I'm really sorry I've been such a lazy-ass bitch for not updating for so long! But there were a couple of weeks after the second chapter were I had no clue how to continue the story, I was completely stuck! And then suddenly I just started, and it actually worked out pretty well. So I really hope you'll like it!
Disclaimer: still don't own anything
Warning: bad language I guess, and a bit angst…
Later that night I was sitting on my bed, stroking Sally and staring into the wall. No, I am not a psychic; I am a thinker. Big difference.
Tai had been so nice to me today. As if that had never even happened. Sure, he made a total ass out of me when we were playing football, but that's just Tai being… Tai. Even though we're not friends anymore, I think I'm one of the few people he can be himself around. To other people he's just…
I was gonna say polite, but I don't think that's the right word. More like social. Yeah. Maybe I'm wrong, though. Just because he mocked me all the time and was so many other things than polite around me doesn't mean that was he being himself. Maybe we just had that kind of screwed-up relationship. Like siblings. Sibling-relationship.
Doesn't siblings love each other? Of course they do! Well okay, I wouldn't know –I'm the only child. But I do think siblings love each other... don't they?
So if I'm not totally wrong he did love me on some level. That sounds really weird… Okay, strike that –I meant a lot to him. We were close. We were… best…
I sighed deeply and closed my eyes. Why do these thoughts always hunt me? Why can't I just forget it? Why must they always come back? Memories of all the stuff we did, the things we said, secrets we shared, stories we made up together, games we played, all the different moments we shared with each other. All the fun we had… dammit!
Why? Why did I have to fall in love with him? He's not that great. As a former best friend I know a lot of his… not-so-pretty-sides. He snores, he lies, he laughs at his own jokes, he can be really gross sometimes, he always thinks about food, he can almost never be serious, he's embarrassing, he's mean, he's stupid, he's… dumb!
Okay fine, I can't come up with anything more but it was a pretty long list though, right?
On the other hand, the list about his good sides is like ten times longer. I could just spend hours talking about his looks… and then another hour talking about his voice, and then another talking about his scent, and then another about his kindness, and then about how funny he is… and how fun it is to be with him. And all the things we… aah! What the fuck is wrong with me!
Stop. Don't. Think. About. T…
…how soft his lips look when he speaks, and how great his smile is, and how deep and beautiful his eyes are…
Mr Ishida knocked on the door and poked his head inside, concern written all over his face.
"Matt? What's wrong?"
I didn't answer. This wasn't the first time it had happened, but it was he first time my dad had heard me. I felt sostupid I just wanted to disappear. Go. Away. Please.
Dad hurried into the room and sat down next to me. "Yamato? Why are you crying?"
Because I'm a fucking fag and fags cry all the time, didn't you know that?
He pulled me into a typical Father And Son-hug. Big mistake. I just started crying even more.
"Sch, there, there… just tell me what's wrong, Matt" He rocked his fifteen-year-old son in his arms like I was some kind of baby.
What's wrong? My whole life is wrong! I'm wrong.
"I-I…" sob "…he…" I couldn't even speak.
"Is this about Taichi?" dad asked in a serious voice.
Yes, Mr Know-it-all, it is. Now leave me alone!
I nodded, my whole body shaking with sobs. He stroked my hair.
Hey! Watch the hair!
"You two had a fight?" Dad, for fuck sake; I'm fifteen! Don't talk to me like I'm a five-year-old!
"He hasn't been here for a while now. Did something happen?"
None of your business!
"Did you say something mean?" he asked, still stoking my hair –that bastard. I shook my head.
Why are you just assuming that it was my fault?
"You know, Matt, sometimes friends just grow apart –even if they were the best friends ever. That happened to me when I was at your age and…"
"No, dad!" I pulled away and wiped away my tears. I glared at him. How could he be so dense? He doesn't know shit about what I'm feeling!
"Taichi just doesn't want to be friends with a fucking fag! And it was all my fault because I kissed him once! And now he hates me!"
Dad stared at me like I'd just punched him in the face. He looked shocked, almost scared. Like he didn't recognise me anymore. So what did I do? I broke down. Again. What the hell happened to the Iceman? And Mr Cool?
