'TOO MUCH OF NOT ENOUGH'
by a.k.a ettie.
"Bella?" She stopped mid-word and her face turned blank.
"I'm sorry. Of course I promise, E-." she stopped again, "It's happening again. I can feel that they are so far away, but I have their powers"
"Who's 'they' Bella?"
"Vampires," At the moment I really didn't want to be bothering with any vampires.
Suddenly something began to happen to Bella. First she shape-shifted into me, then into Charlie, back to herself and again into me; my hair colour turned blonde and my eyes green; and then I began to scream – I mean Bella who looked like me and covered her eyes like she was being attacked and spun away from me. It was more than disturbing. "Oh God. Edward I am so so so sooooooooo sorry." She spoke as fast as a vampire possibly could. It was really uncomfortable that she had my voice also. "What's wrong"
"What do you mean 'what's wrong', can't you see what's wrong?" she said sarcastically in high-pitched panic. I had to admit it was a stupid question. "Okay, why then are you sorry?" I could tell she hesitated. "Bella?" I encouraged.
"Um, maybe I should keep that a secret." She said timidly.
"You just promised that we wouldn't keep any secrets between us." I countered. She noticeably sighed as her shoulders shrugged.
"I have this like x-ray vision. Let's just say this gift has levels"
"I don't understand." I confessed honestly. She sighed again agitated. When she spoke again she was calm and sounded very embarrassed. "I saw you" she hesitated again, "naked." I laughed out loud. She turned around in disbelief and then it quickly turned to anger before she turned around again. "My poor innocent Bella. I'm sorry." I walked over to face her and put my hands on her shoulders. "I'm sorry." I said again once I composed myself. "Bella, honey, this is a little awkward. I'd really like to apologise with a kiss, but, uh, I think the experience would be…" I trailed off. I'm sure she caught my drift.
"Don't worry about it." She waved it off with her hand.
"So…. did you like what you saw"
"Edward Cullen." Her eyes popped out and her jaw dropped in disbelief. I chuckled and she glared.
"You're not using my glare to its fullest potential." I teased.
"Shut up." She said in a deadpan voice. "It's quite obvious that I'm enjoying this more than you are"
"Clearly." She growled. I raised my eyebrow and she poked my tongue out at me.
"Please Bella, you're ruining my image."
"Yes." She sounded serious. I wondered what else was wrong.
"One of the other vampires can see into the past." I could tell she was getting somewhere other than the fact that she just told me. "I saw you."
"What did you see?"
"You're still reluctant for me to know about your past aren't you?" she could tell by my reaction and guarded voice. I nodded.
"But I'm getting better." I said. She smiled.
"You were in a bed in a hospital ward. You were very pale and your cheeks were flushed red, covered in sweat and coughing chronically. You looked exactly the same as you do now." She traced my brow; her fingers sliding down my cheek. "And then I saw your parents," she smiled, "And 'those' ten years." I looked away ashamed. She held my face and brought it level with hers. "Edward, I'm never going to be disgusted by what you did in the past."
She turned back into herself, but her eyes were blue and her skin a light olive tan. "Much better, but still not the same." I didn't like this gift very much and it showed. "I don't like it anymore than you do." She said a little irritated. She sighed and her head fell to my chest in defeat. Instinctively I put my arms around her and stroked her hair. "I love you Bella."
"Thank you for loving me. I can't believe we're going to be together forever now. A dream come true." I held him tighter. I took a shaky breath. "So there are only three of them?" I nodded.
"Maybe you should try and give them back their powers."
"If only I had thought of that earlier." The sarcasm was fully pronounced. Edward just continued to look at me – non-committal. I closed my eyes and stood very still trying to do what I did in my bedroom to get rid of their powers. My brows knitted together. "It's not working."
"Just relax." He said squeezing my shoulders gently. "Let it feel natural." His soothing voice was making me relaxed. I felt myself sway on the spot. I felt Edward hovering over me just encase something would happen. Once again I side benched the vampires' gifts. I searched for each thread, cutting them individually. "All gone." I smiled then frowned.
"I can't here anything."
"I know." I said through gritted teeth.
"Don't worry. We'll practice once we get back home." Edward tried to reassure me.
"Stupid gift," I sighed. He chuckled.
"C'mon we can continue this talk inside. We should talk to your parents." Reluctantly I dragged my feet back to my Mum's house dreading the task at hand and also battling the scent of human blood.
"Alice." Jasper sounded relieved and happy.
"Jasper," I smiled into the phone, "How are you?"
"I'm okay I've been hunting a bit more than usual. Emmett and Esme have been going with me. They make sure I'm not alone. But I'm still anxious without you though"
"I know. I'm sorry that I just up and left without telling you. It was just really important. Edward needed me"
"I've got all the time in the world. I just want to be with you until you have to go"
"I love you"
"I know." I could hear the smirk over the phone.
"Major Whitlock you sound very cocky"
"What can I say I know what I'm good at." He said arrogantly. He chuckled at himself for a couple of beats. I giggled. "Let me start the long story." I relayed the events of what had happened. I left out very personal experiences – like her attempted suicide - that I would leave up to Bella if she wanted the whole family to know or not about her past. "No wonder Carlisle has been strung out. He's waiting for you to call him"
"Everything is all right now. We're going to plan what happens next once Bella has fed."
"She hasn't yet?" I could hear the surprise in his voice.
"No, there's nothing here. Edward suggested something from the butchers." I could feel the shudder that rolled off Jasper's shoulders. "Not very appetizing."
"No, but it'll have to do until we get back. I can tell that she's worried about it"
"When will you get back?" You could tell that he was eager for my return.
"Friday around five in the afternoon. Be there"
"Of course," he smiled through the phone.
"I better go. I'll see you soon. I miss you." I said in a small voice.
