Just a one-shot… if you don't like sadness then please don't read. This fanfic is kinda… really sad…
Title: Hold Me Till I Die
Summary: A single lie broke them. A persistent male brought them together. A Valentines Day wedding… and a death to remember. "Promise me you'll hold me till the day I die…" ONESHOT. SS
Disclaimer: CLAMP owns… not me. I own the plot.
Aging: Sakura: 18 – Syaoran: 19
Hold Me Till I Die
All it took was one lie…
A single lie…
Two soul mates…
A single lie destroyed it.
A single lie killed it…
A single lie…
-Sakura Kinomoto: January 30, 2006
Sakura closed her notebook, writing her little blurb. She had kept a Journal of all her feelings ever since that 'day'. It was terrible, it was… unimaginable. She closed her eyes, fighting back the tears. It had been seven months, and even still she still cried whenever she thought about it. She knew she didn't want to tell Syaoran, she couldn't tell him so she lied about it… and it was because of that she was here today, sitting on her bed, writing in her notebook, hopeful that Syaoran will read it all when she's gone.
I love him so much. She thought closing her eyes. The doctors were wrong… everybody was wrong. God had a different plan for her. She didn't hit five years… no… she came out after the first year. She sighed as she opened her notebook to page one, dated July 13th, 2004…
Simplicity is the best gift. Over everything God can give you, simplicity is the best. Honesty, purity, simplicity, makes a person who they are. Hearts unite, hearts break, everything can happen. Simplicity…
Doctors told me that I'm in remission and if I hit 5 years then I'm risk free. I was happy and I can tell Touya and Dad were ecstatic. Nobody knows except Tomoyo, Eriol and my family. Chiharu, Takashi, Naoko, Rika… not even Syaoran knows. Some things are better left unsaid.
Mother if you were here… but I know that I'll be joining you soon…
Happy 17th birthday Syaoran-kun.
-Sakura Kinomoto: July 13th, 2004.
Sakura felt her insides well up. She knew it. You know it when your time is running out and Sakura knew it well. Being the age of 18, a year younger than Syaoran, she knew more about life and death than anybody else. Trapped in her own self, she knew she was dying, and she hated it. She hated the fact she couldn't live her life, have children, be a mother, watch her kids grow up, watch her friends get married… get married herself! Touya was getting married in five months, but Sakura knew she wouldn't be here… she knew it.
Why didn't I tell them? Sakura asked herself. If I told Syaoran maybe I wouldn't be here today! He wouldn't be in Hong Kong! Dear god…
Syaoran left for Hong Kong, with nothing but a note which Sakura still didn't understand. It was written so strangely that Sakura couldn't depict it. Words scribbled together and dual meanings. At times it seemed he didn't want her yet at other times while reading the note, it seemed he yearned for her.
But why did he leave? Sakura thought blindly as she hugged her notebook. She was so alone. She had family and friends, yes, but that didn't stop the emptiness that was engulfing her. She sighed as she put her notebook back in her drawer and stood in front of her dresser mirror. She touched her hair. It was soft and it was shoulder length. The treatment made her hair fall out but now her hair is back. What was the point? You either die because you have it… or you die because of all the chemicals injected into you.
I wish life turned out different. I wish that I wasn't the one in this situation. I wish that Syaoran and I were fine and we were still…together… I wish… Sakura sighed deeply. What am I doing? Wishing gets you nowhere… I learned that a long time ago.
Sakura tied her hair in a bun and walked downstairs. Her dad was at work at the University and Touya was at work at the local Restaurant. Sakura walked to her shelf of Disney movies and pulled out The Prince of Egypt. Her most favourite movie, only because whenever she watched it, she felt that miracles can happen. She sat down and hugged her teddy bear, Ceroberus. She watched from Moses on the river, all the way to the Red Sea. The movie took quite a chunk of her day out but that was nothing compare to her life being cut short.
Sakura learned to stop crying after the first year. She can't prolong the inevitable and soon enough, everybody dies, right?
Though she wished that Syaoran was with her… that he held her and reassured her.
Dammit! Sakura cursed inwardly. Did he think leukemia is contagious? God why are you doing this to me? What have I ever done wrong?
Kinomoto Sakura, had cancer.
Syaoran blindly swung his sword. For the past seven months, he went down in his strength. He left Sakura… but why?
WHY DID I LEAVE HER? AM I BLOODY STUPID? He cursed himself. Constantly, day to day, he trained himself to get these thoughts out of his head. The Li Clan wasn't letting him leave and Yelan couldn't change their minds. He left Sakura because he was angry she lied to him about her having leukemia. They had been going out for 9 months and she constantly told him she was fine even when he could tell she wasn't. One time he lost contact with her for 5 months and nobody told him where she was. When she finally returned, she seemed gaunt, and she only said her great Aunt Saki died. Syaoran didn't believe a single word she said.
