Disclaimer: Don't own them. Making no money. sigh
'Twas foggy, and the slimy sewers
Were dark and dank beneath the streets.
The runoff gurgled down the pipes
In garbled, jangled, tumbling beats.
"Beware the Mary Sue, my sons.
The tresses long, the figure lithe.
Beware the perfect brains and bod,
And shun the spirit blithe."
They took their weapons all in hand
And prowled the city high and low,
'Till in a dingy lane they found
A woman limping, pained and slow.
Our heroes rushed to lend her aide,
But she'd only broke a heel.
They saw too late that they beheld
A creature formed of fangirl zeal.
And as in frozen fear they stood,
Their bellies full of icy dread,
In dulcet tones the creature spoke:
"Hi! I'm MarySue!" she said.
Her eyes, like sapphires! Like stormy seas!
Like summer skies, that hue!
Like Windex! Like my beta fish, like…like…
Ah, screw it, they were blue.
With mighty will and greater spunk
Than any fiend from hell,
Her monstrous gaze impaled them all
And fixed on Raphael.
"We'll argue first, and sparks will fly,
But I'll soon make you whole.
I'll be your special, one troo love,
I'll even heal your tortured soul."
"Fuck this! Why's it always me?"
Raph moaned in deep despair.
"Look, lady, I ain't settlin' down
And my soul's in good repair."
Sensing the impending doom
To brother, self, and clan,
One Turtle, in their desperate need
Devised a desperate plan.
"Look! The X-Men!" Mikey cried,
And pointed down the lane.
"Where?" She whipped about so fast
She smote him with her mane.
"Ninja's honor," Mikey swore,
His fingers crossed, unseen.
"I saw then drifting through the fog,
Cyclops, Gambit, Wolverine."
As Mary sped in hot pursuit,
Her thoughts of Turtles banished,
Four ninjas sighed in vast relief
And in the shadows vanished.
"Hast thou escaped the MarySue?
Come, celebrate, you lucky boys!"
Splinter chortled, cried "Calloo! Callay!"
And made a dirge of giddy noise….
'Twis foggy still, and still she roams,
And swears they all will rue
The day they ever dared to dupe
And piss off MarySue.