"I love you, Alice." It was full of emotion.
"Love you too!" I squealed happily changing the atmosphere. I heard him chuckle as I hung up.
Deciding it was near to sunrise I started back for Bella's house. Telling Jasper what had happened these past few days, it finally started to sink in. I tried to gather all the events, feelings and emotions on the walk back. Bella a vampire. I knew that this would happen, I saw it happen, but not by these types of events. I took a deep breath of fresh air and sighed as I entered the house. I never imagined myself this drained of energy physically and mentally.
We all sat in the lounge room surrounding the coffee table. Charlie in one chair; Phil and Mum on the couch their fingers linked; in the remaining armchair I sat as Edward stood behind me the image of a gentleman in front of my parents. We were waiting for Alice. She walked through the door on a sigh. She was totally bushed. I made a silent oath to myself that I would let Alice take me shopping for a whole year without complaint.
"Okay," Charlie opened the meeting, "So…maybe we should hear your side of what should happen now?" In his awkwardness he turned to Edward and me. He took the role naturally. "It'll just go back to the way things were. But I'd like to ask your permission for Bella to move in with me, with the Cullen's." He asked looking at Charlie and Rene. Charlie came to a decision first.
"Yes," he said hesitantly, "but…" I held my breath "not until Bella is eighteen." He looked at Rene and she nodded.
"That sounds reasonable." Rene agreed.
"Thank you, Charlie." Edward smiled politely. I was kind of bummed that I couldn't move in right away, but then again I was glad that Charlie was parenting me like a normal teenage daughter with a normal boyfriend. I was grateful for that. "Great sounds like a plan. Is that all?" I asked perched on the edge of the seat. What I really wanted to be doing was catching up with Edward alone.
"Hold on a sec, Bella?" Rene said, "I want to know how you're going to adjust to this…new lifestyle?"
"Er…" Before I could look to Edward to answer for me Alice cut in.
"We'll do like a crash course like a how to on controlling her strength and thirst. Don't worry Bella won't hurt anyone during the training"
"Bella and I will start that immediately once we arrive back in Forks." Edward stated.
We arrived in Forks on Friday and I temporarily moved in with the Cullen's for my training. "Okay, let's get started." I was eager to get over or at least partially my anxiety for human blood. I didn't want to feel so uneasy for the next fifty years. I just hoped that I could adapt to this new lifestyle.
"We'll all help you with this." Edward explained. "Even Rosalie"
Edward looked at me for a beat and told me no. I expected as much. I shouldn't even continue to ask whenever Edward said 'all' it was with the exception of Rosalie. I would have to try and make amends with her soon since I was moving into her home. But amends for what? Honestly she was starting to grate on my nerves. One day soon I'd have to sit with Rosalie and talk it out…or duke it out.
"We'll start easy and then progress to the harder aspects of the training. Okay?" I nodded. "First you should put these in. To get used to them." He handed me a pair of brown coloured contacts. Edward smiled at me. I think he took pleasure that I resembled something of my former appearance. I would wear contacts for the rest of my life if that would make him happier. I was that tempted to steal his gift just to find out. It would be hard not to violate other vampires' powers. I was still getting used to absorbing other vampires' extra gifts, hopefully I'd have it under wraps soon. It would be very difficult to handle the gift in the public's eye.
"Edward, I can't do it." If Bella could cry she would have. Even through the plastic that held the blood it permeated the room. The aroma of human blood overpowered her sense of smell and the urge to drink the bag of blood left on the table. She struggled against me; her hands outstretched trying to grasp the contents. "Bella, just think about what you're about to do. Just think that that could be a human. She's alive, young, and beautiful and you want every single drop that she has in her body," he paused, "But that woman has a life; she's struggled to get that dream job that she's always wanted since she was ten-years-old; she has a fiancé that loves her so much, they're planning on having children – they'd like a boy and a girl and maybe a third child," I felt her weaken, "they've laughed together, and she's held his hand while he cried at his mother's funeral. He knows his life would be meaningless without her." She collapsed onto the floor exhausted. "This is so hard. I hate that I can't control myself. Thinking that it could just come out of nowhere." I bent down next to her gathering her into my arms. I rocked her. "It gets easier. Believe me it does. You're only young Bella, you can't get this the first time round. We'll keep at it for as long as it takes." She held on tighter. She continued to fight the urge. She kept staring at the packet on the table.
"Open it." I whispered.
"Open the packet of blood." I said again.
"Bella?" "I think I'm alright. I think you could say that I'm desensitised." I smiled thoughtfully at past memories. He smiled too.
"Are you sure?" It had been what seemed like two weeks since Edward had introduced the human blood. I nodded. He looked at me for a second gauging my emotions. He untangled himself from me and walked over to the table. He picked up the bag and tore it open.
The scent was maddening and I was suddenly on my feet trying so desperately not to taste it. I balled my hands into fists. Edward stayed where he was at the table staring at me. Making it far worse, my breath came raggedly like I had just run for my life (as a human). "Control yourself, Bella." Edward said softly. Easier said than done. I tired to relax, forcing my lungs to stop functioning. When I finally did I took tentative steps toward Edward, towards the spilt blood.
"I believe in you Bella." He looked at me full of love and concern. It made me that much stronger. I took my last steps and fell into this embrace. I looked over his shoulder at the bloodstained table and swallowed the lump in my throat, no doubt the desire. I closed my eyes and thanked God that I had someone like Edward and the Cullen's looking over me.
About time! I hear you say! It's been ages as you are aware of. Thank you so much for all your support and thanks to the people who asked if in more or less words would update. Thanks for you patience. Next chapter I'm gonna try and incorporate for emotions and feelings. I think its what it needs like back in the day (Part I). Well, hope you enjoyed it.