I only own the plot, not the anime Yu-Gi-Oh.
Summary: Jou needs Seto to repair something that is broken, not shattered.
Something Bitterly Sweet
Started on: January 27, 2006
Finished on: January 27, 2006
Inspiration by "The Truth About Forever", by Sarah Dessen
That was the one word I would use to summarize our relationship—as classmates, as friends, as lovers. Every time I was with him, that was how I felt. It was special and so sweet that it made me tingle inside, something that never happened with anyone else before. When I was around him, it's as if I was floating on air. I was happy, so freaking happy. It was insane. Words could never describe the emotions that always run through me when I was with him.
Yet, it was bitter, always. When I was with him, I wasn't the same. You could ask all my friends and they would all tell you how I revert to another person with him. He had high standards, really high. He was intelligent and a genius and that often made me feel as if I never matched up to his expectations. I always tried, but hell, I never made it. I never will. He changed me when I was with him and though I have tried, I could never open myself up completely. I suppose it was because of this reason that we fought, almost every time he tried to tell me that I was perfect the way I was. I wasn't perfect, I'm far from it. I was insecure and unsure of myself. When he tried to pretend like it wasn't, it only made things worse. It made me bitter, which made him bitter, which made the relationship bitter.
But then again, we were both bitter to begin with.
He and I, together, we were bittersweet. Sweet, yet bitter. We were a match made not for perfection, but for our happiness. That was fine. That was okay.
Until the day he broke my heart.
Broke what was fragile to begin with. God, I should have had a label warning on it: HANDLE WITH CARE. But I didn't, and he hadn't. It wasn't something that he had planned to do I'm sure, but he ended up doing it anyway. I wasn't sure whose fault it was. Was it mine or his? Perhaps it was both. I certainly felt like I was to blame. If it weren't for me, we wouldn't even have had the ridiculous, pointless argument.
I had just come back from the university with the notification saying that I was on probation and that if I did not get my grades up, I would be kicked out of grad school. I was already sobbing when I walked through the Kaiba Corp doors. He automatically reached for me, asking me what was wrong. When I told him, his facial expression softened and offered me his sympathy, saying that it was okay.
Something inside of me snapped. I didn't know what it was, but fury came over me. I was angry at myself, hating myself for not having done better. To hear him say words of encouragement was only making me feel worse. I felt like I was the kid and that he was my guardian, smothering me.
He was saying all these words and promised that I would be okay when he knew I wasn't going to be. I didn't want to hear those words. I shouldn't have shouted, but I did, pushing him away from me. He was shocked, yes, and so was I, especially when I started to yell about how he didn't know how his words of encouragement were fake, all fake and that he should have been honest with me instead of lying to me, giving me false hope.
His eyes darkened and he said the worst words imaginable.
"It's not my fault that you think you are incapable of pulling through. You know what Jou? Fine, I'm done. I'm done reassuring you and insisting how intelligent you are. If you're not willing to see that, that is your decision. Don't come running to me every time you feel uncertain about who you are. I don't need to be wasting my breath on someone like you anyway. I'm sick of doing it."
"Now get out. I don't want to see you ever again."
His voice, so cold, so icy, made me cry some more for days. I locked myself in my apartment, not allowing anyone inside. I wondered if he was the one for me and whether or not he and I were pretending to happy together. Was it real? Had he really been burdened with me that he kept it all inside?
I never knew.
He had called several times, leaving a message on my answering machines. Every time I heard his voice, I cried some more. It wasn't like me to do this, but ever since the break up, I had been shaky and sensitive.
Then, one evening, he came by the apartment, knocking several times, knowing that I was inside, moping around in my sweats, feeling incapable of seeing anyone, especially him. I felt awful, but he barged inside with a little help from Yugi (had a key).
He saw me sitting on the couch. I didn't say anything to him, but he proceeded to sit down next to me. I didn't want to say anything. As happy as I was that he was there, I wasn't sure why and for what reason. That scared me.
"I'm sorry," he had said immediately. "I didn't mean it."
I had spoken back, quietly. "I know you didn't. It just made me wonder if... we were one of those misplaced couples that were never meant to be together."
He turned to face me and his face serious and sincere, replied, "No, we're not. I'm sorry that I hurt you Jou."
"You didn't hurt me that much." I had paused here, surprised I hadn't started bawling yet. "Just my heart. It's a little bit shattered at the moment."
"Shattered... or broken, Jou?" he asked me in a whisper. "If I shattered your heart, I'm sorry that I can't do anything to make it feel better. If it's broken, will you let me heal it?"
"What do you mean?"
Using that side of him that got me insecure about myself, he spoke in a gentle tone. "If something is shattered, nothing can be done to fix it. No glue or tape will be able to piece all the shattered fragments back together. But if it's broken, it can be easily fixed because it's not as damaged. There's a major difference, Jou. If I broke your heart, please tell me I can fix it for you. Please let me fix it again, piece together the parts. I promise I won't do it again."
I had turned my head slightly and I was amazed at his knowledge of the difference between the words. One, such as myself, would not have caught or even known that there was a slight dissimilarity to the words.
But, in a strange way, he had used his knowledge about the dissimilarity to ask me for forgiveness and to ask me to start over.
I remember I had nodded and before he leaned over and kissed me tenderly on the lips, I confessed to him what I confessed time and time again, "I love you, Seto. I don't want to lose you like that."
His kiss told me that I wouldn't and our relationship started off again, this time slightly less bitter and little bit sweeter.
This is very, VERY rushed I know. Also, very drabble-ish because I was feeling like I wanted to write something and I ended up with this. Definitely not one of my better works, probably more towards my lacking, careless ones right? I would agree.
Criticism please:D I know Gem will (she always does and I am forever grateful)
Thank for reading this and remember to drop a line about what I can do to improve this in a review. I promise I'll do better next time ;)