Title: The Undeserved Hardships of Draco Malfoy
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, nor do I treat them in a consistent way with the works of J.K. Rowling.
Pairing: Draco/Harry, because it makes me giggle.
Rating: PG-13, T
Warnings: Alternate Universe right before 4th Year, this is my first fanfic so I'm probably gonna make mistakes!
SLASH! The main romance in this story is between Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter. Though this is a silly sort of story, and the romance is taken lightly, if this bothers you, this may not be the right story for you.
The story begins...
Our scene unfolds inMalfoy Manner in the lazy days ofsummer before Fourth year.We join our anti-hero, Draco Malfoy, during a normal night and the adventure begins...
Chapter 1. I did What?
I woke up and realized I was hungry. Rolling over in my bed I felt a tightening in my upper stomach followed by a rumble. "Bother." I muttered into the dark room, my eyes wandering lazily over the dim vaulted heights of my bedroom. I knew the increased hunger was supposed to be due to my being a growing teenage boy, but really, I'd been measuring religiously all summer and I hadn't gained an inch. This was a distressing sign, as Pot- er others at school were probably growing like weeds. As I slid my legs to rest on the floor, my toes probing over the soft carpet to find my fuzzy purple slippers, I wondered if I should adopt a new hairstyle, maybe something with a little poof to it to give me more height. No, then I'd be just like the bald geezers who used charms to get their hair back. Everyone knew!
My silk pajamas made the usual soft sound I associated with nighttime and restless nights and I creaked open my door to peak down the hallway. No lights and no noise. Hopefully Father Dearest was still out licking 'You know Who's' toes or finding a new sparkly hair bow to tie back his overlong white hair, one never knew with him.
I gave a little skip at his absence and shuffled in down the hall. No, I corrected myself silently. I, Draco Malfoy, never shuffled. Instead, I was sauntering commandingly in my fuzzy slippers down the hall! That thought gave me a little boost and I added a swagger to my step, happy to be me and not as nerdy as Pot – er others.
As I neared our grand stairs, there was a small noise from below and I stooped to peek through the railing.
"Great, just bloody perfect."
Father was home and he was wearing his stupid little mask and robe, like anyone wouldn't see the tip of his long white hair sticking out. There was a hint of pink there as well against the fold of his hood and I snorted quietly. He HAD been shopping for a new hair accessory. Stupid wanker. My father's probably the main reason I keep my hair so short and style it in such a manly and commanding fashion.
I took a few stealthy steps downward, keeping my body angled low as I slipped down the stairs buffed to a shine even in the dark. Due to years of practice at this very task, I made it to the bottom easily to hide next to the huge carved block that marked the end of our stairs. It was covered with oblong squiggles which were supposed to represent souls yearning for freedom or some such rubbish. Mother was currently in a modern art mood. I eyed the wide expanse of the foyer before me, wishing there wasn't so much light here. Father must have turned on a light back in the hall. I began plotting my covert path to the kitchen before I noticed father wasn't alone.
I'm pretty sure my eyes widened and my mouth formed some sort of 'o' because I had never expected this! Harry Potter was in my house, yes he was! Harry 'pain in my side' Potter! What was he doing here? Had he come to apologize to father for all of the trouble he'd caused me? Well, if that were the case, I would tell him to sod off, though maybe I could make him my slave for a bit to make up for all of his prancing around school like some sort of Dumbledore clone. My mouth curved in a smile as I stared through the round railings at my nemesis but faltered momentarily when I realized Potter wasn't looking very well.
In fact…Potter was looking…bad. And when I say 'bad', I mean bad even for Potter. I swear does the boy even own a mirror? Whenever we're allowed out of robes, it's just SO embarrassing for him, I honestly feel pity for such a fashion victim.
But, this Potter had gritty gunk of some sort all over his face and his robe was ripped and torn. "Ew!" I murmured under my breath while my eyes dwelled on one muscular looking arm covered in something black and crusty. Some of the messy stuff on his face was actually red. What had he been doing? His eyes were flying around the room as if trying to escape from his face and one of the lenses of his glasses was cracked, which was rather amusing for me.
There were muffled sounds as Potter unsteadily backed up, his feet just beginning to touch the edge of our huge and very ugly antique entry rug. Why mother thinks a mixture of 13th century and hippie century is a good idea is beyond me.
Blast! Potter had backed up enough now that he was in a position to see me hiding here against the railing. He would think I was afraid of him, this would not do! Then he'd tell father and I'd have to deal with that whole mess. I was running through the possible consequences in my head when Potter suddenly made a gurgling noise and rose up on his toes. What, is he in ballet now? He was balancing really well too, almost as if his toes weren't even touching the floor. Yet another perfect achievement for the perfect prat! Red stuff was beginning to dribble from his nose in strings. Ew again! If he dripped all over like that during a ballet concert the audience would definitely leave.
