Chapter forty-one: Who, me? Yes, you. Couldn't be. Well then, look at your author profile.
Interests: Coffee, fanfiction, het, NOT YAOI
Favorite manga: Rurouni Kenshin, Inuyasha, Fruits Basket, Naruto, Naruto, Naruto
Least favorite manga: Beyblade, Dual Masters, Loveless
Favorite anime: Rurouni Kenshin, Inuyasha, Fruits Basket, Naruto, Naruto, Naruto
Least favorite anime: Beyblade, Dual Masters, Loveless
Favorite graphic novel: Rurouni Kenshin, Inuyasha, Fruits Basket, Naruto, Naruto, Naruto
Last favorite graphic novel: Beyblade, Dual Masters, Loveless
Amount of friends: five hundred
Friends' names: UchihaClan, Fate, tattle tale, loser, Maniac, muggle6789, badwriter1234567890, mrvoldy95, granco02, shamanramen04, brigid4evr, saveseptimus, oOChibiOo, BiNgNaBiNgNaBiNg, zero04, BlackCello, What is thoust namest, camel rider, camel lover, incredibrigid, dewgongong, hippistandsby, ilovetoridehorsesandflyonguineapigs, D roc 63, scottishgurl3986, skilledquicy, m4n5b6, Mistress of Loving Fire and Darkness and eating heads, Fenrir, Gummiship300000000, gooooglehedron, ProjectUtopia, enjeru, enduro, BlueOrca, gndagnor, Saka, eguana, iguana, chameleon, dog, cat, mouse, dogcatmouse, hairyman, chain of tonic memories, Strife, hentailover, hetlover, whatthefo, koreanpride, chinesepride, antarcticpride, O0O, 770-985-6784, GaryJohnson, GJohnson, Beatles, Twist and Shout, Come--onn--, lisp7, Last Comic Standing, dc2-palmbrinks, SEE ME FOR MORE.
Amount of siblings: one
Sibling's name: Marco
Amount of pets: three
Pets' names: Fido, Sparky, Fluffy
Kind of Pet: dog, dog, kangaroo
Amount of eyes: two
Eyes' names: Slush, Dookie
Amount of fanfics: ten
Names of fanfics: Walk with me, Tell me more, What about me?, Kiss me, Love me, Talk to me, Don't talk to me, Stop doing that to me, Weren't you gonna do that to me?, What were you going to do to me?
Number of words in said fanfics: 250, 300, 100, 56, 25, 10, 3, 2, 568, 0
Amount of reviews in total: five hundred
Names of reviewers: UchihaClan, Fate, tattle tale, loser, Maniac, muggle6789, badwriter12345678890, mrvoldy95, granco02, shamanramen04, brigid4evr, saveseptimus, oOChibiOo, BiNgNaBiNgNaBiNg, zero04, BlackCello, What is thoust namest, camel rider, camel lover, incredibrigid, dewgongong, hippistandsby, ilovetoridehorsesandflyonguineapigs, D roc 63, scottishgurl3986, skilledquicy, m4n5b6, Sorceress of Loving Fire and Darkness and Eating Heads, Fenrir, Gummiship300000000, gooooglehedron, ProjectUtopia, enjeru, enduro, BlueOrca, gndagnor, Saka, eguana, iguana, chameleon, dog, cat, mouse, dogcatmouse, hairyman, chain of tonic memories, Strife, hentailover, hetlover, whatthefo, koreanpride, chinesepride, antarcticpride, O0O, 770-985-6784, GaryJohnson, GJohnson, Beatles, Twist and Shout, Come--onn--, lisp7, Last Comic Standing, dc2-palmbrinks, SEE ME FOR MORE.
Chapter forty-two: Omg, abbreviations in a fanfic? lol, that's Mazing!
"Omg." Sasuke squeaked. He scanned his paws and licked his lips. "How could this happen?"
"Idk." Sakura said frowning.
"WTF are you TALKING about?" Naruto screamed, pointing an accusing claw at Sakura. "YOU turned us like this, you damn PITA!"
"Imo, it's not entirely my fault," Sakura stated, pasting her palm on her chest and ignoring Naruto's growing glare. "It's the fault of whoever brought the stupid robot in the room."
"Well, we don't know who did it, do we?" Naruto accused, scowling. "Foad!"
"Pncah, Naruto." Sasuke cooed, crossing his arms.
"Ho, Naruto," Sasuke started, crawling over to Naruto's side.
