The Adventures of Skirt Boy and Stabby Girl
A/N- Thanks so much for all the great reviews. You guys all rock so much. However, Plot Hole of No Return gets the prize of coolest reviewer because their awesome review made me remember that I had another chapter of this ready to be posted. –gives out cookies to all reviewers- Now, onto another episode of… The Adventures of Skirt Boy and Stabby Girl!
PART TWELVE: Raven the Dark Angel
Nel turned toward Albel. "What are you doing with that?"
"This? It's a bomb!"
"It's a rubbery ducky!"
"FOOL! It's clearly a duck-duck-bomb!"
"Then why does it squeak?"
"It squeaks with the power of explosion!" Albel screamed and hurled the duck at the box... in which it squeaked and bounced off with the power of rubber.
"Riiight." Nel sighed and picked up the chained box. "Let's just hurry up and deliver this thing before things get any weirder."
And so off they went skipping into the sunrise to the city of Kirlsa in which they arrived at Woltar's door to retrieve the further arsenal or whatever the heck they were supposed to get. The trauma of the reset button reset their short-term memory. Perhaps they should have saved...
Albel and Nel blinked staring up at the Kirlsa mansion that now was turned into a giant green castle.
"I don't remember this." Nel said.
"BAH!" Albel spat, "It's always been like this. That's how much you know!"
"Ooohkay." Nel sighed and knocked on the green door.
A flap suddenly slid open and a Storm Brigade soldier suddenly announced, "There ain't nobody allowed to see the wizard, no way, no how!" And the flap was suddenly slammed shut.
"What the hell!" Albel screamed and slammed on the door again. "This is LORD NOX you fool!"
The flap opened again. "And I said NOBODY is going to see the wizard!"
"I don't want to see the wizard!" Albel growled back.
"Then why are you here?"
"To see the old man!"
"You mean the wizard?"
"Hmm...Woltar...Woltar... lemme see...NOPE! You can't see the wizard I told you!"
Albel grabbed the man's collar through the flap. "Open this door right now, maggot or we will be seeing your guts!"
"Right this way sir!"
And the gates opened.
Albel and Nel then skipped down the long hallway. They HAD to skip because the spandex was now ridding up and to save themselves some dignity neither would dare to pick the evil wedge threatening to shatter both their sanities. And so they opened the door.
A green puff of smoke filled the room along with a giant green head. Was that Zordon!
"Who dares see the wizard!" boomed an evil most evil, evil voice of all evilness that could ever be evil that was somehow strangely good.
"Come off it old man!" Albel snapped. "You aren't a wizard! Hell you don't even know any symbology!"
"Oh poo!" Woltar grumbled and stepped out from behind the curtain. "You always ruin my fun! And I wanted to celebrate my new castle too."
"I told you it was new," Nel grumbled.
"And so did I."
Nel looks annoyed but puts all stupidity aside. "We brought you the box." she told him and handed it to him along with the evil bunny.
"AHHH! My precious, precious..." Woltar blinked finding that the two of them were staring at him kissing the box. "I mean... OH the box! Haha... That's right the MISSION. How could I forget?"
"The reset button?" Nel questioned.
"Of course. It's a vile plague that plagues us all in all of plagueyness that could even be plagued! Ahem... Anyway Here is the secret weapon." And he tossed them a bunny.
Albel screams and ducks for cover only to realize this one is just a toy.
"What the hell are we gonna do with this? It's a fake!" Albel complained.
"Or so you think."
"Or so I think?"
"What are you Fayt, repeating everything into a question? It's real!"
"As real as your stupidity!" Albel screamed then paused... wait that was said wrong wasn't it?
"Besides weren't you told NOT to open the box?"
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Nel screamed and fell to the floor. "I'm sorry I failed the mission!" and she continued to sob and nearly drowned in her tears until Albel gave her a good kick.
"Get a hold of yourself woman!"
"Yes... I must FOR MY COUNTRY!" Nel sniffed and straightened back up.
"AHEM!" Woltar ahemed. "This toy bunny is actually used to tame this EVIL one."
"I thought you just said it was real!" Albel complained.
"C'mon boy!" the elder scolded, "I think the tag that says 'made in china' would have gave it away!"
