THE GREAT ADVENTURES OF MARY SUE!
Hi everyone! bloodpatternblue got the marvelous idea to make a parody after all the 'Mary Sue' fics out there. For those who don't know, Mary Sue is a name people give when the author of a story makes the main character themselves. She is usually perfect in way, the most powerful, the most beautiful and always gets the guy. And quite frankly that makes us sick! So this is a collaboration with bloodpatternblue who is co-authoring with me, for those of you who don't like Mary Sue (or her evil twin brother, Marc) and 'OOC'. Enjoy!
"There! Everything is setup perfect for the party; this is going to be a blast!" Bulma yelled out in joy as she looked at her handiwork, her backyard awash with colorful lights, decorations and tables. Herself she was all prepped up, with an elegantly short and tight red dress with no sleeves and matching lipstick. For some reason, she woke up this morning feeling incredibly different and unusually chirpy, so she phoned all the Z Squad – even Piccolo had a phone, after all what cave-and-waterfall didn't come with a line? - and invited them for a party. Besides, it'll cheer them up for the fight with Cell!
Vegeta walked up to Bulma and looked at her in obvious nervousness. He held a small piece of paper in his hands. Bulma sighed.
"What do you want, Veggie-head!" she asked. Vegeta's sensitive and romantic heart fluttered upon hearing her voice because it was the most beautiful thing in the world!
"Oh, my sweet, sweet love!" he declared. "Mere words cannot do you justice! But if they could, and if they could be made into a poem..."
"Oh Kami, not again. Vegeta, for the last time, I HATE your poetry!"
"...here's what I would say!" he cleared his throat and started reading from the piece of paper. "Roses are red, violets are blue, your hair is too... Oh wait, let me make a few corrections!" As he started to scribble, the door rang.
"Ah, saved by the bell!" cried Bulma and she ran to answer, leaving behind Vegeta to fit into his poem something that rhymes with 'red'. She greeted the Son trio. Gohan didn't bother to lift his nose from a book he was reading. "Oh, thank goodness, you came Chichi! I'm so glad YOU BROUGHT A REAL MAN!" she screamed the last part to try to make it heard by Vegeta.
"Oh, that's nothing, you can do anything with a frying pan!" the brunette replied proudly brandishing the dish, eliciting a whimper from Goku.
"Ooh, I need to learn how to use that thing..."
"Chichi… What is a Mmm… maaa… Man?" He asked trying to repeat Bulma's words.
Chichi shot him a terrifying look. And slowly raised her frying pan tapping it lightly on the palm of her hand. Goku yelped and hid behind Gohan. Who took no notice of the Saiyan and continued reading his book.
"Quiet Goku! Before I decapitate you with this cooking utensil!" Chichi warned.
"Chichi… what is a GGggg…Go…Goku?" Goku asked hiding behind Gohan still.
The woman glared at Goku and he cowered behind his 2 ft tall son.
"That's better!" She said smiling.
Bulma was about to guide them inside when she was stopped again by a certain love sick Saiyan.
"Love… it is a word of devotion and beauty… but to me can also mean sorrow, because although my heart craves the soft warm touch of you skin on mine… I shall never have it…" Vegeta cried on his knees in front of the blue haired woman.
Bulma stepped over him as if he wasn't there and the Sons followed her. And as she brought them to the backyard, surely enough, the doorbell rang again.
After ushering the Sons to the back, Bulma went to answer the door again and this time it was Krillin.
"What do you get when you cross a plane with a biscuit?" Krillin asked Bulma, all hyped up for his punch line.
Bulma sighed and rolled her eyes.
"A plain biscuit?" She asked him.
"Awww… you know that one? Damn it!" He said scribbling down another joke.
"Ok! Ok! How about… why did the chicken cross the road…?" He asked smiling again.
"Chickens don't cross roads, Krillin."
