Ten Minute Break
A/N: Heyy! This is basically just a random fic I came up with when I was sick and exhausted one night. Thanks to Liz1986, Blue Tears and Falling in love with you for allowing me to mention their stories 'Destroyed', 'Preoccupied' and 'An Angel holding my Hand'! And when you're done with this one, go check those ones out! This story is not meant to offend any author, story or pairing. I'm just joking around. However, if you don't like something, go ahead and flame. Flames don't bother me, and heaven knows there's plenty to flame here...
"ATTENTION ALL FANFIC CHARACTERS! TEN-MINUTE BREAK FOR THE FOLLOWING FAN FICS: WICKED, CATS, SWEENEY TODD, SOUND OF MUSIC, JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR AND...OH YES, RENT." Roger, Mimi, Mark, Maureen and Joanne and all the other random RENT characters that usually pop up in fanfics came bursting into the fanfic character waiting room, where characters received their 10 minute fanfic breaks and where they waited when they weren't needed for fanfictions. Angel, Collins and Benny were already waiting there, Angel fixing her makeup, Collins reading the paper and Benny throwing little bits of tissue at the characters from Cats(he had a thing against the people from Cats)
"God, I thought that last fic would never end..."Roger sighed as he plopped down beside Benny.
"Tell me about it. And I didn't even get to do very much!"Mimi whined, sitting beside him.
"What was it this time? Another character death story?"Angel guessed.
"Worse. An angsty Mark/Roger fic, where I break up with Roger two chapters into it!"Mimi moaned. "God, teenagers and their angst-fics..."
"Haha, that sucks for you! I was the focus character in MY fic,"Maureen teased.
"Really? That's a change. Usually the only time you get to be a main character is when you're being paired with Mark!"Mimi snapped back.
"Hey! You've been paired with Mark too!"Maureen pointed out.
"Haven't we all?"Roger asked.
"It sure seems like it. I can't get through a story without making out with someone!"Mark agreed.
"Well lucky you. No one ever wants to write about us,"Collins muttered, motioning to himself and Angel.
"That's not true, there are plenty of Angel/Collins stories,"Mark assured them.
"Yeah, but they're not nearly as popular as all the other ones,"Angel muttered, pouting.
"The only stories featuring us that DO get reviewed are the ones where we're being paired with you guys,"Collins added.
"Yeah, the most attention I get is from Angel/Mark stories!"Angel whined.
"People try to write stories where I'm the main focus...but no one ever reads those,"Collins grumbled.
"Hey! Collins stories get more reviews than Joanne stories!"Joanne argued.
"But you're in all stories that Maureen is in,"Collins sighed.
"Yeah, and I usually say four relevant things and then I'm just there in the background,"Joanne said.
"Be glad people like you when you're in stories!"Benny snapped suddenly. "Sure, I get put into stories, but I'm always the bad guy, and people always review to say 'I hate Benny!'. And every now and then some nice kid will try to humanize me...and they get: 'Hey, great story...but Benny still sucks! HAHAHA!'"Benny folded his arms, leaning back in his chair and scowling.
"Well, to be honest, the only reason you're usually in stories is to screw around with Mimi,"Roger pointed out.
"Exactly! Doesn't anyone ever consider how I feel about this?"Benny asked. There was a pause.
"No. You're the only antagonist we have. People need to hate you, or all the characters are loved. And what's the fun in a story where all the characters are loved?"Maureen replied. Benny sighed.
"I suppose you're right. And there are plenty of good Maureen/Benny stories out there..." he said. Maureen shuddered.
"God, if I have to hook up with you one more time..."
"Hey! I'm not THAT bad!"
"You're really not,"Mimi assured him. "No offense Roger."
"None taken. I'm gay in most fics anyways,"Roger shrugged. "Hey Mark, you mind taking a breath mint or two before we have to go back? Most of those stories are getting to the big climax, which usually involves us making out and/or getting into bed."Mark sighed.
"Anyone got a Tic Tac?"he asked.
"Here,"Joanne handed him one. "Hey! This marks the third thing I've said in this fic so far!"
"Wow. You really don't do anything!"Collins realized.
"Hey, she's gotten to hook up with me a few times,"Roger interrupted.
"And me!"Maureen jumped in.
"And me, of course,"Mark added.
"Who hasn't hooked up with you, Mark?"Maureen retorted. Mark paused, thinking.