"What's China?" Nel questioned.
"I don't know." Woltar admitted. "I thought you'd know since you have a strange knowing of things from 20th century Earth.
Nel tilted her head and twitched her eye... Must be a 4D computer glitch. Just another OPA (out of place awareness).
"But anyway!" Woltar ahemed yet again. "I want to come with you!" He suddenly dashed behind the curtain and popped out wearing a strange super hero uniform with the colors of Airyglyph's flag that are unable to be seen by the unElicoorian eye in all of it's greatness. "I AM CAPTAIN AIRYGLYPH!" He shouted in a superhero stance only the old coot could pull off or that of a person with a lot of arthritis.
"Dear Apris!" Nel screamed.
"Run!" Albel shouted. "Let us run for OUR DEAR LIVES!"
PART THIRTEEN: Blue Persuasion
started to run, only to be caught by Nel. She had looped her finger
in the back of his chocker. His legs had gone from under him and he
was hanging mercilessly from his chocker; gasping for breath.
"I'm sorry Captain Airyglyph, but you are breaking the ethical code of super heroes," Nel said oblivious to Albel's current state.
"First, your underwear is showing."
Albel clawed at his neck. "Help," he wheezed weakly.
"Second, Airyglyph already has a copyright on it."
"Need to breathe." Albel was fading.
"Third, you can only join the rank of super hero on the third Thursday following the second Tuesday of Raspberry's day.
"Goodbye… cruel… world."
"OMG!" Marietta screamed running into the green castle. "You killed Alby!"
"Nope," Amanda said poking him in the cheek. "He's just sleeping. Poor Alby. I know, let's put make-up on him and fix his hair up!"
Marietta and Amanda jumped around in circles holding hands. They ran off and got make-up and hairspray. Nel had forgotten about her grip on the unconscious man as the two girls went to work on him.
"Oh… when is Raspberry's day?" Woltar asked.
"It comes right after Die By Toad's day and right before Dress As Your Favorite Rabid Animal That CAT Likes To Threaten With day."
"I see… I must then go and plan my next move. I'm sure I can join the 'other' side easier."
"Do what you want."
in the ship orbiting Elicoor
"Yes! Yes…not long now Skirt Boy and Stabby Girl… Not long now!"
"What is it you have against them?" Cliff asked, eyeing Mirage suspiciously.
"Why do you ask?"
"Well, this is just so out of character for you, that's all."
Mirage frowned. "Are you sure this is out of character?"
"Um… now that you mention it…"
to Albel… Um, I think that's Albel. Anyway…
Albel opened his eyes slowly. He looked around at his surroundings only to receive a flash of light in his eyes.
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR, MAGGOT!"
"Oh, nothing…just getting pictures of this. It's too good!" Maria was laughing as she took the pictures.
"I hate to break up your fun Maria, but we have a mission to finish."
"Oh," Maria said putting her camera away. "Well, have a nice mission Miss Nel and err… Ms. Nox."
"What did you call me?"
"Oh Alby, don't be a crybaby!" Amanda said hanging on his shoulders. "I always wanted a sister!"
(Blue note: Okay, if any of you don't know Amanda, she's from one of my fics. She's Albel's deranged little sister. She's sixteen and wants to follow Albel around like a shadow – so he runs very fast from her. I couldn't help but to bring her back!)
PART FOURTEEN: dark-phoenix1
All were laughing and enjoying themselves, for Albel in makeup is a delightful sight to see. It is comparable to such things as hedgehog painting, jello skates, and the Great Carbonated Soda Rainbow of the planet Fizzitron VI, but that's not the point.
Of course, with all wonderful things, there comes people who want to destroy them for an unknown reason. Mostly out of boredom, but for other reasons as well. So, as expected, a deadly shadow lurked behind a randomly generated corner. It glared at the happiness and glee caused by Albel's degradation, and pulled an evil device from its pocket. It took careful aim, straight at the head of the unknowing Aquarian maiden known as Nel, and let fly the dastardly instrument of assassination...
All Nel felt was an annoying fwop on the head. Whatever hit her clanged helplessly to the ground.
"What's this?" Nel asked as she picked up the strange device.
