Super Smash Brothers

Food-Mart Frenzy

By Hoverbike Girl

Hello again, dear readers and reviewers! Hoverbike Girl here! This is the newest version of Food-Mart Frenzy! The biggest change you'll see is the change from present tense to past tense, but I also did my best to add more jokes here and there. And you've probably noticed by now that this is also a brand-new chapter! But to those of you who liked the original version, don't worry; I kept the main plot of the story (and most of the funny scenes, if not all of them) intact.

For those new to the story, this SSB fic originally started out in the setting of Melee; but as Brawl was developed and released, I made this story a transitioning point between the two games. So as the plot carries on, some characters will leave and new ones will be introduced.

Also, I would like to take a moment to answer a question many reviewers asked as I wrote this: why the Pokemon characters aren't in this story. I have to confess that back when I was first writing this, I was what some would call a "basher" of that franchise, so I purposely left them out. Now, I'm still not a fan of them, but I now realize that was being sort of unfair to SSB players who enjoyed those characters the most--my apologies. However, I decided to still leave them out of this second version of the story; the reason is that putting them in would upset the plot. For now, I ask readers to accept this little plot tidbit: in this story, the Pokemon characters (that includes the Trainer and Lucario from Brawl) had to take leave of the Smash Brothers in order to participate in their competitions. (Forgive me, fans; I know very little about that franchise except that they have their own fighting tournaments.) I appreciate your understanding.

One last thing before I start the story up for you: the inevitable disclaimer.

Disclaimer: I, Hoverbike Girl, do not own the Super Smash Brothers franchise or any characters featured in said game or this fanfic. Most of them are owned by Nintendo. Take that, you bloodsucking lawyers! (dodges flaming arrows) Okay, okay, I'm starting it!

Chapter #1: A Rude Awakening

The sun rose into a clear sky one quiet Saturday morning, over a cluster of low-grade, drab, gray buildings surrounded by high brick walls. Close by, a giant stadium (the first stage in Brawl's Subspace Emissary) floated in the air, empty of its usual cheering throngs. The little complex was the headquarters of the motley crew known as the Super Smash Brothers, or "Smashers" for short.

That Saturday, the organizer of the gladiator-like games, Master Hand, had given all the Smashers the day off. Almost all of them were taking advantage of this rare reprieve by sleeping in, in the largest, longest building on the complex. This collection of dorm rooms, combined with a kitchen, cafeteria, and other necessaries for living, had been dubbed "Smash Mansion" by the more sarcastic members.

The dawn hours came and went. No alarm clocks blared, and the sleeping fighters snored on in their dorms. (There were a few early-risers, but they were careful not to make a sound.) It looked like their break was off to a peaceful start.


…Er, maybe not.

"Wake-up call" would be an understatement to describe the scream; it was more like a nuclear explosion. All over Smash Mansion, Smashers bolted upright in their beds, fell out of their bunks, or unleashed a few screams of their own. For example…

"Mamma mia!" Mario, the most famous Smash Brother, yelped as he sat up in his top bunk. "What was a-that?!"

At about the same time, Fox McCloud rolled out of the bed beneath him (army-camo night clothes and all); he got into firing position, with his blaster (which he kept under his pillow at night) pointed at the door.

The other Star Fox member, Falco Lombardi, also jerked up in his bunk. But he was too quick, and his head smacked the bottom of the bunk above him. He tumbled clumsily out of bed beside his teammate in a heap, groaning, "Oww…"

"Nice form, graceful," Fox muttered without looking at him, with a hint of a smile on his face. "The Tweety PJs are a nice touch."

"Aw, can it, Fox!" the bird retorted, glaring at him. He snatched his blanket to cover up the embarrassing outfit. "Daisy bought 'em, not me!" (A/N: Yes, I'm counting Daisy as a Smasher.)

Mario, wearing his own red, full-body long johns, came down from his bed to join them, a little calmer but no less bewildered. "What was that?"

A cocoon of blankets on the other top bunk was shivering. The voice of his lesser-known brother, Luigi, squeaked out from inside them. "M-m-maybe s-somebody's d-d-dying."

Falco snorted. "Naw. I'll bet it's a horror movie on the TV."

"Someone forgot to turn it off? …Again?" Fox rolled his eyes.

"There was a CSI: Mushroom Kingdom marathon on last night."

"Ah. That explains it."

Suddenly, the scream came again. "Nnnoooooo!!!"

The Star Fox leader got to his feet, still holding up his weapon. "Well, TV or not, we should check it out."

He moved toward the door, and Falco, grumbling, fell in step behind him. Mario also followed, after getting his brother to come down from his bunk without any blankets.

Beyond their room, the main hallway of the dorm wing of Smash Mansion was in chaos. Many other Smashers had come out of their rooms; others were timidly peeking out their doors. Quite a few had bloodshot eyes and grimacing faces.

Before Fox had even taken a step out, he had to jump back to avoid a collision. One of their next-door neighbors, Marth, was hopping around the hall like mad, trying to yank something behind him.

Mario leaped out to help, but his eyes grew wide. "Good a-grief, Marth! Is that an arrow a-stuck in your, er, posterior?"

"Yeah, and it hurts like crazy!" yelled the blue-haired warrior. "Link, I'm gonna wipe the floor with you next Melee!"

Said Hylian came out of the room to their left already dressed in his warrior's outfit (he was one of the early-risers), his face flaming red in embarrassment. "I said sorry five times! I was practicing archery, and that scream caught me off guard!" He reached over and yanked his arrow out of Marth in one quick motion; but his roommate howled in pain one more time and glared daggers at him.