Oh, right. They turned gay… well, never mind then...
I buried my head into my hands, shutting the world out. Sally started licking my hands and wanted my attention. I shoved her away. Stupid dog. Then my dad laid his hand on my shoulder. I wanted to jerk it way, but I was so tired –tired of everything.
"Matt, I'm really sorry that happened. I'm sorry it had to go that way. But don't ever say it's you fault, do you hear me?"
"It was my fault!" I whined in protest, face still buried into my hands. "I kissed him! I kissed him when he was asleep and then he woke up but I said I didn't do anything and then when Brian fixed his computer he kissed me just for fun because he was so happy and then he kinda apologised because I looked so shocked and then I said it was alright because I liked it and then he was like OMG are you serious and then I just told him everything and he got so mad and he said I was gross and he just stopped speaking to me but I can't fucking blame him for anything cuss he doesn't talk shit behind my back and today we played football and it was like we were friends again but tomorrow it's just gonna be the same and I'm gonna be all alone again n' I don't wanna be alone…!"
…did any of that make any sense at all?
There was a short silence.
"…wow" dad said finally.
I didn't answer. Just buried my face into my hands again.
"Matt I understand you feel guilty and it's not that surprising that Tai got mad when you told him. But to me it seems like he's got more problems with your sexuality then just a stupid kiss. And if he can't except you for who you are, then he doesn't deserve it."
"But I…he's my best friend! I have no other friends other than him. You know how it was before I met him; it's just like that now! And now everything is worse because before that I was just a kid and I was straight! And now I'm just depressed and I'm fucking gay! I don't' wanna be gay!"
Dad rubbed my back soothingly. "Being gay hasn't got anything to do with your personality. You're just the same as you were before, right? Just because you like guys instead of girls doesn't mean you're a bad person! And not everyone is going to think that, either. You'll see that eventually. Being 15 isn't easy. Kids can be… cruel. But just remember that not everyone think it's wrong."
"…Do you think it's wrong?" I said in a low voice, almost a whisper.
Dad shook his head firmly. "No. It's not wrong. I wasn't too fond of the idea of grandchildren anyway. Makes me feel old." He chuckled. I let out a weak laugh and looked at him. Then I grinned.
"I might adopt though"
The next morning...
"Stupid school. Stupid life." I muttered to no one in particular.
I looked down at the ground I was walking on.
I was walking towards school. And (as if loneliness wasn't enough) I'd forgot to do my homework.
"Ma… er, Yamato!" I stopped.
Yes, we had the same way to school, but he'd always found a way to avoid walking with me. I never saw him before school. Maybe that was just a coincidence… No! No, he is avoiding me, we aren't friends, he hates me!
As I stood there, wasting time by thinking, Tai caught up and was now standing beside me. Shit.
"You look down." He stated. "Pms:ing now again?"
"I was thinking. And fuck you" I responded before I even got a chance to think. Tai chuckled.
Wait… are we actually having a conversation? Does greeting+greeting+insult+ respond equal conversation? You gotta help me out here cuss I'm not very good at math.
"So… are we going, or are you gonna spend the rest of the day standing here and think?" he asked, amusement in his voice.
"Uh… no… I mean, yes? I mean…"
"Let's go, Matt" He patted my shoulder –something he always did when we were buddys- and started walking.
I stared after him. Taichi Yagami had just talked to me, insulted me, asked me to walk with him and patted my shoulder! Am I dreaming?
"Hey, hold up!"
"No can do, we're already late." Tai said without looking back. So I ran after him.
We walked in silence. I couldn't decide if it was an awkward or a relaxed silence.
"You were pretty good yesterday," Tai mentioned. I looked at him doubtfully.
"Yeah right, you called me a loser like ten times!"
Tai shrugged. "Yeah, well… you kinda are."
I looked at him, annoyed. "You just said I was good!"
"What the hell!"
"Aaand we're here! Just in time." Tai said as we entered the schoolyard. He looked my way. "Come on!" I sighed and we ran across the schoolyard, reaching the doors the same second the bell rang.
