Hey all! I own all of the text… that is not connected with Rowling's books so very little but I think you knew that, didn't you? If you didn't know… think twise before you start writing your own fic.

Now honestly, I'm reposting that chapter after a re-betareading by Denise! Thank you Denise for such a great job! This is telling how do I think Severus' youth might have gone, do give it a chance!

Chapter 1

Mr. Snape had driven off the moment Severus' legs had touched the ground, leaving the boy all alone with nothing but a sneer from his father and lovely parting words of, "Keep yourself out of trouble." Although The bony-looking, raven-haired young boy didn't really mind that at all, it was all too familiar for him already.

Severus searched his way to the right platform and looked curiously up at the tall pillar in front of him. He shook his head in disbelief and looked again at his ticket. Yep, there it was, right on his ticket, printed in black and white, "Platform 9 ¾" which was somewhere near as he was middle of the 9 and 10 Platforms in front of him. So he knew that he had to be in the right place, though he wasn't quite certain how to get in yet. He knew better than start looking around for any of the stupid Mulblood locomotive engineers as they wouldn't know anything about magical world, anyhow. However, he wouldn't have done it even if they knew anything about it. He knew that he mustn't be only one getting on the Hogwarts Express, so he decided to wait for a moment and look how others might be getting to the platform. Nothing happened for moment and his thought drifted to the past.


Severus knew that his father had a magic background, but his father had never had a chance to go to a magic school, as his legal guardians were totally against magic and that was one of the reasons that he was embittered to the magical world. Severus' mother had had her education at Hogwarts, but she had died a long time ago when a crazy Muggle decided to steal her purse. Of course she wasn't as defenceless as the thief's victims usually were. Apparently there had had a fight and she tore the mask off as it was found in a few pieces. Only pieces of mask and her bleeding body was found when the help finally came. When Severus got to see her with his father she was lying down on the bed real pale looking and her upper body wrapped up. When he took his mother's hand, she had given it a weak squeeze, and a second later her hand went totally limp. The apparatus flashed and a bunch of people dashed in and took the two of them away from the room. They just stood there, outside her door for what seemed like hours. The boy was sobbing and his father was so far gone into his own head that he hardly realized what was happening around him. After some while a tired, frazzled looking doctor stepped out of the room hesitantly and asked them to come back inside. Severus already knew what had happened, but when he saw his mother lying so calmly and white… if her skin was pale a moment before it was now transparent. She was gone.


Since then, their family life had changed drastically. His father had become so depressed that he couldn't even take care of himself, let alone a six year old child. Even so, no one really took notice of how things were changing. His father had started to drink more, and spent most of his time drunk rather than sober. Severus was terrified of what his father was doing, but he never told anyone about it, and to be completely honest, no one even took the time to notice the subtle changes in Severus' behavior. Everything was 'fine' as long as everyone thought that it was.

Behind the mask, Severus had to deal with all of the hardships and difficulties associated with his situation. Because his father had been drinking all of their money away, they were almost always broke, and that was all other people ever could see. Some folks pitied him from a safe distance, and some used their "superiority" as an excuse to mock the small boy with hand- me-down clothes. Eventually, it got so bad that half of everyone he knew was mocking and teasing him constantly while the other half just forgot he even existed, too concerned for their own safety or just clueless as to what they were doing to him.

He grew up a loner in his Muggle school, and secretly, he bitterly thought of everyone he knew as Mudbloods or worse. These, these… people took his mother from him for no apparent reason, and now they were trying to break him, or so he thought. He had decided that he would never let that happen. He would keep his distance and preserve his dignity at any cost.

Some years later, when he was nearly eleven, he got his letter from Hogwarts. Unfortunately, by that time his father had lost any of the love he once had had for his son, and told Severus that he was glad to be rid of him. Besides, his father could use more of the money for booze if he didn't have "the kid" hanging around.

Severus had to secretly collect his own money for his school supplies, and then hide it so that his father couldn't take it, but he had done this so many times that it came natural to him. As the start of school loomed closer ahead, he found himself getting increasingly excited about it. He was a little ashamed at his willingness to get away from his father, though. He had never really stopped loving his father, no matter how nasty and cruel he had gotten. Severus had just told himself his father was ill, and that it wasn't his father's fault. It was the damned Muggles that had killed his mother, and the more he thought about that, the more he hated them. It was their fault that his father was the way he was. Without really realizing it, he mentally transferred all of his father's faults to all Muggles and Mudbloods—that wasn't his real father, that was what the Muggles had made him, and that was what the Muggles were like. He grew to hate everything that had to do with Muggles, including Mudbloods. And he let this hate fester so long that he could barely stand to look at any of them. He was much relived when the time arrived to leave for Hogwarts.


