A/N: just blowing off steam…

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Repentant Snake: The Chibi Orochimaru Files

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 3: Messing with the Gene Pool

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Orochimaru. For some perverse reason, however, I keep imagining him in a pink dress, crying because Akatsuki kicked him out for his dress clashing with their's style…

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For some reason, the Sandaime believed Orochimaru– or, as he now wanted himself called, Chibi-Oro– and decided not to throw him in prison or kill him. Granted, he was constantly shadowed by ANBU, but as he could have Shukaku kill them any time he wanted (and they knew it– kill them, not how), this was mostly a psychological prop for the ninjas to lean on.

Eventually, words of him somehow leaked out into the general civilian population and those ninja that weren't at his 'trial'. From most, he received treatment very similar to Naruto on a bad day: dirty looks, outright– if silent (no one wanted to overtly tick him off)– disdain, hate, fear, terror and… not letting their kids play with him. Oh, the horror!

Well, those were from the ones who believed the things they heard. Some couldn't conceive that the 'cute as a button' kid with the long hair was one of the most hated and feared missing-nin the village had ever produced…

"More ramen, please!" Chibi-Oro said.

… especially when he was gorging himself on ramen.

Actually, Orochimaru was just killing time while waiting for Naruto to show up. Because of his quick action– and a ton of Kage Bunshin– he'd managed to keep the damage done to Konoha down to a minimum, so there was very little repair work to be done. Hence, Naruto should be coming around any moment.

Speaking of which…

"One Miso ramen please!" Naruto yelled, plopping himself down on the stool next to Orochimaru, his usual infectious smile in place.

The time traveler took a moment to observe the future Rokudaime out of the corner of his eye. It was amazing how well his memory was. The boy looked just like he remembered…

Chibi-Oro raised an eyebrow as h detected something weird going on inside. Kyuubi, are you crying?

The Kyuubi sniffed. I can't help it! It's been so long since I've seen the little pest…!

Orochimaru rolled his eyes. Grow up, Kyuubi…

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It took Naruto five bowls of ramen before he realized he wasn't alone.

"Hey, what are you looking at?" Naruto said, eyeing the pale boy sitting next to him suspiciously.

"The future Hokage," the boy said, a small smile on his face.

At this, Naruto blinked. No one had ever said that before. Sure they'd mocked him, but…

Reaching into his pouch, the boy took out a thick wad of cash and stood up to leave as he left it on the counter. "Feed him until that runs out. If he can't finish it, give him the change."

Turning, Orochimaru left as Naruto and old man Ichiraku stared at the back of his head in shock. He had some place to be…

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"Excuse me, you have something of mine."

That was all Sasuke heard before he felt a burning as something was ripped out of him. The next thing he knew, he was blinking back black and white spots as he shook his head, glaring up at the long-haired… individual (he couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl, what with all the hair) who was slowly walking away from him while folding a piece of paper. "What did you do?" Sasuke growled weakly as he struggled to stand.

The individual turned slightly, showing a face in profile. He showed the piece of paper to Sasuke, which had three black dots that looked strangely familiar… "I just took my Curse Seal back, Sasuke-kun. Don't tell me you still want it even though it was slowly killing you, giving you headaches and generally messing with your mind?"

Not waiting for an answer, the individual left, leaving a confused Uchiha in his wake.

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"Haruno Sakura…"

Sakura paused, turning around quickly as she heard her name. Behind her stood a pale-haired… boy?– boy with the weirdest eyes (which was saying something, considering all the doujutsu users she's met) and the most knowing smile she'd ever seen. "Yes?" she said cautiously, her hand ready to reach for a weapon. The attack on the village had really gotten to everyone.

Her hand paused at the next words.

"How would you like to be the mother of Uchiha Sasuke's children?"

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"Hyuuga Hinata…"

Blinking, Hinata looked up, blushing as she realized she'd been so deep in her Naruto sex-fantasy that she hadn't noticed the pale boy who had approached her. How embarrassing! Oh, if father found out…

What she heard next wiped all thought out of her mind and caused her to faint.

"How would you like to be the mother of Uzumaki Naruto's children…?"

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Anko opened her door, staring at the sight before her.

"Mitarashi Anko, how would you like to be the owner of a set of Encyclode–"

Anko shut the door in the salesman's face.

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The Hokage and Jiraiya stared at Chibi-Oro over Sarutobi's desk. The time traveler just grinned his best Naruto grin.

"Tell me again why you want to go looking for Tsunde," Sarutobi finally said, feeling like things were getting weirder than usual.

Chibi-Oro too a deep breath. "Because of the damage I caused to my younger self's inner coil system, the only one competent enough to heal him would be Tsunade. Also, you need to be thinking about your retirement, and she'd make an excellent replacement. Face it, no one would have me, you can't leave a perv like Jiraiya in charge– he'd make all bathhouses in Konoha unisex!– and Naruto, while being the greatest Hokage ever, is still way too young. Tsunade is the only logical choice the Council will accept. She's a Sannin, she's competent when she's sober, she's a powerful ninja when she's not afraid of blood, and I really want to see her again! And besides, the mission to find her will be an excellent time to teach Naruto the Rasengan, have him notice his future wife, get Sasuke over his Itachi fixation, help him revive the Uchiha clan, and maybe beat up on my past self some more!"

Chibi-Oro finally took a breath, before going back to his Naruto grin. It was his previous pitch, word for word.

Sarutobi and Jiraiya looked at each other, wondering how this would turn out…

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Oh, and in the Konoha Strict Correctional Facility, Mizuki was found dead, a snake feasting on his guts and a sign in secret code that read– to anyone who could understand it, which was pretty much just one weird-eyed pale kid– "LONG LIVE NARUTO!" tattooed on his butt.

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- To be continued...

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A/N: just to be clear, this is not NaruOro. Yuck!

Just a warning, if I do continue this fic from here, it's likely to be non-serious and maybe worse than Raikiri Triken when it comes to sense…

You have been warned…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.