"Did you just call me a ho?" Naruto shrieked, glaring at Sasuke now.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "No. Su. I meant 'hold on'. Now ho." He clashed his fingers together and stilled for just a moment, then ftasp, hand signs were formed. Naruto's blue eyes caught glimpses of ones that he recognized: Bird, cow, pig, snake, some more zodiac animals, and then (as usual) ending with a tiger. With a pop, their wings disappeared-- Sasuke's and Naruto's only-- and their forms grew larger and larger until both ninjas were back to normal size.
At the sight of Sakura's screaming face and her high pitched voice, Sasuke and Naruto found themselves lol.
Roflmao. Or Rofltao.
With that, they g'd and chirped, "Ttfn!"
Glossary in chronological order
Omg: Oh, my god
Idk: I don't know
Wtf: What the fuck
Pita: Pain in the ass
Imo: In my opinion
Foad: Fuck off and die
Pncah: Please, no cursing allowed here
Stfu: Shut the fuck up
Ho: Hold on
Ho: Hooker, whore, prostitute, your mom
Su: Shut up
Ftasp: Faster than a speeding bullet
Cow: An organism that produces milk along with the goat, in colors of white with splattered black. Maybe in pink, too.
Lol: Laughing out loud. Though I learned it as Laugh out Loud
Rofl: Rolling on floor laughing
Roflas: Rolling on floor laughing and screaming
Roflttc: Rolling on floor laughing 'till they cry
Roflmao: Rolling on floor laughing my ass off
Rofltao: Rolling on floor laughing their asses off
Roflmtottd: Rolling on floor laughing their asses off 'till they die
Roflolaptp: Rolling on floor laughing out loud and peeing their pants
Ttfn: Ta-ta for now.
Awutssgalagpsslnhb: Anyone who uses these should seriously get a life and go play some soccer like a normal human being
Chapter forty-three: "Okaaay, that was… random." (usually written by some whore-y girl, a four-year-old, or your sister)
Naruto: I'm so glad we got out of that mess!
Sasuke: Me, too. -suddenly stops walking- wait… Where are we?
Naruto: -stops- Hmmm… well, I think we're in--
Giant fish: -pops out of nowhere- WONDERLAND! I LOOOVE WONDERLAND!
Sasuke: -blanches- Huh?
Giant fish: Oh, yeah. Wonderwonderland is definitely the bestest land in the worldland, wonderland.
SUDDENLY A FLYING RABBIT CAME OUT OF THE SKY!
Flying rabbit: Helllooooo! Welcome to Wonderland, matees!
Naruto: -grabs Sasuke and hides behind him- Sasuke, what's going on?
Tim Burton: i'M hOoOoOoOmE!
Flying rabbit and Giant fish: Hewoooee!
Sasuke and Naruto: -walking away slowly from the others- Okaaay, we'll be going now! -turns around and starts running-
BUT THEY WERE BLOCKED BY A FLAMING HEADED--
Chapter forty-four: Original writer? Nooooope.
"AAAAAAAAAAH!" Naruto screamed, shielding his face in terror. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
"I want …" The Flaming-Headed Baby whispered, his words disturbing the ground's peace. "… a shrubbery…."
"Hey," Sasuke whispered to Naruto. "I think he got that line from Monty Python."
"Oh no!" The Flaming-Headed Baby cried.
"What?" Sasuke said.
"They're gone!" The Flaming-Headed Baby explained. "Our ----- are gone!"
"Your … what?" Naruto exclaimed, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "What do you reckon he's saying?"
"'Photos'?" Sasuke replied. He then glared at the Flaming-Headed Baby. "Yup, that's definitely Kingdom Hearts II."
"Listen," The Flaming-Headed Baby told them in a sudden serious voice. "If you want to get back to reality, all you have to do is say … Hopscotch."
"Hopscotch?" Naruto shrieked in laughter.
Sasuke took his chin in his hands. "That one's from Corpse Bride."
"Never mind that, Sasuke." Naruto quickly mumbled. He grabbed Sasuke's hand and shouted, "HOPSCOTCH!"
And as promised, they were back in reality.
Chapter forty-five: Actually, Naruto's really smart. (wtf?)
Sasuke sighed in relief, smoothing out his shirt form the wrinkles. He and Naruto were both on the dark streets of Konoha, the streetlights buzzing like mosquitoes.
"I'm glad we're out of that mess." Sasuke sighed. When no response came, he glanced down at Naruto.
Only to find him on all-fours on the ground.
"You know, I knew about the Kyuubi long before Iruka told me." Naruto whispered, still not facing Sasuke.
"Kyuubi?" Sasuke asked, frowning lightly. "What're you talking about, dobe?"