"Muahahahahahah!" an even stranger voice answered, "Fear me! For I am the legendary random assassin of random boredom and legendary redundancy: Slinky Maaaan! And now, since I have failed in my attempt at assassination, I shall fade away mysteriously and in a mysterious fashion. POOF!" He yelled. No one knew why he yelled Poof at the end of his sentence. They stared at him as he glanced around, and walked away disheartened.
PART FIFTEEN- The Crazy Authoress CAT
And so everyone promptly went back to making fun
of Albel. That is, except Nel, who really wanted to know what Slinky
man had attempted to assassinate her with. She picked it up and
examined the tool. It was strangely coiled in a way that implied
"Oooooh! A Slinky!" Amanda squealed, reaching out her hands for the toy/dire weapon of assassination. "I want it!"
"You might put your eye out…" Nel said uncertainly.
Still, she relinquished it happily. The thing freaked her out almost as much as spandex. What she couldn't figure out was why Slinky Man had tried to kill her with it. Amanda ignored Nel's internal battle and began trying to find somewhere for the Slinky to slink.
"Amanda? B-back?" Albel sputtered upon hearing her voice again.
The others looked on in interest as Albel collapsed and curled into the fetal position.
"Go away!" He mumbled, "I'm in my happy place… Ah, blood on a battlefield… skewering Aquarian scum… Damn! The fairies are back! And their steeds! Flying… llamas… everywhere… Noooo! Retreat!"
"Is it just me or did the insanity quotient just rise several thousand points?" Maria mumbled.
"It's another of Albel's self-defense mechanisms." Nel shrugged., "He'll be babbling like this until she leaves."
"Or until Nel gives him a pair of her panties…" Roger leered.
The unfortunately big-mouthed Menodix was punted the equivalent of eight football fields. Meanwhile, Albel shuddered violently and found a randomly generated corner to hide in.
"I don't want any! Ne parle pas Evilsisterian! That girl stole my goat!"
Amanda snorted and arched an eyebrow. There was no way she'd fall for her brother's crazy act and leave.
"Not before you see how pretty I made you, big sis Albelina!"
With that, Amanda pulled out a compact mirror and set it in front of cowering Albel. The screams of anguish could be heard for miles around.
"Tsum ton llik retsis…" Albel growled, searching for his katana. There was only so much protection a family member got if they did something like this to him. Luckily, Nel had hidden the katana so well that Albel's search lasted a half-hour, after which he'd forgotten why he needed it. And apparently, that he still had make-up plastered all over his face.
Knowing she'd fulfilled her job and not really wanting to be eviscerated, Amanda skipped off into the sunset to see if this Mirage person needed quality help torturing Albel.
"Someday I shall defeat you, Crazy Girl! Mark my word as Skirt Boy! You shall be my nemesiiiiiis!" Albel shouted theatrically after her.
She threw her slinky back at him, nailing him in the forehead and almost putting out his eye.
"I told you so." Nel gloated.
"Shaddup..." Albel muttered.
Nel sighed pensively and twirled a strand of hair. Albel made a point of not watching.
"One thing's still bothering me, though."
"What's that, sidekick?"
Nel glared at him murderously and kicked him in the side.
"That man called himself Slinky Man... And everyone knows that only superheroes have to state the obvious and declare their gender in their name. Could it be that there are other superheroes and superhero wannabes that want to prevent us from prevailing on our quest?"
"I don't care: I'll defeat all the maggots! ...As soon as I find some soap and water..."
"You do know that make-up's water proof, right?" Nel snickered.
"RAAAAAAWWWRRRRR!" Albel cried, falling to his knees.
A/N- Hey, kids! If you review now and send in eight UPCs from Koas brand "Skit Boy and Stabby Girl Breakfast O's", you get superpowers too. Act now and choose your own superhero name! Disclaimer: Super powers may not be super or powerful. Koas Incorporated takes no responsibility for misused superpowers and/ or lack thereof. Do not attempt Skirt Boy and Stabby Girl's stunts at home, especially the wearing of Spandex.
Now go review or I shall thwack you with a firabbit, for that is CAT's superpower. And writing crazy humor with my associates. XD
Tune in next week: Same bat time, same bat channel!