My Worst Fear

Disclaimer: i don't own them - all charecters belong to the writers of CSI and the lyrics are from - my worst fear

Last night you gave me a kiss
You didn't know it, but I was awake when you did
You were quiet, you were gonna let me sleep
So I just laid there pretending to be
You said some things you didn't know I could hear
And the words "I love you" never sounded so sincere

"I can't believe how much I love you" She mumbled absently as she ran her hand down my bear shoulder and against the length of my arm. I'm still in my work clothes, my black jeans and a white tank top – I was too tired to change. The day was one I had never wanted to relive, never. Not after the horrors I'd seen. My arm was holding onto her waist as her head rested on the top of mine. Both our legs entangled and propped up on the coffee table in front of us – soft music playing in the background – I wanted this to be my forever – but I also knew that wasn't going to be the case. As I stay, silently praying that she'll never let go I hear her soft words been spoken – "I don't have the courage to say this to you face but…your everything to me" She thinks I'm asleep? She does, that's why she is softly running her fingers across my arm to comfort me – she does it to stop the nightmares, a trick she'd picked up on the first night we'd spent together. I let her have this moment not wanting to break into – I keep my eyes closed and I just listen to her. "I've never loved anyone like this before – god, you've got me Sar…I'd do anything for you" then I felt her lips press into my temple – in that moment something happened to me – I realized just how much she meant to me, she is my everything.

Turning slightly in her arms I move further into her – by now she'd fallen into a light slumber. The both of us, just happy to hold each other and I can't get the words out my head, sure you've said them before, but this time it was different. She meant it – she really meant it. Maybe if I wasn't so scared of the three little words, 'I love you', I'd say them to her but…they just terrify me for reasons I've never spoken about. With a shrug of my thoughts I just move further into her side – I'm not sure how long we have been here but I just hope it's not going to end anytime soon. I do love her…but I'll never be able to utter the words – and I hate myself for denying her that.

I'm awoken, by the sound of her house phone. No, don't…please stop! I don't want her to move, so I tighten my arms around her waist and pull you into me groaning. "Please?" I beg. I know that I'm been unreasonable but hell I want you forever. She is equally resisting the ringing but it gets too much for her so she moves an arm from around my waist and reaches over to the side table. "Sorry baby" She mumbles.

That was the best sleep I've had in ages, mostly because I wasn't woken by the god damn nightmares, and more importantly because I was right where I wanted to be – in her arms. I accept the fact she's answered it now, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. I just moved into her further if it's even possible and with my eyes still closed I press lips against her jaw line – soft kisses making my way to her neck. I feel you lift your head to the side to allow me more access, and the arm that was around my neck and running down my arm moves to my waist.

"Willows" So professional – even on her home phone, I can't help but smile. Stopping the onslaught of kisses I just rest my head on you shoulder happy to listen to her gruff, tired voice. "Hey… I'm awake now" She explained. Yeah she's awake, and so am I, her voice is still sleep laced however, "Okay then…no I'll try and sort it. Okay thanks Sis…yeah I'll see what I can do, bye" With that she cut the phone off and put it back on the side.

"Everything okay?" I asked,

"Err…her cars playing up, she can't pick Lindsey up from school" She sighs, I often wonder what it is keeping her so strong? What it is that keeps her able to fight – "Can you do me a favor?"

I know just what she's going to say, and she knows that I'm not happy. "Cath" I begin.

"Please…Sar … I have to get to work early and…"

I sigh, "But…" I try to argue my case only to be cut off -

"I'll make it up to you…I promise"

Oh man, why me? Why today? "Cath she hates me, you know she does" I explain.

"Sar she doesn't hate you…she just hates the fact you are shacking up with her sister" Catherine explained, she tried to make me feel better; she's doing a crap job.

"Do you remember what happened the other week?" I ask, the two off us had gone to pick up Lindsay at end of shift and I'd ended up in a fight with Catherine's sister. To say that the two of us don't get along is an underestimation.

"Okay, listen…you pick Lindsey up and then you take her to my sisters. You walk to the door, smile, thank her on my behalf and then leave. Come to work early and I'll take a break with you. Simple!"

How can I say no to that? Huh?

Easy, like this.


"No? What…why?" She asks

"Because…it's Friday which means your mother will be there and I get double the hate" To say that Catherine's family don't accept our relationship is the biggest underestimation of the year, and I really believe that they try to turn Lindsay against me. But the kids too smart for that…I smile, happy that Catherine's daughter is to smart to be manipulated – lucky for me!

"Sara…" Catherine growls. "Please"

"Why?" I know I'm whining like a kid but I really do hate been forced to see her family.

"Because I love you" She offers, as if that's reason enough.

I smile slyly - We all know where this is going – I look up from where I have my head rested on her shoulder and into her eyes, "Say that again" I ask

"I love you" She repeats.

"And you think that's a good enough reason?" I raise an eye brow as a smile plays on my lips.

"No but, this is" She explains as she presses her lips against my own, passionately the two of us are caught in the heat – god I love her. If only I could bring myself to say it to her. I know then that I'm not getting anymore sleep – and she's not getting to work on time as I'm caught in the kiss I don't notice her move – not until she's sat on my lap, straddling me. Her hands instantly come to my waist –

Opening my eyes I meet her gaze, I know this isn't good. She moves her hands across my bare skin under my shirt – I draw in a breath. "Remember…" She speaks seductively into my ear as her lips brush down her breath against my skin forcing me into a haze – hell she's got a hold on me. And the worst thing – she knows it! "…I have my ways to get…around you" Damn it I hate her. I move forward trying to capture her lips but she refuses – leaning backwards her hands rise further under my shirt – she's too good at this!

"Please" I ask. I want her, I need her – I hate her.

"Please what?" She asks.

"Don't…" She moves to the sensitive spot on my neck she knows she's got me, "Oh…shit…" I groan. She holds my hands down from her waist – pinning me. She's in control and she knows it – "Cath" I plead again, needing to touch her.

"I'll give you what you want if you give me what I want" she's loving this.

I try and resist, but I can't…not now…not when she teases me like she is. Eventually give in, "I'll do it" I tell her.

tbc - hope you like.