Title: Mama's Boy
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Rating: PG-13 (language and angst)
Spoilers: Not so much. Season 1 timeline.
Summary: There is shadow in his mother's eyes that used to have an apple just for him.
Word Count: 567
Disclaimer: Fanfiction: (n) A work of fiction written by a fan and not the original creator. Mefan. Original creatorRob Thomas.
Duncan remembers when he was his mother's shining star. At least that's what she'd whisper so close to his ear that it tickled when the s-sounds hissed passed his cheek. "Always such a good boy," she'd say and he'd beam at her praise. He'd sit in her lap while she'd stroke his hair, listening to stories of little engines that could and brave little toasters. And he still wants to be that shining star. He wants, no needs, to be held close and hear stories about how everything will turn out all right. He wants to be shining and beautiful and such a good boy all over again…but he doesn't know how.
He was always her favorite. He sees Lilly taunting him, flashes of her laughing so close to his face and her sing-song voice, "You always were such a mama's boy!" echoing through his head. But that was before Lilly left and everything changed.
Now he's a dosage schedule, and a disappointment, and there is shadow in his mother's eyes that used to have an apple just for him. He'd cry but he thinks he's forgotten how. He wishes he could cry like he did when he fell off his bike at age five as he was just learning to ride. Back when a kiss from mommy and a brightly colored band-aid could make everything better. He even wishes he could be back at age seven when he came down with the chicken pox. Lilly was in school for three whole days before she came down with it and he was at home with his mommy all to himself, but not in a bad way like it is now since they are all by themselves because they don't have a choice. He had hot cocoa and both "All Dogs go to Heaven" movies and his mommy holding him close with a bottle of that funny pink liquid that made him not itch.
Now he lies in bed, blankets pulled up to his chin with a blank stare towards the heavens. He wonders how everything got so fucked up and he wonders 'why me' and 'why Lilly' and 'why can't things just go back to the way they were' over and over. He listens to the silence that used to be filled with music and wishes he could go to his mother when the nightmares come again tonight. But he can't. Or he won't. Duncan's not that boy anymore.
He's not a man either. A man wouldn't need his mother's approval, and hugs, and tickle wars filled with giggles. A man shouldn't need hot cocoa and kisses when he wakes in the middle of the night with another hellish dream. Limbo is where he lives now, but how Duncan wishes he could return to simpler times. He'd love to hear Lilly call him "mama's boy" just one more time. He'd love to see his mother's soft smile again, unforced and natural.
He falls asleep to regret and awakes in the morning to pristine marble counters with a little round pill and a full glass of sparkling filtered water. A mother he barely recognizes reminding him to be a good boy and take his medicine. And Duncan, he wants to be a good boy so he takes that little pill that keeps him from crying and watches his mommy slip just a little further away as he swallows.
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