I stared at the board, slowly rubbing my thumb against my pen. Yes, I was once again thinking. Or more like daydreaming. The teacher was mumbling somewhere about something, and classmates were spread out around me, whispering with each other, yawning, writing, sighing, moving around and someone was answering the teachers question. But all this was just a blur; my mind was focused on him. As it always was. In my head he was talking, joking, laughing, grinning, smiling, gazing at me with his gorgeous, brown…
"Mr Ishida!" the teacher yelled as if he had nothing better to do than scaring the shit out of me.
Mr Ishida is my father, and he's 40 years old. I'm Yamato! You hear me? YAMATO!
"I believe you didn't quite pay enough attention to actually hear my question, Mr Ishida," my teacher said in a mocking tone. Everyone giggled.
Yes, it's SO amusing when a teacher's mocking a student! Ha. Ha. HA!
"I'm sorry, I was…"
"He was thinking" someone filled in. I turned my head and looked at Tai who was sitting two benches away, smirking. He winked at me, and I looked away quickly.
Now, some of you might be a little confused, but let me just tell you that Tai is just a very… social person. I dunno if that made any sense but he's the kind who does things like, oh I don't know… kiss guys when they've fixed his computer? So… if you think that's bad then you should see him when he's around girls!
"I think Mr Ishida can answer himself, Mr Yagami." The teacher said with an irritated voice. He once again turned to me.
I blinked. I really don't like it when teachers look at me like that. "Um, yes. I was thinking."
"Well. I suggest you start using your head for your homework instead of daydreaming."
Giggles. Why can't you just shut the fuck up!
I resisted the urge to give him the finger and nodded my head.
Yes, your Majesty, you're absolutely right! Nothing you say is wrong, and everything we say is bullshit. We live only to admire and look up to you.
You guys wanna hear a secret?
I don't like teachers that much.
Right. Left. Right. Left. Right again. Aaand here comes the left one.
I don't get it...
I really don't get it.
"…so they're gonna throw him out of the team. And it's kind of a shame cuss he's pretty good but he's so incredible dense sometimes, y'know, but when he actually pays attention he kicks ass! And so now he's all pissed and I don't know what to say to him cuss he thinks I'm a smartass, and now he won't even help me with the project anymore, just because he's getting kicked out and now…"
Yeah, you guessed it.
But don't ask me why he's talking to me, cuss I really don't know.
I look down at my feet again. It's very fascinating. Left foot. Right foot. Left. Right. Left…
"Wanna come over to my place?" Tai asked.
I looked at him. He looked back, looking like he'd just asked what time it is.
NO! Remember what dad said! Tai made the decision not to speak to me, and now he wants to be buddys? He's a asshole!
I didn't even remember when he started to talk to me. But we're halfway home, and he's been talking a whole lot, and I've been studying my feet a whole lot, so… it must have been a while. But I don't get it! Why? Why is he talking to me? He's got lots of other friends to hang out with! He's not in desperate need of someone to talk to; there's plenty to choose between.
"Matt? Are you in there? Seriously, you gotta stop your daydreaming, you'll get in serious trouble for it someday, I swear!"
"Whatever." I muttered.
"So yes or no? Are you coming or not?"
"That's pretty rude to ask, Tai" I replied, not able to hide my smirk. He blinked at me. Then he started laughing.
"Screw you, man"
Hee hee. I made him laugh. I love it when he laughs…
On the other hand -Tai is a pretty cheerful person, he laughs at everything… just give up, Ishida.
"Will you answer my question already!" Tai exclaimed sounding irritated.
Whoops. Must've spaced out a little. Again.
"Question?" I asked, still a thousand miles away.
Tai stopped walking. "For Christ sake; are coming over or not? I mean you don't have to if you don't want to, but if you don't then just say so!"
Now he looked insecure. Like guys do when they ask girls out on a date.
Date? Come on now, Matt, focus!
"Why do you want me to? It's not like we're friends or anything…" I muttered, sounding like a hurt little five-year-old. A hurt little five-year-old girl.