Finally, some others wizards and witches came and went through the stone wall near him. He tried to work up his nerve and prepare himself for the brand new experience, which he was sure would be better than what he had now; he'd make certain of it. Taking a deep shaky breath, Severus steadied his cart, and nervously ran at the wall. He had a brief moment of panic when he thought of not getting through, but then he was through to the other side.

At the same time, two other people were coming to the railroad station for their first time, as well. Two pure blood wizard boys saw how the young bony boy with the dirty clothes and greasy hair was looking around with curiosity, and the boys exchanged significant looks, smirking at one another. Maybe Hogwarts wouldn't be as boring as they thought.

Once Severus got on the train, he searched for an empty compartment and sighed, thinking about how things were going so far. He wasn't blind to the looks that people were giving him, and he knew they had already made their opinions about him and he hated it. Looking around the empty compartment, he suddenly felt very alone (Oh, if he only knew the two lovely visitors that would be stopping by). Severus told himself to stop moping; he needed a plan. He would start completely over and everything would be different, as he had another chance. This was a new place with new people! A bunch of wizards and witches would be around him and……NO MUDBLOODS! He knew perfectly well how jealous his father was, and knew that he was lucky to even be here right now.

A loud rap at the door shook him from his thoughts, and he looked up to see the two boys that he had seen in the station come in.

"Sorry mate, everywhere else is full. May we come in?" The boy with the messy black hair asked with a grin. They entered and moved towards the bench across from Severus without waiting an answer.

Severus nodded, and studied the boys. This might be a chance to make friends, and he didn't want to ruin it! Both of the boys sat down on the bench and asked his name, telling him that they were Sirius Black and James Potter. He told them his name, and smiled at them shyly before asking if they were first years too. He got two nods and two hands as an answer as the boys reached out to shake his hand. The taller of the two, a handsome boy with long dark hair, tan skin, and a playful look in his eye took his hand firmly, pumping it up and down energetically, and not letting go. He was just about to pull his hand away when the shorter boy snatched Severus' bag and shoot out of the department. The second one, Black, as he would now be called, dropped his hand as if it was contaminated and dashed out after his friend.

Severus just sat there for a minute as if he had been stupefied. He was completely shocked as this was nothing what he would have expected.

Finally, he came to his senses and rushed out of the compartment. Then he stood there, thinking of what to do next. For a moment, he thought about going to all of the other compartments and looking for his bag, but when he walked up to the next compartment and raised his hand to knock, his newly-found courage and optimism failed him, and he dropped his hand and turned back around. He didn't notice the curious gaze of a redheaded girl in the compartment follow him as he walked away.

He withdrew back to his own compartment again and sat down on the bench, feeling supremely disappointed. Severus decided that he would go look for his bag once the train had stopped, and the compartments were emptied.

Severus had felt so hopeful just the moment before, and was planning a new beginning. He had been so stupid. He should have known better than to think that anything would be different here. Everyone had always thought he was a freak at his Muggle school, and he guessed it was true.

He couldn't believe that this place was seeming go the same way then before.At his Muggle school, there had always been something odd happening around him. His abilities usually had made him happy because he knew that he was the special one among them. Even so, he never told anyone about himself, and the things that would sometimes happen around him freaked other kids out. Back then, he would sometimes wish that he wasn't different.


Even in his early school years, he had been the object of teasing and ridicule. People were already labelling him as a loner and as easy victim, but they had no real weapons against him. Then once, he had been locked in the toilet, hiding from the class bullies, classes were starting at school, andl he had done something that really gave them a ball. He was just sitting there in the stall, when suddenly the door burst open, flying through the room, straight at the mirror on the opposite wall. Both of his bullies turned white and ran out screaming, but Snape just gaped at sight in front of him. The glass from the mirrors had shattered, scattering around the room, and the broken toilet door was lying near the sink. He had carefully made his way out of the bathroom, trying to avoid the shards of glass. He then dashed away as quickly as he could, before someone came and saw what he did.

Over the next few days, he had waited for someone to come and accuse him of the mess in the bathroom, but nobody ever came. Most of the students eventually forgot about the destroyed bathroom, but the two boys that were bullying him didn't and neither did he; the boys wouldn't let him. They started tormenting him more frequently and harshly. They kept threatening him about what would happen if he told someone about the way they were treating him, but he never would have told anyway.

Severus had a lot of pride, and he hated asking for help. He soon became a little ashamed of his abilities, and actually started to believe that those boys were right; he was a freak. He never thought this way for long, because he knew that he would much rather have magic then be a Muggle; he was special.