With a clatter, something rolled across the gleaming floor to rest in front of me. My broom! My beautiful, beautiful broom which I had left in the main hall after practicing all day! My eyes were dragged from the now twitching Potter to my broom looking all sad and lonely there on the floor, and I paused. Wait, was Harry's choking all a ruse to get my broom? I wouldn't put it past a Gryffindor! They pretend to be all noble, but really their too chicken to do what it takes to get it done unless no one is watching. Then they're all deceitful and spiteful, I just know it! Something obscured my field of vision and I snarled quietly at that black shape which was now floating past. It was a hunched figure, and looked almost unreal as if its body was not quite there. For some reason, I shivered slightly and felt one hand grip the railway next to me reflexively. I instinctively disliked the figure that was floating before Potter. Who or what was that thing?
The shade moved slowly across the hall, and with a loud crunch my broom was abruptly snapped in half.
With a slow mind I processed the fact that the hunched figure in black had destroyed my broom. Sure he looked like he was a floating black ghost, but that didn't stop him from stomping all over my precious broom with his ugly, bony feet! He swished over the now shattered pieces that had represented my hopes and dreams and paused in front of Potter. I felt a pounding in my head and a thumping in my chest as my hand fell from the rail and I slowly stood.
Potter and his stupid hunched friend in the tattered black robes were standing and talking now. Ignoring me entirely, the gits! Apparently, forgetting all about the beautiful broom they had left in their wake as well! I think I took a step forward in the slightly lit hall. I remember I was suddenly standing behind the figure who had dared to touch what was mine, and for some reason, I was gripping the handle of my once whole broom. It ended not in the swish of a tail, but was now a broken and jagged thing. It appeared deformed in the hallway light.
My eyes teared slightly. How was I supposed to beat Potter at Quidditch and get him to beg me for mercy NOW?
Potter made another gurgling noise, which sound rather like laughter to my ears and without thinking I brought the broken handle down with all my might onto the black figures head. He who dared to break my precious broom and then ignore me would be punished! The hit reverberated through the large hall. I vaguely heard gasps and some shouting coming from what seemed a far distance.
"Serves you right for breaking my broom." I said while brandishing the handle in my hand. The figure swayed and toppled and Potter fell onto his knees gasping in huge breaths of air in a most undignified and thoroughly unattractive manner with his lush lips.
No, not lush, I meant to think ludicrous. I was so upset about my broom I was mixing up words in my head!
Potter suddenly shot up from the ground, his face set in determination and brought his wand forward, shouting something in his rough and ill mannered voice. To me, it sounded like an incoherent babble, but then no more than he usually sounds when asked questions during potions. Honestly, he is no kind of wizard at all!
The black cloaked figure on the ground twitched and then let out a sound like air coming out of a balloon. Really, couldn't he hold it in? Must he have to pass wind in my delicate presence? I looked down as the figure deflated steadily and watched as one almost claw like hand uncurled and lay on the ground. There was something gooey coming from the now still figure on the floor and I stepped back lest it damage the fuzzy tufts on my favorite pair of slippers. It's so hard to find comfortable house shoes with nice rubber soles!
There were a few more shouts and Potter continued gasping on the floor like some great beached whale. I frowned at his uncouth behavior.
The shouts increased and permeated my consciousness and I realized that we were not alone. With a quick scan, it was revealed that there were more members of my father's super secret evil lover's party present.
I hate it when he invites the Death Eater's over for parties! They always try to pinch my cheeks.
Then I noticed that they were not pawing over my families possessions and looking for dark corners to lurk in as usual, but were lying on the ground in huddled groups. People in official looking robes were standing over them. Serves them right. Anyone who is so fugly that they need a mask to go gadding about really shouldn't be in the wizarding world at all. With a start, I realized some of those subduing You Know Who's followers were some Hogwarts professors, including Professor Snape. He was arranged in a most dashing fashion over my kneeling father with his robe billowing commandingly around him.
As the shouting around me increased, people were beginning to run about in a chaotic and annoying fashion. This obscured my view of my favorite professor, but not before I noticed that there was smoke and what appeared to be a hole in the outer wall of our east wing sitting room! When had THAT happened? I'm alert and watchful for treachery at all times, there is no way I could have missed that! It would be like letting someone sneak up on me which would never hap-
"Mal…D-Draco, You…" The whisper came near my left ear. I jerked my head around to an uncomfortably close view of Harry Potter's dirty face.
"Gah!" I squeaked into the face that was inches from mine. How did he get there?
