Disclaimer: I don't own the Labyrinth or any of its characters, so no suing. Savvy?
Author's Notes: A friend pointed me in the direction of this funny little website that is basically Mad Libs for the computer. You type in a bunch of words and it generates a silly little story. I'll post the website on my author's page if you're interested in creating your own bits of madness. I'll update as they put in new base stories.
I'm Dreaming Of A Dark Christmas
It was Christmas Eve. Sarah sat softly on a bridge, sipping bright eggnog.
She looked at the smelly labyrinth hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Jareth had hung it there, just before they looked at each other tightly and then fell into each other's arms and kicked each other's tight butt.
If only I hadn't been so glittery, Sarah thought, pouring a cold amount of rum into her eggnog. Then Jareth might not have got so iridescent and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away a dank tear and held her blond hair in her hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a scary voice lifted manly up in song.
I'm dreaming of a dark Christmas
Just it's only forever, not long at all
Sarah ran to the door. It was Jareth, looking shiny all over with snow.
"I missed you smartly," Jareth said. "And I wanted to kick your tight butt again."
Sarah hugged Jareth and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Jareth said.
"I think so too," Sarah said and they kicked each other's tight butt until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted dog mismatched eyes and lived huskily until Sarah got drunk again.
I Saw Jareth Kissing Santa Claus
Sarah woke up in the middle of the night. She was thirsty and so she decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, she couldn't wait to see her presents. There was one smelly box that looked like a goblin.
Then Sarah noticed that Jareth was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Sarah thought that she would surprise Jareth. Maybe even sneak up behind him and kick him on his dank mismatched eyes. That always made Jareth iridescent.
Sarah crept tightly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its scary lights, and the presents, heaped up manly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Jareth. Kissing someone.
Sarah was so angry, she picked up a crystal from a table and threw it softly on a bridge.
They both looked around.
"Jareth, you dark dog!" Sarah yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Sarah looked and then rubbed her blond hair and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Jareth said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a shiny kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Sarah said huskily. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be cold."
That seemed reasonable. Sarah went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, it's only forever, not long at all. He made Sarah's tight butt feel all bright.
"You see?" Jareth said smartly and Sarah saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.