DISCLAIMER: I do not nor will I ever own the Harry Potter story, characters, villains, heroes, and creatures. I also sadly do not make any money off this story. Trust me; my bank account cannot lie about that.
Summary: Harry Potter is tired of being the Boy Who Lived and Dumbledore's Golden Boy. He has decided that he is going to embrace his Slytherin side, but he needs help. Who will help him? Why Malfoy of course!
Warnings: Humorous/Parody, OOC behavior, Drama Queen Draco
CHANGES WITHIN AND WITHOUT
Harry sighed as he rolled out of bed. His eyes were burning and his body ached. He hadn't slept very well last night. Dreams from Voldemort had kept him tossing and turning all night. He yawned widely and made his way to the bathroom. He had just finished taking his shower when he heard his Uncle yelling for him.
"BOY! GET DOWN HERE AND MAKE SOME BREAKFAST!" Uncle Vernon bellowed.
Harry grimaced, his expression annoyed. He really disliked his family. "Coming, Uncle Vernon," he answered. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed once again. He hated summer, he hated his family, he hated being alone, wondering if his friends even remembered him. Harry snorted; oh, I am just full of self-pity today, aren't it? He shook his head and walked out of the bathroom.
He ambled back into his room and changed into his clothes. He started to walk out, before stopping. He glanced at the parchment that was lying on his desk thoughtfully. A wicked grin flashed suddenly on his face, as he moved over to his bed and squatted down on the floor. He pulled up the loose floorboard and grabbed his wand. Replacing the floorboard, he stood up and smirked. Walking over to his trunk, he opened it and began to rummage around before he found what he had been looking for. Closing the trunk, he looked down at the wand holster that Mad Eye Moody had given him after one of his lessons last year and smiled.
It was a special holster. It was special in the fact that no one but the person wearing it could see it. His wand would be hidden from view. He strapped the holster onto his right forearm, and then inserted his wand. He tugged on it a couple of times, making sure that the holster was comfortable. Showtime, he thought gleefully. He walked out of his bedroom and made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Uncle Vernon was sitting at the table reading a paper, and Dudley was watching the small TV that was sitting in the corner.
"Hurry up, boy. I want Duddykins to get a full breakfast before he leaves for his trip today," Aunt Petunia snapped, her mouth thin with disapproval as she gazed at Harry.
Harry paused in mid-step and looked over at his Aunt. "Trip?" he asked curiously.
"Yes, a trip. He'll be going camping with his friends. My little Duddykins is quite the man now, isn't he?" she exclaimed proudly.
Harry quickly turned towards the fridge so that his Aunt couldn't see the grimace on his face. The day that Dudley is a man is the day I'll see Voldemort prancing around in a green sequin dress singing 'It's Raining Men.' Harry got slightly nauseous at the image; ugh…now I'm really going to have nightmares tonight.
Harry opened up the fridge and got out the eggs and bacon. He proceeded to make breakfast, listening idly to his relatives as they talked about Dudley's trip. He scooped the eggs onto a plate and sat it down on the table. He felt disgusted when he saw Dudley begin to shovel the food into his mouth. Harry shook his head and walked back over to the stove. Hagrid had it right when he tried to turn Dudley into a pig. He opened the package of bacon and put several pieces into the skillet, waiting while it cooked.
"Mummy, stop messing with my hair. I want it to look good when I go camping," Dudley whined as he slapped away his mother's hands.
"But Duddykins, Mummy is trying to make it look better," Petunia said sweetly.
Harry took the cooked bacon out of the skillet and placed it on a plate. He glanced over at Dudley and asked, "Hey, Dudley, why do you care if your hair looks good? You're only going camping with your friends. There shouldn't be a reason to care about your looks." Harry paused a moment before looking at his red-faced cousin, a grin on his face. "Unless there's a girl going on the trip with you. Is there, Duddykins?" he asked mockingly and chuckled when his cousin started to sputter in embarrassment.
"You're just jealous because I can get a girl and you can't, you freak," Dudley yelled.
Harry smirked at his cousin. "Dudders, whoever said I never had a girl? Whoever said that I was a virgin? Tell me Duddykins, have you ever been kissed by someone you haven't terrorized or paid?" Harry asked maliciously.
"Boy! You shut your mouth. I don't want to hear about your bloody perversions in this house," his Uncle bellowed angrily.
Harry glanced at his Uncle coldly. "What's the matter, Uncle? Aunty Pet not giving it to you anymore?"
Petunia gasped, Dudley paled, and Vernon's face began to grow purple. His Uncle stood up from the table and began to yell, "You will shut up, you stupid freak, or I'll come over there and make you. You do not talk to me that way. You will show me the respect I deserve."
Harry leaned against the counter and looked his Uncle up and down. He slowly raised his eyes to look at the man directly in the face. "Did you know that today is my birthday?" he asked mildly.
