I'm going by Movie 3 and not just the anime, though I have seen many of those episodes as well. So if some of their past is a little off, it's because the movie and the anime don't exactly coincide…. I don't think they do anyways… I don't know fanfics are confusing me. Sometimes reality and fanfics clash.
Expect OOC as this is a yaoi fanfic.
Disclaimer: I neither own Inuyasha nor make any money from this fanfic.
Confessions of a Western Lord
Episode 1: Tamed
"Do you have something to protect, Sesshoumaru?"
My father asked me that once, right before he left to save Inuyasha's mother. I had asked him to leave the swords, so that I could be powerful. I still hoped to one day beat him and be stronger than him. Yet, he died, saving that human and her child… his child. Not even born and Inuyasha already had more of my father's love than I did.
At the time I scoffed. I, Sesshoumaru, protect no one. I need no one, save myself and my own power.
Then later – in the battle against that sword, Sou'nga, who had possessed that human – I remembered hearing father's words, echoing around me.
I still denied protecting anything… knowing the whole time that there were two that I always fought for… that, though I would not say it aloud, I was willing to die for. Rin, my ward, and even the annoying twit, Jaken. They were my responsibility, and I protected them. Though say it aloud and to my face and I would be tempted to rip off your own with my poisonous claws.
However, lying here, feeling the warmth of another body pressed up against mine, breathing gently as he sleeps, I find myself wondering if there is yet another I should protect. Not that the monk needs it. Indeed, with his ofuda and kazaana, he is very powerful, his spirit energy one of the highest I have seen in a ningen.
Lying on the ground, beneath the soft canopy of trees, with him cuddled up to my side, I can see the moon peeking through the trees. It is but a shining white orb that casts a gentle light on two lovers on the forest floor.
I can feel his smooth skin against mine, so soft. I have to be careful. Ningens are such fragile creatures… just a little pressure and I can easily break his skin with my claws, so I am cautious.
Because, I, Sesshoumaru, have fallen for a human… and not just any human at that, a raven-haired, violet-eyed monk by the name of Miroku. Just like my brother, who I can no longer bring myself to hate, and my father, who I now understand… I have learned to care for a ningen.
I cannot say when the obsession first began or when I first felt trapped within his gaze. When my heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice… that was a moment which severely frightened me. I was reacting to a ningen… my BODY was reacting to said creature in ways that I had pushed down a long time ago.
I wanted to tear out that damn tie and run my fingers through his hear; I was insanely curious as to how it would feel. I wondered would it be as soft as mine, as well-groomed and silken. Would it be coarse and rough?
That night we first lay together, and I submitted myself to him. Why I did, I still do not understand… but from the first time… he has owned me.
I shiver briefly, but not from the cold. No, from the heat building up within me as I recall that night. There was so much passion and desire between us. Our coupling was fierce and almost animalistic… as if he were the demon and I the human.
I remember him running his tongue over my markings… and me shivering beneath his touch. He does not know that those are sensitive parts of my body but perhaps that is the desire behind it all. His hands… they ought to be outlawed. When he touches me, my whole body feels as if it is on fire. I arch and moan and sigh, sounding completely unlike myself… but I cannot help my reaction. There is something about the way his soft human flesh feels ghosting over mine accompanied by the somewhat rough, but smooth feel of his prayer beads over the kazaana. I cannot even begin to explain it…
He murmurs of how I taste, though I never really understood how anyone could taste the way he describes. He has a tongue that consistently spills pretty words and undeniable sensations. When he places his mouth on me, stroking, sucking, nibbling gently, I literally melt underneath him.
I never thought that I would ever take a human as a lover… but feeling that warm mouth descending onme andthe accompanying hot, tingling sensations that spread throughout my anatomy… I wonder why I had not done it before. Humans have so much passion… so much vigor… I suppose it is necessary for their rather short lives.
I am tempted to sigh with content at the feelings within me. I can hear Ah-Un snoring peacefully, Rin probably cuddled up to his warm belly. Even Jaken's bubbly gurgle as he sleeps on is clear to my hearing. I can feel no other youkai nearby so I know that my charges are safe. The night is crisp and clear and the mossy ground beneath me soft and comfortable. There is warmth at my side, the only warmth that can come from having been sexually satisfied.