Naruto chuckled softly and grimly. "Dobe, dobe, dobe … always the 'dobe'." Naruto stood up then, and faced Sasuke. With the serious light in his eyes and the fixed frown, Naruto looked amazingly older. And his eyes … they were blood red. "I'm stronger than you, you know?"
"What in the world are you talking about, Naruto?" Sasuke demanded, taking a few steps backwards in fright.
With that streetlight over him and no signs of life within a yard's distance, Naruto really looked just like a lonely boy. Or an emo. "I've just been hiding it. It's easier to act like I'm stupid, than to act like I'm all-powerful … which I am."
"Whatever. Naruto, you're out of your mind--"
"No, Sasuke!" Naruto shouted, rushing over to Sasuke and grabbing his shirt collar. "You're out of your mind! How could you have ignored me and my strength? How dare you call me a dobe every day! Do you know how much it hurts? It damn hurts!" Naruto seethed, breathing in and out heavily. "You're gonna pay, you know that? YOU'RE ALL GONNA PAY!"
Sasuke blinked in confusion, then slammed his fist down on the top of Naruto's head. Naruto collapsed to his knees, his arms falling limply to his sides. Naruto sniffed and grinned. "Ha, thanks, Sasuke. Man, I thought I was all-powerful and all that for a sec, there."
Sasuke scoffed. "You'll always be a dobe, Naruto. No matter how much fans hate that word."
Chapter forty-six: Violence is not the answer. A-and suicide. That, too.
Sasuke was about to tell Naruto to get up, when he heard sniffing. Blinking once again and glancing down, he saw the most peculiar thing. Naruto's head was bowed to the ground, so that his face was shielded from view. Yet, his shoulders vibrated and bounced. It would've looked like he was laughing, if only the sniffs hadn't been present. Sniff. Sniff. A ragged breath. More sniffs.
Only one thought passed through Sasuke's mind as he saw this.
What kind of shinobi cries in front of his rival?
That's when Naruto held up a dagger: six-inch, waxed and shiny, a golden grip with a gem on the end. Another thought passed Sasuke's mind.
Oh, the suicidal kind.
"Hold up, Naruto." Sasuke said. Sasuke grabbed the dagger still clasped inside Naruto's hand. But Naruto wouldn't let go; his grip remained powerful. Sasuke struggled and grunted, until Naruto lifted his face.
Naruto's once sparkling and lively blue eyes were now dull and bloodshot. His goofy grin was replaced with a pursed lip. Sasuke had never seen him like that before.
"Non los ee Ske." Naruto whispered, his pursed lips tracing into a depressed frown.
"Sorry?" Sasuke asked, still concentrating on getting the weapon out of Naruto's hand. Why hadn't he just used a kunai? Oh, of course: to make things more dramatic and cliché.
"Noh un luss me, S-ske." Naruto managed to croak out.
"What-- Naruto, what the hell are you saying?"
"NO ONE LOVES ME, SASUKE!" Naruto screamed. His mouth changed again; it was now gritting and bearing teeth. "No one … no one in this whole village … not Kakashi, or Sakura, or even Iruka….No one … truly … lo … ves … me.…"
Suddenly, Sasuke was overblown with emotion. He crouched down to Naruto's height and looked the blonde straight in the eye. "Naruto, I--"
"Good job, Konohamaru!" Itachi cheered. Konohamaru continued to whiz around the Uchiha household; to the boy, flying was the newest and most fun act he had ever done. Of course, to a mosquito, it wasn't, since it was always flying. And sucking people's blood out. You gotta remember that.
Naruto let go of the dagger and cried again. Cried in happiness, this time.
After what Sasuke had said, he would never try to commit suicide again.
Chapter forty-seven: What, did you think there was no plot to this fic, besides making fun of other fics? Well, here's the plot. The plot that is introduced at the very end.
Naruto finally stood up, and Sasuke did the same. They glanced around the street, trying to decide which way to go. Suddenly, Naruto gasped and pointed.
"Look, there it is!" Naruto exclaimed.
Sasuke inspected where Naruto was pointing at, and saw the Hokage, Tsunade, taking a walk. "There what is?"
"Tsunade's the plot?"
"No, not Tsunade: what happens next!"
A great beast came out of nowhere, scooped up Tsunade in its arms, and trotted away.
Sasuke frowned and thought the situation over. "So … we're trying to save Tsunade?"
Naruto gave him a flat look. "No, we're gonna have a party and eat cupcakes all day-- OF COURSE WE'RE GONNA SAVE TSUNADE! That's the plot, dumbass!"