"Well yeah, but I thought we could, y'know… just hang out like we used to." he mumbled, shrugging.
"Why? I'm not gross anymore?" I yelled.
Why am I yelling?
Tai looked at me with his big innocent eyes, not following obviously. Or maybe just pretending not to follow.
Don't give me that shit, Yagami!
"…gross? When did I say that?"
"Just before I took off, when I… told you I was…" I stopped right there. I haven't even said that sentence out loud. Not to him, at least.
"Oh. I'm sorry, dude, I just… said everything that popped up in my head, I wasn't thinking! You know I always do that."
"Oh, so now I'm just gonna forgive you just because I know you always do that!"
"Matt, can we talk about this some other place?" he said in a low voice, looking over his shoulder. "And talk as in not yelling?"
"What, now you're embarrassed of me?" I yelled, furious.
Where did all this anger come from?
"No, I just wanna work this out, but… STOP YELLING, DAMMIT!"
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…
I heard him gasp and everything went silent.
No, Matt, why do you always do this!
Stop! Stop it now, Ishida!
"Matt, are you okay?"
You baby! You stupid little baby!
I turned away and ran. Where? I dunno, I just ran, as fast as I could. The way back to school just happened to lie under my feet. But then after a while, the road took a turn and I continued on path that led into the woods. The way to school is running along a forest. I've walked on this path many times. But I've never run on it. Now I see why.
As I make my way further into to the forest, trying my best not to trip over roots and other stuff just lying in my way, I can't hear anything but my own panting.
Ever tried running when you're crying? Don't! It's almost as bad as running when you're laughing.
Yes, Iam crying. Poor little Matty is once again crying.
Just when I think I'm alone and maybe should start consider stopping since my lungs are about to explode, I get knocked over.
Yepp. That idiot has followed me. But I don't get why he let me run this far before attacking me. Maybe he was thinking a little before running –trying to decide whether to do it or not. Maybe.
Of course I'm landing on the worst way you can possible land. I'm landing on his arms that are wrapped around my shoulders and on roots that decided to stick up right… you don't wanna know. And of course he banged his chin into the back of my head. Great, now I'm gonna get blind as well.
What the hell was that for! Huh? This isn't rugby you stupid fuck!
Why won't this guy leave me alone?
"Why won't you just leave. Me. Alone!"
The stupid brunette just grinned. "Because I can't. What's your name?"
I stopped and glared at him. Not a fully developed Ishida-death-glare but still a pretty good glare. "I told you it was non of your business!"
"Is it secret?" the stupid boy asked. Then his eyes lit up. "Are you in the FBI?"
I rolled my eyes. Again: not a fully developed Ishida-eye-roll, but still a quite good one.
"It's alright, I won't tell anyone." the brunette assured me. "Do you own a gun?"
"No, now stop following me." I started walking again. The brunette followed. Gee, what a shock.
"Why should I? You're interesting. Is that your real colour?" he asked, pointing at my hair.
I stared. What was up with this kid? "Yes."
"Cool! I wish I had hair like that!"
"You'd look ridiculous."
"Yeah, maybe. Do you like football?"
"Do you like anything?"
I stopped once again and faced him. "No."
He grinned. "Well I like you. You're funny." He reached out a tanned hand. "I'm Taichi. But call me Tai."
"You shake hands with your right hand."
Taichi looked confused. "Which one is that?"
"The other one" I said, getting more and more annoyed.
"Oh." Taichi reached out the other hand. "I'm Tai."
"What's your name?"
I sighed and gave up. "Ishida Yamato" I muttered, shaking his hand hesitatingly.
His eyes once again lit up. "Cool! Can I call you Matt?"
"Matt? Are you okay?"
I tried shifting so that his knee wasn't pressing into my leg. Didn't work.
"No. You're too heavy for me to be okay."
Seriously, how much does this guy weigh?
Tai removed his chin from my head and pulled away his arms from under my chest. Not a moment too soon…
When I'd blown a few strands of hair away from my face and moved a little, it suddenly hit me. Tai was lying on top of me. I had landed on my stomach and he had landed on… well, me.
