"Stupid Danny," I muttered as I walked into my home, it was empty, it was always empty.
I walked through the large empty house and up to my room. But I realized I didn't want to be in such a dark setting today. I usually love it, just I cant handle it right now. I think the roof is the best bet, no one will care of there is no one even here.
I went to the Attic after dropping my stuff lazily on my floor, putting things away is overrated anyway. I went through the window that led to the roof. I seated myself at the highest peak, but refused to face North, I can see most of Amity from my roof, including his house. So I turn my back to it.
I hate my life is an overstatement, cause I may have a horrible family but I have great friends who love me and support me. Agh then why am I feeling so depressed? Danny is the cause. Danny is always the cause of all my emotions.
Today was really no big deal at all. He sat with Valerie instead of me and Tucker, nothing right? They have nothing going on between them, I'm not over possessive. Good he has other friends. But then that makes me realize I don't have other friends. Again, no big deal, but I cant put my finger on it, it cant be jealousy, I don't want him. At least I've told my self that, so now I'm not sure.
I know he's only my friend, only my friend. But couldn't there be any more or am I simply Sam, his friend. I want more, but does he? I want to cry but is it really worth the trouble right now? I try to tell myself I don't need him or anybody. I am strong I'm smart, I can handle things. But I want somebody to hold me, protect me, kiss me, make me feel wanted and make me feel pretty.
And there's no one else in the world quite as strong and loving as Danny, no body as protective, as great, as handsome... Ahh I am doing it again, telling myself things I know but they only make me more unhappy. He doesn't want a goth, he wants a tramp. Ok maybe I'm being too rough, he wants everybody else who isn't me.
I can't blame me, as many guys that hit on me for my body, I know no body wants me for me. Just being attractive or independent. I don't think I'm pretty, or hot. Maybe moms are right when they warn guys only want one thing. But I know for sure, a definite fact, that Danny doesn't like girls for their looks. I am willing to strike Paulina from the record, with her being a Siren and all.
The sun is setting and it's getting cold, but I don't care. When you're lonely you don't care about anything. Well except for the deep longing for love and affection. My thoughts keep saying Danny, Danny, Danny. I want to call but I fought with him. I said he was ignoring me too much and that I think he thinks I am easily replaced.
What did he say after I stormed off, he had said it so quietly and I had already been a little out of ear shot. I want to know. But I wont. Damn me and my anger.
I only have two feelings, happiness and anger. I rarely show myself sad and lust and love don't ever show. So I'm either in a good mood or bad mood. Ok so I am emotional, but most of the time I'm happy or mad. It's not like I overlook all my emotions and I do express them. Just no person besides Danny could make them all work.
Then sun is gone the stars are out, but no moon tonight. Yeah on the one night I want some pretty moonlight there is none. I watch the stars tears falling form my eyes. All I can think about is how he will never desire me and no one will get me like he does. He's got to be the love of my life, figures, it's the one person I cant have.
I hear footsteps and I look north to see a figure approaching my door. He knocks and somehow I gain courage to shout "Up here." You should have seen his face, to see me peaking over the roof.
"What are you doing up there?" He calls.
"Why do you need to know?" I spit back, I'm being to harsh, but I can't help it.
He joins me on the roof, his eyes locked on me the whole time. "You didn't listen to me."
"Do you think I care?" I say not looking at him.
"Well you should." He says crossly then calms himself. "Why are you always so far away?"
"I'm not far away, you push me."
"I try not to." He sighs, he sounds sad. "Sam you got me upside down. Even if I wanted to I don't think I could even get this all through to you."
"Get what through to me?" I ask looking at him.
"I don't even know anymore. I had some long rant planned out, but..."
"You forgot?" I finish for him.
He scratches the back of his head nervously. "I don't know why, but the second I got near you, I sort of blanked out. You don't understand Sam, you mean a lot to me."
"Uh-huh." I sigh apathetically, like I've never heard this before. "If it's all the same I'd rather not listen to more lies."
"No, I'm serious, Sam I can't ever ignore you. Never, you think you're disposable, but you can't be replaced."
I meet with his eyes, they have a genuine look in them. I cant help but bit my lip, I want desperately to believe him but my trust is not easily won over. He's always had my trust, but lately I don't think he cares. I open my mouth to say something but he puts up a hand to stop me.
"Before you tell me you don't believe me, can't you just understand that you are my best friend and I care so deeply about you?"
Damn he can read me, but I feel like I'm pushing my luck with him. "How deeply?" I ask nervously, where am I taking this?
He sighs at my request for specifics. "Enough to say..." He pauses, "to say I," He cant do it "I love you."
What was that last part? I love you? No way, no way, is this real? Did I fall off the roof and die? My mind is off like a rocket.
"Sam, Sam?" He looks at me with confusion. "I can understand if you don't..."
I cut him off with a kiss followed by a hug, "Of course I do, of course."
Friendships and love is tricky. Sometimes it's just best not to get tangled into it. But if ever you have found the right one, try your hardest to let them know. Although all the misery and confusion was so worth this one moment under the starry skies on my roof.
"I love you Danny." I sigh as my head rest on his shoulder. He wraps an arm around me, we stay silent.
Let us stay in silent rapture, one world away.