Warnings:ANGST!!!! This fic involves graphic depictions of self-mutilation and depression. If this sort of thing bothers you or makes you uncomfortable then please stop reading now. This is not a fic promoting self-mutilation because I have been there and it is not a fun thing to deal with. This is a fic about getting over it. Please, if this sort of thing bothers you DO NOT read any further!!!
~…~ Denotes thoughts
"…" Denotes dialogue
The Angel Who Cried Crimson
By: Marissa Kaisuke
Hours later, they were the only ones left in the waiting room. Duo half slept, leaning on Heero's shoulder. Wufei sat in a lotus position on the floor, meditating to calm his nerves, while Trowa stared blankly out the window, watching the rain pour on the earth below.
"What time is it?"
"It's 1:35 in the morning. Five minutes later than last time. Tro, you need to sit down and try to get some sleep. You've been under a lot of stress and need to give your body some rest." Trowa kept his back to the Perfect Soldier.
"I'll rest when Quatre is safe and in my arms. Until they tell us he's okay, I'm not doing anything." Wufei opened one eye to study the tall European. ~ He's exhausted. I'm surprised he's lasted this long. Hell, I'm surprised any of us have lasted this long without collapsing from stress…~
"Mr. Chang?" The four pilots turned to see a young, attractive nurse standing in the doorway. Wufei's heart beat frantically in his chest. His sloe eyes noted the downcast look on her face.
"The doctor will be out in a moment to speak with you. Would you care stay out here or in her office?"
"Here's fine, thank you." The Chinese pilot watched as the tiny brunette shuffled out of the room, a quiet sadness reflecting in her eyes. ~ Oh gods…is he okay… ~
"Did you see the look on her face!?! Something's wrong! Is Quatre okay?!? Heero, where's Kat?!?" Heero smacked Duo across the face.
"Calm down! We don't know anything yet!" Tears shone brightly in limpid, violet pools as Duo rubbed a hand softly over his reddening cheek.
"But…what if he's dead?" Heero pulled his lover into a tight embrace. Smoothing down errant chestnut locks, Heero kissed him lightly on the forehead.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hit you but you were starting to panic and…I'm sorry. Please, Quatre will be fine. I'm sure he's just asleep back there. You'll see him as soon as the doctor speaks with us. Okay?" Duo mumbled something unintelligible against Heero's neck, nodding slightly. Trowa watched the exchange of false promises between the two lovers. ~ Don't lie to him Heero. You saw the look on her face as well as I did. Duo was right…something is wrong. I can only pray that you'll pull through whatever is wrong, Quatre, so I can tell you how much you mean to me. I just need to tell you I love you. Even if you don't love me back, I just need to tell you. ~ A tall, middle-aged woman entered the waiting room, her long white lab coat swishing behind her noiselessly.
"Gentlemen, I take it you are the ones here for news about a Mr. Winner. Am I correct?"
"Yes." Wufei replied, settling into the chair next to the Shinigami pilot.
"Is he okay? Can we see him now?" Duo clutched at Heero's hand tightly. Sighing softly, she pulled her glasses off, slipping them into a pocket. Pulling another chair around to face them, the doctor placed her clipboard on a nearby table and gestured for Trowa to sit down. Tensing immediately, the tall European clutched at the window frame. ~ Oh god, no…please ~
"Mr. Winner had suffered critical injuries to his wrists and forearms. Most of the bleeding had slowed considerably by the time he arrived here but he had lost an enormous amount of blood. His physical health was very poor in that he had been suffering from blood loss on what looked like a continuous basis from who knows when. I regret to have to inform you of this, but Mr. Winner has already passed on. He lost too much blood to pull through and several veins had been severed completely making a blood transfusion pointless. I'm sorry gentlemen." Each pilot's reaction varied as the horrible news was laid out before them. Duo screamed, an animalistic wail of agony emitted from the deepest depths within him. His slim form convulsed in seizure-like movements as painful sobs tore their way out of him. Heero gripped his lover, swaying back and forth to calm himself. Crystal streams flowed openly from his cobalt eyes, his breath coming in ragged gasps. Wufei clutched his mouth tightly as if to stop the violent sobs from leaving his body. Onyx eyes drizzled tears. Wufei cried out from the sheer pain in his stomach from holding back the emotional overload he was feeling. Trowa began to hyperventilate. Clutching at the windowsill, the Heavyarms pilot began a slow decent to the floor. Sliding down the wall, pain like none he had experienced before built up inside of him. Images of long past flashed before his eyes. Quatre smiling as he entered the kitchen in the morning, Quatre fussing over a flesh wound the Heavyarms pilot had acquired, Quatre napping in the arm chair in the living room, Quatre playing his violin in the study on a rainy day, Quatre out on the lawn stargazing when he thought the others were asleep. Various scenes flickered across his emerald gaze as a cry of sheer torment tore out of his throat.
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! QUATRE!!!! Ohhhh…god…NO! QUATRE!!!!!!" Trowa's lean body curled in on itself. Clutching an arm to his face, Trowa cried into his bloodstained blue sweater, an occasional scream was heard from beneath the thick fabric. Faintly in the back of his mind, Trowa remembered the one scene that had been forever etched onto his memory. It was of him and Quatre, when he had finally gotten up enough nerve to ask the tiny blonde to go into town with him. They went to see a movie together and had a late dinner in a small café. Later, before going back to the safehouse, Quatre and him had wandered into a small playground. Insisting that Trowa have a little childhood fun, they swung on the swings till both were exhausted and collapsed onto the grass laughing. The moment he remembered so well was the instant he had known it was love that he held in his heart for the smaller pilot. The moonlight illuminated Quatre's innocent face giving the appearance of a fallen angel. Trowa had caught his breath at the sight as Quatre turned to smile at him. Returning back to the present, Trowa cried harder, knowing that he would never be able to see that shining face again or even tell the small blonde how he felt about him.
The funeral had been held in a huge church on the L4 Colony under the direct control of the remaining Winner family. None of the pilots had attended, disgusted with the publicity the Winner daughters had used the funeral for. Two weeks after the unfortunate suicide of one of their closest friend's, Duo had requested that they hold a short private ceremony of their own outside of the safehouse the five of them had all last resided in. They planted moonflowers, a night-blooming flower, around the tree that Quatre had frequently fallen asleep under when stargazing. Each pilot said their good-bye's and had vowed to remain friends forever, as Quatre would have wanted it. It had been three years since the war had ended and the death of Quatre and his love for the gentle blonde still remained. Duo and Heero had gotten married and were living together on L2. Wufei had gone to work for Sally Po as a preventer. Trowa had become increasingly depressed over the past years even though he had a good job as music teacher at a local university. Each year, the four of them had gotten together to remember Quatre and reminisce about the war and the events that had taken place during that time. Trowa smiled softly as he laid down on his bed. ~ I guess I won't be making it to the reunion this year. Somewhere inside me I know I should feel bad about making them relive this but I hope they'll forgive me. I'm sorry Duo, Heero, Wufei. I miss him too much though. If you can still be sane after the loss of the one you loved, then your love isn't true. My love is true. ~ Trowa swallowed the remaining sleeping pills from the bottle next to his bed. ~ Twelve should be enough. I'm going to miss you guys. You three really are the best friends I'll ever have. I'll see you again someday. ~ Trowa put on a slow song, Gaze of the Stars, Quatre's favorite. Closing his eyes, Trowa focused on that moonlit night he fell in love. Picturing pure innocence and beauty in his mind, Trowa smiled as sleep rapidly closed in on him. ~ I'll see you soon my love. Wait for me… ~