So (obviously) I wasn't facing him -thank God- but still, our bodies were like glued together. We've never laid so close to each other. Ever! Not even when we were sleeping in that little hut we'd built in Tai's room (even though we weren't aloud to sleep there) and had to lie completely straight, our backs against each other.
Do I even have to mention that I was now blushing like crazy? Didn't think so either.
"Tai, get off of me!" I said, trying to sound angry but I just sounded whiny and pathetic. Tai got up to his feet and stepped away a little, brushing some dirt off his jeans.
I sat up slowly, not liking the feeling of dirt all over my frame. I growled out loud, letting him know he'd actually hurt me by landing on top of me. The least thing he could do now was to apologise.
Do I sound like a woman? Yeah, well… he ruined my clothes! Urgh, and my back… I'm never gonna be able to stand up ever again.
Tai seemed to remember why he'd done this in the first place and took a step towards me.
"Matt? Aren't you gonna get up?"
"Just leave me alone." I muttered, glaring into a tree.
"I can't. Remember?"
"You've been doing just fine these last couple of weeks."
Tai took another step towards me. Now his feet were standing right beside me.
"So I'm an asshole. I'm sorry?"
"Why can't you just stick to it instead?" I blurted out. "You turned your back on me and that was fine cuss I handled it! But then you can't even make up your damn mind and now you're just confusing me!"
He sat down, trying to get eye contact. No such luck.
"I was just being an idiot, okay? I freaked. And then I got a chance think it over. It's not even that big a deal."
"That's what you said when I told you as well. Then I said I… that, and you hated me! Don't you see? What if I say something stupid again?"
He hesitated. "Like what?"
I didn't answer.
"Whoa, hold up, it wasn't a French kiss was it?"
I rolled my eyes. "You can't french someone when they're sleeping, dumbass."
"Alright, just checking. You're the dumbass, dumbass."
He pushed me a little, trying to make me smile. I just frowned again.
"It's not funny."
"Look, can't we just forget this ever happened? I said I was sorry, and I'm all right with the whole gay-thing, so let's just…"
"It's not that easy."
"Why not? Why don't you wanna be friends with me again?"
"Why do you bother? You've got other people to hang with." I looked at him, realisation dawning on me. "Don't you fucking tell me this is out of pity!"
His eyes widened. "No! No, no, it's not… I mean, I've noticed you've been kinda lonely… but it's not that! I swear!"
"Because I… we've been friends forever! I don't just wanna end it like that."
I looked at the tree again. "Well, you did. And you made it very clear by saying I'm gross." I stood up.
"As I said I freaked out! I didn't mean it!" Tai tried to explain as he got to his feet as well. "Matt, honestly. You don't believe that, do you?"
I met his eyes. "What? That it's true?" He nodded slowly. I looked away, feeling tears burning behind my eyes.
Don't tell me I'm gonna start crying now again!
Before I could answer (not that I intended to) he pulled me into a hug. It was really awkward and soon he pulled back again, looking a little unsure. I looked at my feet, trying to stop the tears.
"It's not true, Matt. It's not. Matt, look at me."
I didn't. He lifted my chin up and saw the pain in my eyes. I could see that he was shocked. He's known me for nine years, and still he gets shocked when my eyes actually shows emotion. They usually don't, at least not when I'm hurt. They can show anger, maybe happiness, amusement, and mockery and otherwise they're just blank and empty. But this time I couldn't hide.
Tai stared at me, looking so guilty and insecure and worried that I almost felt sorry for him. "Matt, I… I haven't told anyone, no one knows," he said, trying to comfort me.
"It's not that." I sighed, not knowing if I should continue or not. "I thought… I thought you hated me…"
"I didn't! I mean I don't!"
"Let me finish, dammit!" I yelled, not really controlling any of my feelings that well at the moment. "I thought you were unable to accept me for who I am, and it killed me because it was such a waste of friendship to be destroyed just by a… a… if I could, I would've turned straight again I swear! I didn't choose this."
