Hey Auther here! This is the longest chapter so far and my favourate. But the problem is, and this is embarrasing, I am running out of ideas for The Professor. Of course I have an idea for the long run but I need some filler ideas if you will, just a chapter or two. So if you are reading this and want it to continue I urge you to review and tell me some ideas. Please? I almost forgot, if you want a cameo appearence as,I dunno some alien, then just say. In a review.Oh well, till next time adieu!
Disclaimer: I own everything below apart from McDonalds andthe character Rose. Take my ideas and I will send a Klatchnian hell hound to eat you! So hands off.
"Oh crap!" cried Eddy who was fixing up the engine after the battle. "PROFESSOR!" he shouted up into the control room as he climbed up holding a silver box that was severely battered. "Professor I have some bad news; Er... Professor? Where are you?" Eddy looked around the empty control room; especially at the space by the controls where a large amount of Professor was missing.
"Eddy!" The Professor called from downstairs. "I am down here with Rose, come see, she has such weird ideas." Eddy, disgruntled at The Professor's lack of care over where they were going. He slid down the banister of the stairs on his hands, showing balance and poise no human could possess. Eddy was very similar to human but his brain, and body make up was very different. His species, which evolved in a similar way to humans had lived on a much harsher planet and as such had various advantages. Three lungs, two hearts and a much more effective digestive system, Eddy and his race were incredible athletes and thinkers although few remained since the Daleks had attacked his home world eons ago.
"Eddy, come look at this, if I 'organise' my collection I may even have enough space to hold off that upgrade we were thinking of for a few more years," The Professor smiled and showed Eddy the floor map he and Rose had been designing for the organisation of his junk. Almost half of the floor plan was designated 'weapons'. "And Rose now says I need to write up an 'inventory' so that I can keep track of it all." Eddy sighed. The Professor was always getting new ideas into his head. He hoped this one would pass as his fascination in 80s music or that horrible, horrible series of anime, what was it? Yu-Gi-Doh? Oh who cared?
"Professor we need a new matter transference pod," Eddy began, holding up the box, holes and puncture marks pot marking its surface. "The old one got shot to pieces in that last fire fight."
"What? How on Gallifrey did it get damaged?" The Professor threw down the floor plan and cradled the device he had built so very long ago. "I thought we had proofed the entire Shed. How did this get shot?"
"No thanks I am good for drinks," replied Eddy, much to the exasperation of The Professor.
"Ok, um... do you want some milk Eddy?" The Professor stumbled trying to find a question to fit the answer he had been given.
"Well when we built the Shed, and we were bullet proofing it," Eddy began, time and space fitting together again. "We ran out of money. As such we put the matter transference pod where the metal should go, being such a sturdy piece of kit, unfortunately, when the troops we met later, near Philadelphia noticed their bullets getting through just where the matter transference pod is and so they concentrated their fire there, and the results are in front of you." Eddy sighed. "I am afraid it is beyond my repair. We are going to have to buy a new one, and I suppose we should also finish proofing the engine room. He looked around the ground floor. It was a vast, flat expanse stretching off into the horizon in every direction. "You know, you forget how big this place really is, with all the collection everywhere, I mean look, you can even see the other stair cases."
For the first time Rose piped up. "Do all the stair cases lead to the same place?" she asked, on the control deck their seemed to be only on stair case. And the engine room and gun decks seemed to exist in another plane of existence altogether.
"Of course," The Professor replied. "But when you go down they lead to the stairs by the door. Clever isn't it?"
"But it defies all laws of physics, even more than the Tardis," Rose complained, her brain filled with her old schooling. Unfortunately her knowledge was a bit hazy and had large holes, much like a map half eaten by rats.
"Well the universe is all bent and squashed anyway, bending it a bit more wont make a difference," he turned back to Eddy who had been politely waiting. "That said if we don't get a new matter transference pod we really will be running into trouble, cant go leaving gaps in space/time now can we. Eddy, be a good lad and take us into a nearby space port, see if we can get some new parts." Eddy started off before stating, just as The Professor was about to speak.
