I do not own them or any money, so please don't sue me.

My mother tongue is german so please forgive me for my spelling and grammer. Blame my teachers, all right?

Two weeks into the summer holidays, after Harry's second year, Severus Snape received the shock of his life. There weren't many things, which could surprise the potion- master, ex- death- eater and decidedly most evil teacher at Hogwarts. But the sudden appearance of the letter, now lying on his desk, surely had done the trick.

His name was written on the envelope in a handwriting he would recognize everywhere: Lily Evans's. The women he had once loved with his entire mind. "Aw hell, who am I kidding? I still love her." he thought bitterly. Even after he learned of her marriage with Potter he couldn't cease loving her. That was what hurt most.

Snape walked over to his desk, on unsteady legs and sat down. He put both hands flat on the desk, next to the letter, to stop them from trembling. He made very sure not to touch the yellowish paper. He was too afraid to pick it up, sensing the magic it emitted. After a time, that could have been some minutes as well as some hours, he shook himself, picked it up and slid it open. However bad things had stood between Lily and him, when she died and however hurt he was by her betrayal, he couldn't believe she would intentionally hurt him. At least not physically. He still acted quickly, afraid that his nerves might fail him. He pulled the parchment out and in the very moment he touched it, the world went black and his head hit the desk with a nasty thud.

When he became conscious of his surroundings again, realization hit him, as long forgotten memories came to him: Lily's smile at their wedding, their friends standing around them cheering and grinning madly. His own joy when he learned that he was going to be a father. His son cradled in his arms, lucking up at him and grasping for his hair curiously. Lily trying to make his boy call him git, and collapsing into laugher when the baby pointed at him and said da-da. James offering his help, to save them. Lily's face, as he finally agreed and allowed her to put the memory charm on him.

Still in shock he unfolded the letter and started to read.

"Dear love.

When you touched this parchment the memory charm I put on you wore off. You will remember about me, about our friends and the sacrifices they made on our behalf, but most importantly about our son.

This should find you in the summer before Harry starts school, but I'm not sure if I got the charm right (I can hear you telling me, that I just need to practice more often. Honey, how I miss your nagging…). Anyway: if it's winter and he already is in Hogwarts, I'm sorry you missed his first day. I guess you still teach?

I really hope that Voldemort is gone and both off you are all right, but when you have to read this, I'm most certainly gone. Wherever I am, I'm missing you!

I'm sorry for the hurt, I could see in your eyes when you learned that I had betrayed you with one of your closets friends. Believe me Sev, I'm so sorry.

Please go over to James's or Sirius's, soon. Explain to Harry why we did what we did. What I did. Be his father again- he needs his da-da. He is asking about you, all the time. Right now he is sitting in James's lap saying "Jim - where da-da?" over and over again, frowning. He looks so much like you, when he does that and I just wish you were here to see him. I will end this letter now, because I'm crying too hard to go on.

You know I always loved you, Sev and I hope you can forgive me.


When Snape put the letter down, ever so slowly, he had tears in is eyes. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. His whole body felt numb. His soul was filled with despair and regret. For a long time he didn't move. At least he couldn't control himself any longer and he started shacking. "What have I done?" he asked his empty office with a hoarse voice. Then for the first time in more than a decade Severus Snape, who had seen more evil than most wizards could imagine, cried.

What do you think? Please tell me - it will only take a sec. and will make my day. Please puppy eyes

I know that it is awfull short, but the second chapter is in progress, curently.

This is my first Harry Potter fic. I know this chapter isn't all that great but I think it get's better.