Uncle Vernon gaped at him for a second, bewildered by the change of subject. He began to frown. "No, nor do I care."
Harry just smiled at him serenely and saw his Uncle shudder in fright. He didn't realize that his eyes were glowing green as he stared at his Uncle. "I turned seventeen, which means that I am an adult in the Wizarding World. Do you know what that means, Uncle Vernon?"
Vernon opened his mouth to shout when he heard his wife gasp. He turned and looked at her only to find her staring at Harry, a horrified expression on her face. "No!" she gasped out.
Harry grinned at her coldly. "Yeeesss," he hissed. He twitched his arm and his wand slid down to land in his hand. He began to caress it as he stared at his horrified Aunt gleefully. He turned back to his Uncle and watched as the man turned back to him only to have his eyes widened in fear and horror at the sight of Harry's wand.
"You can't do magic during the summer," he said nervously, his gaze firmly on Harry's wand.
Harry laughed coldly as he glared at his Uncle. "Oh, but I can. In the Wizarding World, when one turns seventeen, one is allowed to do magic outside of school. I will no longer be getting letters telling me otherwise. They're no longer watching this house for misuse of magic. Isn't that just about the best news you ever heard?" Harry asked joyfully.
"You're lying," Vernon bellowed suddenly. "You're trying to frighten us. Well, it won't work."
"Vernon," Petunia began weakly.
"No, Pet, stay out of this. I'll take care of the boy once and for all." He began to stomp over to his freak of a nephew, planning to put him in his place.
Harry smiled gleefully and raised his wand. "Oh, Uncle, I'm so glad you gave me this opportunity to show you how much I appreciate everything you've ever done for me." With a vicious smile, Harry cast a spell and watched avidly when his Uncle turned into a possum. Harry pouted as he looked at his Uncle. "Oh shoot, I was trying for a rat. Well, close enough."
Harry heard his Aunt scream and looked over at her only to see Dudley faint. Harry shook his head. "Idiot," he mumbled.
"Turn him back. Turn him back now," Petunia demanded, her voice shrill.
Harry looked at his Aunt thoughtfully. "Er…how about…no? I'm not about to ruin the best fun I've had in months just because you can't handle it." He ignored her screaming and walked over to his unconscious cousin. He glanced down at him and began to tap his wand against his leg. "Um…maybe I should complete Hagrid's work. He would've liked that," Harry mused sadly.
Hagrid had been killed while on a mission for the Order of the Phoenix. He had bravely saved twenty children when Death Eaters had attacked a town he happened to be staying at. Harry had been devastated at the news of his very first friend's death. Harry had made a vow that the Death Eaters would regret their actions. They had so much to pay for -- Cedric, Sirius, and now Hagrid. He was keeping a tally and when the time came, they would pay. Regardless of what Dumbledore said.
He was brought out of his thoughts abruptly by his Aunt screaming. "Leave my Duddykins alone. You horrible boy, you had better not touch him," she screeched.
Harry sighed and looked over at her. He raised his wand and pointed it at her. "Don't you ever shut up? I'm tired of hearing you screech in that god awful voice." He cast a spell and watched as his Aunt turned into a chicken. "Well, that one is appropriate."
Turning back to his cousin, Harry smiled and with a flick of his wand, he turned his cousin into a pig. "There you go, Hagrid. In honor of you," he murmured wistfully.
The squawking of his Aunt and the growling of his Uncle annoyed him. With a heavy sigh, he raised his wand again. "Silencio," he said and the animals were quiet. He left the kitchen and walked over to the cupboard, opened the door and squatted down. He looked into the small cupboard thoughtfully before smirking. He raised his wand once again and pointed it inside the cupboard. "Engorgio," he muttered and watched as it enlarged. He picked up an old shoe that had been lying on the floor and transfigured it into a small doghouse. He settled the house by one of the walls, and then transfigured a series of bowls and a trough. Looking around, he was satisfied with what he had accomplished. He stood up and walked back into the kitchen. He looked around and found his family hiding under the kitchen table, staring at him fearfully. He moved the chairs out of the way and froze them. "Mobilicorpus," he said and walked over to the cupboard, his relatives floating behind him. He entered the cupboard, turned around and laid his relatives down. He stepped over their frozen bodies and moved to the door.
Once there, he turned around and looked at them. Raising his wand, he uttered "Finite," and the spell was cancelled. "Uncle, Aunt, Cousin, I have decided that you'll be staying here in the cupboard. Since you found it a good place for me to stay, I thought I would return the favor. Now, I bet you're wondering why I've done this. Simple, it's for revenge; well that and I want you out of the way. I've decided to pay you back for all the kind and loving care that I've received from you over the years. Be glad this is all I'm doing to you. If I really wanted to, I could torture you until you were no longer coherent, but since you're my family," Harry said with a sneer, "I'll be lenient. I'll turn you back before I leave for school. I just hope you don't lose your job before then, Uncle," Harry smirked. "Not to worry, I'll be sure to feed you daily…maybe…if I remember." He shut the door to the cupboard and grinned widely.