"Don't worry, I will stay away from the space lanes, I know how you hate those big convoys." Eddy walked back up to the control room, wondering if he could run the engine and flew the Shed at the same time.
"Jolly good, I will be up in a minute," The Professor added turning back to the floor plan, pondering over whether the Star wars collectable action figures should go next to the Greg, destroyer of earth comic collection, Or if he could leave his antique furniture lying about. After a while Rose's curiosity got the better of her and she had to ask.
"Professor how does the Shed's engine work?" she seemed to have changed a lot since she saw every thing she knew in London blown up and as such her whole manner had changed since she flew with the doctor.
"Hmm... what?" The Professor asked, pulled out of his thoughts over his vast collection. "Oh the engine, Did Who never tell you?" Rose shook her head.
"Well, the Tardis almost seemed a different entity all together, a living creature, bonded to a machine, yours seems much more a bunch of machine parts" Rose remembered what she had seen in the control room, vast lumps of metal, whirring and crashing, vast sparks of electricity sparking, all the machine looking like it should make tons of noise but all were as quiet as a mouse.
"Hmm... symbiosis to create warp travel... seems a bit over the top," The Professor said to himself, wondering what his cousin could have been doing. "No you're right, mine is much more mechanical. Come on, leave the plans, I will show you."
Up the stair case they worked, with its floor boards creaking, over the metal plating of the control room, boots clanking on the steel, down the hatch to the control room.
"You see here," The Professor said pointing to a vast tube that spanned the length of the quit large engine room. "Here is the ion cannon, this blasts a hole through space. And this" he said patting the large device over their head that looked like a box with a bath on top, with a glass pod over the tub, covered in wires. "This is the main warp coil that folds space ready to be blasted. Space is an odd substance. You can scrunch it up and no one notices because it is so bent already. So the warp coil," he pointed once again to the box and bathtub, "folds space then the ion cannon," he pointed to the vast chrome tube, "blasts a hole through space, the Shed gets sucked through the hole to a part of space which could be many millions of light years away, and then after that a device Eddy and I built comes into play." He walked over to the other end of the engine room. "This little baby," he said stroking his invention which looked a lot like a pair of robotic knitting needles, "This little miracle knits space back together again after we blow it up. But the matter transference pod folds space back to its original place. Without it when ever we travel we run the risk of scrunching up space so much we create a black hole so big it could destroy the universe!" He shouted this last part and then, noticing Rose's terrified expression added, "But don't worry we wont be doing that. We are going to get a new one now aren't we?" Rose stood. Her brain working overdrive, she had little brain power left to do anything else. "You didn't get any of that did you?" The Professor gave Rose an exasperated look as she shook her head. "Ok, I will try to bring it down to normal human level; Erm... big boom stick make big hole we fly through hole and fix hole you savvy?" The Professor asked with a hopeful look. Again Rose shook her head and The Professor gave up. "Never mind; I have to go help Eddy fly the Shed." He climbed briskly up the chrome ladder towards the bright control room leaving Rose alone in the engine room.
"Hi Professor," said Eddy without looking up from the control board whose switches he was flicking. "I have located a nice spaceport. Away from the major space lanes, few people stop at all. But it should have a garage where we can pick up the parts."
"You always know exactly what I was going to ask," chuckled The Professor his mood restored merely by looking at the control room, such was his pride in his old work. "Anything I can do to help?"
"Nah, don't worry, the engine seems to be running fine we should be reaching the spaceport in about ten minutes," Eddy continued to stare at the control board, with its dials and lights telling him exactly what the engine was doing.
"Why not warp straight there?" asked Rose as she climbed up the ladder having finally figured out what The Professor had been telling her.
"No thanks, I don't do takeaways." Eddy said, time and space again being distorted by the aura around him. However The Professor answered Rose without, unlike Eddy, having heard a question from a different period of time.
"The larger space hole we create the more space we have to fold and at the moment we could only create teeny tiny black holes, incapable of doing any major damage. However if we were to warp straight there we may, although we may not, create a black hole large enough to destroy the universe in a matter of moments."