"Huh...you know, I can't think of one single person I haven't been paired with. I mean, there have even been Mark/Benny's!"he cried.
"But Mark/Angel's are more popular,"Angel said.
"Well Mark/Roger is the MOST popular!"Roger insisted.
"There should be more stories where Mimi and I hook up. That would be hot,"Maureen commented.
"I like Mimi/Angel friendship ones,"Mimi said, edging away from Maureen a little.
"Aw, thanks sweet pea!"Angel said. "I like those too. It makes me feel good to be more than just the comic relief."
"You?"Maureen repeated. "I'm the comic relief! You're just the sad memory!"
"You're just there so Roger has someone to pick on,"Collins stated in Angel's defense.
"Yeah, I'm always yelling at you, aren't I?"Roger said, thinking about that.
"We've been paired a few times,"Maureen pointed out.
"That's true,"Roger said nodding.
"Hey, how are you liking all those Collins/Maureen stories?"Collins asked Maureen.
"Oh, those are pretty good. Certainly different,"Maureen said.
"Yeah. Almost as good as Roger/Collins,"Collins laughed.
"Hey, it's a change to be kissing someone other than Mark for once. No offense, Mark,"Roger said.
"Please, I get just as bored always having you down my pants,"Mark assured him.
"Whoa! You guys actually...?"Angel made a gesture with her hands.
"Oh yeah. Plenty of times,"Mark said, nodding.
"Haven't you been in the rated M section?"Roger asked.
"I don't make it there too often. I'm too squeaky clean!"Angel snapped sarcastically.
"Huh, that's funny. I'm there a ton!"Maureen said. "Usually popping up to swear a lot and be the first character to learn that Mark and Roger are screwing each other."
"I hate Mark/Roger fics,"Mimi declared suddenly. "I'm either: there in the first chapter to have a huge fight and break up with Roger so he can go fuck Mark; am very understanding of Roger's need to go fuck Mark; or am dead/die in the beginning so Roger can go fuck Mark."
"Wow. It must really suck to be Roger's girlfriend when so many writers support Mark/Roger, huh?"Joanne asked. "Hey, four lines!"
"Tell me about it. The only times I get any action is in Roger/Mimi stories, Benny/Mimi stories, or the Mark/Roger stories where the reason Roger and I break up is because I'm screwing Benny,"Mimi recalled.
"Hey! We've slept together at least twice,"Mark insisted.
"Yeah, in the stories where I die,"Roger grumbled.
"Well at least your death gets incorporated into the stories. I'm always dead to begin with!"Angel complained. "I mean, April is almost in more stories than me, and she's dead when the show starts!"
"And I go from one extreme to the other, being completely depressed and miserable that you're dead, to not mentioning you at all. I'm usually too busy hooking up, you guessed it, Mark and Roger,"Collins said.
"By the way, how's that Collins/OC coming? You know, that one with the Brooke lady?"Angel asked.
"Oh, that's coming along great!"Collins replied. "It's a cool idea. And people really seem to like it too!"Angel 'humphed', crossing her arms.
"Sure, people all say I'm their favorite character. But do they read Angel/Collins stories? Hardly ever! Then they pair Collins with some OC and suddenly people are interested!"she whined.
"Hey, there was that really good story that was Angel/Collins. You know, the one where I cheated, and we broke up? It was also a Mark/OC?"Collins recalled.
"Oh yeah! I know which one you mean! It's too bad that one's over. I like Mark/OC's. It gives me people other than you guys to hook up with! And they're usually girls too, for a change."
"Well let's face it, Mark: you're the gayest straight guy ever,"Maureen said.
"Is that why you dumped me for a girl?"Mark snapped.
"Hey! I have come running back to you on more than one occasion!"Maureen pointed out. "Teenage girls just love their Mark/Maureen fics."
"You know what story I like?"Benny asked. "I like that one with Mark's Camera and Roger's Guitar. It's really unique."
"Oh yeah! I love that thing, it cracks me up every time!"Collins agreed, snorting with laughter as he spoke.
"Yeah, that one's great. Finally there's some action between things in the loft other than just Roger and I!"Mark said.
"You'd think you'd be used to it by now. I mean, half the RENT section has to be made up of Mark/Rogers,"Mimi sighed. "While I'm off being dead...or with Benny...or moved away...or on drugs..."
"I like the stories with Elsie in them!"Maureen proclaimed.
"The cow?"Benny asked.
"Yeah! They're always really random. I love random stories, I'm SO funny in those!" Maureen laughed.