"Aww man! Oh, I got another one, it's an Asian guy, a Jewish guy, and a Black guy who walk into a club...Hehehe! Oh my god, it's so funny, I can laugh already! So an Asian guyHAHAHA! It's so hilarious, I tell you! So the Asian says... BWAHAHAHA, this is so good!" Krillin chuckled in between sentences until, unable to control himself, he grabbed his stomach and started to laugh hysterically.
Bulma sighed she grabbed his suit collar and pushed him inside and shut the door. She turned around only to be surprised by star filled eyes.
"Ohhh… your wearing the musk perfume!" Vegeta sighed smelling the air intensly.
"ARRGGHH!" Bulma shouted pushing his face out of hers.
After ushering Krillin to the back and fending off Vegeta's advancements, Bulma went to answer the door again and this time it was Piccolo. Upon seeing her in her tight red dress, his jaw dropped down, saliva dripping on one side.
"Oh Bulma, you're so hot! I-I... C-Can I t-t..."
"That is not the way to woo a woman, O my noble Namek friend!" suddenly chirped in an enthusiastic Vegeta from behind Bulma, again holding a poem in his hands. "The way to a fair lady's heart is through romantic poetry. Ahem! O Bulma, your love is more deeper than the sea, bigger than the mountain, more wild than the giant wild Saiyan monkey stomping mad with rabies and itching is his geni...!"
"Aaack! I've heard enough of your lovesick ballads!" Bulma said pushing the Saiyan back to the backyard.
"Oh, you think it's so good that you don't need to hear more? Oh, how I'm overwhelmed with joy!" he said lovingly as he was thrown outside. Bulma returned to a still-drooling Namek. She gave a quick smile then promptly grabbed him by his ear and started pulling him.
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Piccolo whimpered.
"Shut up, you big perv!" Bulma yelled. And as she brought him to the backyard, surely enough, the doorbell rang again.
After ushering Piccolo to the back, Bulma went to answer the door again and this time it was Tenshinhan and Chaozu.
"Hey Bulma! Thanks for inviting us to the party." Chaozu said.
"Hi, Chaozu... and heeeeellloo, Tenshinhan!" Bulma said pursing her lips.
"Tenshinhan." The Triclops replied with barely a hint of emotion in his voice or face.
"Bulma, I need your help! Tenshinhan has been acting very strange since this morning. He has no emotion, as if he has no personality, and all he can say is his name, nothing else! I don't know what's going on... uh, Bulma!" Chaozu stopped himself when he saw Bulma take a step towards his friend. Her eyes and her movements radiated of lust.
"Hey, sexy!" she purred. "Why don't you follow me to the back and we'll see if we can get some time to... get to know each other if you know what I mean."
"Tenshinhan!" Tenshinhan said. Chaozu sighed, he felt a strange aura in the air all around him since the day began and reflected that this might be a weird day. And as she brought them to the backyard, surely enough, the doorbell rang again.
After ushering Tenshinhan and Chaozu to the back, Bulma went to answer the door again and this time it was Yamcha. Even though she could not NOT invite him, she still regretted doing so almost immediately.
"Oh please, Bulma baby!" he cried, pleading with both hands. "Take me back and leave Vegeta, I promise I'll change! I promise I'll stop being a player and a pimp!" Bulma rolled her eyes.
"I don't know if I could ever go back with you, Yamcha. All you do is hurt me over and over..."
"But this time I'm gonna be different, I'll stop cheating and..." he was interrupted by his cell, which he promptly answered. "Hello?... Oh hey, baby! So what you doing?" he chirped seductively on the phone. Bulma sighed and started to shove him to the party in the back.
"Come on, you no good lying cheating loser!" she said frustrated.
"Oh Bulma baby, it's just a friend, I swear! I... Yeah? What you wearing? Ooh, maybe you should take it off, Hehehe!..." Yamcha continued on the phone oblivious as Bulma kept shoving him. And as she brought him to the backyard, surely enough, the doorbell rang again.
After ushering Yamcha to the back, Bulma went to answer the door again and this time it was Future Trunks.