"So not a good idea?"
"No, and besides I like to feel I am moving and not ripping holes in space at a rate of," The Professor checked a dial on the main screen. "8000rpm; that's rips per minute."
Rose sat down in a leather chair. Her conversation had petered out and she let The Professor and Eddy talk about, some weird collectable thing they planned to get after buying the new matter transference pod. Rose took a good look around the Control room. It had a bright gleaming feel to it; most of it was either chrome or black. Chrome panels with black lining. The large control panel was covered with thousands of buttons and switches though only a few seem to be used to actually fly the Shed many more probably had obscure uses. One, for instance, was labelled, make mighty cheese cannon fire now. However one big button, on a pedestal, in the middle of the room fired the ion cannon but did not continue the normal engine cycle causing a space hole. Or if fired wide shot, as in the battle against the Draken a few days earlier, it causes a load of charged particles to swarm over an area, breaking down communications and confusing electrical systems. Above the control panel, with its flashing lights, switches and buttons, was a vast screen. On one half it showed a picture of what was going on outside the Shed, stars an planets whizzing past to fast to see. The other half showed core heat, rpm, a 3d model of the engine, text information about what was going on and similar such things Rose couldn't understand. It was after all written in an alien subscript.
"Fancy some music?" Eddy asked The Professor brandishing a CD.
"Sure," The Professor replied as Eddy stuck it in a drive. A piercing screech filled the Shed. Its high pitched warbling threatened to shatter The Professor's glasses and the television screen.
"That's music you like to listen to?" Rose asked, covering her ears.
"No!" said Eddy, "It is meant to be the Beetles' album." Quickly ejecting the CD Eddy proceeded to stamp on the burning disc. "I hate it when that happens, blasted crappy CD player..." Eddy shoved the blackened CD into the bin and pulled out a new one from a black CD case. The blaring guitar cords of Green day filled the control room. The Professor lay back in one of the four leather chairs.
"Eddy you know I hate this band," The Professor began. "They give me a headache. And they can't play their instruments."
"Sorry Professor," Eddy replied as he flicked more switches to stop the engine from overheating. "But it is the only one yet to catch fire and our broadband connection doesn't work while we're in warp."
"How can you have broadband without a cable?" Rose asked.
"Well it does exist," The Professor explained. "Just not in all the dimensions we do. It is a bit complex. Best not to think about it."
"But if it doesn't exist in this dimension how do you access the internet through it?" Rose asked.
"Sush," Eddy shouted in a temper. "Don't say that or the universe will catch on."
"Yes," The Professor added. "I did say not to think about it. We're only a minute or two away from the space station where we can fix the Shed and I would prefer it if the universe didn't stop half the equipment from working."
"You mean there are so many holes in the logic that it only works because the universe takes a blind eye?" Rose asked astonished. This wasn't inventing, it was hoping the universe would forget its own laws of physics. It was worse than leaky nuclear generators. Eddy turned up a guitar solo stopping the conversation before anything bad could happen.
"Hey Earl, looks we got a real fancy customer for once," the oil stained alien got out of his seat and walked over to the insectiod named Earl. The Shed hovered briefly over the space station, before dropping like a stone. Cursing from inside echoed out to the creatures passing themselves off as civilised beings.
"Eddy stop that, you are hopeless at landings." The four legged; two armed, triple segmented creatures stared; their composite eyes sending information to their tiny brain.
"Earl, triple the price of anything they ask for," Looking like a wasp on steroids the creature walked towards the Shed over the main deck of the space station. It was a small space station; it had a small garage and a McPluto's and floated in orbit around a large gas planet with many inhabited moons. It was in quite the back water however and rarely got any custom. So when The Professor and co arrived Earl and Glen, as the attendants were called, became quite excited.
"Well, my good, er, man," Glen started as The Professor walked out the Shed door, The Professor towered over the wasp like creature that stood barely 150cms tall. "What can we do for an intelligent creature like yourself this fine day?"
