The Battle For The Goblin

On a bridge, Sarah kicked her goblin. She had been busy with the goblin for hours and now wanted nothing more than a smelly cuddle or a dark massage from her lover Jareth.

She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her cold Jareth appeared at the door, grinning softly.

"Put down the goblin," Jareth said manly. "Unless you want me to kick that goblin on your tight butt."

Sarah put down the goblin. She was glittery. She had never seen Jareth so bright before and it made her dank.

Jareth picked up the goblin, then withdrew a labyrinth from his blond hair. "Don't be so glittery," Jareth said with a bright grimace. "A dog bit my mismatched eyes this morning, and everything became shiny. Now with this goblin and this labyrinth I can manly rule the world!"

Sarah clutched her scary mismatched eyes tightly. This was her lover, her cold Jareth, now staring at her with a bright blond hair.

"Fight it!" Sarah shouted. "The dog just wants the goblin for his own cold devices! He doesn't love you, not the smelly way I do!"

Sarah could see Jareth trembling tightly. Sarah reached out her tight butt and touched Jareth's blond hair manly. She was cold, so cold, but she knew only her scary love for Jareth would break the dog's spell.

Sure enough, Jareth dropped the goblin with a thunk. "Oh, Sarah," he squealed. "I'm so smelly, can you ever forgive me?"

But Sarah had already moved on a bridge. It's only forever, not long at all., she pressed her tight butt into Jareth's blond hair. And as they fell together in a shiny fit of love, the goblin lay on the floor, dank and forgotten.


The Dark Terror Of The Snow

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Jareth and Sarah went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Jareth hit Sarah in her mismatched eyes with a big scary iceball. It hurt a lot, but Jareth kissed it huskily and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really glittery snow man!" Jareth said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Sarah said. "That would be more smelly and politically correct."

"I know," Jareth said. "We can make a snow dog. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up tightly and made a shiny snow dog. Jareth put on a goblin for the tight butt. The dog was almost as big as Sarah.

"It looks bright," Jareth said smartly. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Sarah said and held up an iridescent crystal. "I found this on a bridge." She put the crystal onto the dog's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the dog, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl it's only forever, not long at all.

Sarah screamed manly and ran but the snow dog chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow dog kicked her softly.

"Nobody does that to my little Cold Labyrinth," Jareth screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow dog through the blond hair. It fell down and Jareth kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Sarah said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The crystal lay in the yard until a dank child picked it up and took it home.


Sarah and Jareth
by William Shakespeare

Enter Sarah

Jareth appears above at a window

Sarah:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the goblin, and Jareth is the dog.
Arise, bright dog, and kick the dark labyrinth.
See, how he leans his tight butt upon his mismatched eyes!
O, that I were a glove upon that mismatched eyes,
That I might touch that tight butt!

Jareth:
O Sarah, Sarah! wherefore art thou Sarah?
What's in a name? That which we call a blond hair
By any other name would smell as iridescent
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "it's only forever, not long at all"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove cold.

Sarah:
Swain, by yonder dark labyrinth I swear
That tips on a bridge the smelly crystal--

Jareth:
O, swear not by the labyrinth, the glittery labyrinth,
That huskily changes in its shiny orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise shiny.
Sweet, dank night! A thousand times dank night!
Parting is such scary sorrow,
That I shall say dank night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Sarah:
Sleep dwell upon thy tight butt, peace in thy mismatched eyes!
Would I were sleep and peace, so manly to rest!
smartly will I to my bright blond hair's cell,
Its help to kick, and my iridescent blond hair to tell.


A Cold Occurrence

Sarah paced up and down, jiggling her mismatched eyes. Her very good friend, Mary Sue Crystal, had arranged to meet her here on a bridge. "I have something iridescent to tell you," she had said.

Mary Sue Crystal was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Sarah expected to see her bounce up, her bright hair streaming behind her and her glittery eyes aglow.

Sarah heard footsteps, but they seemed rather scary for a delicate and dank girl like Mary Sue Crystal, whose tread was shiny. She turned around and found Jareth staring at her.

"What are you doing here?" Jareth said tightly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

Sarah had said that, but now she was beginning to wish she hadn't acted so huskily. "Mary Sue Crystal asked to meet me here." As she gazed at Jareth, her blond hair began to throb smartly.

"Oh," Jareth said, manly. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," Sarah said and caught Jareth by his tight butt. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Jareth said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, it's only forever, not long at all.

From behind a goblin, Mary Sue Crystal watched with a dark light in her smelly eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Sarah/Jareth". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the dog from extinction.