Disclaimer: Smallville, it's stories, characters and everything else does not belong to me.
Spoilers: Season 5
Summary: "He would possess her and Lana would let him."
Authors Note: This was originally posted as a one shot, but after inspiration struck I wrote a second chapter. A title then followed and I now have plans for one more chapter (all three are from Lana's POV). After watching the first two episodes of season 2, this just sort of popped into my head. It's short and choppy, I kind of like it and actually think it's worth posting. The themes are dark and the Lana I depict isn't necessarily to everyone's liking. Please review with opinions and thoughts – constructive criticism is also welcome. Thank you too all those who reviewed when this was just a one shot.
When she kisses Clark she can pretend to know what she wants. Telling him that she loved him hadn't been a lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either. Some part of her wanted to love him; did love him, but the rest of her – most of her – used him as her fallback. Clark was her safety net. Being around Clark made her feel safe; life had no dangerous surprises or spontaneous actions. Lana's world had been too turbulent for too long.
There had been a spaceship in Flanders Field, she was certain of it. Lex had seen it too; she had an unwavering belief in that fact. The black triangle-like mystery was probably locked up in one of the numerous LuthorCorp facilities. When she was alone it was all she could think about. Her mind mulled over explanations, theories, reasons and most nights she exhausted herself into a sleep filled with aliens, death, fire, sex and Lex. When she was with Clark all of that disappeared.
Lana questioned her sanity with Clark, being around him made her question whether she really had been hysterical and in shock and whether the spaceship had simply been a hallucination. Feeling his trademark plaid shirt between her fingers, watching as the fabric falls from his body, allows her to forget all about the mind-boggling riddle that was Smallville. He touches her and she enjoys it, she escapes into it, focuses solely on his hands tenderly exploring her body. Always though she wishes he would be less gentle.
Lex wouldn't be gentle. He'd be rough; with him she thinks everything would be rough – except his lips. Those, she imagines (knows) would be as soft as the silk he wears and demanding. He would possess her and Lana would let him. Only she can't, because Lex is uncertainty and spur of the moment. He and Clark are opposites; there is no middle ground she knows. So she picks security and monotony.
Fire lingers behind her eyes, streaking to the front when she closes them. In the fire she sees everything she wants but will not let herself have. Burning, it holds the destruction of the meteor showers and Lex. When she orgasms with Clark her eyes close and the image is there, unable to be shifted. Lana knows that the juxtaposition of destruction and Lex is not mere coincidence.
Afterwards, when Clark holds her, she drifts into a dreamless sleep. Even then Clark's influence is there, stopping images from flooding her – stilling her desires if only for a moment. She knows instinctively when she has moved beyond the reach of his arms, because suddenly Lex is there and he's claiming her, the fire licking at her heels.
In the morning she tries to escape in Clark again, but he does not understand and rises from the bed. Lana sinks into the mattress and watches as he gets dressed. Clark sees only black and white in the world; he will never be able to comprehend the concept of grey. Lana's whole life has been about the grey. She's lived in it all along, while others thought she was the epitome of the whiteness in the world.
She isn't sure about Lex anymore. Growing up she was sure that the gossips were wrong about him – surely he couldn't be his father? After meeting him she'd decided that he knew all about the greys of life, he lived in them too. They bonded over that she thinks, although neither of them knew it at the time. Now it is hard to tell whether Lex is grey or black. It is why she doesn't choose him.
Clark opens the door and smiles brightly at her, in that moment his features are inexplicably childlike and she sees in his eyes the worship of her he has always carried. It is tiring and when the door closes softly behind him she closes her eyes and lets herself burn.