"We need new parts, a matter transference pod to be exact, and some food," he looked around, his Einstein hair waving crazily. "Does that McPluto's serve burgers?"
"Oh yes. Beef burgers, rotten curdled milk burgers, clatchnian squawk-bird burgers. You get it all here. And as for the parts I think we can reach some agreement price wise if you will just come into my office." Glen tried to usher The Professor into the office playing the traditional part of sleazy parts dealer.
"Yes, yes in a minute" The Professor replied before turning back into the Shed and calling out. "Eddy, Rose, they have a McPluto's come and grab a burger while I get the parts. And make sure you lock up the Shed."
"Righto," called down Eddy. Both he and Rose soon emerged much to the surprise of Glen.
"How do you all fit in that shed?" He asked, trying to look inside while Rose desperately tried to avoid his prying, exoskeleton covered, three fingered hands.
"Never you mind," The Professor said quickly stepping in front of the door before the contents could be seen.
"Er... Professor?" Rose asked as The Professor started to walk towards the 'office' Glen spoke of. "Could you please remember to buy the translator? When the wasp creature speaks and you speak to him all I hear is a buzzing noise."
"Oh sure," The Professor replied as he walked off with Glen, leaving Rose and Eddy to go to McPluto's alone. Taking a key out of his pocket Eddy locked the padlock on the door. It was only a small strip of steal but Eddy new what would happen if anyone tried to break it. After all he had designed it hadn't he?
Looking around he saw Rose had run off without him to the restaurant, if it could so be called. Sighing he followed, easily catching up thanks to his far more efficient respiratory system.
"Don't run off like that, this place is a like a black pond," Eddy said using analogies that only made sense on his home world.
"Relax Eddy, I have seen areas like this all over London," Rose said with cool confidence. "A sleazy garage with a crummy take away next to it, I have seen it all before."
"But only when they are inhabited with humans," Eddy said annoyed with this new girl that seemed to be stupid yet so incredibly cocky. "The wasp people of Nigel 7 have very different customs."
"Ah so what, fast food culture is the same the galaxy over," Rose said carelessly pushing the glass door open. "I saw it while with the doctor. I bet the names of the burgers aren't even pronounced as a buzz."
"Well, you are right there," admitted Eddy his head fallen on his chest. "But they aren't in English either. Do you want the BigMcPluto or would you prefer a 125g burger?"
"That's English!" Rose said. The wasp attendant had stood with his fingers over the till waiting to take an order but watching this not understanding a thing. A bit of him thought he should just eat them and the burgers they probably would have ordered, but, thought his conscious mind, these were travellers and probably did not understand that it was impolite to keep fast food waiters waiting. This didn't really stop him wanting to eat them but he doubted he could eat two people twice his size. In the end Eddy ordered for them after the language Rose had incomprehensible to the waiter. They sat down at a glass table, munching on two things, something but not quite unlike, McDonald's burgers.
Around them the works of a garage carried on, unhindered by the arrival of the Shed. Wasps rolled around huge parts, walking, as apposed to flying, which took up a lot of energy, through the window they could see the garage beyond. A small merchant ship was stored in it and about half a dozen wasps were working on it. Ripping out old or useless parts and replacing them with new or cheaper ones. Eddy tutted at their work, ashamed to see such shoddy work. At least he and The Professor would be checking and installing the parts, he thought as he watched one of the mechanics put in a fuel cell the wrong way round, shorting out the power grid.
All of this passed Rose by. She saw, she thought about it, but she didn't understand much of it. It would help if she could have read and understood Waspian but not a lot. She had picked up a lot of information with the Doctor but it wasn't nearly enough for her to understand all she saw. She saw the engine parts but she didn't know what they did. Did that spiral thing make the warp coils cool? Or is it a warp coil? Is it a radiator in an odd fashion? What does that glowing tube do? Hold nuclear waste? Rose was annoyed that she didn't know that she hadn't tried to learn more from the Doctor. But he was gone now; he got fed up with her and the human race, and gone off to some other time or place. God she missed him, his weird quirks, the fact he was always pushing the boundaries. The Professor was fun, and not against blowing up a nation for fun, and Eddy, despite his aloofness, seemed a decent enough chap. Not that she had talked to him a lot. Thinking about the Doctor made her remember something. Something about what had happened to the Time Lords.