I shuddered at the thought that I may have squeaked, and quickly schooled my mind to the fact that I had manfully shouted 'Gah' as a warning to Potter, not out of fear. My eyes swept over my nemesis and were drawn to the gross red stuff still flowing from his nose. I would have offered him a handkerchief but I didn't have any on my person.
Potter was looking at me in a very odd manner, which I discovered when I was able to drag my eyes away from the disturbing looking brown slime covering his right cheek. What was that anyway? And why was Potter looking at with such wide eyes? What was wrong with him? Suddenly he straightened and I realized with a shock that he had indeed grown over the summer. Oh, for the love of all that is unholy! My eyes were now at the same level as his lips! How much taller did that make him than me? I knew I should have done something to my hair to make me appear taller, but how was I to know we'd have visitors this late at night?
The dirty shoulder I was glaring at suddenly came much closer than I ever wanted it as Potter threw his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hold. I must admit, I froze. The fact that Potter was so mentally unbalanced that he would assault me in this way had never occurred to me. Physical violence with no warning or provocation? Now really! This is not the well bred wizard's way! His body was slightly larger than my own, though now that we were touching so closely, I realized he was not covered in fat as I had assumed from his oversized clothing. His arms and chest felt solid against my body, but not overly so. He felt lean and…hard and a little warm.
The warm hands holding me gently opened and closed on my back before he crushed me to him again. What kind of physical attack was this? Was I to be slowly suffocated to death in an ever tightening death hold?
"Draco. Thank you!" His voice was quite close to my ear again, which jolted me and I struggled, managing to wiggle my way away. He was still staring at me as if he hadn't seen anything like me before, which in my case, I can understand. I am a striking and gorgeous package of wizard strength and cunning, my steely gray eyes never missing any small detail as I coolly assess the world around me in a sexily detached manner. As I was thinking of my perceptive and alert and seductive ways, I realized he had been pulled back by his loser friends. When had they arrived? No matter, they were almost (but not quite) as big of wankers as he was anyway.
And looking at them, they were as dirty as he was! Ha ha ha! The bushy haired mugglette was grasping at Potters arm and giving small cries of "Oh Harry, oh Harry!" while the Weasel was patting Potter on the back with a funny look on his red, dog like face. Was Ronikins crying? I eyed the trio in distaste. What emotional, touchy-feely people they all were.
Though now that his friends were here (by the way, now that I think of it, why were they ALSO in my house, the nerve!), I hoped Potter would start paying attention to them and stop staring at me with his mouth hanging open like that. I was pretty sure I didn't like it.
I shifted and smoothed one hand down the front of my silk pajama shirt. Ack! My hand was now covered in gore. Looking down I realized the entire front of my attractive, and expensive, purple silk pajamas with the tiny embroidery that had been HAND stitched with little flowers was completely covered in the same gross stuff that covered Potter. I shuddered while looking down at myself. So that had been his plan all along, how low! He was trying to bring me down to his filth covered level! Granted Potter was used to rolling around in dirt, probably rutted in the mud before Quidditch practice to get himself to feel like a man or some nonsense, but I, Draco Malfoy, need not prove my masculinity by taking part in such behavior and I was definitely not used to being covered in unknown liquid like substances!
"Potter, look at this! This is unforgivable! This had better come out!" I gestured at my shirt and glared at him threateningly, trying to lower my eyebrows in the intimidating manner I'd been practicing all summer. Of course, that was before I realized that he'd grown taller than me (only SLIGHTLY, mind you), so I wasn't sure if it was having the same effect from his point of view as it had for me in the mirror. He didn't look frightened but continued to look at me like a stuck ox while his friends hugged at him like little mewling kittens. Both of them were crying now. Idiots.
"Bloody bother." I muttered at his lack of respect and pushed my way past them, carefully avoiding the goo on the floor, which was made easier by the fact that several adults were gathered around it talking in low voices. I was heading for the kitchen to get my wand to take care of the disgrace that was now the front of my shirt. I keep my wand in the cutlery pot with the cooking spoons at night; the kitchen is a central location, after all. A lot of wizards like to keep their wands under their pillows at night, but those are the wizards that hex themselves with boils while they sleep. A Malfoy is much too intelligent for that to happen!
I vaguely heard Dumbledore's voice wheezing behind me as I pushed my way into the kitchen and I felt my blood pressure rise. What did these people think; the Malfoy house was open for goody two shoe wizard parties without any notice?
Well, tough luck for them! I wasn't feeding them, the freeloaders!
Luckily, the usual cleaning charm worked and I surveyed my close fitting silk pajamas which hung smoothly from my lithe frame. I swear, my good looks were wasted on my current company! I turned with a satisfied nod, wondering what I should do about the situation in the foyer when I realized Potter was standing in the kitchen doorway with a serious looking Dumbledore standing behind him. The old fool had one hand on Potter's shoulder.