Tai was silence for a while. Then he just hugged me again. This time long enough for me to actually get that I was in his arms, that my head was just about this close to his, that our frames were touching and that he was really worm and this all felt very… nice. Just when I thought he was gonna pull away, I wrapped my arms around his waist, so that it would last a little longer. I really liked the feeling of having my arms around him and him having his arms around me.
"Please don't think stuff like that. It's not true." He said, sounding way too serious for being Tai.
"You don't hate me then?" I mumbled, just so that I would hear him say it.
"No. You know I don't. If I did I wouldn't hang around so much."
"So you're alright with me being… " I paused.
Why can't I say it?
"You don't think I'm gross?"
"You accept me for who I am?"
"Mhm. Don't care if you screw guys, just don't tell me about it."
"…shut up" I muttered, satisfied. He grinned.
Believe it or not, but we were still hugging each other. It was a very comfortable, relaxed and alsosoothing position.
"So we're friends?"
"You'll keep it a secret?"
"Course I will."
"You think I'm hot?"
"No. I mean yes? No! What the hell!" He pulled away and I laughed harder then I've done in a long time.
"That's not funny." He pouted. I grinned. "Yes it is!" He didn't pout for very long. As I mentioned earlier: Tai is a very happy person. So after like two or three seconds he grinned right back.
"Whatever, are we cool now? Or do you want to continue the friend-make up? Want me to say I love you and shit?" I punched his arm playfully.
Hey, I can punch!
"No. I know you do."
"That's good honey. Now let's go clean your pants."
I looked down.
Fuck! I forgot about my pants!
"My pants! My pants are destroyed! You destroyed my pants! You ass!"
Tai bit his lip, not really knowing how to handle this. "I'm… sorry?"
"Aargh! You fucking destroyed my pants!"
"Matt, come on! You don't have to get all pissed again! I just spent like fifteen minutes on making you happy!"
"You destroyed…!" I went silence.
When did he get so close? One minute he was like three foot away and now he was right in front of me. Tai reached his hand out and brushed some strands of hair away from my eyes.
"You know…" he said thoughtfully, his thumb still toughing my face lightly. "If you were a girl, I'd probably date you."
I stared at him, speechless. Speechless because he was so damn close, and speechless because…what the hell do you say to that?
He nodded to himself. "Yeah. I'd definitely date you." His hand began stroking my hair slowly and I just kept staring, unable to move. He grinned. "Aren't you gonna say 'Watch the hair!'?" I blinked, feeling like an actor without his lines. His hand was so soft and his eyes were so warm, and he was still standing so close.
Where's my line?
"What?" I managed to get out. Yay, a whole word…
"You're blushing!" Tai said in a teasing voice that only made me blush even more.
Alarm! ALARM! Too close for too long!
"Fuck you" I muttered and pushed him away. "And you're still paying for these!"
On the Yagami's kitchen table... and not like that, you freaks!
"You're such an idiot." I said, crossing my arms over my chest. I don't know why, but it's something very satisfying in saying those words.
"I said I was sorry!" Tai shot back, tired of my complaining.
"You're only making it worse!"
"Well it wouldn't be so fucking hard if you could just stay still!"
"I can't, I hurts when you rubbing it over and over!" I whined, still jerking my leg away whenever Tai started rubbing the fabric.
"Then take them off, dammit!" he growled, sinking back against the wall. "This isn't working. Take your goddamned pants off or buy a new pair!"
I just snorted at that. "Like I'm gonna run around in your house half naked. In your dreams, Yagami!"
"In your dreams, Ishida. Take'em off, or I won't help you."
I growled in frustration. "No!" Tai sighed and got up to his feet.
"Look" he said, starting to unfasten his belt. I stared at him. I never thought I'd witness this. Ever. "Borrow my jeans, all right, and meanwhile I'll try to get the stain off."
"Y-you can't just walk around here without pants!"
"It's my house" Tai unzipped his jeans and pulled them down to his ankles.
Wholly Mother of…
I looked away, not knowing what to do. I didn't know if I'd be able to take this, and if I wouldn't, then I certainly didn't want to take my pants off! Might as well jump right into his arms and say Oh, Tai I love you! Let's make love right here, right now!