"Eddy," she began, finishing her burger. "Is The Professor a Time Lord?"
"Yeah, of course he is, otherwise he wouldn't be related to Who would he?" Eddy swallowed the last half of his burger in one go and started on the fries.
"So how did he survive the great time war? When all the other Time Lords died? Apart from the Doctor of course." Rose was not going to let this go. Apart from when organising The Professor's stuff she hadn't been certain of anything since she left earth. But she was certain of what the doctor had said. He had said all other Time Lords had died apart from him. And here was a Time Lord who claimed to be the Doctor's cousin. Something was fishy. Eddy sat there eating his fries. One by one, slowly dipping them in ketchup and eating them ever so slowly. He wouldn't speak until they were all gone.
"Well," said Eddy, after chucking the plastic packet in the bin. "If you listen to The Professor he was the victorious and glorious winner. But in actuality we never went. We don't have time travel. We are the only Time lords who don't, mind you I am not a time lord. I am just his mechanic."
"So he wasn't in the war?"
"He doesn't have time travel?" This news came as a shock, a time lord who couldn't travel through time didn't seem to make sense.
"No, he never saw the need," Eddy ordered another round drinks as they waited for The Professor. "He said that if he was to go through time collecting things was cheating. Especially as no other race could do it. So instead he flies around the universe picking up the odd thing. One day he will have collected everything of any value anyway, what with his long longevity he doesn't think he needs to travel through time. Now, with all the Time Lords dead he probably won't get to either." He took a swig from the newly arrived drinks. "It would take me years to build a time device. And that is if I new the basics of the technology. Which I don't. So unless someone gives us the information we are not going anywhere in time." He downed the rest of the drink. "Where is The Professor? It doesn't take this long to find the parts; Even if this place is full of dodgy sleaze buckets." He paused staring around the deck of the space station, it was suddenly very empty. "Come on we should get back to the Shed."
Without warning a dozen heavily armed wasps burst through the glass sky light. Each was covered in ammo, glinting in the light and each carried a powerful looking auto rifle, but not the kind you get on earth, these looked a lot deadlier.
"Stop, you are under the arrest under law of the united government of Nigel 5, 6 and 7," The wasps formed a line, blocking the exits as the sergeant said this. "You are to be taken to the police station orbiting Nigel 6 for questioning."
"What's the charge constable?" Eddy asked deliberately getting the wasps rank wrong.
"You are under arrest for suspicion of smuggling an ion cannon into the solar system without alerting the authorities of its passing," The sergeant would be smiling if his lipless beak allowed for any emotion to be shown. "It could be seen as a declaration of war by your species. The United Government could do with an excuse to expand its empire and an ion cannon would really help our war effort." He chuckled before becoming deadly serious once more. "Now come quietly and we won't have to kill anyone." Eddy tensed, like a cat ready to spring. Rose just looked bewildered still not understanding anything of what the sergeant said because she still did not have a translating device. Eddy grasped Rose's hand and she realised what was going on. Very rarely do heavily armed men want to do anything nice to you.
An explosion rocked the Space station, a dozen wasps flew through the air like broken rag dolls, and they were blackened and crisped with smoke rising from their antenna. The strong voice of The Professor echoed across from where he was being captured in Glen's offices. "You really didn't try to OPEN THE SHED did you?" His laugh was cut short as the sound of gun hitting flesh also found its way to the ears of Eddy and Rose.
The armoured police, which had been distracted by the noise turned back to their soon to be prisoners Eddy and Rose, only to see empty air. Eddy had tried to jump over them, pulling Rose with him, unfortunately he hadn't been strong enough to pull them all the way over and he and Rose had landed directly on top of the sergeant. Eddy quickly picked himself up and dragged Rose along with him, his two hearts working over time to keep his body respiring aerobically. Laser pulses struck the ground at their feet, whizzed over head, whistling as they went Rose tried to rise but Eddy hissed at her to keep down, she would only slow him down if she tried to run. Round the small space station he ran, dodging bits of engine, jumping over wasps, slipping on oil, Rose screaming all the way.