One day he overheard her talking to Tomoyo one day in the school cafeteria. She was talking about how she needed to go back to the hospital because she fainted and started feeling sick. Syaoran didn't interrupt but much rather shattered when Tomoyo hugged her and said…
"You'll be okay Sakura. You'll stay in remission and the leukemia won't bother you anymore."
That's what did it. She had hidden that fact for so long and lied to keep it hidden. He wasn't thinking, just the fact that he knew he'd lose Sakura to something so… so… so NATURAL, that he couldn't save her… it pissed him off. Without thinking at all, he booked a ticket to Hong Kong and without thinking, he left…
And he left a note…
That note was the directions to Syaoran's most prized possession and if Sakura really knew him, she'd depict it. Syaoran panted as he dropped his sword and fell to his knees.
Sakura… I'm so sorry… I'm so, so, so sorry. He thought. Tears clouded his vision and he furiously rubbed them away. He stood up and pulled on his t-shirt. He'd go back to Japan. It's final, he didn't care what the Li Clan said or what the elders did to prevent him from leaving. He was stupid seven months ago and he was going to make up for it. His… his life was dying and he knew that if she was gone, he'd have no purpose. He needed her. She was his anchor, she kept him alive, kept him breathing, kept him what he was today.
I'm coming back, my Sakura. He thought. He was going to make up for the mistake. He left her seven months ago, out of blinded fury and pain, but he will return and he WILL make it up to her. He'll make sure of it.
Sakura got up, after the movie finished and walked back to her bedroom. She wanted to take a walk so she grabbed her sweater and walked downstairs. Tomoyo and Eriol were out on a lunch date but they promised they'd come by and visit her later that evening. Sakura was grateful for friends like them. She pulled on her shoes and left the house. She shoved her hands into her sweater pocket and walked, with her head down. She felt something in her sweat pocket and frowned as she brought it.
The note, She thought. She unfolded it and saw Syaoran's messy writing. She decided to reread it.
True love beings with friendship.
Slides of truth, swings of love…
Hidden under the sands is belonging,
A heart shaped box that holds my love.
Friendship takes another rout.
Towards the light at the end of the bridge.
The grass shining with dew…
Friendship and taken a turn.
The key fits into life itself…
The key to my heart….
While reading the note, Sakura had made it to Penguin Park. She read it a few times over before it hit her. She read the first few lines.
Slides of truth… swings of love…a park! Sakura looked up and saw the penguin slide and the swings. She raced forward before staring at the note again.
Hidden under the sands is belonging… a heart shaped box that holds my love. Sakura looked around and her eyes landed on the spot underneath the Penguin Slide. She and Syaoran had cuddled up there many times in the past. She ran there and began digging with her bare hands. Eventually a small heart shaped box appeared. Sakura tried to open it but it was locked.
The second half of the letter. She thought as she stared at the note again.
Friendship takes another rout, towards the light at the end of the bridge… grass shining with dew, a bench… A BENCH! Where he asked me out! Sakura thought. He asked her out by a bridge that overlooked a creek. They sat on the bench when he asked.
"Li Syaoran," Sakura whispered as she ran towards that area. She made it there, panting. She found the bench they sat on and started looking around. She couldn't find anything and frowned.
"There must be a clue," She thought as she stared at the note. Her eyes kept going over the grass and dew… grass and dew…
Grass and… dew… sprinkler! She thought as she ran towards the main control that turned on the sprinklers for the entire area. She bent down and dug under the switch box and found a small key. The ending was clear. She took the key and inserted it into the box. It clicked and the box opened…
Sakura's heart raced as she saw a small ring sitting in a velvet cushion. There was a note in the box.
I'm sorry… wait for me?
Sorry? Wait for you? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME THEN? Sakura thought as she slammed the box shut and shoved it into her pocket.
"Damn Syaoran," She thought as she made it back home, pissed off.
Syaoran told his sisters that he was going to leave. They respected his decisions and aided him in his sneak out. He packed lightly and took the ticket that Sheifa got him.
"Take care Xiao Lang," Sheifa hugged her younger brother. Fanran and Fuutie were sitting on the bed, tears leaking out of their eyes.
"Go get her bro," Feimiel smiled softly, "you left and you were stupid, but who can blame you? It was a shock. Go make up for it ok?"
"Bring her back Xiao Lang," Fanran said, sniffing, "bring her back to us ok?"
Syaoran hugged his sisters. He stopped in front of Fuutie. She was closest to him out of all of his sisters and he loved her in a different way than his other sisters. Fuutie always took care of him and he looked up to her. She kissed his bruises, fed him, dressed him when he was younger and stood up to idiots who pushed him around.
"Fuutie?" He said softly. Fuutie couldn't take it. She jumped up and hugged him. "The elders will be so mad that your leaving. I'm worried Xiao Lang."