"Oh, there you are, sweetheart!" she greeted him with a tight hug. "You're just in time for the big party."
"Party?" Trunks asked, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, is that what's going on? Sorry, mother, I just came out of the Time Room. You know, ever since I came out of there earlier, I've had this strange feeling following me all around."
"That's ok. Come on, you're the last one here. In you go!" she said as she got behind him and started pushing him towards the backyard.
"I can walk on my own already, you can stop pushing me!" he replied.
When they made it to the huge gathering outside, Trunks looked around and saw everyone acting unusual. Goku was asking the now perplexed Briefs' cat how does he stay cool in the summer with its fur, Piccolo was rubbing the top of his head in very obvious pain, Vegeta was eagerly scribbling on paper with hearts in his eyes, Yamcha was flirting with an unknown girl whom he had somehow snuck into the party, Krillin seemed to be laughing hysterically at Piccolo while Chichi was holding a frying pan and muttering something about "perverted green men...". Trunks caught sight of Gohan sitting in a corner with a book in hand so he approached him.
"Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it."
"Uh...what?" Trunks questioned. Gohan sighed.
"George Santayana. He is right! If we don't learn from our past how can we can make our future? Doesn't that make sense? To move forward, humanity must look backwards, we must take a hard look at ourselves in the mirror and ask "What is the world coming too?"! We can strive and prosper if we learn from our mistakes. You see, Trunks, I have a dream..."
As the academic youngster took a messianic glow and passion rang in his voice, Trunks, face filled with fear, subtly but surely backed away. Gohan didn't seem to notice as he continued his inspired rant. Trunks kept backing up until he bumped into something small.
"Hey, watch it!" Chaozu yelled out.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Chaozu!" Trunks said as he turned around. "I didn't see you there, I was just, um, talking to Gohan."
"You tried talking to him? Am I the only one to notice that's he's gotten a little too serious about his studies?"
"So he freaked you out too, huh?"
"Yeah, but I'm the only one who's seen that. Well now there's you too." Chaozu said.
"Hey, where's Tenshinhan? Is he here too? I didn't see him; I thought he always traveled with you."
"He's just over there with your mom... never mind, you really don't want to know what they're doing." Chaozu mentioned, pointing somewhere behind Trunks. The Saiyan's jaw dropped at those words but he didn't dare to turn around.
"Oh, my... You're right, I don't want to know. What I don't see won't hurt me!" he sighed. "Everybody's acting so strange today. Ever since I came out of the Time Room, I can feel something strange in the air, like some sort of evil Ki around us all. And I feel it's getting stronger."
"You felt it too? It's like something is getting closer and... Trunks, look!"
Trunks looked up in the air just as a sound like an engine roar became audible. Everybody present looked up too to see a round space pod descend slowly, blowing a huge amount of wind. They all moved away as the pod settled in the middle of the lawn.
"What the...?" Trunks murmured as his gut told him something was horribly wrong. Chaozu instinctively grabbed a tight hold of Trunks' jacket, a feeling of dread creeping on him.
Suddenly, the door of the pod opened and a teenage girl stepped out of the craft. She wore armor atop a perfectly curved body. She had mid length brown hair and bright blue eyes. A brown tail swished excitedly behind her. Unnoticed to everyone except Trunks and Chaozu, a brief glimmer of evil reflected in her eyes before they became perfectly innocent and immensely sweet looking. A slight but definite familiar background music started to play.
"Mary Sue… F#K yeah…. Came to save… The motherF#king day…" The theme song played while the Z Senshi bopped along besides Future Trunks and Chaozu.
"Hi everyone!" she chirped merrily. "My name is Mary Sue and I'm a Saiyan from the past who's Vegeta's sister and Goku's mother, Bardocks dead lover, Goku's twin sister, Trunks ultimate wife and Vegeta's lost lover and the one who can stop Cell all at the same time!"
"Kami, no..." muttered inaudibly Trunks and Chaozu simultaneously.
TO BE CONTINUED...