"Mr. Malfoy, I realize that we are all still in a state of shock, but your presence is required along with Harry Potter by the Ministry of Magic." The old coot's voice was as rusty sounding as ever. Dumbledore then smiled. "And of course, I believe the reporters have already arrived, we couldn't expect to keep them away from something like this." His merry eyes twinkled and I suppressed a shudder out of respect to those who are near death. Of course, most who look as close to death as Dumbledore don't insist on poncing about and annoying the living!
I was lead out to stand next to the still filthy Potter to be assaulted by scores of Ministry people. They were firing questions at both Potter and I, which I ignored, as I was busy shouting at the people who had crept up the stairs to our second floor. The party wasn't expanding up there and there would be NO snogging in any of the bedrooms! Honestly, the nerve of some people blowing a hole in the house and bringing in some goo dripping, broom breaking freak. I bet it was Potter. I looked over at him and saw that he was still talking. With a start I realized he had said my name.
"I didn't even see him come behind Voldemort's back...I was sure I was going to die, you see. We had destroyed his other means of resuscitation but…I knew that I was going to be killed after he overpowered us all." He said this softly and stuttered slightly at the word 'killed' and then picked his head up. "But Draco must have been planning this from the moment we were dragged into his house hours ago. I'm still just so…amazed. He knocked Voldemort down at just the right moment from behind, which allowed me to utter the spell we had been training for. I still can't believe it..." Potter said, his voice trailing of and a blush coming over his face. I snorted, he always did this 'I'm too shy to talk in public' act, before I stopped and realized what he had just said. The guy who turned to goo was You Know Who? And, I had helped Potter? What on earth had I just done?
The rest of the night was a blur as Potter and I were shepherded from one group to another; I was even forced to endure the indignity of a chirpy reporter who insisted all pictures must be of two of us together. It was nauseating. I made sure to look extra threatening and to draw myself up to my full height, but Potter still loomed unnaturally tall beside me. Plus, even out of the corner of my eye I could tell he was standing with a goofy smile next me, blushing at the cameras. The stupid wanker.
When dawn started creeping through the jagged hole in mother's favorite sitting room, it was decided that the house was no longer livable for a minor. That minor being me.
Apparently, I am now alone in the world. My dear father was dragged off with the other masked freaks (can't say I miss him) and mother was off on her usual 'life is stressful, I'll be off…somewhere…Draco darling…' bit. I suppose it didn't help that the inept Ministry folk led by the Weasel's funny looking father found my father's secret dark arts and muggle porn room. It wouldn't have been so embarrassing for me if the porn hadn't been all midget muggle porn…and worse…male on male midget muggle porn. He also had a 'computer' with lots of 'downloads' of something called 'slash' for something called 'The Lord of the Rings'.
In a weird twist, apparently, he was trolling something called chat rooms and was wanted by muggle police under the name 'LegolasseeksFrodo'. We learned this when the muggle police showed up searching for him on the threat of 'soliciting minors', whatever they meant by that. Ha ha ha! It WAS funny to watch the ministry deal with a bunch of inept muggles under the leadership of the Weasel's soft father! Bloody muggle worshiping freak! I'd have turned the lot of them into flowers or something, so that they could at least have been useful for something in their short, dreary, muggle lives.
Until this little misunderstanding could be cleared up, I was shipped off to the Leaky Cauldron. I was forced to spend the week before school hiding in my room from reporters and other nosy annoyances.
Don't get me wrong, I liked having people taking an interest in me. I am a magnificent specimen and it's nice that finally some people are beginning to realize that. But, that's not what this was about. This whole fame thing that was surrounding me like a whirlwind was about me and POTTER as if we were some sort of team. Some reporters even insinuated that I'd secretly been in cahoots with the wanker from year one, plotting for You Know Who's downfall from the beginning. As if I'd work with a messy haired, dirty person like that! Besides he'd rejected my offer of friendship in year one, and a Malfoy, much like an elephant, never forgets. It didn't help matters that Potter was awkwardly singing my praises to any reporters who managed to catch him. I almost sent him a scroll "Seriously Potter, if you can't wax about my virtues eloquently don't even bother. Love, Your Nemesis, Draco." But that would be communicating with him and that'd just feed into the current hysteria.
I was pretty sure the 'death that freed the world' and our involvement together was all a trap of some kind planned by Potter, but I couldn't quite figure it all out.
However, I will discover the reason for this confusing turn of events, for I am Draco Malfoy!
I've been planning to have Potter on his knees before me, begging, for many years now and a little thing like being linked with him as the saviors of the wizarding world won't stop me now!