Syaoran patted her. "I'll be back, with Sakura."
Fuutie sniffed, "Take care Xiao Lang."
He nodded as he opened his window. "Sheifa, thanks for getting Jason to drive me to the airport."
Jason was Sheifa's boyfriend. Sheifa smiled and nodded. "Anything for you little bro,"
Syaoran smiled as he jumped onto the huge oak tree outside his bedroom. He waved to his sisters one last time before disappearing.
"The elders will be so mad," Fanran said.
"Forget the elders!" Fuutie cried. "He's so little, and he's going to Japan to get his dying love! That is true love!"
Sheifa laughed. "Relax Fuutie, Xiao Lang will be fine, he's 19, NOT young!"
"So, you're 22, are you saying you're old?" Feimiel raised a brow at her youngest sister, Sheifa. Sheifa snorted. "Does Mother know Xiao Lang left?"
Fuutie nodded. "I told her,"
Fanran gulped. "It's now time to take care of the elders."
"Leave that to me," Fuutie said. Feimiel rolled her eyes. "You maybe closest to Xiao Lang, but we're his sisters too. Let's go take care of those controlling elders."
Five days passed and it was now February 5th, 2006. Sakura opened her notebook and began writing. She was feeling much worse than ever. Her body was weak, breathing had claimed near impossible now, but she didn't tell anybody. She didn't want to worry anybody. She knew she was dying… she knew it.
If only time stopped for an instant, maybe then I can do everything I've always wanted. The most I want right now is to see Syaoran and have claim of being his. Girlfriend is wishing to far but I wanted to… be his wife. Yeah ok so what, I'm a dreamer big deal… but it's just, so many things can't happen.
Sakura fell into a coughing fit before trying to regain her breathing. When she came out of remission, they found out the bone marrow that Touya donated to her was rejected and they had to do quick surgery. They did another bone marrow transplant and it seemed to be doing well. Sakura sighed. She was going to die soon, no use in worrying anybody over it. Fujitaka and Touya could tell something was happening to Sakura but she denied it…
Sakura took a deep breath and continued to write. Her window was open slightly and the cool breeze drifted in.
I just want to say that I wish things went differently. But wishing gets you nowhere. God has a plan for me and I guess I have to go with what he wants. He wants something for everybody and this is my story. I was intended to get cancer and maybe… Syaoran was intended to leave me for a bigger purpose?
Whatever, I don't want to think now.
-Sakura Kinomoto: February 5th, 2006.
Sakura snapped her notebook shut and stretched. Just as she finished stretching, she heard her window creak open. Her eyes widened as she snapped her gaze towards the window to find a most… impossible sight…
Sakura found she was hyperventilating. She couldn't believe it… wait but… why was he here?
"Syaoran?" Sakura whispered softly. He took two steps forward and Sakura glared at him, before throwing her notebook at his head.
"WHY ARE YOU HERE?" She cried, tears starting to pour out of her eyes. Syaoran caught the notebook and placed it down on her nightstand. He took three steps forward and Sakura took five steps back.
"Sakura," he said, his breathing becoming shallow. For the first time in seven months he's seen his life. She looked just as beautiful as ever, even with the cancer affecting her.
"Why… why are you here?" Sakura sobbed. Syaoran threw his arms around her. Sakura found it impossible that he closed a distance for at least 6 steps in two seconds. She felt his arms around her and she lost control. She sobbed into his shirt, allowing everything that was building up in her to leave. Syaoran stroked her, his fingers rubbing the back of her neck softly. Sakura hugged him tightly, forgetting that he left her… wait…
HE LEFT ME! She thought as she shoved away from him.
"You left me! You left when you found out I had cancer! Why? You thought it was contagious and that you'd get it too?" Sakura accused. Syaoran bowed his head in shame. He knew she had the right to yell at him and accuse him all she wanted.
"I was… scared." He murmured. Sakura's eyes widened. "What?"
"I was scared that I'd lose you," He said. He looked up at her. "I love you a lot Sakura, and it was the fact that I knew I could lose you to something like cancer, it scared me. I wanted to get away from it, to forget the fact that I'd lose you… so I went to Hong Kong. Trust me baby," he said softly, "I wanted to come back but the Elders put me on restraints since I was turning weak in their eyes. Only the other day, Fanran, Fuutie, Feimiel and Sheifa helped me after a long week of planning."
Sakura glared at him. "You were scared? I'm the one living with cancer, living with the fact that my boyfriend left to Hong Kong when he found out I was cancer positive!"
Syaoran closed his eyes. "You have the right to lash out on me, I know I was stupid, and in a way I still am."
Sakura stared at him. "Wh…what do you mean?"