"You know what stories I hate the most?"Roger asked.
"The ones where you're killed off in the first chapter?"Angel guessed.
"Well, yeah. But especially the ones where we have babies!"Roger cried. Everyone groaned.
"Oh God, I can't stand babies,"Mark agreed.
"Teens I can deal with, I don't mind the stories where we're all parents fifteen years in the future. But babies..."Collins shuddered.
"Especially that stupid 'Bohemian Day Care' thing. That was TORTURE!"Roger said. Everyone groaned even louder.
"Whoever thought that up should be forbidden to write here any more,"Joanne said, and the others all nodded in agreement.
"Well at least I didn't have to give birth to anything in that. I hate stories where I'm pregnant,"Mimi muttered.
"I hate stories that are set too far into the future. Then we're old!"Maureen whined.
"All our ages are so fucking inconsistent,"Mark added. "We go from being teenagers in high school, to twenty-five year olds, to parents of sixteen year olds, all in the same day!"
"It's a lot of age changing, all right,"Joanne commented. "YES! SIX!"
"Hey Mark, how many times have we ended up in the shower together? Angel and I are taking a poll over here,"Roger called, as Angel counted several check marks on a piece of paper.
"Almost as many times as I've had to get into bed with you because you're sick,"Mark replied.
"Or as many times as you've been under the mistletoe!"Maureen chimed in.
"Or ended up very drunk and hooking up,"Collins added.
"Don't forget those snowball fights,"Benny jumped in.
"Wow. There's really no avoiding it, huh?"Mark said suddenly.
"There doesn't seem to be,"Roger sighed. There was a pause. "Hey Mark?"
"You wanna date?"Mark shrugged.
"Might as well, we're going to be forced into bed over and over again anyways."
"And you're really not that bad looking."
"Thanks. You're not so bad yourself."Mimi's jaw dropped.
"What about me? Jonathan Larson wrote US together, Roger!"she screeched.
"It doesn't really matter. We're just going to be stuck in all sorts of odd parings in all these fanfics anyways,"Joanne sighed.
"Yeah...but just think of the fun we can have in these ten minute breaks!"Maureen said happily.
"ATTENTION ALL FANFIC CHARACTERS: TEN MINUTE BREAK IS UP! PLEASE LISTEN CAREFULLY FOR THE FOLLOWING LISTING OF STORIES AND CHARACTERS NEEDED. WICKED. ELPHABA AND FIYERO'S WEDDING, CHAPTER TWO. CHARACTERS NEEDED FOR CHAPTER TWO: ELPHABA, FIYERO AND GLINDA. SUMMARY: ELPHABA AND FIYERO GET MARRIED AND GLINDA IS FORCED TO DEAL WITH HER BEST FRIEND AND HER FORMER FIANCEE'S LOVE..."The RENT gang watched as Elphaba and Fiyero walked by happily, Glinda storming behind them, pouting and looking miserable.
"I kind of feel bad for her. She's always getting pushed to the side so Elphaba and Fiyero can get it on,"Angel said.
"I can sympathize..."Mimi muttered, glaring at Roger and Mark. The announcer went on and on, listing several Cats stories(Benny stuck his tongue out at them as they walked by). The Sweeney Todd group was called out for two stories, leering at the Von Trapp children as they walked out the door. Then Maria and the children were called out themselves, all screeching 'Do Re Mi' at the top of their lungs, forcing even Jesus to want to strangle them. Luckily, Jesus was called to his own story, leaving the RENT gang last.
"RENT. NEW STORY: BOHEMIAN BAR MITZVAH. CHARACTERS NEEDED FOR CHAPTER ONE: MARK, ROGER, MAUREEN, COLLINS AND ANGEL. SUMMARY: MARK HAS TO RETURN TO SCARSDALE TO TEACH A HEBREW CLASS...AND HE'S TAKING HIS FRIENDS WITH HIM."The group all grimaced, frowning at each other.
"Who's stupid idea was that?"
Don't get that last one? Go to my profile page and look under 'Stories Authored' Okay, so this was just a bunch of stupid, silly randomness. And I had to end it with Mark and Roger getting together to show that I was NOT trying to bash Mark/Roger fics(I realized that it sounded like I was picking on them a lot)Thanks again to those awesome writers who allowed me to mention their stories in here! Oh, and I absolutely invented that Wicked story at the end there, in case you couldn't tell... :-)