Um… I apologise once more for my shoddy updates. I always mean well… I am now off for the summer, it should be a bit quicker. Mind you, I've just made a new claim on fanfic100 at lj. Which means I have 99 left. Balls.
In other news, I'm pimping horribly. Lykaios Nyx and myself have started a new fic. And we would like this fic to be read. Please. You can find it at www . fanfiction . net / s / 3045113 / 1 / (only without the spaces)
Remus brushed a hand through his hair anxiously. He could deal with people in small groups. Twos or threes, yes. But not about fifteen people. He'd probably end up hiding in the kitchen, like he always did at large parties.
Mind you, at least he looked a bit better than he had when he'd arrived in the country. A week of rest at Lily's hands had worked wonders- he looked respectable now. Still really thin- a week of food could only do so much after months of near starvation- but the clothes he was wearing hid that. He didn't look like a tramp, clean shaven and hair trimmed slightly. Ok, it was still too long. But wearing it tied back should hide that fact.
He faced his reflection in the mirror. Every part of his face was open and visible. The guests would be able to watch every move his face made.
It was that which made him shake it out, hiding his face from any eyes that might try to discover anything about him. Better to be avoidant than have others inquire.
He stumbled down the stairs to where people were already arriving. Half of them he couldn't recognise, they'd changed so much in the few years. But he smiled and nodded at them, accepting their welcomes and avoiding their questions. He knew they were looking at him and wondering. Well, let them wonder.
About fifteen minutes later and nearly everyone was there, in the sitting room, milling around and talking to each other. But he couldn't do that. Instead he hid in the corner, a drink in his hand, allowing the people who asked him questions to walk away unsatisfied.
He looked across at the door and felt something painful clench in his stomach. Selene had just walked in, looking radiantly happy. As happy as Remus could remember seeing her. Probably because of who was at her side.
Remus couldn't look away. He could remember before he'd left. Selene had fancied Sirius then, fallen madly head over heels for him before he even knew her name. He'd never shown an interest in her.
Now Sirius had one arm wrapped protectively around Selene's waist, smiling at the other people in the room, nodding and answering their questions. And Remus was just stood staring at them. Their eyes connected. Sirius smirked slightly, kissing Selene lightly on the cheek. Rubbing in the fact that Remus' sister was in his arms.
Remus downed the whiskey in his hand. Gryffindor courage was all very well, but sometimes it needed Dutch courage to help it on its way. He walked across the room, focussing on Selene.
"Remmy!" She sprang from Sirius' grasp and into Remus' arms, her perfume engulfing him and making his head swim.
He drew back slightly, smiling at her. "Good to see you." He moved his eyes, connecting with Sirius. "So you two are together?"
Selene blushed, touching Remus' shoulder briefly. "Yes. When you… we just…"
"We comforted each other." The voice was harsh and bleak, matched by the eyes.
"Remus?" He was pulled away, into the swirl of people, and for once he was happy. To get away from them and the questions that had to be asked. James would always be good for that.
He couldn't concentrate all evening, the questions that came his way mostly being deflected without a thought. The only constant thing inside his head was the determination not to look at Sirius. And yet he was still aware of how much the other man was drinking. Mainly because he was drinking the same amount.
Remus surveyed the glass in his hand, and knew the only other place to get the icy whiskey he wanted was in the fridge. Which was in the kitchen. And so he slunk through the room, heading for the kitchen, desperate for a few moments alone. The door opened and shut behind him, but Remus didn't turn around. If they wanted to say something to him, let them. He wasn't going to make the first move.
"You're so selfish." Sirius.
Remus slammed the door shut and turned round to face him. "How'd you work that one out?"
Sirius' eyes narrowed, and he gestured back at the other room. "All those people. They used to care about you, once upon a time. But then you left, and you broke their goddamn hearts. You bastard. They picked themselves up and got on with their lives, but now you're back-"
"Shut up." The words came out short and sharp. Remus didn't want to hear this, couldn't bear to hear what had been going round in his head since he'd got back.
But Sirius wouldn't relent. "-now you're back and they're destroyed again, destroyed by you. No one wants you, no one needs you. You should have stayed away."
Remus lashed out, slapping Sirius. He couldn't let the stinging tears fall. No sign of weakness, or else Sirius would seize on it. Too late- his feelings had stopped the blow from having any kind of strength.
"Never could hurt me properly, could you, Lupin?"
