Disclaimer: Don't own them, don't profit from them, just like to play with them,
Warning: Max/Logan shippiness
A/N: One of my episode based fics, following Max and Logan's thoughts after the events of "Hit A Sista Back"
I found and lost my sister in the space of three days. My big sister Tinga. The one I saw so briefly that night several months ago when Zack and I helped her get away from capture by Manticore. Now she is back there. Back there because she opened herself up and made herself vulnerable. At least that is how Zack looks at it.
She has a real family, a husband and a child, Charlie and Case, Lydecker found them and used them to bring her back. Zack looks at me and tells me not to make the same "mistake" as he calls it. I know he's talking about Logan. Thing is it's too late. Even though Logan and I aren't a family in the way Tinga and Charlie are, Logan is my weakness. If Lydecker ever grabbed Logan, I'd do anything to get him out. Zack knows that; it's one of the reasons he hates Logan.
I have a different take on things though. I think Tinga didn't go far enough in her relationship with Charlie. She never told him what she was and what the dangers were.She left him vulnerable. I understand what she did, she loves him so much and was so afraid to lose him that she never told him. Turns out he would've handled it because he loves her just as much. She never gave him the chance to prove that to her until it was too late for them. If he had only known he wouldn't have put that ad out there and Lydecker might not have found them and used them to get to Tinga. Maybe.
Tinga had the opposite problem with Charlie that I have with Logan. She met him, she fell in love with him and she had no problem expressing that. She just couldn't be honest with him about who and what she is. Logan knows who I am and what I am; sometimes I think he knows me better than I do myself. What Logan doesn't know is how I feel about him. Unlike Tinga I'm afraid to open up and let him know. I guess I'm afraid he doesn't share my feelings.
Logan has his own baggage. Maybe if he wasn't who he is we'd be further along on the path we seem to be taking. But then we might be in the same position as Charlie and Tinga. I never told anyone else who I was, wouldn't have told Logan if he didn't figure it out. Probably wouldn't have stayed around when he did figure it out if he didn't have his own secrets. Him being Eyes Only made it safe for me to be me.
Thing is, it really hit me hard when Charlie was talking about Tinga tonight. When he said that the biggest mistake he could have made would have been to walk away from her. That despite everything he wouldn't give up one minute, one second, of what they had. He was looking right at Logan and me when he said that. I think he was trying to give us a message. I know that when I turned to look at Logan he was staring up at me. And the look in his eyes…
We have to talk; we have to do something. I don't think it's just me, it can't just be me. At least Tinga and Charlie had the time they had. They told each other they loved each other and they shared their love. They have Case. I don't think Logan and I quite have what Charlie and Tinga do. At least not yet. But maybe we could have. I'm afraid to find out. But then I think of Charlie's words and I'm more afraid not to find out, to miss out on those minutes he was talking about.
I'm afraid of Manticore, of Lydecker, of what they did to Brin, of what they'll do to Tinga. I'm afraid I don't have much time left here. But most of all I'm afraid of throwing away what could be the best thing in my life. I have to take a chance; I have to know if Logan could ever love me the way Charlie loves Tinga. Because it is too late for me, I already love Logan. And if he loves me….