Yet, at the end of the night, the raven-haired monk in my arms does not belong to me but to a certain ningen demon slayer. It is this thought that sobers me. So why did I even bother… why did I come to him and call him to me? Why do I continue to seek after him… knowing how it will end each time?
Because my heart has been trapped in violet eyes… so maybe that is why I let him take me… why I allow myself to belong to a ningen male. I have fallen into the same trap of my father and my younger half-brother. The love of a ningen… it brings down the strongest of demons. My entire family is proof of that, which is all null and void… because I do not even have his love or devotion or promise… just a touch that sets me afire with desire. Feelings that I have not felt in a long time, sensations that melt my cold exterior, I almost want to change. It is frightening but exhilaratingly freeing as well.
He does not need my protection… he does not even need me. Before the horizon greets the morning and the sun begins its first stirrings, he will be gone… as if he had never been there at all. Back to my idiotic half-brother, that miko, the annoying kit, and the demon slayer that he has fooled himself into loving. Indeed, he must be a fool to choose a ningen women over me, Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands.
However, I am the greater fool for allowing myself to become addicted to a violet-eyed monk. After all, I cannot offer him that… a child. Perhaps that is why I let him go every morning. I cannot give him what he needs… what he desires most. I know of his curse. I know of the Kazaana and his desire to continue his lineage despite the fact that he will just be passing on the curse.
His friends know nothing… well, not the ningens anyway. I have heard the little kit comment once or twice that he smelled 'funny'. I know my brother knows; he is not that much of an idiot. He never says anything however… just glares and wrinkles his nose.
Inuyasha knows the scent of his older brother… knows it well. I wonder why he keeps the monk's secret. Is this what is known as friendship? Stupid ningen emotions. The women are none the wiser, of course, especially since he keeps up his lecherous tendencies.
I know because I have followed him when my obsession was just beginning and after he had me for the first time… moments when I just wanted to see him. I have watched him from a distance; I have snuck glances at him bathing alone; he has become an obsession for this Inuyoukai, but I cannot stop it.
I tried to kill him once. He was lying there in my arms again. Sleeping peacefully, completely trusting. I even called up my poison, ready to get rid of the nuisance that had invaded my mind and tore down my icy walls… making me FEEL again. However, I could not do it… I felt weakness… that was the only night that I left first, and it has never happened again. He did not even question me when I appeared again a few days later.
I wonder if he is proud of himself for bringing me, Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands, to my current situation. Rin and he have tamed the beast… she made me smile, made me care first, and he… he made me feel. There is joy in living even in such extended lives as us demons.
It had become so monotonous. Yet, he awoke me from my slumber.
And still he does not belong to me; he is not mine, and at the end of it all… I will be left with nothing. Pathetic really… but I cannot stop. Without his touch I am bereft… without his smooth, dulcet tones telling me I am beautiful I believe just the opposite.
Why do I not just take him? Why do I not just demand that he stay with me, forbid him to return to those ningens and my brother, order that he remain with me? Why? I am Lord, should I not take what I desire? No, I have already decided this. I do not want a slave or a sullen bedmate. I want him to come willingly; I want him to come to me.
The sun is starting to come up now… just barely peeking over the horizon. Small streams of light are filtering through the tree branches and leaves. I have stayed awake nearly this entire night thinking of him, not that I truly need sleep. I am, after all, a demon.
I can feel him stirring slowly. He always wakes with the dawn. It gives him just enough time to dress, splash his face with some water, and creep back to his friends. When will this end, I wonder? When will he finally call end it, or when I will decide that I will not stand for it anymore?
I pretend I am asleep, not sure what I would say if I showed him I was awake. What to say, after all? Surely not nonsense… begging words. I will not beg him to stay, and I will not follow human custom. Words such as those do not belong in my vocabulary. Yet, there is still a part of me that tells me to force away my pride and tell him what I am truly thinking. I snort internally because to do so aloud would alert him to my wakefulness.
I can sense him rising and stretching slowly. I can almost see him blink as he takes in his surroundings and checks to be sure his wards and beads are still in place. It is a nervous habit of his; consistently making sure that the wind tunnel is sufficiently covered.
