I can't help that I fell in love with him, Amy thought to herself as she lay on her bed. And he couldn't help it either.
Thoughts like this had been invading her mind since they first kissed, since she betrayed Matt and Adam had betrayed his wife. And in that one moment, her whole life changed forever.
They hadn't planned for it to happen. In fact they had done everything they could to try and fight the urges they were feeling. They avoided each other and over compensated in their existing relationships. In the end, they had given in to their urges, as a part of Amy knew they would.
But once it had happened, it became easier to carry on the affair. While a part of Amy remained wracked with guilt and tormented herself on a nearly daily basis, she became more able to push that side to the back of her head and ignore it. And closing her eyes tight, she could pretend that the real world didn't exist, even if it was only for a night. The only world she was aware of in that time was the bubble she and Adam hid themselves in, away from prying eyes.
To begin with, Amy had tried to convince herself that it was only sex, that she was just looking for physical gratification, but deep down she always knew it was more than that. She wasn't the type of woman to waste everything she had with Matt for a quick lay, no matter how good looking she found another man.
When the relationship with Adam had finally come out into the open, she just wanted to bury her head in the sand and pretend like none of it had happened and she didn't exist. Matt had always been of the most well liked wrestlers in the WWE, so a lot of the performers had sided with him, and sickeningly, some of the divas had already tried getting close to the now eligible Hardy. It made going to work very difficult for Adam, who just put on a brave face and tried to remain professional, although Amy being out of action made it slightly easier for her. But dealing with Jeff hadn't exactly been a walk in the park.
After what seemed like hours of the younger Hardy pounding on her front door, Amy had finally relented and let him in. Thirty seconds later she was beginning to regret her decision.
"How could you do it!" He yelled, not bothering to wait for an answer or even pausing to draw breath. "Of all the people in his life, I never thought you were capable of hurting Matt this bad."
Amy looked up at the man who for a long time was like her own brother. "Is he okay? What has he said?"
Jeff sneered back at her. "Don't act like you care now. It's a bit late for that, don't you think?"
By the time Jeff had left to check on Matt, Amy had been a sobbing wreck on the couch. All of her so-called friends had left her in the same state when they came over or called, each one of them saying something different but all meaning the same thing: she was a whore and a cheater, and she deserved anything she got.
Naively, she had thought Adam would be there for her, and she for him. But as soon as everyone found out the details of their fling, she never heard from him. He refused to answer her calls, and after a while had the number she had used to reach him was disconnected, either at the request of the all-seeing, all-knowing company, or at the request of his wife. Amy quickly learned she was totally on her own.
It was the nights that really killed her. Alone in her bed, her mind inevitably replayed everything that had happened over and over. The look on Matt's face when he found out, Jeff's tantrum, Adam's silence.
Everyone's silence, she mentally corrected, rolling onto her side and hugging her pillow. No one is speaking to me anymore.
At various points she found herself growing angry at Matt. She knew it was irrational, that Matt wasn't to blame for what Amy did, but she still resented the fact that he got all the help and support. People thought that because she was the one who cheated, she was not upset. But it was Amy who had lost everything in her life. Even the fans had turned against her, some going to far as to send her death threats.
She was thinking about the threatening letters when the phone on the table next to the bed began to ring.
Picking up the receiver she mumbled a quiet hello, half expecting to hear a barrage of insults in reply.
"Hi Amy." Adam's voice made Amy's heart begin to beat faster. "Sorry I haven't been in touch."
"Well there has been a lot going on." Amy struggled to keep her voice neutral and even she could hear it waver. "I have missed talking to you."
"Me too, but I have had a lot of things to deal with. How are you holding up?"
Amy fought her tears and the urge to break down. She had to make it seem like all of this wasn't affecting her, that Adam hadn't meant as much to her has he actually had.
"I'm basically imprisoned in my house because every time I leave someone recognises me and shouts abuse. I get death threats from all of Matt's little fangirls, friends and relations of Matt either visit or call me to tell me how much of a shitty thing I've done and now you won't talk to me, so I'm now all on my own. So probably as good as you."
Damn, she thought to herself, angry at her reaction. So much for unaffected.
"I wish I could go back in time and make sure none of this ever happened." Adam sighed, and Amy's heart dropped.
"Really?" She didn't try to mask the hurt in her voice. She wanted him to know exactly how she felt. "You wish you and me never..."
"No, not that," Adam replied, just a little too quickly. "Just the way everyone found out, and how so many people got hurt."
"I love you," Amy blurted out, shocking both of them.
"I can't deal with this," Adam whispered, his voice finally showing emotion, and hung up the phone.
Amy put the phone back on its cradle and lay back on the bed, finally letting the tears fall, soaking her pillow. She had just opened her heart to the man she had given everything up for and been rejected. It was the last in a series of rejections.
Maybe I don't deserve to be loved, she thought to herself. After what I did to Matt, I definitely don't deserve to be happy.
As Amy Dumas lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling, she realised that it would be a long road out of Hell and back to love.