Suddenly there a huge thud, and an additional earthquake threw many of the Smashers to their knees. Then a deafening, furious voice roared out, "Who dares to wake me from my royal nap?!"

Falco groaned. "Nice going, Marth. You woke up King Char-Breath."

Another voice growled from the same room as Bowser (who else?). "Keep your tantrums to yourself, Your Royal Repulsiveness! Some of us are still tryin' to sleep!"

Link put a hand over his face. "And Ganondorf."

But Mario shrugged. "Let's a-not worry about them. What could a-be making that a-scream?"

"Or who," added Fox.

"We should try the girls," Falco said, rolling his eyes. "They're always screaming about something."

Fox shot him a warning glance, but didn't object to the idea. "You can knock on their door and ask. We'll see to the other rooms."

Trying to ignore the bickering coming from the evil Smashers' room (that would be Bowser and Ganondorf, folks), Star Fox and the Mario Brothers paired off to check the other dorm rooms. Most everyone was already awake (and not too happy about it), so they checked the room belonging to Link and Marth. The latter was in the bathroom, applying bandages to his injury; the former was standing over the bunk belonging to the other Fire Emblem warrior, Roy.

"He is still asleep?" Luigi marveled.

Link shrugged. "He's always been a deep sleeper. Roy? Roy! Come on, wake up!" He did everything he knew—slapping his face, yelling in his ear, and even beating him with another pillow—but the redheaded swordsman didn't stir.

Marth came out of the bathroom to see what they were doing. "Wow," he whispered, "he must really be out of it."

Just as the last word left his mouth, his partner's eyes suddenly snapped open, and he sprang up in his bunk, knocking Link to the floor. "Who said that?! …Oh, hey guys, what's up? …What're you all staring at?"

The Smashers barely had time to puzzle over this odd quirk before another scream pierced the air. But it wasn't the same one they had been hearing lately; it was female.

"Eeekk! Why you…!"



Marth snickered. "Sounds like Daisy just caught Falco peeking in the girls' room."

"Why do you think I let him go check on them alone?" said Fox with a little grin.

"I don't envy him," Roy remarked, grimacing and rubbing the back of his head. "That frying pan of hers really hurts!"

Then Falco appeared in the doorway, and many of the Smashers couldn't help busting out laughing. The frying pan had hit him so hard that it had stuck to his head; there was even a dent in the center where the top of his head was. The bird wobbled around dizzily until he fell back onto one of the bunks, moaning.

"You opened the door to their room while they were getting dressed, didn't you?" asked Fox.

Link turned red. "That happened to me once. Zelda wouldn't speak to me for a week."

"I didn't see anything!" Falco cried out in defense. "They freaked 'cause they saw the door opening! Daisy almost cut my arm off slamming the door on it!"

"Didn't you knock?" Fox said, shaking his head.

"Of course I did!" In a burst of anger, the bird pulled the frying pan off his head and threw it at his partner. But Fox dodged out of the way, and it hit Marth in the stomach instead. He went down, groaning.

Rather than apologize, Lombardi snickered. "You're sure getting your share of pain early today, Marth. First Link's arrow in your rear, and now that."

Roy choked down a laugh. "Whoa, wait, did I miss something?"

The blue-haired swordsman's face turned beet-red; he leaped to his feet, grabbed the frying pan, and started bashing Falco's head with it. The bird fled the room, but Marth pursued, pounding away with the pan. Daisy (fully clothed in her standard dress) just happened to come out into the hallway as they left, and she called after them, "I'll want that back when you're done!"

Then Peach peered into the swordsmen's room. "Good morning," she greeted pleasantly. "Do any of you know who is shouting?"

"That's-a why we are up, Peach," Mario answered. "We a-don't know who it is."

Fox offered, "Falco thought it could be the TV."

But the princess shook her head. "No, I turned it off hours ago. It was keeping Zelda up."

Link gulped. "Uh oh. Is she in a bad mood?"

"I'm afraid so. You boys might want to steer clear of her for a while." Then she tilted her head and put on a puzzled expression. "By the way, have any of you seen Samus?"

But before any of them could reply, the mysterious voice screamed yet another time. "No, no, no, no, nooooo!!!"

"Wait a minute!" Link perked up. "That sounds like…!" He checked the bunk above his, and it was empty. "It might be…!"

A huge shadow fell over them, and they all swallowed and turned around. Bowser towered above Peach, a growl rumbling in his throat. His red eyes were horribly bloodshot, and smoke was steaming out of his nose. They all backed away in horror; even Mario was shaking nervously! Then the evil Koopa roared out one word.


From behind him, there was a sleepy yawn. Bowser whirled to glare at the newcomer: Yoshi. The green dinosaur, half-awake and oblivious to the tantrum, shuffled into the room to join the crowd. "That doesn't sound like a shrimp screaming," he mumbled.

"No, no, you muddle-headed frog!" snapped another voice. This time Ganondorf appeared beside his fellow villain. "'Shrimp' is the nickname we gave to that little brat Young Link!"

"Oh!" the Smashers exclaimed. All of them looked at Link, who nodded and said, "They're right. It sounds like him."

"Then let's-a go and see what he is a-yelling about!" Mario declared. He darted forward, bounced on Bowser's head, and hit the ground running through the hallway. The Koopa King and Ganondorf suddenly found themselves being trampled by all the others as they followed the plumber's example. The rest of the Smash Brothers not in the room, curious, also took off down the corridor after them.

What in the world could Young Link be screaming about?

So, what did you think of this brand-new chapter? I hope it was funny and you enjoyed it; I haven't written anything like this in a long while. Don't hesitate to review.

But we're not done! Head on over to the next chapter! It's got some older content you veterans will remember, but it's pretty new too!