Star Gate, Episode II: Attack of the Jaffa

By Kate Carter

Disclaimer: I own neither Stargate or Star Wars. I am not making a penny off of this. Unless you want to send me donations because you think I'm a wonderful person!

Time: Season three, four or fiveish, not real particular.

Rating: G…good clean fun

Spoilers: "Ascension" kind of, because we found out that Teal'c enjoyed "Star Wars"

To fully appreciate this, I recommend reading my other stories, such as "Star Gate Episode IV" and other similarly-titled stories.

A/N: Written February 1, 2006. This is the first story I have finished in months, after having a horrible case of writer's block and a little something we refer to as "real life" get in the way. I was in a chat room today, however, and someone was talking to me about how much they liked my stories, and I got the urge to write. You know who you are…thank you!

"Unauthorized incoming wormhole!" the intercom blared. Jack O'Neill sighed as he pushed his chair back from the table. "Always, always, always when I'm about to eat!" he grumbled.

Carter stifled a laugh. "Don't worry, sir, General Hammond will be back from vacation next week."

"And I guess I'll just starve until then?" O'Neill asked sarcastically. This was the third meal in a row he'd been interrupted in, and he wasn't happy.

"We'll come with you, sir," Carter said, trying to smooth things over.

"We will?" Daniel looked up at them, down at his food, then reluctantly stood up. "Uh, of course we will."

"We should go, O'Neill," Teal'c said, beginning to walk away from his teammates. The human members of the team were more reluctant as they headed to the control room.

"Master Bra'tac's IDC, sir," said Walter as they walked in. O'Neill waved his hand casually. "Bring him through."

The iris swirled open and Bra'tac came through, followed by half-a-dozen of the younger rebel Jaffa. "Teal'c, go say…Teal'c?" O'Neill said, startled. The big Jaffa had disappeared. O'Neill turned back around to see that he was already in the gateroom, doing the whole Jaffa-handshake-huggy thingy. He hit the microphone button. "Yo, Teal'c, we'll be upstairs when you're done."

"So, Bra'tac, what's brought you here?" O'Neill asked, bringing his feet up on the table. Carter gave him a look and he put them back on the floor.

"We are here for a hak'tal'ma, O'Neill. I believe the approximate translation is 'vacation.'" Bra'tac said gravely.

"Ah. Well, I think there might be problems if we let you go to Disneyland and General Hammond ran into you," O'Neill said, lifting an eyebrow. "We can't let you out of the mountain, Bra'tac."

"O'Neill. May I bring our visitors to my quarters, and introduce them to the form of entertainment you call 'movies'?" Teal'c asked.

O'Neill looked at Bra'tac, who was nodding. "I have heard tales of these 'movies' and would enjoy seeing them for myself."

O'Neill looked back and forth between them. "Are you sure you didn't…" he began, then shook his head. "No. Never mind. Why would you conspire to get them to watch movies? As far as I'm concerned, you're fine. Go. Have fun. Vacate."

Three days later…

"Teal'c! Hey, Teal'c!" O'Neill jogged to catch up with his friend. "Hey, do you want to tell me why I have these requisition forms?" he said, waving a handful of the forms.

"Master Bra'tac and the others enjoyed the movies, O'Neill," Teal'c said mildly.

"That's why there's a request for a movie projector, a projector screen, a theater-quality sound system, twenty recliners, a hundred pounds of popcorn, and fifty gallons of root beer, not to mention virtually every sci-fi movie ever made, including 'Star Wars', which as I recall, happens to be a certain Jaffa's favorite movie series!"

Teal'c looked at him stoically. "Master Bra'tac enjoyed it."

"That would explain why he also wants two of everything in the 'Star Wars Fan Club Catalog'!" O'Neill said, his voice as high as it ever got.

"Only half of that goes to Master Bra'tac. The rest is mine," Teal'c said, picking out the proper requisition form and showing O'Neill the note.

"Oh. My mistake," O'Neill said, the sarcasm dripping from his voice.

O'Neill sighed as he looked at the huge pile of stuff sitting at the base of the ramp. Some of it was crammed haphazardly into the boxes, half of it was being piled onto a cart by Teal'c that he was happily pushing towards his quarters.

"Sir, are you sure we're the right team for this job?" Captain Bowing, leader of SG-13, looked at it askance.

"By that, you mean you don't want to do it and want to pass it on to someone else. Sorry." O'Neill was going to be very, very happy when General Hammond came back. He sighed. "Just go."

Bowing waved at his team. Two of them picked up boxes, one of them took the loaded FRED, and Bowing picked up a large cardboard standup of Darth Vader, leading the way through the stargate.

They'd only been gone for about a minute when the 'gate sprang back to life. "SG-13's IDC!" Walter said to O'Neill, who'd just gotten back in the control room. He sighed and turned around, going back to the gateroom to greet SG-13. Bowing stumbled through, holding his arm, his shoulder scorched by what was obviously a staff blast.

"What happened?" O'Neill asked as the man stumbled off to meet the medics. Reynolds, his 2IC, looked somewhat sheepish, concerned, and amused, all at the same time.

"One of the younger Jaffa who came through with Master Bra'tac was guarding the 'gate, sir. When Captain Bowing came through carrying the Darth Vader standup, the Jaffa didn't see him, he just saw the standup. He thought Darth Vader was coming through the 'gate and shot him."

O'Neill didn't know whether to sigh or laugh. Finally, he settled for a snort.

General Hammond was smiling in a way he didn't often do as he came into his office. He'd just spent a week in California with his granddaughters, a rare treat. The smile disappeared as he saw the stack of forms on his desk.

"Colonel O'Neill? Would you mind telling me how come we spent thousands of dollars on a movie projector, a projector screen, a theater-quality sound system, twenty recliners, a hundred pounds of popcorn, fifty gallons of root beer, and almost every science fiction ever made? Not to mention two of everything in the 'Star Wars Fan Club Catalog'?"

"Yes sir. Carter wanted to hold a movie night," O'Neill said, straight-faced. "You know how she is about sci-fi movies."


"All right sir. It's a long story. You see, it all started when my meals kept getting interrupted…"

The End!