I don't need him to know that not only am I homosexual, I also think the image of him taking his jeans off is quite a turn-on. That's way too much fact for him to handle!
"I, um… I gotta go"
Déjà vu, anyone?
I left Tai standing in his green boxers (so hot on him and his tanned skin!), with a confused look on his face.
I reached the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind me.
"Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…" I hissed at the bathroom wall. It didn't answer. Walls are so stupid... I looked in the mirror and noticed my cheeks were blushed. Shock. I looked down. Except for my blushed cheeks it wasn't… that bad. But I sure as hell would've got a hard-on if I'd been in there just a little longer. I washed my face and tried to calm down. This wasn't good. I couldn't just tell him that I had a crush on him! Even if he would accept that, it wouldn't work. It just wouldn't.
I jumped when I heard a knock on the door.
"Matt? Can you open up?"
"It's already open," I muttered. Tai opened the door.
He slowly walked in and closed the door behind him. "Can we talk? I really need to get some things straight."
I sighed. "Sure."
"…can we go to my room, or something? I don't really feel like talking in the bathroom," he said, smiling a little.
I nodded, and followed him out. We headed for his room and he once again shut the door behind us. I sat down on his bed and he took a seat on the desk-chair. I tried pressing my hands onto my thighs to stop them from shaking. Why do they always get shaky?
"So…" he started. I just looked at the wall, feeling very tired suddenly.
"I just wanna know… uh, you know when… you told me you were gay, and you said you were sure because you kissed me?" I met his eyes.
"Was that… that night when you were putting my pillow back? Although you were still holding the pillow?"
I smirked. Despite how unbelievably stupid he made that sound, I understood completely. "Yes. I, um…" Did he really need to know this? I looked away again, not knowing whether to continue or not.
"What?" Tai urged me to continue. I sighed, still gazing at Tai's wall.
"I… I wasn't just…putting back your pillow…" I mumbled.
Now it was his time to smirk. "No shit?"
"I was… uh… kinda…watching you."
Tai raised his eyebrows. "Watching me?"
"Why?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.
"Um…cuss… you're a guy?"
"…you were watching me because I'm a guy?" Tai repeated, sounding very sceptical.
"Uh… yeah?" I said in a very small voice. Yeah. That'll do the trick.
That's a very nice wall he's got there. Very nice.
I could feel his gaze on me. It was the one he always used when he was trying to get secrets out of me.
Finally I couldn't take the pressure anymore.
"It's not like I… I… I was just deciding whether I was gonna kiss you or not!"
"It's not like I… you… uh…"
"Could you repeat that last part? Didn't quite get that."
Okay, now he's being mean!
I sighed, trying to gain confidence. "Look, you're a guy –right? I'm gay. I was spending the night at your place. I woke up. You were sleeping. You're… not the ugliest guy alive. I watched you. And then I kissed you." I said, talking really slowly to avoid sounding desperate. "No. Big. Deal." Met his eyes. "Drop it."
Tai looked at me a little while longer, then he shrugged. "Alright. Not gonna bring that up again."
There was a short pause where neither of us said anything, probably thinking about how we were gonna return to our best buddys-roles.
"You want ice-cream?"
I looked at him. Then I nodded my head. "Sure." He grinned. And that just looked so fucking dorky I started grinning as well.
See, I told you he was obsessed with food!
Although, this time Tai's appetite actually got us back to the right 'best friends-spirit' and we were ready to go back to our old life as best buddys ever. A life I'd come to appreciate a lot the last few weeks.
As we headed for the kitchen, ready to eat up every single piece of ice cream the Yagami's had left, my still unspoken secret was a million miles away. For now, it was all about hanging out with the only guy a wanted to hang out with.
Yeah baby, Yamato Ishida and Taichi Yagami are back on track, as –once again- best friends! Ever.
I really enjoy writing this story, it's so fun! XD Just remember it's kinda rushed cuss I wrote it way faster then I usually do, and it got a lot longer then I had planned... but that's good, right?
This is so not done yet, it will definitely be continued! So don't worry
Yeah... Like it?