Chapter forty-eight: "H-hello… my name is Marlin… I'm a clownfish…"
Both ninjas sprinted down the street, trying to find Tsunade and the great beast that took her. They must've looked for ten minutes straight, when something suddenly stopped them: A vortex plastered onto a wall of a building. Both Sasuke and Naruto halted and watched as the swirling neon vortex spat out a girl around their age, wearing just a normal T-shirt and jeans. She whispered something under her breath, before brushing dirt off her clothes and turning to them.
"Who're you?" Naruto demanded.
The girl's eyes widened in fear; she held up a shaking hand. "H-hello … my name is Katrina … I'm not a clownfish…."
"… d'uh." Sasuke spat. Katrina shivered.
"Well, what're you doing here?" Naruto asked as if he were talking to kid.
"I-I … must've gotten transported here f-from my other world." Katrina stuttered, gazing back at the vortex.
"Oh, great. Another one." Naruto sighed and hung his head. "Sasuke, how many times has this happened before?"
"At least five thousand."
"Really? I lost count after two-thousand-eight-hundred-thirty-seven."
"Hey, Katrina." Sasuke asked; Katrina jumped in surprise. "Have you seen a monster somewhere around here?"
"Oh, yes." Katrina nodded and pointed to the Konoha Stadium. "It went that way."
"Well, look here." Sasuke told Naruto. "This here's the first one to be of some help. The others are just nuisances."
"Let's go, Sasuke. We've got a Hokage to save."
Chapter forty-nine: Crosswords or Jumbles?
Sasuke and Naruto arrived at Konoha Stadium and searched for Tsunade and the beast. They didn't have to search long, for the two were right smack in the middle of the giant soccer field. Or football field, if you're not from America. The two ran out and was about to save Tsunade, when a giant suit of armor grabbed the beast away from Tsunade, throwing it all the way to the goal box.
"Are you okay, ma'am?" The suit of armor asked. His voice was high and Naruto wondered how someone so young could fit in a suit of armor that large. "I hope you're not hurt."
"Oh, no … I'm fine." Tsunade replied. She eyed him curiously. "Who are you?"
"I'm Alphonse Elric." The suit of armor answered. He pointed at a young man who was fighting off the beast. "And that's my brother, Edward Elric."
"Alphonse, why are you in a suit of armor?"
"My brother sealed me in here, so I wouldn't get sucked in and die by my mother. My body's not really inside-- it's just my soul. And Ed … well, he's got a metal arm and leg."
Before Tsunade could react, Naruto called to her and approached her, followed by Sasuke. Naruto opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a cry from Edward. Everyone turned to see him laying on the ground, the monster pinning him down, a glob of spit threatening to land on Edward's nose. Sasuke dug into his bag attached to his side, snaking out a kunai; yet, he did not throw it, for someone else saved Edward.
It was a rather large mouse, with ears like missiles shooting out of its head. Two red spots were glued on its cheeks, and its tail was in the shape of a lightning bolt. The mouse was painted with yellow.
"Pikachu, thunderbolt 'im!" A black-haired boy with a red hat said, not far away from the mouse. The mouse-- this Pikachu-- screamed out its own name as a sort of battle cry, Sasuke guessed. A shot of lightning embraced its form, and directed at the beast lying on Edward, shocking both.
Alphonse panicked. "Wh-what're you doing to my brother?"
The electrified pair was suddenly lifted into the air. Everyone watched as a white outlining coated the two. A beam shot out of them, hitting something in the air and forming a keyhole. A boy with black clothes and spiky hair slightly similar to the-boy-with-the-Pikachu's, sprinted in front of the keyhole. He swiveled a giant key with his hand, stepped back, and shot a beam out to the keyhole. Just as the keyhole disappeared, two animals wearing clothes ran to the boy's side.
"Who're you?" Naruto asked, amazed at what he saw.
The boy and the animals turned around. "Oh, sorry. We're Sora, Donald, and Goofy."
"Always that order, A-hyuk!" Goofy exclaimed.
"What's your story?" Naruto asked, in an almost accusing tone.
Sora explained, "Well, I got transported from my island through darkness. I tried to find my friends, but I ended up finding Donald and Goofy. From then on, I saved worlds on our Gummi ship with this oversized key. My best friend got pissed and let this weirdo scientist take control of him, and I had to fight the scientist to free my best friend and the heart of all worlds. I beat the scientist and sealed the worlds, but there were still dark beings with no hearts everywhere; so I had to save more worlds to try and find my best friend. In the end, I found him using darkness to find and help me. But then he got back to his usual self, and now, everything's all right."
