Disclaimer: Things from the story I don't own: James, Lily, their lurve, the Astronomy Tower, rain, air, James' feet, arms, hair, or anything else of that sort, or basically anything of that nature. I do not own Ryan Carbera's song True either, or else my name would be Ryan Cabrera. o.O
Things from the story I do own: the idea of Lily dreaming about James throwing himself off of the Astronomy Tower.
Author's Notes: Soo... this ficlet is based on Ryan Cabrera's song True. I've had this idea floating around in my head FOREVER (really, I have), and I finally decided to write it. (: Erm... so... you should read the lyrics... 'cos I said so. OBEY ME. Bwahah-- and review while you're at it. ;)
A cool breeze ruffled his hair as he shoved his hands deeper within his pockets. He scuffed his shoe against the worn cobbled floor and sent a small fragment of rock over the edge of the low-rising wall he was perched on. He closed his eyes and inhaled the fresh smell of the rain that was soon to come.
He was a thinker; he always had been. While some people would appreciate this quality, he wasn't all too fond of it. Thinking only brought guilt and regret.
He would think about the things he'd done and the consequences those actions had brought. He would think about how much better his life would be if his mouth wasn't so overactive and spontaneous. And he thought about her.
His thoughts always seemed to turn back to her.
At one time he swore to himself he wouldn't say another word unless she was speaking to him.
He was quiet for a whole week before she told him how much she was enjoying his vow of silence. It didn't end well.
Yet to him, she was air. Being away from her hurt. He always felt like there was something — a part of him — missing when she was out of his sight.
But as soon as he would catch sight of her, he would feel his breath hitch inside of him. She took his breath away… and gave it back again.
He planted his feet more securely on the wall beneath him and peered over at the sheer drop beyond.
He wasn't going to move until she wanted him to. It was her decision. She could leave him up here for as long as she pleased, or she could extend a hand to help him down. Or better yet, she could push him off the edge.
Yes, she would like that.
He didn't mind being up here that much anyway. It was cool and the air was heavy with the scent of rain. The height didn't bother him at all, and besides, it gave him a lovely view of the grounds. In fact, the only problem was him.
Him and his thoughts.
The thoughts that tormented him night and day; the thoughts he realized he didn't even know he had. The thoughts pushed to the back of his mind, buried deep under those other ideas and schemes, though nothing like this thought. It was a crazy thought, but once he reflected on it, he knew it had to be true.
He loved her.
He knew she didn't love him. She couldn't. It wasn't within her to love him. But, he couldn't help but think, what if she did?
What if she needed him just as badly as he needed her? What if she was just as willing to throw herself off of the Astronomy Tower for him as he was for her?
What if she didn't?
He felt a pang of ache in his heart and watched the threatening horizon solemnly. He'd done everything one could possibly think of to win her heart, but to no avail. There was only one line he'd yet to cross, and it had quite the perilous plunge.
But maybe that was the only way to get the point across.
He would do anything within the realm of possibility to reach out to her and make her see this was true… for what he was feeling was most certainly true.
He had waited and waited, and he didn't know how much more wait he had left within him. It was now or never for her. She would see it or she wouldn't.
And yet, there were many things she didn't seem to see.
She didn't notice how he held his breath as she entered the room, or how he would study her as she talked, or how he would be silent and still as she worked. And she never seemed to notice how he cared.
But now she would have no choice.
She would see his love for her, his caring, his patience.
He was scared, yes, his toes dangling over the edge of the wall, but he knew she would be able to deny it no more. She wouldn't be able to refuse his love any longer.
The breeze pressed his hair against his forehead — ruffled it at his neck. He closed his eyes and opened his arms to receive the sharp draft.
He only had one last line to cross before she would understand…
He tilted his body to the wind, feeling it lift him…
He wanted to let go, to feel the rush of air beneath him, to finally be free…
He could feel the air urging him on, calling his name, dragging him down…
"Potter? Are you up here?"
The voice seemed to knock him back to reality as the wind died around him. Blood rushed past his ears as he kept his eyes planted firmly on the awaiting horizon.
"Potter, I— James, what're you doing?" cried the voice.
He felt his breath leave him at the sound of her panicked voice.
"James, get down from there this instant!" she demanded, edging closer to his wall-perch.
He didn't even flinch at the anger in her tone.
"James, please, get down," she pleaded, her voice now laced with confusion and anxiety and terror.
"But Lily," he said softly, daring a glance in her direction, "I can't. I have one last line to cross."
"Line to cross—? James, you don't need to cross any lines!"
He gave his head a gentle shake. "But I do, Lily. It's the only way."
"The only way for what?" she questioned, voice beginning to quiver.
"For you to realize…"
"Realize what?" she asked, already knowing the answer.
"How much I love you."
With those final words, she watched him jump.
Lily woke up with a scream, her forehead pricked with glistening beads of sweat.
She sat up, gasping for air as the comprehension of it only being a dream sank in. She choked back a sob as she stumbled from her bed over to her window, which she threw open fiercely.
A cool spring breeze struck her tear-stained face as it wafted lazily through the window, causing her to draw in a heavy breath.
It was only a dream….
A loud bang behind her caused her to jump and turn, coming face-to-face with James Potter, who grabbed her by the shoulders frantically.
"Are you okay, Lily? Are you alright? I heard a scream and I thought you were—"
He was cut off as Lily threw her arms around his neck in a death grip, sobbing.
"Th-thank God you're a-alright! I th-thought you were d-dead!"
She pushed him at arms-length to observe him through teary eyes. Finding him alive and well, she pulled him back to herself.
"I — I saw you j-jump and I thought I-I would n-never see you ag-gain! I was so sc-scared, James, I was s-so scared…"
He held her in his arms, murmuring words of comfort while stroking her hair gently.
"It's okay now, Lily. I'm here, I'm okay. I'm here," he repeated, her sobbing growing quieter.
He cradled her in his arms, brushing back her tears with light fingertips as she hiccupped.
"Don't you ever do that to me again, James P-Potter," she said, eyes again filling with tears. "Don't you ever leave me again."
"I would never leave you, Lily," he reassured her softly, pressing his forehead to her damp hair. "I would never dream of leaving you."