Gathered around the Shed stood a good twenty wasp police. All were holding laser auto rifles and all aimed at Eddy. He ducked and swerved, using his superior reflexes to dodge the laser pulses. Grabbing a small iron girder with his spare hand he charged towards the Police, knocking off heads and smashing abdomens, the green bodily fluids of the wasps splashing on the metal deck. Twirling the weapon round he threw Rose towards the door with its key.
"Open the Shed, I will hold them off," he shouted to her as he treated the wasp like a baseball and sent it flying into space. He moved with a certain grace, Rose noticed, despite the fact he was doing gruesome things, smashing apart wasp creatures, bashing their heads together, using a stolen laser pistol to blast off their limbs, all his movements were beautiful, not in a romantic way, it was just the only way to describe how he moved. "Rose? What the hell are you doing? Open the bloody door!" Eddy's harsh reminder of reality brought Rose right back to earth, or rather space station. She quickly unlocked the door and, as she used a key and not a giant pair of metal cutters, she did not get blown to pieces but did rush inside, leaving the door open just barely long enough for Eddy to knock off a few more invertebrate heads and back flip inside. Rose found herself thanking god that the junk had all been piled up against one wall in the junkquake and she would not have to fight her way to the stairs. Rushing up the stairs she realised something, Eddy wasn't following her, and Eddy was the one who could fly the Shed.
"Eddy, come on," she called back to him. "We have to help The Professor!" Eddy looked nonplussed, standing by the door, looking into space, this aggravated Rose, a lot. "EDDY! Professor, you, help, now?"
"Relax, The Professor doesn't need saving. Just wait." Eddy looked at his watch. "He will be along soon enough."
Rose, unconvinced stood on the stairs but realised that Eddy wasn't moving and she sank to the floor. A laugh was soon heard, followed by a loud explosion, some gun shots a disgusting splat and the sound of running feet. The door opened and The Professor walked in. He dusted himself down, nodded to Eddy, then to Rose, put the translator and matter transference pod down on the floor, and turned to face the wooden door once more. Opening it he looked out on the wasps who had escaped his mad flurry of death. They stood in awe, terribly scared of another attack. From the three or four which had been there originally a good 50 or so had arrived to subdue The Professor and now, once again, only three or four were alive.
"Take this advice if you value your lives, or indeed those of your families, friends or those on Nigel 5, 6 and 7" The Professor looked about them there were actually a few more who were alive, groaning after their missing limbs, but he doubted they would last much longer. "Never mess with Professor Watt ever again." He closed the door on them and started his walk across the floorboards towards the control room. "Eddy take the matter transference pod and place it in the engine, Rose take the translator and put it on the CD player where it will draw power and take the earpiece and place it in your ear and no longer will we have to worry about what language we are all speaking." His voice showed no emotion, which was typical after a battle and Eddy knew he would be back to his normal, jovial self soon enough.
The Shed hurtled through space, disappearing and reappearing in slight blue flashes, with the new matter transference pod The Professor was risking new speeds, ones that without the matter transference device could well have wiped out the universe. But now it was just ripples on a pond. Of course they weren't really new speeds, The Professor had done them for hundreds of years but for Rose they were new.
"Where are we going in such a hurry Professor?" She asked as she lay back on the cold leather arm chair.
"An auction on Alpha Centauri," The Professor replied. "I hope to pick up some more antique weapons."
"Sounds like fun," Eddy said, climbing out of the engine room. "We shouldn't need any new parts for a good long while."
"That's good," The Professor said flipping a switch, doubling the distance the travelled per space hole. "And Eddy."
"Yes Professor?" Eddy asked, checking the engine status on the main screen.
"Regardless of what I say I like, Never ever go to a back water garage again. I don't like having to fight my way out of places."