"And what about you?" Sasuke pointed at the boy with the red hat.
"Me? My name's Ash Ketchum, from Pallet town. I dunno why you need to know where I come from, but I always say it after introducing myself. My first goal was to go around capturing super-animals into balls, but somewhere along the way, I forgot that dream and instead decided to train my own super-animals and beat the greatest super-animal trainers!"
Naruto frowned. "What're you all doing here?"
Ash, Pikachu, Al, Ed, Sora, Donald, and Goofy all mumbled and asked themselves that question, as well.
Tsunade scowled. "Well then, get out of here! You don't belong in our world, so you have no business meddling into our plots and character relationships!"
The extra characters 'eeped' and all jumped through vortexes similar to the one used for the girl-in-the-chapter-before's entrance.
Naruto sighed in pure relief and exhaustion. "It's over … it's all over.…"
"Thank god." Sasuke breathed.
Chapter fifty/Epilogue: Finished and failed products
Ten years, a thousand relationships and soup operas, and a whole lot of spoofs later….
A boy with dark purple hair strode over to a hill. His fit and accented body was embraced by a buttoned-up black shirt. His green eyes were fixed on the ground until his sandal'd feet finally met the hill.
He looked up and did not expect what he saw. A girl was under a tree on the hill, her black hair tied up in a high ponytail. Her body was relaxed on the grassy ground, head against the trunk of the tree. She was wearing a scarf that formed a big hole around her neck. Her eyes were closed, her eyebrows knitted in a struggle for relaxation.
The boy walked up to the girl under the tree. "Hello."
The girl's eyelids slid back to reveal dark blue eyes. She studied him for a moment, then replied with, "Uchiha."
The boy smiled and nodded. "That's right."
The girl sat up and observed him more. "Uchiha … and Haruno."
"Right again. I'm Naruto Uchiha. My parents named me after their best--"
"Can you guess who my parents are?" The girl challenged. "It's so obvious, if you really think about it."
Naruto pursed his lips and contemplated her the same way she had done to him. That fixed frown, the high ponytail, the hole around the neck….
"I would have to guess Nara and Yamanaka." Naruto said, waiting for a response.
The girl just sighed and leaned back against the tree. "Bingo. I'm Chouji; my parents did the same yours did, naming their kid after their best friend." Chouji the Girl turned back to Naruto. "We're such obvious children."
"What do you--" Naruto started, but he was cut off again. This time not by Chouji, but by another child who was coming up the hill.
The girl had white, albino eyes that were frightening only in the way they had no pupils. Her brown hair was tied up in two buns on the sides of her head. She called out to Chouji, interrupting Naruto. Chouji just lifted a hand in greeting. Before the other girl could get close, however, Chouji whispered quickly to Naruto.
"See that girl?" Chouji asked Naruto. "She's a real obvious one."
"Hi, I'm Lee." The girl with the white eyes said, nodding. She seemed a bit of a tomboy.
Naruto didn't even have to think for this one. "Hyuuga and TenTen."
A boy walked up the hill, also with white eyes. He was smiling gently, petting the dog on his shoulder. When he saw the three other kids, he waved and laughed. "Hey, I'm Shino."
"Hyuuga and Inuzuka." Naruto laughed. "Ha, we are obvious children!"
"And fake ones, too." Chouji replied. "No one can inherit exact genes like us."
"This is kinda cool!"
Chouji scoffed. "More like troublesome."
As said in chapter forty-nine, it's all over. And thank GOD. I loved writing this collection of parodies; it was a joy to grasp some of your time for this humor fic. I thank all my reviewers for fueling me with the energy to update, and I'm sorry it took so long in between posts.
In Step two (meaning the second batch of ten chapters), I kinda just made fun of fics besides actually making it funny. And I apologize for that. So I tried to make the next Step obtain more humor. Sorry if I failed.
It was a struggle to make all of you reviewers happy when it came to the relationships. The entire Naruto fan batch is divided in half: one liking SasuSaku, the other not. I'm actually part of the half that doesn't, so creating Sasuke and Sakura's child was … disturbing. I was scrunching up my nose for that.
If you don't understand any of the chapters, please inform me. I know chapter forty (a parody of a parody) got many question marks; I hope it didn't confuse you too much.
Please nominate your favorite chapter in your reviews! Thank you, and have a good life.
Edit: I'm sure no one will notice, but I tweaked a bit of my writing so the later chapters wouldn't be as long (Though they are still very long compared to the first chapters) and possibly funnier than they had been before. Remember to get out of your fanfiction addiction soon!