-1Authors Note: I think the fic I posted yesterday, "Introductions" sparked a little candle of fanfic writing in my again. This fic is independent from the other, though the style is the same. So, if you liked my last one, chances are you'll like this one too. It's just a little Harry perspective right before the final battle. However, please note that for the most part this fic does ignore book 6. I hope you enjoy it though!
It has taken much to long, in my opinion, for this day to finally come. Honestly, I've known about it since I was 11, and everyone else has known since I was just a baby. Moments from now I'll leave this room, glancing at it one last time before I enter my final battle with Lord Voldemort. I wish I could return to it after, but deep down I know there won't be an after for me. Each year I've grown weary from these battles, and after this I don't think I'll survive. Everyone looks at me like I'm some great hero, but it's not true at all. They think I'm courageous, but right now I'm petrified. I'm about to sacrifice what's left of my life for what could be the greatest cause, but I'm petrified.
I wish I could be that brave person they want me to be, but I can't. If it were them, I'm sure they'd understand. Can they really imagine what it's like to wake up every morning wondering if you'll make it through the day; if one of the people close to you is still alive, whether they be tracking down death eaters, or spying even? Probably not. Can they imagine what it's like to have lost my parents, then my godfather, barely getting to know them at all? All they can think about is having me there to save them all from a world full of darkness and despair. Do they even think about the fact that I'm still a human being? Probably not.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to sound selfish, not at all. In fact, I know that not everyone was like that, but most were, even my friends. Ron and Hermione have gotten caught up in all the gossip and such that goes along with my name before, especially Ron. I don't blame them though, how could I? They're my best friends after all, despite the times that they have turned their backs on me. They've also been there for me though, and that's what keeps our friendships in tact. They'd never abandon me if I truly needed them, I know that deep down. Just like they haven't abandoned me now. They've been lost within themselves lately since they're oh so in love, but that's normal for couples I guess. But they've stood by my side nonetheless, stayed with me until the end. But now I have to leave them behind and follow my own destiny.
Dumbledore is more complicated than that. In some ways he was a manipulative bastard, there's no denying that. Anyone who meets him won't think so right away, but you'll learn soon enough. At least, that's how it worked for me. Over the years I've spent at Hogwarts I've come to realize how he uses his façade to create situations which he finds ordeal and achieve what he wants. And yet, he's been probably one of the most helpful people in my life, and one of the most important. He's done more for me than anyone really has I think. He was more of a father figure to me than anyone else. There were times I wanted to ring his neck, for sure, but I still loved him. Honestly, I had always hoped he'd be there with me when it was my time to fight. I mean, he's the only one Voldemort was ever scared of right? He's certainly not frightened of me.
I'm so nervous, I don't want to leave, I can't leave. I'm only 17 right? I mean, I'm supposed to grow up, become a professor here, and have students who pester me, no matter how hard I try to teach them. That's how it was supposed to work. I want to play quidditch, and maybe have some sort of family of my own, and have kids that I can be around for, and teach them everything that I've been taught by all those around me. It'd be nice…to be a father I think. To raise a child the way I imagine my dad would have raised me. I bet he would've been a great dad. I want to make him proud, let him see me as a father someday.
I hear footsteps. I know who it is. One of the few left after the many battles that have been fought. The only one who saw through me right from the beginning. He's coming to tell me it's time. I know it's time, but I don't want to go. Please don't make me. This man killed me family, and many people close to me, but I don't want to fight him. I'm scared. I don't want this to end. What about him? We were finally understanding each other, getting along even. I want to come back and talk to him again, find out more than I already know. In only a few months he became the one person I could share absolutely anything with. I'm finally close to someone and now it has to end.
The door opens and I find myself putting up my brave front for the final time. There's no turning back after this. Moments from now I'll be on a battle field fighting for the lives of thousands, millions. There's no one else but me. Nothing I can say or do will change that. When I look up I think he understands. I take the hand he has held out and I stand up, glancing into his eyes for only a moment before I find myself walking towards the door, him following behind me. I stop before I cross the threshold, taking one last glance into the room that became mine. With one last glance I hold my head high, determination illuminating from my features, and leave the room.