Chapter 9 was the official ending. This isn't an alternate ending. It's just...one of those I-couldn't-sleep, so-I-thought-I'd-make-this-up things. It's intended to be funny, so laugh! Just kidding... Or am I? You will like it... ((employs Sparkly-Eyed Technique))
Disclaimer: I don't own Furuba.
Shigure's head was atop Kagura's when he heard the shoji slam. Hm. That must be Tohru and Kyou. It couldn't be Yuki; he knew he was asleep.
"Kyou-kun!" he greeted with a giant grin. "It's two in the morning! You scared me half to death!"
Kyou wasn't smiling, but when was he when it came to Shigure? Kyou was livid. Absolutely livid. So livid that pissed-off wouldn't cover the extent of his ire. Tohru was oddly subdued beside him, looking as if she were dazed.
"You dick!" His hand connected with the front of his yukata as he slammed him into a wall. Kagura called out in protest as her chin fell in midair to the hard floor. Kyou yelled, red faced, at the novelist, shaking him repeatedly.
"What the hell? Kyou-kun, stop it!" she ordered as she scrambled to her feet. She was about to peel him off of Shigure when she gave the assaulted a look. "What did you do, Shigure?"
"Why are you taking his side?" he wailed. Kyou's attention had wavered, and he saw his chance to get up without facing an attack. He didn't have to hold in his laughter this time. It was an inopportune time to laugh, seeing as he'd shattered his innocent act. But whatever. Kyou already had caught on. No need to put on this big farce anymore.
"When you gave us the tickets," he spat through tightly clenched teeth, "I didn't question it too much. You don't just give things away, Shigure. But I was in a hurry."
"How was the movie?"
"Don't be such a wise ass!" Kyou punched him.
Kagura punched Kyou.
"Hey!" He spun around to face an angry Kagura. "What the hell was that for?"
"I wasn't going to let you beat up my boyfriend like that!"
"Your... boyfriend?" He blinked.
Shigure smiled as he attached himself to Kagura's side. "Yes. The two of us are in love, and we want to be with each other forever."
"But why did you go out with your editor?" He shook his head as if to erase that contemplation from his mind. "Okay. We'll settle this calmly. No fighting. Just don't say something smart, Shigure."
"Okay, I won't." A pause. "But, really, how was the movie?"
"Jackass!" He smacked him in the side of his head.
"I wasn't being smart. Just wondering what you thought of it. I wrote the script."
Kagura looked at him questioningly. "Wrote the script? Of what?"
"Even...Though... I... Love You," Kyou ground out from between tightly clenched teeth. "Apparently, some studio morons thought it would be a wise decision to make one of his books into a movie."
"The original title was Waves of Ocean-hued Desire," Shigure said with a pout. "But the title, the studio people thought, was too... graphic, I guess."
"Graphic? The whole movie was graphic! It makes the original title look innocent!" Kyou shrieked. "Anyway, the studio gave him three tickets for the movie, one for him, two for whoever wanted to see that piece of filth with him. And he gave me and Tohru two tickets without warning!"
"But can't you take a joke, Kyou-kun?"
"No! It was sick! Sick, sick, SICK!"
Finally, the pale girl how had stood apart from them approached them, saying, "Well, it... I mean it wasn't bad, Kyou-kun. The actors were very, um, very talented and the... the soundtrack was nice. A--And the message in the film was..."
"Don't make excuses for him, Tohru!" Kyou yelled.
"Don't order Tohru-kun around!" Kagura shouted with an elbow slammed into the top of his orange head.
"Don't eat all the rice balls, Shigure, Kyou," Yuki said as he walked down the stairs, rubbing his eyes, "
"...Who invited you into this conversation?" Kyou demanded.
Yuki paused. "How could I not? I got a special invitation from all the way upstairs. Meaning that it was your big mouth that did it, of course."
"Hey!" He shook his fist at Yuki. "Don't play clever with me!"
"I don't have to be clever. I already am. It must suck for you to have so little brain cells, doesn't it, Kyou." He went up the stairs with a glass of water and a rice ball.
"Keep walking, Rat boy."
"I have to. I have to walk to get to my room."
"Again with the smart act!"
"Hey, hey! What about the matter at hand?" He turned to Tohru. "You really liked the acting? I had some say in the casting of the roles. Thank you, Tohru. And before you scream about how lewd it was, Kyou-kun, I have to say that I don't think it was at all," he huffed. With disappointed eyes, he continued, "There were a lot of important things that were left out. The sex scenes were really watered down and there were a lot more in the book than in the movie. But I liked it. It was the perfect," he grinned, "blend of action and romance. Just as I'd advertised."
It took Kyou a while to get what he meant by action. "...I thought you meant another kind of action!"
"Okay, before you kill me, let me say something in my defense." He swept an appeasing glance around to the people in the room. "I was being giving. Imagine, me sacrificing Hatori's and Ayame's tickets to speed up your relationship! I made a date with Mii-chan, figuring I'd be out of the house for a few hours. Yuki would be gone as well, seeing as he was at the main house. And after seeing such a romantic movie, the two of you would come home and...well... Well, it's been a year, and you haven't even made it past first base, have you. I bet you don't even know what that even looks like. Maybe you two would've...consummated your relationship."
"You're sick, you're sick, you're sick! Sick, you hear me? SICK!" He began assaulting him again. "Do you know what you did to Tohru? You scarred her for life! All in the name of what you call a good joke!"
"Kyou." The woman approached her cousin, face clouded in shadows. "Get off of Shigure."
"...I... You..." He looked at Shigure, then at Kagura, then back at Shigure. He had run into her violent bursts long enough to realize that now was a good time to do what she said. He lowered his fists and fluttered over to Tohru, asking her gently if she wanted to eat something.
"Shigure." Her voice was crystallized sugar, perky and loaded with sweetness as she beamed at him.
"Yeah?" He lifted himself off of the floor.
"Didn't I say that I would give you everything?"
"...Yes. You did."
"Yes. Because I love you. So, even though I love you, I have to give you something very...UNPLEASANT!" Her furiously pounding hands rained on his face and chest. Soon, those smacks transformed into gut-wrenching punches.
"Ow! Ow! Mercy! This hurts!" His arms were tossed atop his head to stop the blows, but it wasn't effective.
"I'm going to be a Giver starting right now, Shii-chan, and punish you!" she promised to the sound of his shrieks. "You shouldn't have done such a thing. Look what you did to Tohru-kun! Hey!" She shook Shigure, who had closed eyes. "You can't just pass out now! I'm not done yet! Listen to me when I speak to you!"
"I'm conscious... I just pretended to be unconscious so you would stop hitting me. But you're so cruel! You really would beat me up if I was unconscious!"
She released him, wiping her perspiring brow with the sleeve of her shirt.
Kyou looked at the couple, sweatdropping. "That used to be me," he said, referring to the battered Shigure. He crossed himself. "Thank God for small miracles."