'Bored + Writer's Block + Love for British Comedy' means...
My Family Ficlet!
Characters are not mine, unfortunately. Kind of reflects my family, though... You must thank boththe BBC and UKTV Gold for this hilarious comedy…
Just Another Ordinary Day
"Oh God. What are you doing here?" Ben asked weakly, with half a mind to close the door in that over-excited face.
"Hello, Ben! I've…er…come to see Abi. Is she home?"
"Unfortunately, yes," Ben replied, moving away from the door. Roger followed him in, closed the door and stood on the steps above the lounge, waiting. Ben threw himself onto the sofa, reached for the newspaper, and yelled up the stairs.
A moment later, Abi bounded down and glanced cheekily at Roger, who blushed and smiled back. Susan entered from the kitchen.
"Oh, hello, Roger."
"Hello," he replied brightly. He nervously fiddled with the collar of his shirt and tried to smooth out the creases lining his jacket.
"Is this a social call?" she asked, curiously.
"Er, no. Actually, we're going on a date, this evening," Roger replied, looking faintly pleased with himself.
"Oh, so that's why you're…all dressed up," Susan said, staring at Abi's florescent pink t-shirt and sparkly black pants. Her hair was arranged neatly (for once) into two large plaits, and she had chosen to decorate her facial features with the most vibrant of colours, ranging from turquoise to a rather unusual pasty pink.
"Where are you going?" Ben called from the sofa. "Is there a circus in town, or something? Are you filling in for one of their clown acts, maybe?"
"No, we're going to the cinema," Abi said, reaching across and linking her arm with Roger's as they made to leave.
"Have fun!" Susan called as they left.
"Don't worry, Susan. Those two are excited by the postman. They'll probably think all of their Christmases have come at once if they're spending the day in some stuffy, teenager-infested, murky cinema with their goofy selves for company."
"You know, it wouldn't kill you to be a little more welcoming."
"Oh, it already has," Ben replied airily.
"That wasn't you," Susan said, darkly. "You came to my house, remember? I welcomed you in and look how you repaid me?"
"Whatever do you mean by that, my darling wife?"
"Anybody home?" came a loud and youthful call, suddenly, from the kitchen. Ben glanced up at Susan and caught her raised eyebrows.
"Point taken," he said and returned to his newspaper. "There's nobody home!" he called.
Nick bounded into the living room and hugged Susan, happily.
"What do you want?" Ben asked moodily when Nick sat beside him on the sofa, a large grin plastered across his face.
"It's lovely to see you, too, father," he replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Alright, then...how much?" Ben tried after a pause. Nick looked highly affronted.
"I didn't come for hand-outs. I've got my own money!"
"Did I just hear what I thought I heard?" Ben asked, quickly, inserting a finger into his ear and twisting vigorously.
"Yes, father. Your son has a job. Aren't you proud of me?" Nick asked, gleefully.
Ben stared at him over the paper.
"It depends on what it is, first."
Susan looked up and studied her son apprehensively.
"It's not dangerous, is it?" she asked quickly.
"Well that depends…would you class mountaineering as dangerous?" Susan stared at him in shock, and even Ben looked faintly surprised.
"You're getting paid to climb a mountain?" he asked sceptically.
"No, I'm getting paid to climb at least one mountain in every English region and sky-dive from a thousand feet atop each one. Hundred pounds per mountain. I'm gonna be rich!"
"Oh my God!" Susan cried, placing a hand over her heart.
"No, that was only once. You were a shepherd, then, remember?"
Ben snickered but fell silent as he spotted the deadly look in his wife's eyes.
"What do you mean, sky-dive?" she asked in shock, staring unblinkingly at her son's rather manic grin.
"Well, jump from the cliff-face into an area of water, something like a lake or tarn, and swim to the surface. Apparently I'll receive a bonus for every jump I can make without causing serious injury."
"You can't not hurt yourself doing something like that!" she cried vehemently.
"Nah, not me. It doesn't matter how much I hurt myself. I've just got to avoid everyone else. Like the sheep on the mountain-sides and things. Crew members'll be filming me, so I'll get bonuses for avoiding them, too," he said, blissfully. "The adrenaline, the publicity, the open-air, I should have done this years ago…"
"Y'know, Nick...you've done some remarkably stupid things in your time, but if you actually fall for that nonsense and are prepared to throw yourself from a mountain-top for a couple of hundred pounds…then good on you. You've got your priorities straight. Hell, there's hope for you yet!" Ben laughed, staring at Nick in wonder.
"Aaw, thanks, dad! I knew you cared!" and he jumped to his feet and ran towards the front door. "Well, best be off. Got a rehearsal in an hour."
"What kind of rehearsal?" Susan demanded, desperately.
"A group of the crew members are going to air-drop me onto the peak of The Tower Bridge and push me into the Thames," he replied, grinning broadly. "Don't wait up!"
"Well aren't you going to stop him, Ben?" she rounded on him furiously.
"Why? He'll arrive in London, spot one of those red buses and be so fascinated he'll spend the next three days travelling the city centre with a cheap bus pass." He looked up at her and spotted the worry in her face. "Oh, come on, Susan! You don't seriously think he'd go through with it, do you? Trust me, he'll have forgotten all about it in a couple of hours."
"You'd better be right," she muttered, furiously.
"Oh, I am," he replied, smiling. "Dentists are always right! That's why we're Dentists!"
This is just a little ficlet that I wrote to pass the time.
I don't know about adding chapters…depends on you guys, I suppose. If you think it's worth carrying on, I'd be happy to.
I wrote it as a relief from Writer's Block with my HP/DW Crossover fic, and I was watching My Family this afternoon.
Anywho, if you like…or don't like…please review!