The warmth leaves my side, and I know he has completely risen. I will bet that in the early morning light and slightly cool, damp air, he looks positively edible. I crack open an eye. He has his back to me as he searches around for his clothing. This is fine by me because I can see his better half. Miroku is quite thin beneath all his robes, but he still has muscles evident by the way they ripple as he moves. I stifle a sigh of desire, and once more pretend I am asleep. I can already feel myself preparing for another round that I know is not going to come.
I can hear the rustling of fabric as he pulls on his robes and then the tinkling of the rings on his staff. It is quite a deadly weapon; I discovered that the hard way. However, I will not go into that today. It is far more than a walking stick.
I can hear his footsteps crunching over the fallen leaves and for a moment I thought he had left. Then I felt his presence settled on my right side. He kneels down, and I feel a soft kiss on my forehead.
He had never done that before. Who did he think I was? Some child to be kissed goodbye… and on the forehead, no less!
My eyes snap open, and I grab his arm, pulling him down so that I can kiss him properly and firmly on the lips. He falls forward with a small oomph of surprise and our lips meet. I invade his mouth with my own, rubbing a fang over his bottom lip and swiping my tongue inside his wet cavern. He moans softly and gives in slightly, relaxing his body against mine, staff falling to the ground forgotten as he wraps a hand in my arm and uses the other to steady himself. For a moment I mourn the loss of my limb, wishing that I could wrap a hand around his head and pull him closer.
After a moment, the need for oxygen separates us. He looks down at me, smirking as usual. "I knew you were faking."
"Feh," I say and slide out from under him, searching for my clothing. I do not want to hear what is coming next. 'I am going now' or some such nonsense.
"You are beginning to sound like your brother," he comments, shifting his weight back to sit on his legs as he tucks them underneath his body. Odd… it makes me wonder if he thinks he is going to stay this time.
I send him an evil glare for daring to compare me to the half-breed, who I have secretly learned to tolerate and grudgingly allotted a small amount of admiration. The little fool had guts, I will grant him that much… and he was tenacious; I had not beaten the half-breed, yet. Then again, he does have father's blood in him so it is to be expected.
And as usual, my glare has no effect. I believe I am losing my touch. On any other day it would send any ningen and demon running for fear. Instead, it makes him smirk wider, even lecherously as he watches me dress.
I feel a hand grace my backside and I do not even have to resist the urge to strike him. There is none. I sigh because I actually relish the touch, remembering how it feels when other actions accompany it. Instead of striking him, I resort to idle threats that I know he will not take seriously.
As I latch my armor back about my chest, I growl. "I could take your hands for that."
I hear him stand and walk up behind him. He rises up on his feet and leans into my ear. He breathes a puff of warm air on my ear and whispers seductively. "Ah, but then how would Iscrew you?"
I shiver unintentionally as all sorts of thoughts run through my mind. How, indeed? I turn around and attempt to grab him for another kiss, but he has already danced out of my reach. Damn Inuyasha for taking my other arm!
"Come back here, human," I growl. He started something in me, and now he needs to finish it.
He laughs as he heads off into the forest, completely ignoring my demands. Back to his ningen friends and back to my half-brother.
"I will take care of that… problem, later," he calls back to me in a saucy tone as he disappears into the surrounding forest.
I entertain thoughts of chasing him down and making him do as I say. Imagine, him tempting me, Sesshoumaru, and getting away with it. He has poisoned me, captured me in some spell to leave me feeling this way, empty, bereft, and extremely wanting!
I gather up the rest of my things, Tensaiga and Tokijin included, all the time thinking of him and my fate as I head back towards where I left my wards and Ah-Un.
I sigh because I have allowed a human to own me in such a way. Yet, it is only when I am sitting back with Rin and Jaken, listening to the little female chatter away continuously as she braids wildflowers into my hair that I even realize what has happened to me.
Ice Lord… that is a name that has been given to me. Humans… I hate them… despise them… yet allow them to touch me in ways I would not even allow most demons. Cold… untouchable… deadly… all adjectives that have been used to describe me.
I idly wonder when Miroku will return, if he ever does, or if I will have to go fetch him. I wonder if I will spend the rest of my days chasing after a human, or if I will finally kill him as I had once intended. I wonder how I have come to this point in my life, and then I realize that I left one more adjective out of the list.
This might turn into a collection of one-shots, but I have several other fics going so updates are going to be sporadic at best.
This is my first Inuyasha fic so I am very interested in feedback, good or bad.