"I came back hoping you'd forgive me, thought it's kinda really proved impossible. I don't blame you, I'd never forgive myself if I ran out on me… if that made sense at all, but I can't forgive myself even now that I left you. Baby, I'm really, really sorry."
Sakura stared at him for a long time. The clocked ticked and seven minutes passed. Finally she let out a deep breath.
"Promise me you'll never leave me," She started softly.
"Promise me you'll love me, regardless,"
"Promise me you'll help me live the next few days as the happiest I've ever been."
Sakura closed her eyes. "Promise me you'll hold me till the day I die…"
Syaoran stared at her for a long time, not as long as seven minutes, but it felt so long. He put his arms around her and bent his lips near to her ear. "Promise."
Sakura hiccupped. "I love you so much!" She cried into his arms. All her fears, her tears, her pain, everything flowed out as she sat in the arms of Syaoran, the man she truly ever loved, and ever will. They stayed in that position for a long time before Syaoran, though hesitant, pulled back.
"Did you find it?" he murmured.
"Yeah like last week." Sakura said softly, "You made the most impossible clues."
"Where is it?" Syaoran asked. Sakura pointed to the heart shaped box on her dresser. Syaoran got up and picked up the box. He walked back to Sakura and smiled at her as she got on one knee.
"I want to make you happy Sakura," he smiled, "I want to be with you, and I'm still not forgiving myself for leaving and well, you can officially call me the most stupidest guy in the world. I'm crazy," he said, his voice softening, "instead of being there with you, I left. I'm crazy for leaving… but I'm also crazy about you Sakura. I want the world to know that you're mine."
Sakura stared at him, her heart racing.
"Will you marry me?"
The family, they all rushed the wedding. Sakura said she wanted to marry Syaoran as soon as possible so they planned the wedding date for Valentines Day. She felt amazingly weak and she could tell her heart was slowing down. Even still she didn't tell anybody. Tomoyo squealed as she taped her best friend in her wedding gown.
"You make a gorgeous bride Sakura!" Tomoyo said. Sakura laughed, with great difficulty and Tomoyo knew something was wrong. "What's wrong?" She asked.
"Nothing," Sakura said shaking her head. Her father came to the back and said that the bridal music was beginning. Sakura smiled at her father.
"Daddy," She said. Fujitaka grinned at her. "Yes Cherry Blossom?"
"I love you," She said, knowing it was the last time she'd ever say that to her father. Fujitaka hugged her. "I love you too my baby girl."
Sakura heard the music begin and they both walked out, walking the red carpet. Sakura saw her husband standing at the alter and Syaoran watched his wife walk down aisle. Sakura kissed her fathers cheek and smiled at her brother. She then looked into Syaoran's eyes, getting lost. She felt her legs starting to give way and Syaoran could tell something was wrong. Sakura closed her eyes for a long time before opening them and flashing a fake smile. Syaoran, saw right through it.
The prayers and vows were given and the rings were presented.
"Do you take Kinomoto Sakura to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"Do you take Li Xiao Lang to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
"I do." Sakura said. Eriol brought out the rings and the bride and groom slipped it on.
"You may kiss your bride,"
Syaoran lifted her veil and bent down, capturing her lips. He sent chills down her spine as his lips, warm and soft, worked around hers. Sakura closed her eyes and allowed his tongue to enter her mouth. The kiss was long yet so sweet. Everybody watched in awe as the bride and groom literally emitted a white aura, love surrounding them. Syaoran pulled back and smiled as he picked her up, of course, bridal style.
"We'll see you later," he said. The two of them made it to the limo and Syaoran turned on Sakura as the car started for their home.
"What's wrong?" He asked, knowing soemthign was wrong.
Sakura closed her eyes. "Nothing."
"Lies," Syaoran bit out, "you denied it so long ago, tell me now at least, I'm your husband."
Sakura gulped. "Syaoran… I… I can… tell that I'm… going to die…"
Syaoran hugged her. "Please don't start this again,"
Sakura shook her head. "No. I feel my heart stopping… I'm going to die tonight Syaoran,"
Syaoran pulled back and stared at her. "No, Sakura what are you saying?"
"I've tried so hard to look my best for everybody, but… I know I'm going to die."
"Sakura!" Syaoran said as he shook her. "You're turning insane!"
Sakura felt herself being shocked. She knew… amazingly enough she wasn't scared, but more like awaiting this.
"At least I have a claim," She said weakly. Her body started to shut down. "I'm yours for eternity Syaoran," she said softly… "I love you."
Syaoran's eyes widened as he saw her fall limp. "No… no… SAKURA!" He screamed loudly. The driver stopped and rushed to the back to find the bride dead… and the groom in tears…
"I love you too," He said, tears rolling down his cheeks, "I love you too, my Sakura."
Ok so people with cancer don't just die like that but what? It's a fan fiction, it has some things twisted around… so tell me what you thought ok?