almost as though people coordinate against me. The Dursley's, Malfoy, even you. All I get is hurt from any of you. Your insults come daily, but I'm used to you. Part of me even understands why you do it. But the others…I can find no real reason, other than that I am a wizard and James Potter was my father. Hit after hit, each pain growing and being added to by another, most of the time when I'm already damaged enough. Sometimes it feels like it's all just too much. Suicide? Not my style. But still…I don't want to deal with it all anymore. Sure people need me, but what about me? Perhaps that is a bit selfish of me, but I can't help it. And I can't turn to Ron or Hermione, they wouldn't understand. Not to mention at the present time they are kind of wrapped up in themselves. I doubt there's anyone who would really get it.
Have I ever wanted to be somebody else? Definitely. Who? Anyone. Anyone who isn't me. It's humorous to hear how so many people are envious of me, especially the times when Ron has been jealous about the attention I've gotten or the money I have. He'd never guess I would trade all of it to be normal like him. He may be poor, but it doesn't matter. His family loves him and is always there for each other. They support each other like no other family I've ever known. It's unreal. He would never believe me if I told him though. Hermione is lucky too, both of them are. I'd give anything to be normal, just for a little bit. Sooner than later I wish. I mean, who knows how long until my luck runs out and Volde finally gets me?
This world has been nothing but cruel to me. People may not see it at times, but it's true. So yeah, I survived being killed by the Dark Lord thanks to my mother. But look what came of it? I live with relatives who hate me and if they weren't scared of me they'd probably abuse me to no end. I have a stupid scar on my head that makes everyone stare at me whenever I'm in the wizarding world. It's almost as though I can never just be alone.
These people aren't even my friends. It's amazing how easily they'll turn on me. It takes me back to my second year. You remember that don't you? When it was discovered I could speak parseltongue and everyone suddenly thought I was the heir of Slytherin and wouldn't talk to me? Even people on Gryffindor. Sure, they smiled at me and were nice, but behind my back goodness knows the kinds of things they said. They don't think I noticed, but I did. Almost everything that they said to me was a lie. All the while I just took it, and let this overwhelming feeling grow inside me. And it sucked.
How am I doing so far? Surprising isn't it? No one would ever expect it. You least of all I would guess. Perfect Potter. You used to call me that sometimes in the halls. I've grown since then though, except probably not into the person people wanted me to. Jaded. That's the word I would use. What else did anyone expect? Pain is one of the main emotions I have ever felt. Incident upon incident. My fifth year was full of them. Then top it all of with Sirius' death. I wanted to die. No one ever cared though. I was so lost and alone during that whole ordeal. And yet still people taunted me and teased me, blaming me even. Still, there was no one around to help me, save me.
I know people have problems of their own, everyone does I'm sure. But something tells me that in my age group I have more than my peers. People lie straight to my face everyday, it's horrible. What's even more horrible is the fact that they don't know how bad of an acting job they are doing. So I get stuck knowing that these people don't really care about me at all. Half of them turn on me whenever there's suspicion about anything. I don't even have to do anything. You've seen it, I know you have, especially second year. It was crazy. Then some of them just don't think it matters, because I have this glorious life to lead. Shows what they know. They may think I'm happy, you may think I'm happy, but in the end…well. We'll see.
The other assumption is made when everyone thinks I'm handed everything on a silver platter. That makes me laugh too. Mostly because I have been raised the complete opposite. I have had to work for everything, food, water, everything. I bet Rita Skeeter would never suspect that. Though I think it might make a nice headline. "Boy Who Lived: The Truth Revealed." Never happen though. She never has told the truth. People just don't understand what it's like for me you know? Of course you do. Perhaps we have that in common.
Misunderstood. Adored. Famous. Pained. Scorned. Unhappy. All of these things together begin to formulate all that I am. Do you have a better idea now? It may be a shocker, but it is one that you asked for after all. Remember that. You asked the question. I merely provided you with an answer. I cannot deny that I was surprised when you asked. You were the last person I would suspect to confront me. Can't say I regret it though. But really.
"Welcome to my life, Professor Snape"