A/N: After Conclusions this popped into my head and I couldn't get rid of it. Let me know if there's any point in continuing.
Disclaimer: Oh, I wish.
I wonder if it's possible to fall in love at fifteen.
Most people would say it's not. They would say point blank that someone who's fifteen lacks the life experience to truly understand what love means.
But what if it is possible?
If it is, then I fell in love at fifteen. Completely, hopelessly, head over heels in love.
And you know what? It sucked. Big time.
Why? Because the girl I fell so in love with didn't fall back. And that hurt.
We were friends. And then everything changed. I fell for her. Vaughn fell for her. She fell for him. And everyone ended up hurting one another over and over again.
I know she cared about me. Trusted me. Maybe even liked me a little. That's all I ever wanted-for Josie to care for me the way I cared for her. But there was always this thing between her and Vaughn. A connection that none of us fully understood but we all recognized. Despite their issues, neither of them could fully give the other one up.
And if you think I haven't tried to get over her, you're dead wrong. I have. But it's hard. She's inside of me and refuses to come out. Which totally figures. Josie's the most stubborn person I've ever met. So it makes perfect sense that she'd do this to me.
Not that she did it on purpose. More than anything else I've ever known, I know that Josie would never intentionally hurt me.
None of this is her fault. It's not anyone's fault. It just happened.
It's been almost six months since she came back from that other timeline she was in. Before that I hadn't seen her in a year. But the moment I did it was like nothing had changed. The same feeling washed over me and all I could see was her.
I hear from her at least once a week. She emails all of us. After being isolated for so long she says she doesn't want lose any of us again.
I haven't seen her, face to face, since then. But I think about her constantly. It's all I can do to get through the day without calling her. So far I've done it. No phone calls. A few, impersonal emails every few weeks. Enough to let her know I'm glad she's back but not so much that she realizes I'm not over her. Because I'm not.
Sometimes I think I never will be.
I know it hurts her that I've stayed so distant. Marshall, Corrine, Z, even Vaughn have told me that she asks all the time why I don't make more of an effort. They go see her all the time. But I can't do it. Yet she never gives up on me. Every Tuesday like clockwork I wake up to a new message from her telling me all about the way things are going for her. I smile as I read it-proof that she's safe and happy.
They all think that I'm being stupid about this. They know my reasons, but they swore not to tell her, and say I could let her know I haven't cut her out of my life. Corrine told me once that I was wrong in thinking her disappearance hurt me more than it did the rest of them. I would never say so, but she's wrong. The rest of them, they all knew where they stood with her. Even Vaughn. But we could never quite figure it out. So while they were left with a missing friend or sort of girlfriend, I was left a question mark. A what might have been.
So I go about my day-class, work, study. I hang out with my friends on the weekends. I talk to my dad. I live my life without her in it. Just like I did for a year. But now it's different. Because now I know where she is. I could go see her if I had the courage.
But I can't. If I do, she'll know. And I can't go through that again.
I have to put her behind me. For all our sakes.
Maybe someday I'll be able to. To go and hug her again and see just the beautiful friend she always was. The girl who made me laugh. Made me angry. Trusted me. Broke my heart. Mended it.
But not yet.
A/N: Yeah, it's a little random. I wrote it quickly. If anyone wants to read any more, it will sort out. I promise.