He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't even realize that he had began crying quietly. Severus just sat there on the bench, hugging his legs while crying his bad feelings away. He couldn't even remember what his previous happy feelings of just an hour ago had felt like, because everything was the same as it had always been, and he had been foolish to think that it would ever change.

After about half an hour his tears had dried, leaving tracks down his face. He simply stared straight ahead, not really seeing anything, and occasionally he would shake himself out of his reverie long enough to check the clock. Finally, the train started to slow down as it neared the station, and Severus hurried out the door. He quickly recovered his composure, leaving no clue to suggest that he had just been crying his heart out. He took one last look around the train before walking out, peering into each empty compartment as he did so, and finally finding his bag stashed in the last one. It looked like someone had just thrown it in. Relief rushed through him as he hurried out of the train into the empty station.

Dashing out the door, he stumbled down the steps that led off of the train, and crashed head-on into something. A very tall something that caused him to fly back and land on the ground with a thump.

He looked up and gulped, maybe the station wasn't as empty as he had previously thought…

He looked up and saw that there was a very big, very angry looking professor glaring down at him. Severus stood up and without a word edged his way around her, walking straight ahead, and trying to resist the urge to sprint away as fast as he could. He looked back and saw that she was following his every step, looming over him. The woman stopped and looked at him, obviously wanting him to come to her. He took a few nervous steps toward her, but stopped at what he judged to be a safe distance. When he stopped, he raised his chin and shyly uttered his apology to the woman. For a long time there was no answer but then he finally heard her cold, harsh words.

"One week detention with Mr. Filch, follow me!" she spat out. He gulped and went after her, mentally berating himself. So much for making a good first impression…

As they walked on, he realized that they were heading toward a carriage. In front of the carriage, he saw something curious. Standing strapped to the carriage were two very strange creatures that looked a lot like regular horses, except for the fact that they were all bones. They kept looking at him with big, empty eye sockets and he stood there, gawking for a while, before he realized that the Professor was trying to get his attention, and that she had been calling his name for a while. Well, calling was an understatement, since she obviously seemed enraged, and when she spoke, it was like she was spitting poison at him.

He snapped out of his daze and dashed past the annoyed teacher, into the carriage, and sat down, starting to panic a little. Luckily, it was dark in the carriage and he had time to pull himself together; he really didn't like being yelled at, and the swaying movement of the carriage was helping him calm down. It didn't take that long to regain his composure, he was, after all, pretty used to being yelled at. Really it shouldn't have really bothered him at all, but the matter that she was probably one of his future professors was making it sound a bit scary. After a while he cleared his throat and spoke up nervously.

"Professor… um…" He knew she was already annoyed with him, but he wanted to know the names of the creatures pulling the carriage, and he decided to risk asking.

"My name is Professor McGonagall," she said, her voice was a little calmer, though still quite stern, like she was lecturing him, though he supposed that it might just be her regular voice.

"Oh…yes ma'am. Well, what are those horse things?" he asked.

She paused a moment before answering, and this time he thought that there was something odd in her voice when she spoke. There was still that faint tinge of annoyance, but there was something new now. When he thought about it, he realized that she had been surprised at his question, and he wondered why. She made a short lecture on the thestrals and as soon as he found out the reason he saw thestrals he wanted hear no more. He certainly didn't want to think about his mother just now. He thanked her and then the awkward silence was back in the carriage.

He wondered idly if things would go on like this through Hogwarts. He thought before that it was only Muggles that hated him, but as he saw how biased people were here, he realized that it might not be any easier with wizards than it had been with the others. He let out a sigh as he thought about this, but it was nothing new to him. He would manage it, he had to; he could handle the way that people treated him before so he could now.

The only person who actually hurt his feelings was his father while drunk, (which, he had to admit, was a pretty frequent occurrence). But when any other person treated him badly, he didn't care as much, or at least he told himself that he didn't. The most important thing was to not show his feelings; he had to keep his dignity, if nothing else.

Severus was deep in thought when the carriage finally stopped with a jolt, and he was pulled back to reality.

They were outside of a large castle. He tried to look around him, but it was really too dark to see anything. Severus was preparing himself mentally for anything that could be thrown at him once he got inside. He put on what he hoped was a blank, indifferent mask and raised his chin up slightly.

He was ready. Professor McGonagall opened the door, and Severus walked out determinedly.

To be continued!

I know there is no sense of asking you to review as there is quite a few chapters after that but one thing I can say, I do hope that you wish to continue reading the next chapters so well : )