Humming, he started up the stairs, heading towards his room. He walked into the room and looked around. "Well, this just isn't going to do." He pulled out his wand and began to redecorate his room. He transfigured his bed into a nice double size bed. He changed the color of the walls to a comforting blue. He got rid of Dudley's broken toys and replaced them with knick-knacks. When he was done, he looked around, satisfied. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was nice. He lay down on the bed and stretched out. He heard Hedwig hoot in her cage and looked over at her. He got up off the bed, went over, and opened the cage. "Hey, girl. I took care of the relatives for a while, so you can leave your cage now." Hedwig hopped out of his cage and onto his arm. She walked up to his shoulder, where she settled down and nibbled on his ear affectionately.
Harry walked over to the window and opened it. "Here you go, girl. You can go out and hunt now."
She gave him another nibble, hooted at him then flew out of the window. Harry smiled then looked around. He was bored; he had taken care of his relatives, changed his room, and freed Hedwig. Now what could he do? He wasn't in the mood for homework, so that was out.
He walked over to his desk and picked up the parchment that he had laid there last night. He couldn't describe the joy he had felt when he read it.
Harry had opened all his birthday presents from his friends, a little disappointed by the short notes that had accompanied Ron and Hermione's present. He knew that he should be happy that they had a least sent him something, but he had a feeling of abandonment when he thought of them and he didn't know why. He shrugged it off, determined to think about it later.
He was getting ready to do his homework when he heard a tapping at the window. Looking up, he saw a small owl. He walked over to the window and opened it, letting the owl fly in. The owl flew over to the desk and perched on it. It stuck out its foot and hooted. Harry carefully took the letter off and gave the owl one of Hedwig's treats. He gave the owl a brief pat and with a hoot, it flew off.
Harry gazed down at the letter curiously and saw the Ministry seal. With a sense of trepidation, he opened the letter and began to read.
Dear Mr. Harry Potter,
As it is your seventeenth birthday, by Wizarding Law you may now use magic outside of Hogwarts. Your wand will no longer be tracked, nor will we be watching your house for the usage of magic.
Since you are now an adult, we hope that you will use your magic wisely. Please follow these few simple rules:
Under no circumstances will you let Muggles see you do magic.
Under no circumstances are you to use magic to physically harm others.
We hope that you will enjoy the freedom that the Ministry has so kindly offered you. Happy Birthday, Mr. Potter.
Department of Underage Magic
He could use magic outside of Hogwarts. Harry began to dream of what he could do first then he began to grin wickedly. He had plans to make.
When he'd woken up this morning, he'd decided to implement his plans. Now that the relatives were taken care of, he could do whatever he wanted. He giggled for a second before looking around in embarrassment. He walked out of the bedroom and made his way down the hallway. He stopped and looked in the mirror that rested on the wall at the end of the hallway. He looked at his large, tattered clothes and made up his mind. What he needed was a new image. He was tired of being the Boy Who Lived and Dumbledore's Golden Boy. He was tired of being the ultimate Gryffindor and tired of ignoring his Slytherin side. He wouldn't be able to beat Voldemort with sheer bravery no matter what some people thought. He would have to become a little Slytherin. He would need help though; he knew nothing about fashion, about image. What he needed was someone who knew how to work the room, someone who know how to dress, and someone who was confident. He also needed a Slytherin, but someone who he could trust not to take him to Voldemort. He thought hard then began to grin.
What he needed was a Malfoy and he had a perfect one in mind.
Harry ran back to his room and looked around for his trunk. He found it sitting in the corner and walked over to it. He opened it and began to rummage through it for some parchment. "Ah ha! Found it."
He grabbed the parchment and quill and sat at his desk. He began to write out the note he was going to send to Malfoy.
Dear Drama Queen,
It has come to my attention that I look like a pathetic loser. I'm tired of being the Golden Boy. I need an image overhaul. I would love your help. Just imagine, you can insult me, my clothes, my hair, and the fact that I breathe. After that, you can help me change my image. I need your help! Please!
Let me know what you think.
The Boy Who Needs The Fab Five But Only Has A Malfoy.
Signing the note with a flourish, he rolled it up and walked over to the window, hoping to see Hedwig. She was sitting on the tree by his house and he called out for her. She flew into his room, perched herself on the windowsill and stuck out her foot. He fastened the note on her foot and gave her a pat on the head. "Get this to Draco Malfoy," he said. With a hoot, she flew out the window. Harry lay on the bed and sighed in satisfaction, he loved being a wizard.