"Not half as well as you could hurt me, Black," Remus bit out.
He stumbled away, down the hall, to where the mirror hung on the wall. And he stared at his reflection. How did Sirius manage to do that? Every single time? It was only ever Sirius who could bring down his walls, make him show any type of emotion.
He picked up a random drink from the side and took a gulp. He needed it, and if there were any germs in it his metabolism should take care of them.
With one deep breath, Remus moved into the living room, sipping his drink slowly. Now, this he could be more comfortable with. Everyone was just sat round, talking quietly. And, as he moved into the room, Lily looked up at him.
"I think it's about time Remus talked to us."
He blushed, smiling slightly. "I'm always willing to talk."
"So, Remus, where there any lovely European ladies while you've been away?"
He took another sip from his water. "No."
"Oh, come on." Selene leaned in. "Lovely looking boy like you."
He shook his head, toying with his glass and avoiding looking at anyone. There hadn't been any women in his life. Of course not- would have been a bit stupid. But he couldn't tell any of them why. He didn't want them to turn away from him. "Afraid not."
"I think Remus is being all shy…" Selene stood, coming across to him and lifting up his chin. Remus stared into the brown eyes. "Come on, tell me."
He smiled. "No. Really, Selene, there was no one."
"Any reasons for that, Moony?" Remus whipped his head round. Sirius was leaning in the doorway, grey eyes malicious. Remus swore inwardly. There was no telling what Sirius could do in this condition. He'd probably tell every secret Remus had ever shared with him.
"Piss off, Black." The others looked up, not knowing what was actually happening between the two of them. Remus wanted it to stay that way.
"No." Sirius walked forward, towards Remus. He was trying to use his height to intimidate him, challenge him. "I think the lovely people should know the secret you're keeping. It isn't nice to keep secrets, Lupin."
Someone laughed. Remus couldn't spare an eye to see who. He needed to keep the contact with Sirius. Maybe if he stared him down, Sirius wouldn't do this. "Sirius, we all know that Remus is a werewolf. Old news."
"Oh, but I don't mean that. Do I, Moony?" Looking at Sirius now was like looking at a different person. The haughty bearing, the spiteful curl to the lips- he looked like just another member of the family he usually tried to deny all association with. Sirius was a mean bastard when drunk, and Remus knew what was coming. He'd known ever since Sirius had started to drink.
Time seemed to slow, the world narrowing to Sirius' lips. They took an age to form the words, enunciating each syllable correctly. It was a physical blow. "Remus is gay."
Remus giggled as he stared at the ceiling. This was the nice way of being drunk- just having everything be hilariously funny. Even stuff that really wasn't, like how he could see faces up there if he turned his head and squinted. It had only taken him two bottles of neat Firewhiskey to get to this point- and yet, Remus knew he could be completely sober in just a few minutes if he wanted.
The bed dipped as Sirius collapsed next to him. Sirius. Good old Sirius. He was always around. "We're leaving tomorrow." The voice was bleak. Ah, tonight was to be melancholy drunk night.
He shut his eyes. "I know." They'd been creeping around the topic for days, none of the Marauders wanting to bring up the subject of their imminent separation. Trust Sirius to be the one to finally say it.
"I don't want to." The voice was petulant, and sure enough when Remus turned grey eyes were bright with tears, lips pulled down into a pout. "Wormtail wants to get out, be free of me and James and maybe grow his own spine. Prongs couldn't care less, as long as he gets to be with Lily. Which he will, they're buying a house together."
Remus leant over, pushing a piece of Sirius' hair back behind his ear. "Only you and me who want time to stop."
Sirius stared at him, grey eyes connecting with black. He caught Remus' hand in his own and spoke, the words coming out breathy across the pale skin. "Just stay here. Right here. Forever and ever."
Remus gasped as he realised what position they were in. He was hyper aware of every place he was touching Sirius, their legs curled round each other and oh so close with their breath mingling…
He never knew who moved first, but soon they were kissing, hot tongues swirling around and battling for dominance, twisting and turning on the small bed.
Sirius pulled back slightly, ignoring the small moan that Remus made in the back of his throat. "This doesn't mean I'm gay," he panted slightly.
He looked so sexy to Remus' eyes, flushed cheeks and hair just slightly mussed. Remus knew that he wanted Sirius, and he didn't care what it took to get him.
This will probably end up being rewritten. I don't like how disjointed it feels- but I decided I was going to get it up tonight.