Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story belong to me, they belong to SEGA and Sonic Project.
Because of You
I lay on my bed, curled up, not wanting to be seen. I grab the duvet and wrap it further around me, making sure it covered my head. I wondered vaguely if I held my head in the pillow, maybe I would stop breathing, stop suffering.
I feel sick at myself, yet I feel fulfilled and a small part of me happy. I betrayed the one I love with one of the people who killed her. I still remember her pretty face, those enchanting blue eyes gazing into my own. I remember, before her death, her telling me she loved me. I loved her. And I betrayed what we had.
Her death left me distraught. I couldn't stand the pain I felt, so I hid myself away. The others tried to talk to me, and get me to open up, but I couldn't. I didn't want to. I knew as soon as I faced even one of them, I would break down, and I didn't want anyone to see me cry anymore.
But it happened, worse than that. Sonic tried to talk to me, and I remember only feeling bitter towards him. He never even tried to save her when she was falling towards the pit of her death! He stood by my door for ages, telling me that he was as upset as I was, and that she was his friend too. How could he say that, when he never even bothered to try and rescue her from that fate?
I had kept moaning at him to go away, that I didn't want anything to do with him anymore, that I just wanted to be left alone. But he didn't leave. He persisted. He continued to try and talk to me, and he actually sounded really upset, like he was close to tears himself.
I gave in and opened the door, and once I saw the face of one of my friends, I broke down again, as predicted, and Sonic saw me cry. I didn't want that, for anyone to see my pain. Especially not Sonic. What did he do?
He bent down and hugged me. He whispered sweet nothings into my ear, told me he was sorry, and that he cared for Cosmo too. I felt bitter again when he said that. If he really cared for her, he would have saved her, surely. I pushed him off and glared at him, turning on my heel toward the bed and told him to go away harshly.
At that moment, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I saw Sonic's eyes glazed with tears. He told me he hated to see me in pain, because he cared about me too much. A part of me felt sorry for him, but part of me still felt bitter towards the death and his lack of help. Then he did something that truly scarred me.
He kissed me. Not on the forehead, on the cheek, or anything like a family or friend kiss. A real kiss. On the lips. He pulled away soon after, muttering a hurried apology, looking at the floor awkwardly. I should have told him to sling his hook and not to bother me ever again. But I didn't.
I kissed him, long and deep. I was the one who betrayed the love I shared with Cosmo, regardless of whether or not she's dead. He responded, sliding his tongue into my mouth. Once we'd started, I couldn't stop wanting more. I kept on going, not once thinking of stopping at the time. I felt so lonely, I needed someone to comfort me. But I guess we went too far.
I awoke the next morning with Sonic laying beside me, snuggling into me. I immediately freaked out, remembering what we did and how I betrayed Cosmo's love with someone who could have saved her, but didn't. I pushed him off of me, began crying all over again, and told him I never wanted to see him again.
The look on Sonic's face is something I don't think I want to see again for a while. He only bit his lip, looked at the floor clearly hurt and nodded slowly before leaving, whispering my name to me.
And now, here I am. Lying in bed, unable to face the world. Because of what I did with my best friend, or should I say, former best friend. I don't want to know him anymore. He was once my hero, the best thing since sliced bread. But now, my eyes are completely open to his real flaws. I accepted the fact he couldn't swim, but being unable to save the person your best friend loved… it was too much for me.
It's about midnight now. The sky is pitch black, with the occasional white twinkling star. I managed to find the strength, for the first time in days, to push myself out of bed to gaze at the stars. I felt my eyes fill with tears again as I constantly wailed, pounding my fist into the window sill several times, not caring that my hand was beginning to throb painfully.
"I'm sorry Cosmo!" I wailed, tears leaking out of my eyes at maximum velocity, "I'm sorry!"
I knew she couldn't respond. She was dead anyway. But I feel sick with myself. Sick with the guilt.
I glance at a nearby picture of the gang. Myself, Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, Cream, Cheese… all of them, looking so happy. Even I had a smile on my face, one to rival the others. But now, I feel like I can never smile again. My eyes pause on Amy, hanging on Sonic's arm with a dreamy gaze in her eyes. If she ever knew what Sonic and I did… it would kill her. She loved Sonic to bits.
I glare at the Sonic in the picture, feeling my blood boil and veins pop. I grabbed the frame, tossing the picture across the room, hearing a loud smash as it collided with the wall. I slowly walked over, gazing at the picture as it lay on the floor. While the glass had broken, the picture had not, and Sonic's face was still there, staring straight at me. I stretched down, grabbing the picture when a strange sensation came to my hand.
I glanced at my hand, and found that it was bleeding quite fast. I shook suddenly. Why did it feel so good to me? Because it was pain, punishment for betraying Cosmo, but better than the constant emotional pain I was feeling. I gazed at the picture, tossed it on my bed, before grabbing a shard of glass, deepening the cut in my hand. I grabbed my arm, pressing it so hard against my skin it split, and blood seeped out. I grabbed one of my tails, and slashed that, a lot of fur falling on the ground, and the rest of it covered in blood.
I continued slashing and cutting myself, feeling blood seep out of me. It felt good to me. Pain is good. And I can hopefully forgive myself upon this activity. Forgiveness for betraying my love.
As blood continued to seep out of me, I began to stagger, my vision fading. I wobbled, taking a step back and falling back on the bed. I could feel everything going dizzy as I collapsed, squashing the picture underneath me and going unconscious.